My friend keeps calling me a "Cheater"

[lilstyler 19]

[*WARNING: LONG POST!*

Well, I finally had enough! Here's how the conversation went, we haven't spoken or texted for a week. We used to speak everyday. It's not good between our girls either, which were best friends before I told them about my surgery.

Her: When can you start working out with me?

Me: I started walking this last week and my calves are screaming already, lol

Went and had a body scrub, a facial & a massage today for my first 25 lbs gone. I had like 215 in GC's to use so i was like heck yeah! I'm like sore jell-o!

Her: Oh Im looking forward to making you runnnn as punishment for cheating and turning me down for bootcamp all year!!

(Side note: I would NOT go to The bootcamp SHE goes to because she's so judgmental)

Me: Cheating? Screw that, this was definitely not cheating!

Her: It definitely wasnt waking up every morning at 5 to lose 25 pounds in 8 months either. Im just messing with you, I know surgery was hard. (Complete sarcasm)

Me: Ok

(Then I thought on it for a few minutes and started fuming!)

Me again: Ok last I'm hearing of that cuz I love ya and we are in two totally different places. I've been working just as hard for 7 damn years. It's not like it was when I lost it the first time. I've done bootcamp long before you and I were friends. Just because I wasn't at bootcamp with you doesn't mean I wasn't working on my own. There I'm so done with the cheating comments! We can be friends again dde18

Her: K

(She's pissed, lol)

Her again: Im pretty sure I haven't overloaded you with cheating comments though so not sure where that came from?

Her again: I've actually tried to avoid them even as jokes.

Me: Because I've heard it about all I can and even your daughter calls me a cheater.

Her: My kid is a turd. And sorry, didn't realize my few joking comments were that extreme. My apologies.

Me: ok (I'm literally shaking, I'm so pissed)

Her: Maybe we are too different to be bff's? I dont know. Makes me sad to hurt your feelings.

I didn't mean to.

Me: This was a huge decision and I was embarrassed enough to even tell people. Now nearly everyone I know knows and I can face the looks and the judgments just fine, but when it comes to my closest friends, which I consider you it hurts a lot worse then. I'm not angry, just a little irritated that I was hoping for more support than being labeled a freaking cheater.

Me again: Maybe so

Her: I am not labeling you, I swear. Honestly you know me well, if I really thought you were a cheater I wouldn't say anything at all. I thought I have been supportive, going well out of my comfort zone and being made fun of for being "nice" to be supportive of you.

Me: You're being made fun of? From the card? I certainly didn't "make fun of you" at all I was genuinely surprised and so appreciative for that because I DO know that's hard for you.

Her: Ok surprised then. Sorry for any hurt feelings, not my intention. (She's irritated)

Me: That's why I was do shocked because you & "child" had just called me a cheater the first time like just a few days beforehand! I thought ok maybe she's getting this is hard for me and I'm embarrassed! When you're a jokester "Friend", people are going to be surprised when you do something out of the ordinary! No one made fun at all, it was really nice and a totally different side of you to see that's all.

Her: Of course I get it, and if me & "child" weren't close friends I would never have called you a cheater. It is just how we are, I dont know. She and I never told "friend who had DS" she was a cheater only behind her back lol and I haven't said one word to anyone about you at all, never have never will. Again, we are just different I guess. Maybe too much so but I'd hate that. making me cry at work

Me: Well I'm definitely sorry for that then...I didn't mean to hurt your feelings by being surprised by the card at all, I didn't even tell you that until you told me about your sister & "child" Being shocked that you gave it to me. Sounds like we need a group hug! Lol

Me again: I'm sorry girl, I was just like ok if I hear it one more time I'm gonna get super pissed so I better go ahead and say it over text now and get it over with. You know I don't mind being made fun of, it's totally fine. But this is a LOT different. I already have in my head that I'm a cheater and a failure that I couldn't get this off for SEVEN FREAKING YEARS! And also that no one really knows how hard I've tried and that being "the fat girl" is NOT who I am. I'm not myself at all anymore. It's literally all I think about 24/7. That's not a life. So, I did something about it and that's it. Regardless of how, I'm still going to be proud whether I "cheated" or not. I guess that's what threw me off is I knew you thought that about "friend who had DS" and here I am now lumped in HER group. Not cool. Don't cry, I'm sorry. Next time I won't say a word, last thing I want is for you to be upset because my poor baby feelings were hurt.

Her: Well you thought that about "friend who had DS" right along with me until you were left with no choice for yourself and Ive never lumped you in her group because she admittedly did nothing before or after to help herself. I'd rather you get it off your chest so I know.

Her again: won't be said again.

Me: I didn't think she was a "cheater". She admittedly is eating whataburger and all types of fried foods and hasn't even tried to exercise! But it's HER life! But her surgery is completely different from mine and I didn't eat like her before so I won't be eating like her now and won't be afterwords.

Her: I got onto "child" for hurting your feelings and she said she wouldn't say it anymore. She is too much like me in some ways, not always the good ways! Group jug next time we are all together.

Me: Well she's gonna be pissy at me now! Lol, alright so all is good and we're fine? Thanks for hearing me out. S*@ doesn't ever really bother me but for some reason that just hit a nerve :/ My grandpa saw me eating about 2oz of Soup the other day, and says "I thought we just paid to make you stop doing that" I waited for him to laugh...he didn't. Crap like that I'm going to have to deal with.

Her: I guess we're fine til I mess up again

(This is her way of blaming me I guess?)

Me: You didn't mess up. We all say crap that hurts people's feelings. I know I do. I just thought I'd tell you or wouldn't know that that struck a nerve. As much as I tried not to let it bother me. I'm not the one that said we shouldn't be friends missy!!!

Me again: Girl, I don't have a friend that's close that I haven't had an argument with. If anything it makes you closer because you don't have a fake superficial friendship. You know more about me than most because I'm over letting people get close to me for purposes other than being a friend. People are generally nice on the surface but many use you. Arguments are completely natural. You just have to decide if the person you're arguing with is worth it?

And that's it, no response, no screw you, no nothing. Guess a 7 year friendship is over. It's bitterweet. I know she can be toxic. I have even spoken to her sister who's a friend of mine. She basically said she's bitter and doesn't know how to be happy for others because she's miserable. That's it in a nutshell. Thanks for listening! My husband can only listen to me ramble on about this so much! LOL

[AmandaRaeLeo 2,145]

My BFF has been less than supportive as well... And I intend to talk with her about it. Not via text tho. Too much potential for miscommunication and imagined subtext.

[lilstyler 19]

My BFF has been less than supportive as well... And I intend to talk with her about it. Not via text tho. Too much potential for miscommunication and imagined subtext.

My perfect situation would have definitely been to have this conversation with her in person, but I had just had enough. She also uses texting to say ugly things and she can always say she was just playing or i took it the wrong way. We still have not spoken, don't know that we will. It's sad, but I do believe it was headed here anyway. Sometimes you have to cut your losses and move on to people who Celebrate you, as you Celebrate them. Good luck to you with your BFF, it's not a fun subject.

[anniemay 150]

Well' date=' 4 days down, 3 to go! My date is March 7th and I couldn't be happier. The only thing on my mind that is bothering me has nothing to do with the surgery...

So my friend and I have been trying to lose our extra weight for some years now after our children. I have been trying with no luck at all for nearly 7 years. She has been trying and has lost about half of what she needs to for about 2 1/2 years. The difference is I have done this before, with my first child I dropped the excess within the first 3-4 yrs. I was 20 years old for goodness sake. My kids are 8 1/2 yrs apart. I had my youngest at 28, nearly 10 years after the first. I'll turn 35 on March 6, the day before my surgery. Things are not the same this time. Everything I did the first time is NOT working. Trust me, I have ALL the willpower in the world and motivation. My weight is literally on my mind 24/7! This time I have Hypothyroidism, PCOS, Metabolic Syndrome & I'm Pre-Diabetic! She has NONE of these and I had none the first time.

About two years ago I had looked into LapBand, she was onboard, even emailed me pics of people she knew of before & afters. She once even told me she was doing this even if she had to gain extra weight! I didn't get LapBand, which now I know was a blessing, and neither did she. Since then she has lost quite a bit of her weight on her own.

The point I'm getting at is now since I have decided to do this, she keeps calling me a CHEATER. The first time she said it I couldn't believe it. But now she even has her daughter, which is my dd's best friend, calling me that too. I just feel irritated and like a failure before I even get started. This weekend while on my pre-op diet, she saw how tough it's going to be and I thought "Ok, maybe she's going to see how tough it is and stop?" No, now she's telling me this isn't worth it, that she likes food too much and am I sure I know what this entails. She also proceeds to tell me what yummy food they're eating out as she knows I'm sipping my broth! She's the ink one giving me this kind of grief, yet she's one of the people I'm closest to.

I guess I just needed to write this down to get it out of my head and maybe now I can let it go. Thank you to everyone for all the support on this forum. You guys/gals have helped me so much and I am very excited for all of our lives to be changed for the better![/quote']

[SeriouslyChange 319]

My best friend at work who was also a fellow big girl, we were the only 2 big girls in our store, was like this. It destroyed our friendship. She was jealous and I didn't give a crap. She made so many negative comments and would always make fun of me for eating an egg for lunch, I just had enough. We don't talk anymore and I quit my job.

Real friends are supportive. My other friend was the only one who was on board as soon as I told her. Came to see me at the hospital, and when we went dancing this past weekend, complimented my decision to be sleeved. She has said nothing but nice things, though it is awkward when we eat out lol she is proud of me for putting my health first.

I'm not as afraid to tell people my story anymore. Surprisingly I'm not as embarrassed and I don't give a crap what people think. Love my sleeve

[fyre_storm 1,412]

Slap her. And ever time she says it slap her mouth. She'll learn and as for her daughter slap her too and she's younger so it may take a few more hits. But in the end it'll work just like training a puppy.

[ShouldBlittler 89]

Slap her. And ever time she says it slap her mouth. She'll learn and as for her daughter slap her too and she's younger so it may take a few more hits. But in the end it'll work just like training a puppy.

Would it also work to shake a can of pennies at her?

[No game 14,436]

Or squirt her with a water bottle? ?

[fyre_storm 1,412]

Would it also work to shake a can of pennies at her?

Yes it might, though a rolled up paper maybe more suitable!

[fyre_storm 1,412]

Or squirt her with a Water bottle??

Their humans not plants! Gosh

[*Dean* 1,594]

Rub her nose in it. Works every time.

[No game 14,436]

Rub her nose in it. Works every time.

Umm.. Shouldn't you be on a beach right now?

Thats it!! take that b***h to the beach and take some unflattering photos of her and then tell her!

"I may be cheating but it looks like you've been eating"

[*Dean* 1,594]

I'm about10 meters from the surf as we speak!

[fyre_storm 1,412]

Umm.. Shouldn't you be on a beach right now?

Thats it!! take that b***h to the beach and take some unflattering photos of her and then tell her!

"I may be cheating but it looks like you've been eating"

That defiantly went to a dark place real quick lol

[No game 14,436]

I had to stay on topic! It's the best I could do