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I just don't see it....



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Was shopping tonight to supplement my work wardrobe. Dresses were half price so I looked there instead of more slacks/blouses. I tried on a dark blue dress that was way more form fitting than I'm used to but I thought it looked pretty good. It came with a shrug-like top and I wasn't sure if it looked OK because it seemed a little big so I asked the young woman in the dressing room next to me for her opinion. She took one look and told me the dark color did nothing for me, nor did all the material used for the coverup. She said to me that it made me look old and that I had a lovely figure so why would I want to hide it?

I don't see it...I swear I don't. All I see are the things I don't like about my body, and obviously no one else sees those things. I was morbidly obese a year and a half ago and I'm not someone who has a lovely figure. Not in my head at least. I'm struggling so much with this my friends. I wish I could see what everyone else sees. Sometimes I see a glimmer of it...usually because I don't realize it's me...you know...a quick glance in a mirror or passing a plate glass window and catching myself in the corner of my eye.

When am I going to revel in my success? I am enjoying the mobility that has returned to me...but I can't seem to enjoy the pleasure of my new smaller body. I worry that I may never be comfortable in my own skin....

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Doesn't this remind you of how circus trainers train baby elephants by tethering their legs to a rope and large post. Then they're conditioned for life to think anytime a rope is around their leg they can't move?

You have cognitive thinking abilities though, so look in that mirror and tell yourself how pretty you are! Cuz you are!

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Go walking when you have a chance listen to this in you tube http://youtu.be/W4Ofv0rbJMo.

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