3rd Time Enrolled; Last Time I Change My Mind.(:

[Sleeved_up12 2]

Hello everyone. I've struggled with weight almost my entire life. Now, I'm only 19 as of April, but growing up and living in today's society is a struggle.

Luckily I was hardly ever bullied on growing up in school. They had the "decency" to laugh behind my back. I'm a social butterfly whenever it comes to people. Growing up I had a lot of friends, and to this day I only speak to TWO of the ten friends I used to have and hang out with. I'm glad that they are still with me and have encouraged me through everything.

Whenever I was a Junior(2011), near the end of my last semester I had decided for the first time about having Bariatric surgery. At the time I was at 416 pounds. Whenever I saw that number pop up on the weight scale I just thought about a tiger. I weigh as much as a full grown tiger. I was so embarrassed. Whenever she read the number out loud to double check I just about lost it. I never thought I would ever get to this weight. My surgeon told me that my next appointment would be in about 4 months. He had said to follow my diet and to have lose close to 40 pounds. I felt that was easy enough seeing as how overweight I was and that I knew that if I tried that I could lose over that amount. After the seminar was over and I met with my surgeon I was feeling more than ready. I was feeling so excited and ready to start my new life. Next I speak with the dietician and then it hits me again. Just hearing myself tell her everything I consume in one day was just phenomenal. I couldn't believe it! I left that day with a diet plan and a change of mind!

After following the diet for about a month I just started feeling like I was wanting to give up. I was feeling depressed as I lost some weight. It wasn't happening fast enough for me. Sadly, I fell out of the Bariatric process. I was so disappointed in myself. Soon after that I just gave up entirely. I started eating worse than ever before. I wouldn't go anywhere near a scale. I was so intimidated by them. Also, I forgot to add that I've been in Marching Band since the 8th grade. Because of all of this my band unifor.m started getting tighter, and tighter. At the end of the marching season I could barely zip it up. I was so ashamed. After I graduated (2013) I had met an amazing guy named Ryan.

I started dating Ryan June 21st, 2013. He was my everything. Soon after about 5 months things started turning for the worst. We would fight constantly and it would never end well. Being with Ryan for the first 5 months I had lost around 15 pounds if I had to guess. We were on and off for a little while after. Finally I done a little maturing I had considered Bariatric surgery yet again. This time was the real deal. So I packed up with my mom and Ryan and off to Indianapolis we went. I went through the seminar and everything was fantastic. After everything was over and we got back in the car my mom had called my dad and told him how much he would have to pay (half because of the divorce.) My mom fell silent on the phone and then said, "Okay well we will be home in about 3 hours." After she hung up I asked what was said and she said that he told her he just couldn't afford it. I was completely heartbroken. I was so devastated. Yet again, I thought it was too late. I didn't want to try anymore.

Months after that Ryan joined the gym and we both would walk down there. The gym was 3 blocks away from my house so to start off we would walk down there and he would work out and then walk back. I was so winded from walking those 3 small blocks I could find it in me to exercise. Eventually I started working out and I wanted to actually stay over there for an hour and a half working out, and then would walk back home. I started feeling so much better. After a while, Ryan and I weren't doing all that well so I lost all motivation to go. Again, with the giving up.

Anyways, here I am in 2014. I'm 19 years old and weigh approx. 380 pounds. Ryan and I are doing extremely well and just had our 15 month anniversary September 21st. He is supporting me as well as my dad and his sisters (my aunts). I meet with my surgeon December 2nd to discuss the possibility of having the Sleeve procedure done versus the RNY. I'm in this 100% this time and I hope to be able to have a happy life for as long as I'm allowed. As soon as I get closer to my surgery date, (whenever that is) I will be uploading pictures on my progress. If anyone has any advice for me I would be so grateful to hear it. Thank you (:

[Thinkingthinner1109 485]

Good luck! Follow through! You can do this, you are young and will recover quickly. I am 52 and if I can do it, you can do it!

[Sleeved_up12 2]

Thank you so much Thinkingthinner1109 (:

[DeanieG 49]

You can do it this time! Don't let anything get in your way. We're all here for you.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can..........begin it, for boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!" Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

[Forsythia 882]

I can bet that the vast majority of people here will tell you to not back out of surgery. I think most all of us would have done this surgery sooner if given the chance. I have been fat my whole life. I let myself slide into diabetes and high blood pressure and was in denial about that for about four years after my diagnosis. Even when my home scale read ERROR (it maxed out at 335), I wasn't emotionally ready to do anything about my weight. It wasn't until 2013 that I decided to get my crap together and have the surgery (I had insurance requirements to deal with, so did not have my surgery until this past May). I'm 37. If I could have gotten in the head space to have this surgery when I was 32, I would have. So good on you to recognize and take care of you at such a young age.

[amazon 579]

I'm glad you're considering the surgery, and obviously haven't rushed in to it :-) I can understand you wanting a healthy and fit future!

No one can tell you if its right for you - YOU need to decide and be totally committed. It really is for the rest of your life.

One thing I can say is that sticking to the plan is easier after surgery - you can't eat much at a time. (that's the "it's a tool" part.)

I understand it can be daunting when told to lose weight before hand. It's like "I have trouble losing weight, that's why I'm here!" lol But the good habits and learning how to eat right before surgery really does help afterwards.

This site is a great resource. I wish you luck in your journey.

[MisforMimi 760]

So proud of you! You seem to have an awesome self-concept and awareness to be 19. I would have an no way been ready for a process like this at 19, and my life would have been on an entire new trajectory. You will do well! I wish you luck on your journey!