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I thought I had support...



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My husband has been picking on me lately. I guess I should explain my story. First, I've been overweight for 10 years. I've dieted for the same amount of time. I don't know a day I haven't done some type of diet. I lose ... then gain ... yo-yo. Either way, my weight has always hovered from 230 to 250. Then I found out that if I only gained 10 pounds my insurance would pay for me to have the sleeve. I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I thought my husband was supportive. Now he saying he doesn't think it will work. He now picks on me about my weight. He jiggles my flab when he hugs me and says I have to do it while I can, but then turns around and says that I probablly won't lose it. UGH!!! I'm so frustrated right now.

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awww:( Im sorry you have to go through that. Many husbands can be passive aggressive like that, subtly sabotaging your success. All i can suggest is to tell him honestly that doesn't help you and to stop it. He may really be scared if you loose weight. Try not to believe his negative words and find another support group to talk to. Mine used to bring home M&Ms when I started a diet--it's odd isn't it??? Set strong boundaries!! Be honest and bold and believe in yourself:)

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You really need to open up and tell him how you feel, I am sure if was the other way around he will have your whole support. Stay strong.

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How many MORE years are YOU comfortable with where you are at now? A window has opened by the offering of a sleeve surgery. Circumstances could change at any time so it closes and no surgery available. YOU already have disapproval historically from your husband, so if you go through the surgery he may disapprove, BUT if you don't have the surgery he will be disapproving sill it seems. So, block out the background noise. Make your own solid decision and "go it alone." But know you have so many here to support you. I set my surgery up with out consult of loved ones and they followed suit. I hope you find a good place with all this.

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thought my husband was supportive.- doesn't think it will work. says that I probablly won't lose it.

inarakatra

i'm also sorry you are getting these conflicting signals from DH(?) :(

"he doesn't think it will work - you won't lose it!!!!"

if he has nothing good to say right now - oh well, you can't change that

BUT - you can tell him not to be discouraging, mean, rude

please don't 2nd guess yourself about having the WLS!!!!

this procedure will be the best thing you have ever done for yourself, trust me :)

many/most people on the board say that phrase

i am giving him the benefit of the doubt and saying "i don't think he knows how mean he is being to you"

try and explain your feelings to him

PO hopefully/slowly he will come around

who knows, stranger things have happened ;)

stand tall

best of luck :)

kathy

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He is, more than likely, scared himself, that you will change and become a different person, sounds like some serious insecurities on his part.

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I've asked him to stop. I'm not sure what he thinks he is going to accomplish by picking on my. I already told him that my weight made my knee hurt. After I walk 30 minutes, my right foot hurts because of all the weight. I'm not young...I'm not old either, but my body feels old. I have four kids and I'm over weight. I'm not making excuses, I just feel my joints are tired of the weight and they hurt. I want to loss it to feel better. I told him that, but my insurance will deny me if I lose 30 pounds. So I have to keep it where it's at so that I can have the surgery. Can I lose 30 pounds? Yes, but I can't get below that 230 mark and I need to be 150. I'm hoping this surgery will get me there.

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I'm going through the same thing yoyo diets but my husband and I started out doing it together and last month he lost his job and benefits now I'm done and have been on my shakes for 2 days now and he makes comments like I'm going leave him after surgery I know it's his own insecurities but words hurt ???? I keep telling myself I'm worth it and I'm don't this for me I am so much more than my weight and I deserve to do this for me ! I can't help how others feel or what's gong on with them but for the first time in my life I'm being selfish enough to say I'm worth it and I'm living my life for me first ! We are all here to support each other through this journey keep your head up it gets better promise ! UPDATE : I took control tonight I went away for a few hours no phone no kids no nothing and when I left things changed my husband realized I'm serious about this and I especially want his support but we had a long talk and he cooked dinner tonight and even made it low carb ???????? keep moving forward

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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