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Unsupportive Spouse

Guest ladijane3

By Guest ladijane3, in LAP-BAND Surgery Forums

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Wheetsin    714

Wheetsin
Posted

Thank you, for the elaboration. Dangit, right when I think I have you guys figured out! :)

(Actually I kind of get it - I'm constantly told (by guys) that I'm like "one of the guys, just with boobs" -- grreeeaaatttt...)

Case in point - my husband. He wants steak for dinner, so he asks me if I want to go to a steakhouse. I tell him, "Honey, I don't eat red meat." (I gave it up after banding). "Oh crap! I forgot... sorry hon..." Or he asks me if I want to go to an Italian place, and I say "Honey, how often do I eat Pasta?" "Not very often." "Why would I want to go to an Italian restaurant?" "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't even think of that."

Last night he came home from the store with ice cream because he wanted ice cream. That was fine with me - there's no reason he can't have ice cream because I'm choosing not to eat it. I know he isn't even thinking about it like that, he's just thinking "I want ice cream." I didn't even factor into the picture of him buying it and eating it. Now if I said something to him like, "I reall ymiss ice cream and it's hard to see you eating it in front of me" I know 100% he'd have no problem packing up and eating in a different room, or eating it later when I wasn't home.

Another example - my husband is going to visit his parents for 3 weeks this summer. His original assumption was that I would go with him (they live in Europe). I told him no, because I don't want to be that far from my surgeon. And as a secondary reason, which it really only is secondary and in and of itself is not a deciding factor, I told him I wanted to wait for a major trip until I'm more comfortable with myself. Anyway... I'm very close to my sweet spot, and until I've been at it for a while, I'm a little gun shy to hop on a plane for 12+ hours of flying, knowing how much flying can affect my restriction. I have a fear that the plane will whack me up, and then I'll swell shut again, and be SOL halfway around the world for 3 weeks. I'd feel much better being at a "constant" for a while, where I know what to expect, before taking such a trip. So his parents ask him if I'm coming and he tells them, "No she wants to lose more weight first." Doh! Not exactly what's going on! I gave him feedback and he apologized, and I know he didn't mean it to embarass me or to be malicious, that's probably just the part of what I said that stuck in his head the most, so it's what he repeated. Meaning well.

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Go To Topic Listing LAP-BAND Surgery Forums

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    • LeighaTR

      LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.

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