Relationship issues after surgery

[pinky4652 38]

so im just trying to get some insight my relationship is struggling pretty bad i am 4 months post op im down alot of weight and so much with myself has changed and continues to change and now we are fighting alot more over nothing and it just gets worse and worse. I dont need his help as much as before and i know that bothers him but how has others relationship changed since this surgery? good or bad just need some insight please...

[Doug100 17]

We have seen it go both ways. With my wife things just get better. With a friend of mine, she and her husband got divorced. Good luck!

[Aquafinaflo 35]

I can relate. My relationship isn't a total walk in the park either. I've read a lot and "most" relationship goes to hell. (excuse my French) But, I've read some that has gotten better. I've been trying but noticed that since surgery my patience is a lot shorter than normal. Therefore, that doesn't help. I know it's not my fault for him to be ignorant, so I just do me!

[mi75 1,241]

for ME, we had an incredibly strong marriage of almost 20 years before my surgery. my husband was scared for me and was watching me slowly die. now we exercise together, go on date nights, walk with our kids every day, go camping, etc. it is SO much better than before surgery. initially i was scared that maybe i would change and he wouldn't, but this hasn't been a problem at all.

i have read threads of both ways too.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I can relate. My relationship isn't a total walk in the park either. I've read a lot and "most" relationship goes to hell. (excuse my French) But, I've read some that has gotten better. I've been trying but noticed that since surgery my patience is a lot shorter than normal. Therefore, that doesn't help. I know it's not my fault for him to be ignorant, so I just do me!

I agree that WLS and post-WLS adjustment is a stressful time for many WLS patients.

But most WLS patients' relationships, after surgery, do not "go to hell" -- even if there is a lot of talk online about relationships going south.

For one thing, most WLS patients never post anything online.

For another, WLS patients who do post on message boards tend to post about issues, questions or problems they are having -- NOT about problems they are NOT having.

Yes, after WLS some patients' relationships do end. But research about how often that happens is sketchy. (Nonetheless, some journalists have made sweeping judgments about "more divorce post-WLS" based only on anecdotes about break-ups.)

Some context ... 40-50% of ALL marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. That does not include non-marital relationships (obviously, that break-up rate is higher).

[lylabelle 257]

Surgery like this is a major life change. You can read the stats on major changes and how they effect relationships. Some will make it through, some won't.

[Kissifur 244]

I agree that WLS and post-WLS adjustment is a stressful time for many WLS patients.

But most WLS patients' relationships, after surgery, do not "go to hell" -- even if there is a lot of talk online about relationships going south.

For one thing, most WLS patients never post anything online.

For another, WLS patients who do post on message boards tend to post about issues, questions or problems they are having -- NOT about problems they are NOT having.

Yes, after WLS some patients' relationships do end. But research about how often that happens is sketchy. (Nonetheless, some journalists have made sweeping judgments about "more divorce post-WLS" based only on anecdotes about break-ups.)

Some context ... 40-50% of ALL marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. That does not include non-marital relationships (obviously, that break-up rate is higher).

During my research for surgery I was given the impression as well that it is common for relationships to end following surgery. Although I read the same thing about parents with multiples after having twins so I took it with a grain of salt. However I didn't care if it's one or many I wasn't taking a chance so I sat down with my husband and we talked about both our fears going into this.

[Aribay1 198]

My boyfriend and I have been talking about it and I feel like he has lots of fears which makes me have fear too. We share a relationship with food we go out to eat all the time and it saddens me when I think about us not doing it as much.

[ooKarlaoo 9]

I'm a year and 2months post surgery and the best advice I can give is communicate all fears up front and be understanding...I wish I had gotten that advice...I lost 80 lbs in the first 7 months and it really screwed with my head...I thought I was going to be showered with affection from my fiancé once the weight began to fall off and that didn't happen..as my self esteem got higher he seemed more distant and the only positive affection I was getting was from other people...and when you are having your ego inflated by other men....it's trouble ....I wish so much that he and I had been upfront about what we were feeling

[Tamlyn 107]

My husband and I talked about that beforehand, because we know two people who have had it, and one of them did end up getting a divorce. But she kinda went a little crazy when she lost a lot of weight and started running around, so I'm not surprised that they split. The other one is still happily with the same guy.

I think it all comes down to the kind of relationship you start out with, taking care of it a little more consciously with good communication, and realizing that change, even if it's good, is going to take a little time to adjust to.

[lylabelle 257]

I remember hearing a story of one woman who gained a lot of self confidence after losing the weight and realized she married the guy who paid attention to her- but not really for many other reasons. There are lots of things can effect the relationship.

[Rovobay 920]

one of my fears too... think a lot comes from gain in self confidence and your partner starting to get self-conscious about their partner starting to become more confident and attractive. lots of emotions.