Am I being too sensitive?

[*Lexie* 1,486]

For my own reasons, I won't be announcing to the world that I'm getting WLS. But I've told my closest friends and family which I consider my support system.

The other night I was talking to my closest friend about a requirement that I have to lose around 15 pounds to be approved for surgery. (surgeon's requirement) I am nervous that I won't be able to lose it or I'll lose it and won't be able to keep it off. But I'm trying to have faith in the process and I'm following the guidelines that my dietition gave me. She asked me, "If you lose 10lbs, would you consider not getting surgery?" I didn't understand the question and had to ask her to clarify it. Basically she was asking that if I saw results with the diet, would I cancel my surgery and continue to diet.

That really bothered me. I said that I would not change my mind. I've lost weight before and it comes right back (usually brings a few friends too). So here are my questions... She makes a good point, how do you respond to that? I read it all over these forums, we have to make permanent changes to be successful. So how do I explain the part that surgery plays in this without sounding defensive? My last question is how do you not let comments like this bother you? I feel like I have to justify my choice.

[CandyPants81 94]

One of my coworkers made a comment like that to me about my liquid diet. She basically said that if I can stick to this liquid diet, I can lose the weight on my own, and don't need surgery. I explained to her that I'm sticking with this diet because I know it will have an end. I don't have to eat like this for the rest of my life. Also, if I had to eat like this long term to lose weight, I'd cheat my ass off and of course that would be counterproductive. I explained to her that it's not that I can't stick with a diet for two weeks or even a few months that makes me want the surgery. It's that I need help - a tool - that will allow me to make better choices FOR LIFE.

I understand how you feel. Don't let people who don't share your struggle dictate to you how you should feel about it. Your body, your battle, your choice. Own it, and be happy.

[par1959 470]

Join the club. I dropped 22 lbs within a week on the pre-op diet. At the time I thought to myself that," I didn’t need the surgery". Then I went back and wrote down the pluses and minuses of both surgery and weight loss and compared the results. In the long run, surgery was what was best for me. The next day, I had the surgery and was scared as hell. Six weeks out I still have some of them, “was this the right thing to do" thoughts, but I am down almost 50 lbs and I am off all medications. Those positives outweigh the tricks my mind likes to play. Weight loss with surgery is not easy, but in my case I am sure I have added 10 years to my life expectancy. I plan to enjoy each one of those years:)

[Kissifur 244]

I think you are a little sensitive but I also understand why. Our decision to have the surgery is often challenged so I can see why it was hard to hear that from someone who you thought understood. However it was a good question because some people do lose the weight and think they can do it on their own. I know I did for a really short second. However most of us realize that losing and maintaining is a totally different story. Don't let everything get you down this is a bumpy road focus on the outcome.

[lisacaron 5,075]

@@*Lexie* Your doctor has you lose the 15 pounds on a "special" diet in the begining to show that you are committed to sticking to the after surgery rules and to the way your life style is going to change.

They asked the questions they did because there are some who do follow the pre-surgery diet and think they can do this all on their own and they don't need surgery. Your answer was right on point. If we could live on a liquid diet forever and lose all our weight we would have done that years ago. Most of our diets failed once we stopped "dieting" and the weight came back with friends to spare.

Having WLS is a life style change. A permanent one that you have to be ready to be committed to for the rest of your life. I understand why you feel defensive, but you are not a bad person and you have not been bad because you are overweight. You are part of this special group of people who are all affected by obesity and doing something about it. You are a survivor and a winner, and no one more then you needs to understand and appreciate that and all the work it takes to get there!

Congratulations!!

[mi75 1,241]

i got a lot of the same during my preop from friends and coworkers...here were my considerations:

1. this pre-op diet is basically a liquid diet, not sustainable to lose the 100 lbs i have to lose, just to shrink my liver. for MY pre op, i didn't have to lose necessarily to show commitment, (although it DID!) but to shrink the liver. yes we CAN stick to it, because we know that surgery is just around the corner!

2. i would cheat at every outing, luncheon, date night, etc that i could if it was just 'dieting'. just like before.

3. WLS was not, for ME, just to lose weight. my liver was dangerously sick (fatty liver was leading to fibrosis and then eventually to cirrhosis) and at 39 yrs old this was NOT an option for me. also, i flat out REFUSED to become diabetic. i know there are MANY MANY people in the world who are diabetics who manage well. I had enough diagnoses, i didn't want another one.

4. Pre op, i was taking 10 pills a day for my variety of ails. i knew that by 'dieting' it would take years to get off of them, if i even could. more importantly, i just sort of knew that i never really would succeed with dieting, so i knew i wouldn't get off the pills. post op 15 days, i am taking 1/2 of ONE pill a day. that's it! WHOOP!!!!!!!!

Please don't get me wrong. I admire folks who have what it takes to dig their heels in and diet/exercise their way to health. I just felt like I was SO FAR away from ever seeing 'healthy' again that I felt for ME WLS was the only option.

[*Lexie* 1,486]

@lisacaron Your post brought a tear to my eye. Thank you!

Thanks everyone for the encouraging words. I am definitely a little defensive and one of those people who feels bad/guilty for my weight gain/size. It took the psychiatrist like 4 seconds to figure that out during my appointment. I'm definitely working on that.

[Forsythia 882]

People are judgey. And being yelled at by random strangers on the street for being too fat or being told you'd just be so pretty if only you'd lose weight does make us sensitive. But either way, you do not need to justify your choices to anyone other than yourself. No one has been in your shoes - not even those of us who have had our surgeries. Your decision is personal and you do not owe it to anyone else to justify why you have made it.

[latido 178]

I think we all had at least one person who asked us that same question. I chose NOT to share with people, but I did share with several after the fact. Three made that comment. I must say, doing the first most important and totally selfish thing for myself ever, has empowered me to a point where I have such a tough skin now, nothing they say can make a dent. I fully embraced that I am tough as nails, stronger than those who chose to run for the hills. I've done it, and I'm proud of my tenacity. Words are for fraidycats. I hope you can find your inner strength soon.

[KristenLee 60]

I am so happy I found this thread! Great advice!! Thanks to all!!

[jessiquoi 623]

I told myself the same thing your friend told you, last year after my "first" first appointment with the surgeon last August. I walked out of his office so depressed about having to lose weight before the surgery, and so afraid that I wouldn't be able to. I said to myself, if I can lose what he wants me to lose pre-op, then I can lose it all.

Fast forward to this year, when I am admitting one more time (and the last time) that I can't lose and maintain weight effectively on my own. I need the surgery to help me get my health back. You made the decision to get the surgery for your reasons, and I'm sure you thought it all out and discussed it with your health care team. Instead of taking the question personally, try to think of yourself as an advocate who can help educate the uneducated. That's really the problem, they just don't understand. Or, you can tell them to take a flying leap.

I'm not sure whether I'm going to tell people or not yet, but I've been practicing two replies in my mind that I found on this site.

For people who want to know why I'll be out for work, what kind of surgery I had, why am I losing weight so fast: "Thank you, it's so sweet of you to be concerned! It's nothing serious." Repeat ad nauseum.

For people who want to know why I'm having WLS instead of "eating better and exercising": "My doctors all agree the surgery is medically required for me."

Or stuff like that. Practice them in your mind, it does help. And first step is believing it all yourself.

[kd5wzr 108]

My explanation is simple: I'm not doing this to lose weight. I'm doing it to prolong and improve my life. Weight loss is just the means to that end.

I like to think of it as "early death prevention surgery" instead of "weight loss surgery." Looking sexy will just be a fun bonus.