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Dateline Chicago -- Shoppers at a northside grocery store gasped in disbelief as a local woman went on a manic rampage Wednesday night. "Polenta! Hummus!" the Junoesque patron was heard shrieking as she threw item after item into her cart. The manager was asked to intervene when the woman was observed writhing in orgasmic delight while fondling a tub of cottage cheese. "Clearly deviant behavior," he observed with a sniff. The wayward shopper had only three words to explain herself: "Mushies start tomorrow."