Question: Is the saying "Once a cheater... Always a cheater" true?

My situation: I am 36... Married with a 18 son & 17 year old daughter. I've been with my husband since I was 16 1/2 & him 21. After so many years of up & downs I found out that he was cheating- Three years into our relationship I caught him as well.

I found out about this last relationship... And that's why I got sleeved. This Nov. will mark my yr. anniversary post-op. I had been thinking about WLS for yrs, but I finally had enough courage to it! I wasn't sure if he was going to leave me, therefore I would lose my health coverage. At that point when I found out... He wanted to leave & I wanted to work things out. I begged him!

Since my surgery we are still "playing house" as husband & wife. He trys more now, but I am still very hurt & do not trust him. Now that I have lost wt. he is jealous & clingy. I have mixed feelings about this. In part it's nice, but it also offends me. Why the jealously now... Is it guilt... Or now that I am thinner - am I now worthy of your attention?!?!

Also... His cheating has opened up curiosity in me! Re: Another man... A different... happier future. I am not that type of woman... I am old-fashion. I was raised in a broken home. I know what it feels like to have step parents... Half siblings etc. And that is why I have always put my children first and remained married all these yrs. But my children are growing up... My son started college... My daughter will be a senior in H.S. next yr.

Do I stay with a man that I nolonger trust?

I know I will get the "Love" question... & Yes- after almost 20 yrs I have love for him... But I am not "in-love."

... Will he cheat on me again? How can I trust him?

Am I wasting my life away?

I would Love honest feedback...

Thank you... Yes I am tired of this life! It's 4:30am in California now and I haven't slept all night

I feel like my marriage is a jail sentence- and I want out!

You know what you need to do, you already have the get out of jail card! Please take some solace in that, set this aside for the moment, and go get some sleep. You are going to need it as you plan and embark on your new life. Hugs!

Thank you!

No longer in love with him, can not trust him, you want out! Why are you even asking?

Hello. I'm soo sorry your going threw this. I can completely relate to your kids. I was one of those that knew my father was cheating on my mom when I was 13. My brothers and I never told my mom cuz we didn't want to hurt her so we turn to each other an we started fighting a lot. She divorced my dad when I was 22 but seperated from him when I was 19. I'm sorry but the excuse to stay with him for the kids is a hard one. My mom now regrets staying with him that long because if she would have left him sooner my brothers wouldn't be following in my dads footsteps. They did try the counseling thing and my dad just plain refused because in his eyes he didn't do anything wrong.

My best advice to you is to talk with your kids. They are old enough to understand. Get their input. When my mom asked us. We all were very honest with her. We felt that she deserved better. And she didn't need him. You already know you can't trust him. So that alone is a big issues and he wants forget the whole thing because he wants to act like it never happen.

But listen to your heart no advice we can give you is the best. You truly already know what u need to do

IMHO--cheating is just the last symptom of a bigger problem. He has to want not to cheat and therefore not put himself in the situations that would enable that.

that being said, life is complicated, and you have to make a decision considering the effects leaving/staying has on you, your kids, etc.

best of luck.

Thank you... Yes I am tired of this life! It's 4:30am in California now and I haven't slept all night I feel like my marriage is a jail sentence- and I want out!

I say if your not happy and there is no trust then it's time to do you.. Good luck!

Hi, let me start by saying you look amazing! You are an inspiration. I have to say I think you answered your own question in your original post. You said you loved him but are not in love with him. Bam there it is. why go through life like that? I have a bad situation at home, Im trying to make it work I have a seven year old but your kids are grown, a little easier. Hes clingy because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! He screwed up big time. If home life is not what makes you happy then you know what to do. You dont need him anymore you can find someone better.

Hi just wondering how things are going for you?

Hi just wondering how things are going for you?

Well my personal life is a mess... But on a positive note- I hit my goal wt 145! I love my sleeve, and am soooo happy I chose to do it!

Sorry, you have gone through all this. Sadly, any man will cheat at any given time with any given woman is what I believe 110% . . .

1) You look amazing! Transforming to a whole new you I hope is giving you the motivation you need.

2) LOVE P!nk! Just saw her concert last week! I Gotta check out that store.

Hopefully you are enjoying the new you! Your confidence just needs to catch up with your weight loss!

1) You look amazing! Transforming to a whole new you I hope is giving you the motivation you need.

2) LOVE P!nk! Just saw her concert last week! I Gotta check out that store.

Hopefully you are enjoying the new you! Your confidence just needs to catch up with your weight loss!

I just saw Pink this Tues with my BFF... Pink is an amazing performer! I Loved every minute of her concert.

Sorry' date=' you have gone through all this. Sadly, any man will cheat at any given time with any given woman is what I believe 110% . . .[/quote']

Uh, I take offense to that. Most of us are decent guys. Any past bitterness on your part shouldn't be held against all of us.

Uh, I take offense to that. Most of us are decent guys. Any past bitterness on your part shouldn't be held against all of us.

I agree. We have all had our share of cheaters men and women. It's just a shame that people can't be honest.

While divorce can be hard on kids, watching their parents in an unhealthy relationship can actually be more damaging. While i admire your desire to stick to your values and try to work it out, it sounds like it may be time to move on. As others have posted life is too short to be unhappy, and it is hard to be the best parent you can to your kids when you are unhappy.