Husband not completely supportive of RNY decision

[meyouus 415]

I had bad experiences with the LapBand, I'm totally unfilled. I am 99% certain I will try the RNY. Still researching for information, experiences, etc. * I'm doing it for ME, but my husband is not so sure about it since I failed the Band. He is worried because 1. I'll be hospitalized. 2. I'm having major surgery 3. ( I think) He was traumatized by my past surgeries and doesn't want to feel that way again. 4. He's afraid that I will fail the RNY too. 5. (I think) He doesn't want to go through all the "food" changes again, 6. ( I think) He's afraid that I'll succeed. He is an alcoholic, seeing me do my thing with the RNY just magnifies his addiction. * There's tension. I KNOW I can succeed at RNY (even though I question, question, question) but how can I help him be on the same boat as me? How can I assure him it's the right decision. The only decision? He's not selfish, he's very supportive, except on this issue. My soul knows RNY is the way to go, how can I get him to see that? Have any of you experienced someone that's not so supportive of your decision? * It won't stop me from having the surgery but I'd like to help him out.

[music1618 879]

I had bad experiences with the LapBand' date=' I'm totally unfilled. I am 99% certain I will try the RNY. Still researching for information, experiences, etc. * I'm doing it for ME, but my husband is not so sure about it since I failed the Band. He is worried because 1. I'll be hospitalized. 2. I'm having major surgery 3. ( I think) He was traumatized by my past surgeries and doesn't want to feel that way again. 4. He's afraid that I will fail the RNY too. 5. (I think) He doesn't want to go through all the "food" changes again, 6. ( I think) He's afraid that I'll succeed. He is an alcoholic, seeing me do my thing with the RNY just magnifies his addiction. * There's tension. I KNOW I can succeed at RNY (even though I question, question, question) but how can I help him be on the same boat as me? How can I assure him it's the right decision. The only decision? He's not selfish, he's very supportive, except on this issue. My soul knows RNY is the way to go, how can I get him to see that? Have any of you experienced someone that's not so supportive of your decision? * It won't stop me from having the surgery but I'd like to help him out.[/quote']

What I am reading is your thoughts on the matter. You add in "I think" before a few lines which make me think you two have not say down and talked it all over. Instead you have had the entire conversation in your head and every time he get upset and you felt unsupportive.

So what is the real answer. In order to find that out ryou have to have a long talk with him. We went out to eat and talked about everything. Fears, things to look forward to, concerns. You need to step back and let him talk and open up.

My husband keep his emotions in and does not like to release his anger as he should in a normal way. He pouts is the best way I can describe it. So go out to a park, or to eat, or for a long drive. Something to get you away from home. You start the conversation, but then you keep quiet as much as you can. Listen to what his fears are. You might be really surprised. I thought my husband was scared of men hitting on me, and his biggest fear was losing me not the operating table.

Finally discuss your fears and troubles you have had with him and diets. My hubby would always bring in cake or pie around 1 month after a diet. He would always tell me -honey just use your will power. So before surgery we talked about it. Sure enough one month in he brought home chocolate cream pie. He said I brought this for you!!! Normally I would go sit in my bedroom and get madder and madder, but this time I said honey this is what I was talking about being in sweets when I am doing so well. He said he was sorry and we worked out a compromise because he liked having a little sweets in the evening was his favorite. So we came up with stuff he could bring in that I would not want.

[MissNikki27 54]

My hubby wasn't on board when I decided to get RNY either. I think he was afraid of the risks, loose skin, and the potenital of me changing for the worst. It has been a little over two months and 42 lbs later he is not complaining....he is loving it....if you know what I mean

[life_after_gastric_bypass 214]

Although your husband is not fully supportive take him to an appointment to get a better understanding of what you have to go through now verses before.

what were some of the bad experiences you had with the lapband?

[reshiapooh96 31]

My husband wasn't supportive with my band surgery. Now that I have to convert to RNY, he is really unsupportive. I was thinking sleeve, but I may as well go all the way this time as I should have before. He didn't attend any of my Dr. appts. or meetings. But as someone said, I will try my hardest to get him to come with me to the Dr. and have them explain my situation. Due to my health issues, this surgery is a necessity. Your Dr. can explain it to him better.