This is very long, but I need some advice

Tamiko · September 29, 2006

I have had this friend for about 5 years know I will call her Cleo. when we first became friends we hung out all the time and had a good time together eventhough we worked together that made our relationship better. We have both been their for each other through bad times in our lives and could talk to one another when we needed a shoulder to lean on. Although we have similar backgrounds as far as how we grew up, we don't have much in common as adults, but I still thought she was a good friend.

Okay know this is what happened, First I had this other friend I will call Sandy she did not know Cleo but Cleo and I knew her boyfriend because we worked with him. Sandy and her boyfriend were going through problems and I would talk to Cleo about it but not devulge to much detail about their situation. Sandy always seemed intrested in what was going on beween them and I was none the wiser. I would tell Cleo that Sandy said that he was acting distant and he didn't want to be with her anymore by the way he was acting he just didn't come out and say it. So this roller coaster ride went on for about 6 or 7 months between Sandy and her boyfriend until finally they did stop seeing each other. All the while I was still giving Cleo information about what was going on between them. Know Cleo had a boyfriend and she would tell me about him and how they were going to the movies a lot which is something that she does not like to do and how he always hangs out with his friends. So I already knew about Cleo's boyfriend and Cleo knew about the guy I was seeing. CLeo told me after 8 months that she had been dating Sandy's boyfriend the whole time and that was why he was acting that way towards Sandy. I felt terrible because I considered Sandy a good friend and was telling Cleo things about her boyfriend I felt like I betrayed her and Sandy used me to get information about them. I cryed because I knew how much pain Sandy was going threw and to know that a person I considered a good friend would do something like that. It was not just that Cleo was dating him it was that she was talking about him to me the whole time and just used the name of the old boyfriend. I felt betrayed because of what she did and how she went about it I told her everything about me and she didn't have to tell me everything but she did not have to lie either. It took me awhile but we resolved the situation and became friends again, although my trust for her was a little thin and I stoped talking to her about everything after that.

As time went on an ex that I had kept in contact with after we stopped seeing each other was talking to me and the subject of Cleo came up and he mentioned that when they went out her behavior was rude. (What!!) I asked him when did you too go out and he said soon after he helped me move into the apartment where she lives. They both helped me move and Cleo and my ex were teamleaders on the same team. That is the last thing that I thought she would do because I told her about him sexually and everything. Come to find out a few months after they helped me move they had started going out to Breakfast and lunch together without me knowing and he said that at the time I was still talking to him she would tell him to watch what he says to me because I could catch on to what they were doing. I was shocked so I confronted her and she said that that was a long time ago and she can't believe that he brought that up. She said that she felt like he should be the one to tell me because I was dating him (What kind of bull**** is that). After a lot of he say she say I decided to give her another chance but I really didn't want to I wanted to cut this b**** out of my life for good. I couldn't do it because we worked together and lived in the same apartment complex. So our friendship has continued and it has been a couple of years since then but I still don't like her and I just don't know how to end this relationship wih her, I could never trust someone who has lied like that to me and called themselves my friend. I think the only solution is for me to move when my lease is up and maybe I could futher cut the ties from her. Although I am currently in school right know I don't have time to socialize that much when I do have free time I don't want it to be with her. I have tried to get past those incidents but I just can't because know when I listen to her I believe everything she says is a lie. I don't know what to do?

:angry :confused: :help:

Carlene · September 29, 2006

Tami...

With friends like Cleo, who needs enemies? I know that old chestnut is kind of a no-brainer, but it really fits your situation.

Cleo is an opportunist. Do not give her another chance. She has no intention of changing. That should be evident, since she has expressed no remorse for her sneaky behavior - nothing but excuses.

You have the right idea. Move to another apartment complex and avoid this vulture like the plague!

jane73 · September 30, 2006

Yes, well all I can say is get away from her, she is bad news..She doesn't care for you, all she is interested in is a good time. She prefers men over women and I personally don't trust women like that . I think she sounds nasty and very self centred. You want a friend that you can trust..You can do better..Move and find a new circle of friends.

jahair · September 30, 2006

Tamiko, Ditto to all who tell you to get away from this woman as soon as possible. Tell her nothing more personal about your life than, "looks like rain today."

I like to think the best of our fellow humans, unfortunately, there are people who get themselves into a competitive mind set and it all becomes a game where they only win if they can make you lose.

You are taking big steps in managing your life and getting yourself together. Turn your face to the sun of a new life and your steps upward and onward and don't look back.

Best wishes,

Jo Ann

mousecrazy · September 30, 2006

Sounds like you've already got it figured out. You are thinking of ways to distance yourself from her (good.) She has shown you who she is. Now all you have left to do is learn to control how much you reveal to others, especially after they have shown you they are not trustworthy. Perhaps this is the lesson you are supposed to learn, and why you have this person in your life. As soon as you learn it, you will be free of her.

You're on your way! Good luck, and sorry you are going through all this!

DonnaB · September 30, 2006

I don't even think it's necessary for you to move. Just stop the 'give and take' that comes with real friendship. When you have to talk to her, just don't give her any personal information - stick to the weather and current events. If she tries to give you personal information, don't be drawn in, just give it the old 'isn't that nice' and change the subject back to the weather. She'll catch on.

Maybe you ARE meant to learn something from this user, but it may also be that she was meant to learn something from her dealings with you - like how NOT to treat people if you want to maintain their friendship.

There are plenty of nice, caring people in the world - time to find a few of them and leave this "friend" behind.

Best wishes.

Tired_Old_Man · September 30, 2006

Tamiko, I don't think you know what the word friend really means and I don't think you choice of people to share personal information is very astute. Moving will solve nothing because the problem is within you.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me!!

If you can't keep your own secrets, do not expect others to keep them secret.

Tamiko · October 2, 2006

Thanks for all the advice, you all are right. From that experience with her I have learned not to be so trusting of people and to look for the signs that something is not right with this person. It has also taught me not to tell everything and to keep personal things about myself and someone else to myself, but I do need to move because although I didn't mention it because we stay in the same apartment complex she can tell when I am at home and always calls (especially on the weekends) if she sees my car in the parking lot which is totally annoying.

jahair · October 2, 2006

Thanks for all the advice, you all are right. From that experience with her I have learned not to be so trusting of people and to look for the signs that something is not right with this person. It has also taught me not to tell everything and to keep personal things about myself and someone else to myself, but I do need to move because although I didn't mention it because we stay in the same apartment complex she can tell when I am at home and always calls (especially on the weekends) if she sees my car in the parking lot which is totally annoying.

Just because someone calls, it does not mean you have to answer the phone; that's what caller ID is for! :doh: And if she comes to the door, stop her at the door and say, "It's not a good time for me right now." Do not explain or apologize. You do not owe her an explanation. She'll get the idea. Your having to move means that she is in charge of your life -- I thought you were.

Good luck

green · October 2, 2006

You can always freeze her out by telling her nicely that you are busy or in the middle of something at the moment. She will eventually get the message that you no longer wish to play with her.