When Will Enough Be Enough?

[nikki82 147]

Let me start off by giving my stats. I was 330 lbs day of surgery in April of 2012. I wore a size 30/32 top and wearing a tight sz 26 pants, and my all time high was 350+. Currently I weigh 163.4 lbs wearing a size 9 pants and L- XL top (got a wide back lol) Oh, and I'm 5'6.

So here's my thing and please chime in if you're going through the same or have words of wisdom.

I'm absolutely without a doubt happy with the weight that I am now, and get loads of compliments and praises for my dramatic change. I'm told to not lose anymore and to stay where I am, but I feel like I'm at a numbers game with the scale. I try to see just how far I can push this tool. How low can I get my weight down to. Testing the waters of this surgery so to speak. I honestly don't know where to stop. I remembering saying "Once I get to a sz 12 I'll quit and be happy with that." Well sz 12 came and went a long time ago and now I'm down to a 9 and still itching for more weight loss. I know I'm okay where I am, but I just want to see how low numbers wise I can go.

I've never known a low number a day in my life! As a young child I was chubby and that soon become overweight and that become obese and then morbidly obese. I've never know average or underweight...Not that I'm going for underweight by any means. I guess I just want to test my tool out to the max.

At one point I thought I was done losing bc I hadn't lost for 5 months or so and accepted where I was. Then I realized I was snacking too often (not on wrong foods) and when I stopped the lbs started to come off again. And at this point I was content with where I was, but now....... It's a no holds bar kinda thing. I want to get as low as possible and that sometimes scares me. I don't know when I'll be satisfied with myself anymore. When I can truly live as a normal human being without jumping on the scale every morning. It's as though I've traded one obsession for the other. Over indulgence of food being my first and seeing how "low" I can weigh being the second. I don't know how to get a handle on this.

So if anyone reading have ways they overcame this mindsight please share.

So sorry for the lenght

[clk 3,519]

If you think that's a long post you haven't been reading my posts. Shame on you.

Okay, so here's what I see. Let's start with your stats. One, you COULD lose more weight if you want. Your BMI is still overweight, though let's not deny that there is almost certainly a large amount of loose skin because of your tremendous loss. Congrats on that, by the way, you've worked the hell out of your sleeve so far. But you don't NEED to lose more weight. So don't feel like you're not a success or that you fell short. Because that's obviously not the case at all.

Two, let's talk about this "enough is enough" thing. This is more common than you think. I did the same thing. "If only I could be 150 again, I'd be so happy." But today I'm 141 and mad I'm not 135 (my goal) and frustrated that I never saw 120 pounds (firmly in the normal BMI range for my short stature of 5'1") so I relate to this a lot.

In my case? It took realizing that I wasn't unhappy because I was fat. I was fat because I was unhappy. And my weight was the very easiest of the many issues I was lugging around in my suitcase o baggage to tackle. It was the big, obvious thing I could change to feel happy.

But losing weight did NOT make me happy. Don't get me wrong. It made me happier. But it wasn't that magic switch where one day I went from having problems or issues and the next day to loving myself because I could fit in a size six. It just doesn't work that way.

I wonder the same thing. Now my focus is plastics. And my husband asks me what the focus will be once the plastics are done. Because once the loose skin is gone I've completed my journey, right? So do I finally feel completely content with my results at that point? Or do I find another issue to pick apart until I'm there? Will I need another distraction from whatever else I've got going on in my head?

Look, there is nothing wrong with keeping onward. Just remember that success is measured by achieving a goal and then maintaining it happily. If it's an obsession, you're not happy. If you always want more, you're not happy. I beat myself up trying to hit 135 and stay there. But until I got pregnant with my wee one I could easily stay between 137-141 pounds with zero effort. Staying just two pounds lower took a strict diet and it was always a challenge.

So go further if you want it or need it. But stop before you get to that point where you're fighting your body and making yourself unhappy. You have come so far. There is no need to live as though you've stopped short if you've done all your body can do. And be smart about this. I don't need to caution you about the people that trade one form of disordered eating for another, right? It happens. So be careful.

And I recommend some counseling if you're not already doing it. I firmly believe everyone can use it, and it certainly never hurts a person.

Congrats on coming so far. Remember to change your perspective if you start to get negative. I am guilty of this, too. If you look in the mirror or at photos and only see the parts you'd like to change, you need to stop and reflect on how far you've come.

Good luck,

~Cheri

[Arts137 1,811]

Remember one thing. We are all generally in a pathological relationship with food.

So pay attemtion.

I STRONGLY recommend the following article:

http://thebypassedlife.com/eating-disorders-and-weight-loss-surgery/