Pre-VSG lack of support from parents

[jenRRT 10]

Hi! I'm having VSG surgery in November just before Thanksgiving. I'm 33 yrs old, I have 3 children, and I'm married. My husband is very understanding and supportive of my decision to have this done. However, my parents do not approve and are trying to talk me out of it. They keep telling me that if I have to make such a big lifestyle change after the surgery, then why do I need to even have the surgery. They don't understand why I'm doing it. Even when I tell them that you eat a lot less with the surgery thus making it easier to KEEP the weight off, they just come back with something else. Did anyone else have this problem? And what do you tell people who are so against you having it? The bottom line is that it doesn't matter if they support me or not. I'm having it done. It would just be a lot easier if they were.

[jatherley 126]

I feel you on that. My parents also did not suport my decision initially. After trying to talk to them about it a few times I decided that I was a grown woman with a husband and kids and no longer needed mommy and daddy's approval. I didn't mention it again until they brought it up. They at that point either finally undersood or finally figured that it was my decision to make. With anyone else if they give me negtive feedback I tell them its my decision and I've made up my mind. Have my sleeve Aug 27. Good luckto you and I hope you get the support you need.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

It depends a bit on why they are pressing like that. Some of us have some genuinely passive-aggressive people in our lives, and you are not going to get past that.

You may need to make it an "off limits" discussion. Basically,"pftttttt, zip lip Mom and Dad (Love you, lol)."

[Cajunlady12 49]

My dad and stepmom are not in favor of my having surgery. But I told them this is what I want and I am doing it. My husband is a great support system and people at work are all supporting also. To the people that think I need the surgery or don't want to have the surgery, I simply tell them that I am a grown woman and am making the decision for myself not them.

[Chelsi 107]

my mom was really against me getting the surgery at first, but then i made her come to one of the open seminars where my surgeon explained exactly what and how weight loss surgery would benefit me. from there, when she was actually told by a doctor what was happening, she felt a lot better about it. i think it helped her realize that it's not an uncommon thing, and that i had tried everything else to lose my weight, this was a "last resort", and i felt hopeless. it made her understand it a little bit better. maybe if your parents attended something like that or you showed them something online?

it's hard when people don't support your decision. my boss was like (mind you, she weighs like 130 lbs) "you don't need surgery to lose weight!" and she doesn't know what it's like to be as heavy as i am, so i don't really value her opinion too much.

but you're in the right place! everyone here is super supportive and helpful! you will do great!

[Macy6 356]

My dad was very opposed. I made sure he was well educated and than I quit talking to him about it. He eventually came around and started asking more questions and even started WW as my date has grown closer.

[jenRRT 10]

Thank you all for you advice. And yes, my mom did go to one of the seminars because she needs the surgery more than I do. I don't have the co-morbidities that she has. She's still completely against it. They, however, criticize everything I do including my parenting skills so I guess I should just take it all with a grain of salt.

[TES 858]

I would let her know that fewer than 5% of people who lose weight thru lifestyle changes alone are able to keep the weight off. The rate of loss and maintenance is exponentially higher for people who have surgery. It's a tool...you still have to work--but it definitely adds to the likelihood that you will succeed.

[Lia M 46]

I'm amazingly lucky because my parents support everything. Of course, I think that's one of the reasons I got as big as I did! My parents supported my eating too! In all seriousness, my mom who is truly my best friend said to me that the surgery scares her, and she just decided that the least amount she knew about it the better for her. Which shocked me, I am pretty open about pretty much everything but I realized I told her things that didn't scare me at all, but they did her. She was with me after the surgery, and stayed with me for a couple of nights while I was pretty sick from the anesthesia. I don't know if your parents are like this at all, but maybe they are just scared for you. In the end, you have to do what is best for you, and the health of your family which you are a part of. I wish you the best of luck and when you are moving better, feeling better, chasing your kids better......that's all the support you'll truly need.

[TwinsMama 483]

And yes, my mom did go to one of the seminars because she needs the surgery more than I do. They, however, criticize everything I do including my parenting skills so I guess I should just take it all with a grain of salt.

These two sentences are the bottom line. Your Mom (may be worried) but she is not willing to do this to help her own health. She may resent that you are braver/more determined/etc than she is. You having the surgery may sink her ship in terms of excuses or fear. She may secretly wonder if you can do it, why can't she pull the trigger and do it?

Also, some people are just plain critical. If she critizes everything you do...why on earth would this be different? Think long and hard about keeping her clued into what you're doing. If she is just going to cause drama and headache, let your hubby be your support system.

The last thing you'll need post-op when you're trying to heal is your Mom driving you insane. Keeping up with all the to-dos post-op will do that enough. Best wishes to you!!

[GreenEyedFireCracker 21]

About your Mom - have you heard of the crab bucket syndrome? When you put a bunch of crabs in a bucket, they pile on top of each other and try to get out. Just as they reach the top, they will pull each other down trying to get out. Much the same when someone else around you is "sick" and you decide to take charge and get better. They don't like it. Don't let them steal your sunshine!

Good luck!