Mom of the little "big fat girl" Desperately Needs HELP

sophrosyne · January 17, 2007

I would sit down with your daughter and have her talk to you about what's going on, and have her make decisions with you on how to fix it. So that she feels like she's in control.

Schooling: Ask her if she'd rather be homeschooled for awhile.

Depression: Do not put her on anti-depressents. They will make her suicidal. And that's the last thing she needs. Talk to a homeopathic doctor about some natural mood eveners. Like St. John's Wort or Valerian.

Sleeping: Ask her how she's sleeping. If she's having problems sleeping, that could explain a lot.

Appetite Suppressant: If you feel a need for this, try the "natural" ones. Dexatrim makes a natural suppressant that's only green tea and caffeine, but it works. And it won't hop her up the way some of the prescription meds will.

Diet: Jenny Craig. Right now, you want to take her food choices out of both of your hands. Put her on Jenny Craig, she can pick out her own food within the menu plan. Then, what you can do to support that, is to cook the same meal for the rest of your family, and serve it on plates. So on her plate is the Jenny Craig portion, on their plates is the portion you've cooked. That will make her feel like she's not standing out so much.

Exercise: Ask her what she likes to do. Does she like to go walking? Ride horses? Set time aside every day to do this with her.

Health: Right now, she's still young and healthy. I know you just want her to be a healthy adult, but you can't have your focus here right now. Let it all be about her and what she wants. Support her because she wants it. Not because you think she's fat, or you're worried that she might have a health catastrophe. That's a lot to put on a little girl who's already hypersensitive about her weight.

Do not reward her with food. Sounds odd, I know, but my dad used to reward me with food and tell me he just wanted me to be healthy. Healthy means nothing to her right now. She wants to be popular, to be loved, to have friends.

Drastic Measures: She is not old enough for drastic, surgical measures right now. Her body is not done growing. That's why you won't find a doctor to support you in this.

Self-Image: Make sure you're not playing into the negative self-image. Reinforce to her how beautiful she is, how special she is, how wonderful she is, and what a great life she's going to have - even if it doesn't seem like that right now. Ask her to trust you, just a little bit longer.

And then make the dieting process as fun as you can for her. Incorporate her Jenny Craig into your own meals, play games instead of watching TV. Don't make a big deal about clothes shopping. If she fits into adult-sized clothes, there are stores (like Lane Bryant) that sell stylish plus-sized clothing.

I feel for you. My baby has been in the 90th percentile of height/weight since she's been born. I know I'll be going through the same thing. But I also know that she's going to end up being 6 ft tall, at the rate that she's growing.

Do you remember how tall your baby was when she was two? If you do, double that, and that should be her adult height. (At least, that's what I hear). Which might make her feel better.

bandiva · January 17, 2007

In was that child/teenager too. And I tried suicide. It is so hard to be different at that age. I felt like a freak and that I didn't fit in anywhere.

The day I had my surgery Dr. Ortiz was banding a teenager. Both parents were there with her, and they all seemed very happy with the decision.

Maybe by having something positive to look forward to, and starting to lose weight and feeling better about herself physically, it will give her the strength, courage, and self confidence to deal with the mental issues she is going through. My heart goes out to you. I am glad she has a mom who is so willing to be part of the solution, and that you are not focussing on the negative or ignoring that there is an issue. God Bless.