not planning on telling

[Guest lkp]

greetings all! I introduced my self on BMI 35 thread. not planning on telling anyone but hubby (he is suppotive and will go to Mexico as well as shell out $$). I just am not ready to deal with anyone's judgement or opinion on MY weight issues (X husband who is soul mate). I have mainly thin friends who have NO concept of what is it like to be overweight and feel NO control over issues. "Why don't you just go on a diet and exercise?" Done that and have the t-shirt. No permanant change for me. Only more weight to lose and another feelingof failure. My husband is a dentist and I joked with him many times about just wiring my mouth shut. It is a personal thing- I just want to lose weight for me and have other people not even notice. I am not even telling teenage kids. (If I did I might as well announce it to the world- My cheerleader daughter would accidently let it slip, I'm sure. ) My question is- is it possilbe or advisable- to keep this secret at least for now? Has anyone else had this experience?

Thanks for the help--This a great site. I wish I were a faster typer, but alas I did not take typing in school. Who knew there would be an inernet and typing would be a very good skill to have?!?

Linda

Yet to be banded

[GinnyWhite 0]

Well Linda I know that this is a very sensitive subject and everyone is different. For me it would be hard to keep it a secret because it is such a part of my life, it is my life and hey let's face it is obvious to the ones around us that our weight has gotten out of hand. For me I found that my family and friends have been extremely supportive. The people who are close to you love you and want you to live a long happy life. The surgery is by no means for vanity reasons it is for health reasons the fact that you will be beautiful is just a benifit because you already are beautiful the people that will make smart remarks are uneducated on the matter so you may choose to be selective on who you share with. And as far as your exhusband/soulmate goes if he cares about you the way you do for him he will be glad that you are taking this step. Good Luck to you on your journey you will never be the same. Ginny

299/273/130

Dr. Spiegel

[baileymb 0]

Hi Linda,

I know what you are going through.

I only told people who needed to know at first,I did tell my daughter and explained it to her, she can't wait!! Then I started telling a few more..( friends, brother). Their support was quite suprising and really encouraging. Some I thought would be judgemental were not! I have had NO negative comments as of yet and will be banded on the 14th. I work at a big company and did not want it to go around so I only told people who needed to know there, boss, manager, supervisor and my best friend who works there. So as long as you feeling your are getting the support you need, I see no need to be telling anyone!

Hope this helps!

Baileym

_____________

June 14th

Dr. Deol

[Alexandra 55]

Hi Linda,

One of the beautiful things about the band is that you can keep it a secret if you want. My two little girls hardly noticed that I had surgery ("Mommy has a tummy ache" got me through the two days post-surgery). The weight loss, for me, has been gradual enough that most people in my life haven't noticed anything dramatic.

In my opinion it's probably better to keep it to ourselves for a while, even if only to avoid the overeager questioning from well-meaning people who expect to see huge losses overnight. That really is upsetting, even though we all know they don't mean any criticism by it. They just don't understand that there are real differences among weight loss surgeries, and expect us to show the same results as bypass patients. It gets tiring explaining that 5 lbs a MONTH is what I'm AIMING for, and I'm very happy with my loss as it is.

So just do what feels right to you. This procedure really is something you have to do for yourself, and that includes the way you present it to the world.

Good luck!! :D

[gretat 0]

Hi Linda,

My Dr. suggested only telling your inner-circle of people. I did not tell anyone but my immediate family. The Dr. said that if you tell too many people---for example, your co-workers, they may bug you about how much weight you have lost. So you might feel pressure to worry about numbers instead of being healthy. She said that there have been so many of her patients that regreted telling people for this reason. So, I would be cautious about who you tell. As for your daughter---sometimes mother-daugther relationships can be antagonistic and if she knows and wants to hurt you, she may tell people you don't want to know.

Just me trying to give the other side of the story!!

Good luck and let us know what you decide.

Greta

[nightingale2u 42]

Hi Linda...

I started out only telling my Hubby and my Sister but as time has passed have felt more comfortable sharing my plan with my daughter... mother and a few select friends. There are still people that I imagine I will never tell. I think that you should handle the situation the way that you are most comfortable. (o: Good luck with everything!

Darcy

[marsha 0]

Hi Linda,

I told only my husband and mother prior to my surgery. I did not tell my teenagers (or my x husband). I told the kids I was going out of town for work (I went to Mexico with another person who was being banded so my husband could stay with the kids). They did notice that I was drinking only liquids after I got back so I told them I was trying a new diet. I didn't want to deal with all the negativity (especially about going to Mexico for the surgery) and I didn't want to have to explain all about the band to each family member!

Since banding, my mother told my sister (after I asked her not to).

No one has noticed my weight loss but when they do, I'll just tell them I'm eating less and exersizing!

Oh, did I mention "I LOVE MY BAND"!

Marsha

[Guest lkp]

You guys are great!! Thanks so much for the words of encouragement and advice. I think I will play it by ear for now... being banded in Sept. I have only told my husband (I think I mistyped, my one and only and current - not X husband) and I have sworn him to secrecy. I know he won't tell. I love my daughter dearly, but she has a BEST friend whom she seems to share every thing with. I am a nurse practitoner and the doctor I practice with would FLIP if I told her I was going to Mexico to have surgery. I love her dearly too, be she is definately on the NEED TO KNOW ONLY plan. I am going to take off a week and I only work part-time. I donated a kidney to my mother this past year, so I think she has enough to worry about and I KNOW she would be so worried about me. As I get closer to banding date, I might enlarge my "circle of trust", but for now this is my plan. I hope I don't have any complications and need to be "outed" before I am ready!

Thanks again!

Linda

Yet to be banded

[marsha 0]

Linda,

I am an RN. I told them at work my husband had to go to San Diego on business and I was tagging along! I couldn't tell them the truth because they would have thought I was nuts for going to Mexico. I thought of telling them I was having a hernia repair but they would have wanted to come see me in the hospital!!! Being a health care worker sure does limit what you can say!

I wanted to tell my best friend but she also wouldn't have understood the Mexico thing. She's overweight too and I really want to tell her about the band so she has some hope too, but now if I tell her, she'll be mad at me for not telling her sooner!

Well, just my 2 cents! GOOD LUCK on your decision who to tell it isn't easy!

Take Care,

Marsha

[hagerteresa 3]

Hello,

I think initially I wasn't going to tell too many people but myself being one who can't hold a secret and was very excited about it and ended up telling all of my family, close friends and customers (that is except my dad). I had tried to tell him but he would not listen and remark rationally. The date hadn't been set in stone yet so I presented the idea to him as as that, just an idea. He just didn't think it would help change my eating habits much less the thought of having a medical procedure done in mexico:) I have told him now and though initially he nearly had heart failure he now is very happy about it. All of my friends and family I told were a wonderful support team and I am so excited everytime I go weigh in, I love to tell of my loss. They all call me the "pound crier" instead of the town crier (in good fun of course). They all Celebrate with me. Most of the people I know are not stick thin and the ones that are are just as supportive. I could see how telling other people in your medical profession could be challenging though. Honestly I was in the Oasis of Hope hospital in Tijuana and thought it was as nice and more comfortable than our local hospitals. No other patients in the room and a queen size bed for my family member. To this day I am happy with the fact I told people of it. I had done my homework for months and years concerning the different surgeries but never had any $ to get it done, so when my father in law offered to help me pay for it I litterally jumped at the chance and scheduled my surgery date for less than two weeks later. Best wishes and good luck. Teresa

[New Hope 37]

Tell who you want to and don't feel guilty about not telling others. It's your body and your decision how you want to handle it.

[Guest Deb]

I told everyone and don't regret it for a second. I just felt phoney keeping it a secret, that's just what worked for me. I'm the type of person that doens' really care what other people think once I've made a decision to do something, so that most probably has something to do with it. I don't regret it at all. The support and kindness from family and friends has been fantastic!

Good luck to you, Deb

[CandyB 0]

Hi Linda,

I definitely favor keeping my decision to myself with the exception of a few: husband, sister who was banded with me, son, and one friend (who I now realize I didn't really need to tell). A lot of others know just because they are in my bariatric surgery center, and I go there for follow-up, and those in the support group I attend obviously know. I have found that having these people know provides plenty of support and a feeling of being truthful. I have also found that opening up to the members of this forum gives me those same feelings.

What I realized when I decided not to tell the rest of my world is that I don't want to use my time and energy explaining myself - my decision, the logistics of my surgery, the aftermath of my surgery - to the rest of the world. I'm too "old" (I hope I mean mature) for that nonsense. In the course of my obese life I have found that no one - NO ONE- understands obesity except an obese person - not my surgeon, not his support staff, not the helpful reps from Inamed, none of the not-obese people in my life. That sounds harsh, but it is the truth I have found in my 49 years.

Since I had my surgery 14 weeks ago, I have been tempted several times to share what I'm going through with other friends and co-workers. That sharing would give me a form of instant gratification. Having the band is a huge part of my life. But it is not my whole life - it is only part of who I am, and after the moment of temptation passes, I'm ALWAYS glad I kept it for myself. Not telling preserves a sense of self-control within me, and self-control is something I need to work on. I've always been a sharer by nature, but as I've grown up, I realize that it feels better in the long run to be selective. It's OK not to give all of myself away to everyone.

I've also found that it is actually healthier for me to have friends with whom I don't talk about this at all. Because the surgery and aftermath are so encompassing, I find it a relief and a n emotional vacation to have most of my acquaintances and friends not knowing. It's good to have a break from talking and thinking about it. I do enough of that every day.

Just wanted to give you my thoughts and encourage you to go with your gut feeling. You may find out why your instincts were correct later on in the process.

Best of luck, candy

[donali 57]

I tell anyone who will stand still long enough to listen...

I'm not quite that bad, but if weight/weightloss/dieting comes up, I'm quick to share my story if it's appropriate.

I respect anyone's decision not to tell - I'm just one of those people who keep a lot of secrets for others but few for myself. My Dad used to tell me, "You don't have to tell everyone everything you know." Sometimes I wish I could remember that advice! But not in this case.

I'm also not very good at setting boundaries, so perhaps that's why I am such an open book. I think instead of worrying about people finding something out about me, I just surrender myself to the vulnerability of not having many personal secrets - that is made easier by feeling secure in my life choices, and not feeling apologetic about anything I've done in my life that others may find questionable.

In the case of my WLS, I have met with nothing but support and interest, and no one has been weird as far as making comments about what I do or don't eat, or anything like that. I don't feel like I'm being watched. But then again, I could just be oblivious.

[La_madam 20]

I understand your reason for not wanting to tell anyone other then hubby and I felt like that at first but after alot of thought I decided to tell anyone and everyone for 2 reasons

1. So that more people would be aware of the Lap Band procedure, I feel it does not get enough publicity I actually had one of my customers see me 3 weeks after surgery and he then decided to have the surgery himself he used the same surgeon I chose he is 3 weeks post op and after his surgery one of his coworkers had the surgery also. They are both so happy with their decision and I feel responsible for helping them come to their decision, neither one of them have ever heard of the Lap Band until they spoke with me.

2. I have told anyone and everyone becasue "for me" it helps me to stay focused and it helps me to make better food choices around my peers who know I have done this. I run my families restaraunt and I'm around food constantly so all of my employees and customers know I have had this surgery. I'm far from perfect but telling all of my peers of this surgery helps me to not fall off that band wagon. I know alot of people do not want to tell anyone becasue they do not want to be scrutinized for whatever they put in their mouth when they are around these people but like I said it helps me when I'm around my peers to make better food choices becasue I do not want to be scrutinized. Does this make sense?

I beleive whatever works for each person, this is whatworks for me.

Michelle

4.6.04

265/240/160ish

Dr Ortiz