my teenage daughter is sick of me

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

I'm really sorry you had so much put on your shoulders when you were young, and I'm so sorry that you lost your father.

thank you. it was a long time ago now... almost 35 years! my mom, she is a good person... just not so good with emotional stuff. instead of being a support for me, i took care of her. it wasnt right and i resented her for a long time for it. i understand now and forgive her for what happened, but am careful to not lay anything to heavy on my kids, i never ask them to take care of me, (though i tease them that some day they will be wiping my butt!) beyond small things... cause i know, all too soon they will be grown up and be my peers, not my babies. **sniff sniff**

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

My sons are a little older, but were at home. I know they did not want anything to do with this and I really have shared very little info with them. I tried to make it as low impact as possible. What is funny to me is that every once in awhile I show them a "before" picture and they don't recognize me. I think that just goes to show that kids of that age range are pretty centered on themselves ha!

[docbree 199]

Edit: I re-read my initial post, and on the last line I meant to say:

"I don't want her to get upset every time I open my mouth."

Thanks again to everyone who replied and for the great feedback, stories and advice

[N2DONNAT123 3]

I'm thinking our children's opinion about the surgery will differ from child to child. I'm a single mom of a 13-year old young man and he couldn't wait for me to get my Lapband. As young as he Is he understands I'm doing this for my life and he wants his mom around as long as possible. He supports my every effort. He even changed his eating habit to be more in line with mine (temporarily -- with the promise that his food arsenal will return after I've healed) basically he's not asking for me to cook fried chicken, Mac and cheese, apple pies, you get the pic. He's choosing healthier foods (though I can't be sure how much longer this is going to last).

I think maybe the more our spawns understand its life or death they'll eventually come aboard.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

It's hard not to rely too much on my daughters too. I am constantly reminding myself that they still need to be my kids, not my pals, and they need a mom. This mom needs to rely on my own friends for adult support. That said, they are happy I am getting healthy. They're also a little older (20 and 19).

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Unsolicited advice. ..my mother was not allowed friends by a controlling and abusive husband (my dad) and so her daughters became her confidants and friends. WRONG. Don't do it if you can avoid it. I loved my Mother beyond belief but when I look back I was asked to "carry" burdens unfair for my age.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

I have three young adult/teen daughters, and my youngest was 16 at the time of my surgery. She was really mad at me for pursuing this, and felt I was fine the way I was. She didn't think the benefit was worth the risk. She just could't reconcile how I thought this was fine for me, but I was so cautious with her (like not letting her stay out late, drive to the next city, etc). The other two were older, and understood what it means to be obese and how difficult that made my life, so they were better able to accept it.

Long story short, she supported me through it in her way, which was tough love, lol. She became the food police, because she said there was no way she was going to let me go through all that and still fail. I honesty didn't need food police, but it didn't bother me. And she never let up for one minute, lol. After the first 9-12 months, she said she decided it was a good decision for me. She could see the benefit not only for me, but for her, too.

I had plastics last week, (MUCH more difficult to recover from) and she's been at my side every step of the way. I make an effort to not burden her with any of it, but she wants to be there for me. Just as I want to (and do) take care of my mother and grandmother, I allow her to do the same for me. My advice is to get at what's bothering your daughter about this, address, and then keep the conversation about it to a minimum. Let her decide what part she wants in your journey.