A little worried about what issues my surgery might have on my marriage

[SKNYMEBY47 24]

I am wondering how or if my relationship with my husband may change after I have my surgery. In the beginning he was so against my having the surgery, mainly because he knew nothing about the current procedures and such for the surgery, he only knew of the old days when a lot of people died from complications and stuff. It took quite a while to get him to come around and thanks so much to his daughter who is going through nursing school she helped quite a bit in reassuring him that the advances in technology these days makes the surgery so much safer, and then when he finally saw how many medications I have to take daily, he finally got it.

The part that has me a little worried is if and when I start to loose the weight, I worry he may start to feel differently towards me. My husband in a rare man, who actually likes woman who are large, fuller size woman. I'm worried that he may start to "fall out" of love with me. I know I just may be thinking silly thoughts but every now and again those thoughts do creep into my head. Most of my family and friends are very supportive and actually happy that I'm having the surgery and even though my husband as come around and now accepts that I am having this surgery no matter what. My medical condition has forced me to go forward with the surgery now rather than wait any longer and I know he fully supports me when it comes to my health.

I also sometimes wonder if he is worried too, worried that if and when I loose the weight that maybe I won't be interested in him any longer. But that is completely silly to me, he is my husband and I waited 11 years for him to finally marry me (he had been married before and it ended in a very nasty divorce) so I understood he didn't want to rush into marriage too quickly, so I loved him and he loved me so it was worth the wait in my mind. But I wonder if somewhere in the back of his mind he fears I will loose the weight and leave him for some other man.

I'm wondering if anyone out there who has already had their surgery is going through any of these kinds of things in their relationships. Does getting this surgery put a lot of pressure on relationships? And if it does, can it all still work out in the end?

[M'Lane 9]

Your concerns are valid. A bad marriage will only get worse. A good one will be tested.

I'm sure your husband loves you for YOU and not your size. Make sure to keep the lines of communication open, and reassure him often when you do lose weight, because he may get jealous of the new found attention from others (mainly men). Make sure he understands you aren't going anywhere, no matter what.

M'Lane

[SKNYMEBY47 24]

Your concerns are valid. A bad marriage will only get worse. A good one will be tested.

I'm sure your husband loves you for YOU and not your size. Make sure to keep the lines of communication open, and reassure him often when you do lose weight, because he may get jealous of the new found attention from others (mainly men). Make sure he understands you aren't going anywhere, no matter what.

M'Lane

Thanks M'Lane, Your advice will really help, I will do just that... remember to reassure him, as I know men like to claim they are not emotional people but I have learned they are sometimes more emotional than women.

[worm2872 635]

M'Lane is right. You can get through this but it will take a lot of communication. My husband and I have had a lot of conversations about this. I know he is very sensitive (deep down) so I have to make sure I am giving him the attention and assurance that he needs. You will be fine as long as you work at it. It is when we become complacent the trouble starts in any marriage.

Good luck

[pookybear 284]

I have the same concerns! My boyfriend is the same way, he likes larger women. But we've talked about it and I know it'll be ok. He loves me for my personality, not my size or body.

Talk to your hubby. Express your concerns, I'm sure he'll tell you the same thing. Physical attraction is what sucks you in, but who you are as a person is what he's stayed for and that won't change.

[one4ozzie 434]

I have the same concerns! My boyfriend is the same way' date=' he likes larger women. But we've talked about it and I know it'll be ok. He loves me for my personality, not my size or body.

Talk to your hubby. Express your concerns, I'm sure he'll tell you the same thing. Physical attraction is what sucks you in, but who you are as a person is what he's stayed for and that won't change.[/quote']

Very well said. Physical attraction only goes so far in a relationship. If the love is there, you'll be fine. Just talk, talk, talk.

Gen :-)

[lovealways 287]

I think relationships are bound to change if there's weight loss surgery involved. It's such a huge life transition not only for us, but for our significant others and loved ones as well. There may be new insecurities, new jealousy, new hesitancy, change of goals and priorities, etc. Most important thing is preparing for this and talking things out.

[pookybear 284]

I think relationships are bound to change if there's weight loss surgery involved. It's such a huge life transition not only for us' date=' but for our significant others and loved ones as well. There may be new insecurities, new jealousy, new hesitancy, change of goals and priorities, etc. Most important thing is preparing for this and talking things out.[/quote']

So true. You have to keep the lines of communication open even before surgery. If you're not honest with each other about what you're feeling in regards to the surgery, that's when you're going to have problems.

My boyfriend is extremely supportive. I was on the fence about doing it, and he actually talked me into it. The only thing that was really holding me back was my fears of how he would feel about it. He doesn't like talking about the surgery, but that's just because he's afraid of the things that could go wrong. But he knows that it's what's best for me and my health. I make him talk about it with me periodically because I want everything out in the open.

[Shrinking Don 365]

Mans point of view READY lol honestly keep communication very open include him in when possible when people are complimenting you tell them you couldn't do it without your wonderful husbands support that will make him feel good i do this with my wife i include her in as much as i can..A group i started is having a dinner next saturday night its called Bariatric Friends on Facebook and we are bringing our spouses because we would never want to exclude them from anything so its a group of 20 going...And just make sure you tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels talk talk talk thats all i can say If He loves you and you love him you will be fine ...good luck with your surgery and wl journey

[SKNYMEBY47 24]

Wow, thank you all for the great advice. You are all so right, communication is the most important part. and to "Shrinking Don" thank you so much for the male point of view, and I love the group thing idea, that is such a great way to meet and get to get together with others going through what your going through and including the spouses is a great way to give them people they can relate to as well, that sounds like a win, win situation to me..... Thanks everyone!

[kparadisek 115]

Like u I'm married to a man that is attracted to curvy women but my husband seems to be supportive. I've assured him that in the past I was the same size as I presume I will eventually be and he was attracted to me because I had curves with less fat so he says well go for it. I'm not worried about our marriage failing as we've just recently rekindled it after him chasing me for months so I'm not worried about that because it made me realize that he lives me and my personality not what I look like. I tried to get rid of him for a year and when I let him come back I told him I was going to have the surgery. So I say all this to say your husband loves you and not your weight continue to assure him that he's the one and plan date nights like watching movies etc just keep the spark and communicate and everything will be fine!

[kparadisek 115]

Oops that's loves me and my personality!