gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Daisy, I am sorry he didn't work out but I find it so hard to meet someone I am actually interested in. I have recently had two "coffee dates" where I didn't really like them. One guy got really pissed off and yelled at me when i told him I wasn't interested. He said, and I quote "you women all say you want the same thing but when you find it you get scared and blow him off". anger issues maybe? The other guy i am going to try giving it one more meeting. It is hard being on both sides of this one, I hate having to disappoint someone and it is very difficult to do in person. I think the truth of the matter is I am only interested in a very specific type of person and it may take a long time to find him so it doesn't necessarily mean there is anything wrong iwth the "prospect" just not my cup of tea. In the meantime I hate it that hurt or disappoint people who seem very interested in me. I don't like being on either side of this one...

I found a super cute vintage top yesterday. I love it. Like many vintage pieces it doesn't fit right so i need to add a corset back where the zipper doesn't quite close, but it is my new years eve outfit! Of course, i have no freaking date for new years eve so I might do my usual which is stay home.

I am so thrilled that I seem to be maintaining in the 148-150 range. I think 148 IS my new goal weight which is not exactly lightweight for 5'5" but on my body seems just right. My friend Mary is 2" taller and weighs a little less but wears a larger pant size tells me that I DO have a big frame - broad shoulders and ribcage and I LOOK smaller then the scale says. I think I agree with her that I have no reason to get smaller. I do want my goal at 148 with a bounce of about 145-150 so dropping maybe 2-3# is okay but then I am done. To me, this is the challenge... if i make it to January 2nd under 150# I will consider it a monumental victory. 5:2 continues to work but you know I don't track calories so not sure. What I do know is I don't each much most days.... it is comfortable with the sleeve but I could never have done it without.

Globe, don't let it all get you down. At least half the battle of serious illness is your mind and emotional state - keep optimism and try to not let it overwhelm you. Ask for help - from family, friends and your invisible (online) friends too! I wish I could fix it, which I can't, but i can be a friend.

[UK Cathy 977]

Welcome back Sarsar.

Well the scale is down! First time in weeks and it says 171lb, I've also gone down in size I was a UK 16/14 but I a now a definite 14.

Stress levels are still the same, hubby now officially out of work. The company went into administration and has been brought up cheaply by someone else. We have lost our investment (meant to be our pension) and a few months wages plus if some money does not come in the New Year we will seriously have yo consider downsizing as the house had a mortgage on it. What we have decided to do is to have the Christmas we would normally have and to hit it all head on in the New Year. My hubby certainly needs the rest which in turn will be good for his blood pressure which has been sky high these past months. Taking everything in context we are doing well and we are better off than many, we have food and shelter and each other.

Some good news with MIL too, we have moved her to a new room today and it is in part of the care home where they can take more care of her, previously she was in the independent bit. We have spent most of the day trying to make the new room look as much like the old one as possible because she needs the continuity, change is not good for her as she becomes very anxious.

I am with everyone in saying that if I can stay level this holiday I will be pleased but to be really honest there is a little voice in my head saying if you set your mind to it you could be in the 160s at Christmas with a push. So long as the scales don't go up I think I will be happy.

Daisy, the man you just met is not treating you right if he is not returning your calls -you deserve better.

Globe your situation sounds really stressful, do you have any say in whether you stay or go? Plus if your company releases you on medical grounds is there any compulsion for them to help you find something else? You are certainly in my thoughts.

Brown thank you for asking how I was.

LV you feeling better and back on track yet?

I need to go and get some things ready for work tomorrow, sorry to everyone I have missed especially if they are needing any support.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I continue to struggle with getting back to exercise. Even mild exercise makes my arm incisions ache. Surgeon says it is just the nerves and that feeling weird is normal, but it is really holding me back. I have such a fear of making my scars worse or something... I need to get over it, but am trying to be very gentle with myself. Holidays are hard. Sometimes I miss my "old" life - my mom, my sister, having little kids... yes I was fat and miserable during that time, but it was a life I understood. My current life is new and feels so...uncertain at times. Both exciting but also unnerving. My EX is moving out and away end of January - I want him to get out even sooner, but at the same time I honestly have some fear of being alone.

I talked to Steven about this and he told me that I actually express alot of fear - verbally as well as body language - that i probably don't admit to myself. It doesn't surprise me given my shitty childhood and some bad things in my past I appreciate that he helps me see some things like that about myself. My first thought was how do I do a better job of hiding this... and then I had to laugh at myself.... goodness, what kind of "disordered" thinking is that?

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

M2G your making fudge? OMG that was my total downfall last year....I couldn't stop eating the stuff....I had to finally throw it away and send some to work with my DH... Now my DD wants me to make it for people again.... Perhaps I will have to make 1 batch and call it quits...

[swizzly 901]

Hi you guys. I'm reading everything and thinking of you all, sending hugs in your darker moments, cheering along with you for the happier ones.

I've had a hell of a couple months and I thought I'd take it in my stride, cos hey, I always do... I guess I'm surprised by what has turned out to be a bit of the camel's straw, and I'm not managing anything well on almost any front. I'm just about holding it together for work, cos don't they get the best of us, and everything/one else gets what's left? Not much left right now. Gotta get through this... I'm drinking too much wine and eating crap food, either too much or not enough, but not in a systematic 5:2 way at all.

Too many work dos still to come, three this week, several more the week after. I'm tired and I want to go home. Thank god for little things like my stupid little fitbit, which is what keeps me going day to day, crazy huh? I never go to the gym anymore, logistically very difficult from the temp location, but I still love hitting those fitbit smilies almost every day. They are the thin line between barely keeping going and just giving over to the dark side.

Hugs to all, holidays are mental - I never used to think that, but I'm thinking that now....

[feedyoureye 3,087]

One day at a time ladies.  I posted that Crack and Fudge are the same thing on my Facebook. I LOVE fudge. I could eat it every day. I have had non yet this season, but Im sure some will show up at work yet. I took a nice walk in nature today, its so cold (for here) but the sun was shining and saw lots of cool birds jumping around in the trees by the river. It was really such a nice break. Dont forget to enjoy your nature ladies!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

ice cream = crack

Fudge, I find tempting but I CAN resist.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

To all - I am a federal civilian so my "company" is the federal government. I am also a term employee in a job that only exists outside the US so they are not required to take care of me as far as disability or finding me a job etc etc. The disability I would try for is the federal SSDI and I have been to websites specializing in MS and disability. I know that you can work and earn money while on dis., but only to about 1500 a month. I want to go back to school (doctoral) and I don't know how I would pay for it, I just can't bring myself to do loans again...

The program I want is in Seattle, so I need to find a place to live there but the rent is almost as bad as San Francisco!

I need to have a Dr confirm my dx while I am employed, so that is why I should go to Germany again. Right? But if I do that now, I will be sent home and lose the last few months of pay, since we are only here for a few more months.

Dr Wahl's protocol asks for 9 cups of veggies a day, obviously a difficulty for a sleever.

Oh and I need to buy a car but cannot stomach the prices...

I went to the federal SSDI page to begin the process, but couldn't bring myself to do it because, it would mean admitting that this is affecting me, that I am being disabled by this, and that is so very upsetting...

Edited December 9, 2013 by Globetrotter

[BrownDoesAll 409]

GLobe. I can only imagine how your feeling through all of this. Continue. To muster the strength it takes to make the right choices to deal with everything your going through. Contine to take a step at a time

[swizzly 901]

Ran across this little article today, thought it might be interesting:

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-10114/8-reasons-why-youre-not-losing-weight.html

[Georgia 2,908]

Hi you guys. I'm reading everything and thinking of you all, sending hugs in your darker moments, cheering along with you for the happier ones. I've had a hell of a couple months and I thought I'd take it in my stride, cos hey, I always do... I guess I'm surprised by what has turned out to be a bit of the camel's straw, and I'm not managing anything well on almost any front. I'm just about holding it together for work, cos don't they get the best of us, and everything/one else gets what's left? Not much left right now. Gotta get through this... I'm drinking too much wine and eating crap food, either too much or not enough, but not in a systematic 5:2 way at all. Too many work dos still to come, three this week, several more the week after. I'm tired and I want to go home. Thank god for little things like my stupid little fitbit, which is what keeps me going day to day, crazy huh? I never go to the gym anymore, logistically very difficult from the temp location, but I still love hitting those fitbit smilies almost every day. They are the thin line between barely keeping going and just giving over to the dark side. Hugs to all, holidays are mental - I never used to think that, but I'm thinking that now....

Ahh, I'm so thinking of you today! Man, sometimes you just get slapped around from life, don't you? And I truly understand the work scenario. Yep, put on our "face" and off we go! Hoping this is a better week for you on all fronts! And yes, love my fitbit "smiles"! Lol

[Georgia 2,908]

GLobe. I can only imagine how your feeling through all of this. Continue. To muster the strength it takes to make the right choices to deal with everything your going through. Contine to take a step at a time

So, true, Brown. Globe, yours is something most haven't experienced but I agree. The only way is to just take it one day at a time and deal with one thing at a time. Thoughts and hugs today!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Globe, which school in Seattle?

If it is in the city, you can live with out a car. If you do need a car, you can get used. My son's car only cost 2500 and he has been driving it trouble free for over 2 years now. And yes, it is very expensive here but people get roommates, use public transport and other ways to manage. I live in a town called Woodinville that is north east of Seattle... you have to drive to just get to a bus stop out here.

I understand the OVERWHELMENT even though i have never been through this exact thing, I have been through terrible times in the past, actually more than once, so I think I can at least sorta imagine it. What worked for me is to simplify and focus. What I mean is instead of thinking you have to solve everything, focus on the few really important things that you believe you can make progress on and hit them hard and with a positive "I can do this" attitude. This is just an example (obviously you need to choose those priorities) but you might decide to say the heck with getting to a number on the scale weight wise, you instead focus on maintainng weight and building health to fight the MS. You might decide to focus on education and de-prioritize other things.

I know this isn't the same, but when I was about 29-30, my life was very unhappy. I had a job I hated but had to stay in it because my bum of a husband couldn't/wouldn't keep a job. It broke my heart - I always thought i would be stay at home or work part time but I made a very bad choice marrying my high school boyfriend. I had two wonderful little boys but wasn't a happy mother to them, i was morbidly obese (I might have been at my lifetime high then, I don't know because i stopped weighing. My stress and exhaustion levels were through the roof. I look at pictures from that time and I was very unattractive because I was so uhhappy and unhealthy. My highest weight of 332 was documented much later). I was so angry with my (now ex) husband, I had no real friends besides my family, i was lonely... I was a lot of things. I was driving to work one day and fantasized about running my car off the road into a telephone pole and THAT was my wakeup call. I couldn't fix everything or even most things, but I could do something about my work situation - so I took action that got me a new job that i loved within the company. Then, my confidence starting building, I started losing weight, I gave the bum an ultimatum... gave him a set period of time to turn his life around and grow up. Well, he didn't, so a few years later I threw him out. Basically, by fixing one thing - the one thing i could do something about, my career, I was able to create a chain of events that propelled me in the right direction.

My life has not been perfect, but I thank God everyday that I didn't try to hurt or kill myself but rather took positive action. Oh, and since than I have a saying "I am more likely to be homicidal that suicidal" HA. That mindset has served me well... iinstead of getting depressed most of the time I am now able to get MAD at whoever (or whatever) deserves my wrath rather then it turning to self loathing which was my history.

My thoughts are with you - no matter what you decide you know I care and support you. I write these things to just give you something to think about, may not fit for you, but I figure that my own little corner of hell might have some lessons for others.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

To all - I am a federal civilian so my "company" is the federal government.  I am also a term employee in a job that only exists outside the US so they are not required to take care of me as far as disability or finding me a job etc etc.  The disability I would try for is the federal SSDI and I have been to websites specializing in MS and disability.  I know that you can work and earn money while on dis., but only to about 1500 a month.  I want to go back to school (doctoral)  and I don't know how I would pay for it, I just can't bring myself to do loans again...

 

The program I want is in Seattle, so I need to find a place to live there but the rent is almost as bad as San Francisco!

 

I need to have a Dr confirm my dx while I am employed, so that is why I should go to Germany again.  Right?  But if I do that now, I will be sent home and lose the last few months of pay, since we are only here for a few more months.

 

Dr Wahl's protocol asks for 9 cups of veggies a day, obviously a difficulty for a sleever.

 

Oh and I need to buy a car but cannot stomach the prices...

 

I went to the federal SSDI page to begin the process, but couldn't bring myself to do it because, it would mean admitting that this is affecting me, that I am being disabled by this, and that is so very upsetting...

I hear you. So sorry for your suffering.

 

 

 

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I want to comment on exercise and weight loss. In the short term, exercise seldom helps you lose weight because your muscles hold on to Water weight. Everybody says the thing about muscle weighing more than fat... well... it is true that a muscular person will fit into a smaller size at the same weight but it takes a long time to build that muscle. What it is is water weight that people see on the scale. It is still worth doing though. I personally respond very well to vigorous excercise but there is something about my body ... not everybody does. I think we all need to find out own way - many people do much better on less excertion and just walking is healthier for them. I was warned this by my NUT that for some people, hard exercise makes them eat more and so defeats that particular purpose. High intensity is also a physical stressor - that is how you get stronger - you put your system in managable distress and it rebuilds stronger. I think it is important to think about that - does this activity take away from my energy or add to it? Holiday times intense exercise might make us feel better OR it might be just one more drain on our reserves that we don't need.

I built a pretty decent foundation of fitness before I moved on to doing high intensity - I am old enough I need to be careful

Now, i am having a heck of a time resuming it but it is all in my head. I get on my spinning bike and am exhausted in 5-10 minutes. I am walking, which i find very boring and hate, but I need to slowly build confidence. I am really wanting to get into cross fit or boxing or something like that next year but since I am still a wet noodle (again, i think more in my head than physically) that may not happen soon. I wanted to feel strong before resuming horseback riding, but i actually think i need to resume riding to motivate me to exercise... I need to do something to break the sedentary cycle because i like being active and just can't seem to get back on the track.

Anyway, I did cycle for 8 minutes this morning and I am committed to doing at least a little everyday and maybe it will start feeling good again. Fake it till you make it.