sad and tired

[HappyCat 70]

I am so sorry for your loss, as well.

[taylokat 180]

I'm so sorry and but so glad for you that you found us.

[cindymaried 145]

Thanks again. I know that sometimes in the " real" world when I talk about or sometimes I post things on Facebook I feel like people are thinking I should just get over it... No one has really said it but you know how it feels to feel like people are judging you.

I am glad that you all don't think I just posted this to get attention. I have been reading this forum for months with out posting but I really feel like this is my safe spot...

[buplee 556]

Thanks again. I know that sometimes in the " real" world when I talk about or sometimes I post things on Facebook I feel like people are thinking I should just get over it... No one has really said it but you know how it feels to feel like people are judging you.

I am glad that you all don't think I just posted this to get attention. I have been reading this forum for months with out posting but I really feel like this is my safe spot...

I hope I an speak for others and want to say we are happy you trust us enough to let us into your head and world. Please keep coming back, and posting with us. We are like any other family we have our disagreements but we almost always respect our right to voice our respective opinions.

[DeezJeanz 1,065]

Cindy, trust that this is a safe haven for ur thoughts nd emotions. Ty 4 sharing and allowing us inside of ur world. I am so so sry that ur Johnny was taken from u so early. I pray that u can find some peace nd forgive urself for living life. You have too for urself, johnny, ur boys nd ur marriage. I don't wanna preach to u or seem like I am, but like some posters said, it may be a good idea to talk to that minister bc u both shared losing and burying ur baby, nd I can bet that once u confront him, ull feel some better. It will b hard nd u may cry ur eyes out but that may not b a bad thing. Stop being strong for every1 wo being strong for urself or ull end up resenting them. Ur getting weightloss help, but u gtg ur head on straight bc as ive read, this wls journey can't take away our head issues nd woes, respectfully speaking, so u have to find a way to heal, so that u can succeed in ur wl journey. I hope I've not offended u w my opinion. Plz pm me if I can say or do anything to encourage ur walk, or if u wanna say anything to help u let it out. I loss som1 9 mths ago nd I was angry and mad w every1 who tried movn on nd telling me to move on. But ik that my loved one wud NOT want me to suffer or feel guilt anymore. She was my mom, a young woman who courageously battled cancer. She was my only supporter, so I thot, nd I miss her nd forever will but ik she's watchn to make sure I become all the things she knew I wud. Johnny is watchn and expects the same for his family. He is w the Almighty and its a good place, altho ud rather have him w u, I'd rather have my mom too. I'm not sayn get over it by NO MEANS, but allow urself to heal nd forgive urself. Go nd face the preacher, what do u have to lose, I bet u will gain so much. I pray for you nd ur marriage nd ur boys. God bless you honey:). {{{Hugs nd love}}}. Dee Dee nd family

[leeann71 539]

Cindy, there is no time limit for you to mourn. You take as long as you need. We are here for you. Everyone is different when dealing with losing someone. My Mom has been gone 20 years this past month and I still miss her everyday and I still cry when her birthday, mothersday, christmas all of the holidays when I feel she should still be here with me. Time will heal some of the pain vut not all of it. It's like a piece of your heart is gone and you never get it back.

[cindymaried 145]

2 days til what would have/still is his 5th birthday.. God be with me.. we are sending him balloons and letters and pictures.. Us adults write our messages on the balloons and my 2 boys Jayden is 10 and Zander is almost 6 write letters and draw pictures that we tie to the end and some them back.

I don't know if any of you have heard of or believe in mediums but about a month ago we went and saw Long Island Medium Theresa Caputo in Spkane Wa. And although we didn't get a direct reading we know that he gets the balloons and know what they say. That is comforting. There are also a few of us that have memorial tattoos in memory. My husband has his hand print over his heart.. the hand print from the day he passed away And it says Hi Daddy.. because every day and every single time he came through the door it was Hi Daddy about a million times.. it was THE CUTEST!!! I have his foot print from the day he died on my back with "My little Angel" then Jonny Robert and 07-09-08 to 11-11-10 under it.. My sister has angel wings with his initials on her wrist and my little sister has a heart with a halo and wings on her wrist. His grandma is wanting one too. We also have wings and halos with his initials on our cars.. I also have a ty Teddy Bear angel that sits in my car by my gear shift. He is litterally every where with us and I wouldn't have it any other way..

I miss him so much..

Thanks for listening, or reading.. and responding.. I appreciate all of you!

[piercedqt78 658]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. There is no pain greater than the loss of a child. I know you said $ is an issue, can you find a place that works on a sliding scale based on income? Many of them will waive the copays. Something else to consider is group therapy. I know that most hospitals have a group for grieving parents. Another would be a local sleeve group therapy. If nothing else, maybe it would give you something to do other than eat when you are feeling blue. I know my surgeon has a group that meets every other Tues, and they talk about ways to fill the void of food. I'm new here as well, but was a member at the sister site for lapbands for years, and I can tell you that there is no greater place to vent, Celebrate, or just let it all out than here. I made friends on the lapband site that I am still friends with 8 years later. We even did a weekend at Disney a few years back. You just never know what kind of friendships may come from the most surprising places. (((hugs)))

[cindymaried 145]

My surgery is over 2 hours away... they do do group every wednesday and I will try to go at least once a month.. but he is trying to get our group here in town to skype with them every time we get together.. That is a great idea and yes I am going to start looking around for some kind of counseling that will fit my income!

Thank you!

[piercedqt78 658]

Look at the local surgeons if there are any, I'm sure they would allow you to join their group. If not do what I did when I was banded (when it was first approved by the FDA) and start a group, it can be informal, just meet for coffee, at Panera, (something for everyone) and you can sit in the comfy chairs and talk, get to know each other and even discuss the sleeve, LOL. I made some amazing friendships that way, they even had a going away party when I moved from Chicago to Jacksonville FL. And one of them has been here to visit since my move. They can really become solid friendships, and sometimes that is enough to help with some of the life issues that we deal with. I really wish you peace, comfort, and hope. I always wish for hope, since in my mind Hope is what makes the future possible, and what keeps us human.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

It is a hard path you are on. I can not imagine losing a child. It is devastating. I wish that u could afford therapy but I do understand the financial factor here. This is the time to take care of u. Your kids need u now. I hope u can look into a support group to help u with the grieving process of ur loss.

[aliekat55 157]

Seems to me that simply getting up each day and getting on with life after such a devastating loss requires enormous inner strength, whether you ate or not.

[leeann71 539]

Cindy

Talking about what has happened will help. Dont ever keep your emotions bottled up. Honey you can PM me anytime you feel you need a shoulder to cry on. I know sometimes its hard to tell people you dont know how you are feeling, but sometimes strangers are easier to talk to than close family and friends. I am here for you. And yes I do belive in Mediums and I am so happy you got to meet with Terresa Capulto. I would love to meet with her one day. I have so many questions that need to be answered also. I hope she could give you at least a small amount of peace.

[Nursebarbie 392]

I really like doing something in remembrance of your son like the prior poster said. Maybe do plant a little garden or donate a book shelf and some of his fav books to a local son. A friend who's son died at age 3 did this at our school.

[Nursebarbie 392]

And maybe don't give up on God. I find it helpful to light a candle at church and say a prayer.