Unsupportive Spouse

[Wheetsin 714]

Thank you, for the elaboration. Dangit, right when I think I have you guys figured out!

(Actually I kind of get it - I'm constantly told (by guys) that I'm like "one of the guys, just with boobs" -- grreeeaaatttt...)

Case in point - my husband. He wants steak for dinner, so he asks me if I want to go to a steakhouse. I tell him, "Honey, I don't eat red meat." (I gave it up after banding). "Oh crap! I forgot... sorry hon..." Or he asks me if I want to go to an Italian place, and I say "Honey, how often do I eat Pasta?" "Not very often." "Why would I want to go to an Italian restaurant?" "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't even think of that."

Last night he came home from the store with ice cream because he wanted ice cream. That was fine with me - there's no reason he can't have ice cream because I'm choosing not to eat it. I know he isn't even thinking about it like that, he's just thinking "I want ice cream." I didn't even factor into the picture of him buying it and eating it. Now if I said something to him like, "I reall ymiss ice cream and it's hard to see you eating it in front of me" I know 100% he'd have no problem packing up and eating in a different room, or eating it later when I wasn't home.

Another example - my husband is going to visit his parents for 3 weeks this summer. His original assumption was that I would go with him (they live in Europe). I told him no, because I don't want to be that far from my surgeon. And as a secondary reason, which it really only is secondary and in and of itself is not a deciding factor, I told him I wanted to wait for a major trip until I'm more comfortable with myself. Anyway... I'm very close to my sweet spot, and until I've been at it for a while, I'm a little gun shy to hop on a plane for 12+ hours of flying, knowing how much flying can affect my restriction. I have a fear that the plane will whack me up, and then I'll swell shut again, and be SOL halfway around the world for 3 weeks. I'd feel much better being at a "constant" for a while, where I know what to expect, before taking such a trip. So his parents ask him if I'm coming and he tells them, "No she wants to lose more weight first." Doh! Not exactly what's going on! I gave him feedback and he apologized, and I know he didn't mean it to embarass me or to be malicious, that's probably just the part of what I said that stuck in his head the most, so it's what he repeated. Meaning well.