Question: Is the saying "Once a cheater... Always a cheater" true?

My situation: I am 36... Married with a 18 son & 17 year old daughter. I've been with my husband since I was 16 1/2 & him 21. After so many years of up & downs I found out that he was cheating- Three years into our relationship I caught him as well.

I found out about this last relationship... And that's why I got sleeved. This Nov. will mark my yr. anniversary post-op. I had been thinking about WLS for yrs, but I finally had enough courage to it! I wasn't sure if he was going to leave me, therefore I would lose my health coverage. At that point when I found out... He wanted to leave & I wanted to work things out. I begged him!

Since my surgery we are still "playing house" as husband & wife. He trys more now, but I am still very hurt & do not trust him. Now that I have lost wt. he is jealous & clingy. I have mixed feelings about this. In part it's nice, but it also offends me. Why the jealously now... Is it guilt... Or now that I am thinner - am I now worthy of your attention?!?!

Also... His cheating has opened up curiosity in me! Re: Another man... A different... happier future. I am not that type of woman... I am old-fashion. I was raised in a broken home. I know what it feels like to have step parents... Half siblings etc. And that is why I have always put my children first and remained married all these yrs. But my children are growing up... My son started college... My daughter will be a senior in H.S. next yr.

Do I stay with a man that I nolonger trust?

I know I will get the "Love" question... & Yes- after almost 20 yrs I have love for him... But I am not "in-love."

... Will he cheat on me again? How can I trust him?

Am I wasting my life away?

I would Love honest feedback...

Uh, I take offense to that. Most of us are decent guys. Any past bitterness on your part shouldn't be held against all of us.

I agree... not all men are dogs.... my husband wouldn't cheat.

Yeah I don't think all men are pigs, I think women are guilty of the same things. It always seems like it's a much bigger deal when a man does it....

Question: Is the saying "Once a cheater... Always a cheater" true?

My situation: I am 36... Married with a 18 son & 17 year old daughter. I've been with my husband since I was 16 1/2 & him 21. After so many years of up & downs I found out that he was cheating- Three years into our relationship I caught him as well.

I found out about this last relationship... And that's why I got sleeved. This Nov. will mark my yr. anniversary post-op. I had been thinking about WLS for yrs, but I finally had enough courage to it! I wasn't sure if he was going to leave me, therefore I would lose my health coverage. At that point when I found out... He wanted to leave & I wanted to work things out. I begged him!

Since my surgery we are still "playing house" as husband & wife. He trys more now, but I am still very hurt & do not trust him. Now that I have lost wt. he is jealous & clingy. I have mixed feelings about this. In part it's nice, but it also offends me. Why the jealously now... Is it guilt... Or now that I am thinner - am I now worthy of your attention?!?!

Also... His cheating has opened up curiosity in me! Re: Another man... A different... happier future. I am not that type of woman... I am old-fashion. I was raised in a broken home. I know what it feels like to have step parents... Half siblings etc. And that is why I have always put my children first and remained married all these yrs. But my children are growing up... My son started college... My daughter will be a senior in H.S. next yr.

Do I stay with a man that I nolonger trust?

I know I will get the "Love" question... & Yes- after almost 20 yrs I have love for him... But I am not "in-love."

... Will he cheat on me again? How can I trust him?

Am I wasting my life away?

I would Love honest feedback...

I can say from experience, if your husband does not come clean about the affair, I mean no matter what YOU ask concerning the affair, he must answer you. Other words, you need to heal and have closer. Don't be afraid to move on if it comes to that. It's b time to put yourself first. And what a wonderful feeling it will be.

life is too short to settle. and too short for you to make your choices based on your kids... they are almost grown now. when you make the decision, they will say, "what took you so long mom?"

i have several friends who's marriages ended because their H's were cheating and felt they wanted to be with the other woman. (with little kids) and the women will tell you, it was a miracle in disguise. their lives are wonderful and incredible now (not without struggle though). being away from their spouses has been a huge blessing and they cant believe how happy they are! really. all of them! one who's H decided he was done when she was 6 weeks pregnant! now her daughter is 6 and an amazing kid and mom is so strong and happy (and remarried this summer to an amazing guy).

get out and go live the rest of your incredible life!

I think by you forgiving him once, gaining back your trust in him......I think he has proven he is not worthy of being trusting. I don't agree with cheating but I also don't agree with just letting a marriage end without trying. I think you were a very strong women for sticking by him after the first time but you should not have to deal with the games he is now beginning to play with you. Go and find a man who loves you for you and not your "new" body....someone who has never made you question their loyalty.

I don't believe in the "Once a Cheater..." Junk. I do believe people can make and the regret mistakes. I believe they can choose to change, and make their spouse, marriage and family their priority again. However, I also think you will know... You know if your husband is putting you and your needs and feelings first. You know if your husband is doing everything you need him to do in order to help you heal, and rebuild your marriage. You know if your husband has recommitted himself to your relationship. Has he? What has he done to help you through his infidelity? To help you heal from the pain he has caused you?

If he has not done any of these things, then it's time to knock him off the fence he's riding and force him to make a choice... Don't sacrifice your happiness.

Sorry, you have gone through all this. Sadly, any man will cheat at any given time with any given woman is what I believe 110% . . .

I have to disagree with you on that thought. My wife and I have been together for 30 years, and I HAVE NOT CHEATED. She is the love of my life ( not to mention that she's hot), and fell in love with me when I was poor and over 300lbs. She was then and is now the only woman in this world for me.

BTW- how is your weight loss going? I am 120lbs down since 2/19/13.

My wife has had 3 emotional affaires in our 19yrs together, I've never considered cheating I assume because as a fat man I never had the confidence to pursue women. She is a self proclaimed "chubby chaser" and her latest emotional affair was because

"I'm not sexually attracted to you as a skinny guy" her words...

I said "Ok I give up, I've given you 20yrs and gave up food so I could take care of you for another 40yrs, decide what you want" "if this guy that works at the piggly wiggly in Alabama is so wonderful then pack yo sht and go! But our son stays here in jersey with all his family!"

I never stood up for myself like that before to her and now she is always all over me, my biggest question is why are some women attracted to dicks, apparently I have to be a edgy jerk for her to want me... WTH

Frank - I am a woman and if my husband had an "emotional affair" I'd be pissed! Just because you were overweight didn't give her the ok to have any affair on you. Having an emotional affair is confiding into someone else, sharing feelings, sharing emotional things that should be reserved for a husband/wife.

I understand that you have children. What you have to think about is: (1) if she leaves or if you leave - the dynamics of your marriage is going to change. Someone will have custody of the kids and visitation to the other one. If you both live in the same house you have control over what your kids are doing and who they are with. If she's talking to someone over the internet you have no idea who they really are - she's going to get visitation and you will eventually have to let her see the kids if she leaves. (2) I see you put your foot down, maybe just see how that goes. She probably gets off on men talking to her and she enjoys attention. Hopefully things will change since you've spoken to her about it.

But hey, sometimes it's not worth it! It's up to you to decide and for you to decide how much you are willing to take from her. So sorry this is happening to you, because it seems like you are a nice guy and it seems that you love your wife. She just doesn't see that and that's a shame! It's hard to find nice guys out there and she just doesn't know what she has:(