My Sob Story

[ejsfanatic 98]

Have been on this journey since May. I am being sleeved on thursday. A month and a half ago I was diagnosed Type 2 diabetic. I have also had 2 heart attacks. The first when I was 43 the second 3 yrs ago. I knew if I didnt do something drastic, I would be taking a dirt nap by the time I am 55. Right now I am 51. I have been split from my deadbeat husband since 2007. I have a 23 yr old son who lives with me and has zero contact with his dad. This is my son's choice as he finally sees his dad the way he is, not how he wishes him to be. From the time we split, ex would come see my son but ONLY if my son would take him to dinner, movies, bowling, whatever. He would tell my son he couldnt afford to pay.

My son is disabled. When he was 12 he was crossing the street and was hit by a car, put through the windshield head. First then thrown 30 ft back. He nearly died that night and all docs have said he shouldn't have survived. Thankfully he did, albeit with lifelong affects. He suffers from Traumatic Brain Injury and is also diagnosed Aspergers.

Since 07 when he was diagnosed with TBI, we have worked hard to get him independent. He is extremely emotionally connected to me. Prefers to stay home and not socialize. I have worried that if I die, his dad will appear to help him spend his inheritance so I worked it out with my brother and all my possessions and insurances will go to my brother for my son. My son is still not in a place that he can be successful living alone. At least that is how I see things.

I am perfectly at peace with this procedure, i have no doubts and know this is absolutely the right thing for me to do. The last couple of days my son has been edgy, stressed and short fused. Tonight he said to me 'Mom, I dont want you to have this surgery, I am really scared if something happens to you, I will be lost.'

My heart broke for him. Everything I said here I told him. I also told him that if something did happen to me, his godfather (my brother) would make sure he was ok.

It didnt satisfy him but he did drop it. I dont know what else to say to him. For me, i am fine and at peace, for my son I am worried for him. We live about an hour and a half from my brother so my son will be alone waiting on me to come out of surgery. I dont know what to do to make this easy on him.

Thanks for listening if you made it through this whole thing.

[VSG AJH 499]

I'm sorry you don't have more of a support system with you locally. I'm kind of in the same boat, and in the boat with you that this has to be done regardless of risk. Wishing you all the best!

[ejsfanatic 98]

Thank you! Good luck to you!

[gamergirl 4,610]

My heart goes out to you. I don't know if this helps or if you will feel I am minimizing your concerns which is of course NOT my intent, but every mother probably feels a lot of what you are feeling. My sons are 23 and 13 and although the older one is self-sufficient, we're extremely close. I too feel he is too young to lose his mother. And of course, the youngest is way, way, too young. If I were to die, their lives would change forever and not for the better, in the short term.

I worried that I was having a "vanity" procedure and that I could die and leave my children motherless. We all worry about that. As you said however, sometimes we have to take some risks to reduce the certainty of what lies ahead. Yes surgery carries a small risk. But obesity carries risk for sure. As parents, all we can do is balance risks to protect our children.

You've made arrangements for him. You're getting surgery so you can be around longer for him. That's the best you can do really. Also, I don't know what your belief system is, but I felt that if it was my time, then it was my time no matter what I did. If the universe had other, better plans for me, then I would come out if this safe and sound, and not be a burden to my children in my later years. Hang in there. You're doing the right thing. Sending you a big hug.

Edited October 28, 2013 by gamergirl

[FitnFabfor2014 358]

That is heartbreaking! Is there anyway he can stay with your brother or your brother come down here? Waiting for someone to come out of surgery is always the hardest most frustrating time. Someone should keep him company. I wish you all the best during your surgery.

[ejsfanatic 98]

Thank you gamegirl, you are 100% right. I know in my heart this is the right decision. It is my son's uncertainty that has me worried for him. I have a very close friend that I will ask to peak in on him while I am under. I did tell him that I could give the nurses his number so he could go somewhere instead of sitting at the hospital but he refused and said he would be there. I just wish I could make this easy for him, he does NOT do well under stress. The night before surgery we will sit and go over coping strategies so he isnt too stressed. I hope it works.

And I have the same belief, that I cant really cheat death, it will happen no matter what I do or where I am. I just choose not to go in the ground in a piano case if I can help it! LOL

[ejsfanatic 98]

That is heartbreaking! Is there anyway he can stay with your brother or your brother come down here? Waiting for someone to come out of surgery is always the hardest most frustrating time. Someone should keep him company. I wish you all the best during your surgery.

My brother has 2 sons that he cares for on a daily basis so I didnt want to put him out. I am going to ask a close friend to peak in on him to make sure he is ok.

Thank you!

[tglastchance 9]

This is my fear too... I'm the sole provider for my family. My husband is disabled and I have two sons, 1 and 2... Way too little to lose their mom. I'm desperate to lose weight and am scared but my BMI is 58 ... I don't know what to do...

[southernsoul 773]

I wonder if the hospital has somebody, maybe like a patient advocate, who could come and sit with your son while you're in surgery? Given his diagnoses, it seems like they might be able to arrange something. Might be worth calling tomorrow to check. It sounds like you've done everything you can, and that's all anyone can do. Best of luck to you & your son!

[ejsfanatic 98]

That is a great idea and one I never thought of. Thank you so much! I will check first thing in the AM

[Cakencream 9]

Good luck to you. I pray everything goes well for you and him.

[jslern 11]

MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS GO OUT TO YOU..ALL THE ADVICE ABOUT FINDING A FRIEND OR PATIENT ADVOCATES IS WONDERFUL.BE POSITIVE AND STRONG EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE THE ENERGY AND PRAYERS OF THIS GROUP WILL HELP TO GET YOU THROUGH....CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SUCCESS

[gamergirl 4,610]

Curious if the hospital had any help to offer with your son? Tomorrow's the big day right?? Good luck with everything and please post when you can. I am sure that others who read this thread are also rooting for you as I am. Sending positive vibes for your well-being as well as for your son.

Edited October 30, 2013 by gamergirl

[southernsoul 773]

Yes, please keep us posted. Healing thoughts & good vibes are coming your way!

[marmello 77]

I feel everyones fears. Im 37 raising 3 kids on my own, 15, 14 and 13. They dont want me to have it either in fear something may happen. I try to reassure them itll b ok. I told them once I have it done and get all skinny we'll go on a nice cruise. Now theyre like hurry up and get it lol.