Should I Tell My Family I Want To Have Wls

[Suzannesh 376]

Post Date: 1/1/12 10:03 pm

Hi Everyone,

How do you telling your family you want to go ahead and have weight loss surgery? You have done all your research and you know for sure that you want to have this done. One of the things I have learned is that sometimes telling our family that we are going to have weight loss surgery is disastrous. Here are some things I want you to consider. Have you ever talked to them before now about having weight loss surgery? How educated are they about the kind of WLS that you want? If they know something, this is a time to educate them a little more. Go to some of the WLS Web Sites and print out some of their excellent information they have about the kind of WLS you are going to have. Have they put down for being fat? Do you think they will support you for your choice? If you feel you are not going to get their support and they are just going to put you down or set up road blocks then it might not be wise to tell them. Sometimes after you return home and they see you are healthy, alive and doing well and losing weight, this might be the time to talk to them about what you have done. Ask them for their support.

I want you to always remember this: THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU AND NO ONE ELSE. You do not owe anyone an explanation about what you are doing or why this is your choice. You have earned the right to do what is best for you. For so many years you have not done that. Unless they have had weight problems they will almost never understand why you are having the surgery.

For various reasons, people will try to stop you. They are sure you will not be successful and you are throwing away your money. They are fat and want you to be fat just like them. They are scared you may find someone else if it is your husband or wife who is opposed to you doing this. They are jealous that you are doing this and they are not doing anything to help themselves. They are just plain scared and don't know how to communicate their feelings to you. They know very little about WLS, ONLY the BAD things that they have heard through gossip. If it is a money issue and they don't think you can afford to do this. Hey we make car payments and never think twice about it. How about making some body payments?

For so many of our family member they are so uneducated about the current methods of WLS-the sleeve being the one I am thinking of. They assume we are having lapband or bypass surgery—neither one of these were my choice. So every chance I have I try to educated anyone who wants to know about the sleeve on how successful this surgery is and just how they do it.

So, my suggestion is you know your family better than I do, so consider if it is wise to talk with them or to just keep it to yourself. There is so much support on this board for you if you need anyone to talk to or help. I am always here if you have any questions.

Suzanne

Sleeved 10/21/2008

[Thomas CPA 496]

I told them and got little to no support but went ahead and did it for me, couldn't stay 100 plus pounds overweight anymore. Don't worry about them, you are doing it for yourself.

[mona777 12]

I HAD SURGERY 12/20/11. MY SISTER IS THE ONLY PERSON IN MY FAMILY I TOLD AND NONE OF MY FRIENDS KNOW. SHE CAME IN FROM OUT OF TOWN N SUPPORTED ME. FOR CHRISTMAS WE WENT OVER TO MY MOMS AND I DECIDED TO TELL HER I'D BEEN SICK AND DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING TO EAT. I DIDN'T STAY LONG BECAUSE SHE KEPT INSISTING I EAT BECAUSE IT WAS CHRISTMAS AND HER FEELINGS WOULD BE HURT IF I DIDN'T EAT. SHE CENTERS EVERYTHING AROUND food. SHE DIDN'T BOTHER TO ASK WHAT WAS WRONG OR HOW I WAS FEELING. THAT'S EXACTLY WHY I DIDN'T TELL HER ABOUT THE SURGERY. I KNOW MY MOM AND SHE PROBABLY WOULD'VE HAD ME IN TEARS WITH NEGATIVE COMMENTS. I DIDN'T TELL MY DAD OR MY YOUNGER SISTER BECAUSE EVERY SINCE I WAS A KID AND TO THIS DAY THEY'VE CALLED ME FAT IN ARGUMENTS OR OUT OF ANGER. GROWING UP I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A LITTLE HEAVIER COMPARED TO MY SISTERS. THEY'RE STILL SMALL BUT I'VE CONTINUED TO GAIN OVER THE YEARS. SO AS I LOSE WEIGHT I'LL TELL I'M DIETING AND EXERCISING. MY OLDER SISTER HAS ALWAYS BEEN SUPPORTIVE OF ME. I'M GLAD I HAVE HER.

[fluffylibra30 323]

i had made up my mind and if you didnt like it you could piss off. I told everyone. I wasnt going to hide it because i was unable to lose the weight on my own. I have hypothyroid disease and it was lose 50 pounds gain 75 (happened twice) I love my family very much but i moved away when i was 18 and it has just been me and my husband, daughter and his parents and the new friends i have made and i guess that made me a little head strong towards doing what they thought was best. Once my husband and i came to aggrance on it, there was no holding me back. I told everyone, "if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all". Think they were a little scared to approach me about it ahahaa. Once everyone realized nothing was going to change my mind they jumped on board and are all very happy that i did it, still get a few stories from my MIL about her sister knew someone who knew someone.

There arent enough stories out there about the ppeople who were strong determined and never looked back. Why? cause it just isnt good gossip. I have only been sleeved 5 days but i have not felt one oz of self doubt "why the hell did i do this to myself" nothing. I was prepared, and so very sure!

Good luck to the people who are just starting this journey. I made my mind up on April 16, 2011. i will never forget the day i decided to take my weight into my own hands again!

[BluebonnetMagonlia 29]

I told my family and friends, and I got some that were like "Whoo hoo, go ahead and do it, congratulations" and other were like " NO DON'T DO THAT!!!, there are complications, why don't you just exercise more and eat fresh fruits and veggies and the weight will come off" or like my grandmother said "just push your ass away from the table and you will lose weight" lol gotta love grandma! But my approach to those that were against it (my mother), were go look up the procedure and research it, if you have questions please ask and you just may help me ask questions that i may have forgotten and I will respect your opinion at all times, but this is a decision that I made and I am sticking to it...I just don't to show up 100lbs lighter and you think I am sick or something...

Now my mother is making plans to come to Texas for my surgery and recovery, she has totally accepted it and supporting my decision. My grandmother on the other hand, still no dice, but she tells me everyday she loves me and will support me because she trusts my decision making

This is a choice I made for my life and my health and I am happy and confident about it.

Once your family and friends see your transformation all the previous issues will disappear

[DebiC 181]

Everyone I have told has been excited and supportive (but then again I need to lose 250+ lbs). I live in a very close knit community where everyone knows everyone else's business. People know I had surgery-but for those I chose not to tell the truth to-I just said I had exploratory surgery.

I have an issue with telling thin people-I feel like they then watch everything you eat from then on and love to monitor you.

I did share with most of my heftier acquaintances just in case they too were considering WLS and had questions.

I have had family members say "Are you allowed to eat that?" and I explain AGAIN about my eating plan and let it go at that.

I would have gone ahead however with or without their support, but thankfully I have their support. They knew that my weight was killing me and how many other times I had lost and gained.

[Suzannesh 376]

Hi,

Well, I think we do what is best for ourselves. Sounds like you are comfortable with your choice. I had to laugh because anytime I went to eat with any of my friends--fat or thin, I have always felt they were watching me to see what I ate and what I didn't eat. I know for many of them, at first they thought I was going to starve. But you and I know that is never going to happen. We ate until we were full and stopped.

I always tell them, I never feel deprives. I try to eat healthy, but I can have almost anything I want--JUST IN SMALL AMOUNTS.

Congratulations on your choice to have WLS. You are doing ALL the right things. Just remember when you are having a difficult day or need some advice, this is the place to come.

Hugs, to you

Suzanne

[Suzannesh 376]

I told them and got little to no support but went ahead and did it for me, couldn't stay 100 plus pounds overweight anymore. Don't worry about them, you are doing it for yourself.

Hi,

This is just what I was saying. In the end honestly we do not need anyone's approval. This is always ALL ABOUT YOU AND NO ONE ELSE.

I am sure that you have no regrets and I know for a fact you did all the right things. You are changing your life for the better.

Hugs,

Suzanne

[Suzannesh 376]

I HAD SURGERY 12/20/11. MY SISTER IS THE ONLY PERSON IN MY FAMILY I TOLD AND NONE OF MY FRIENDS KNOW. SHE CAME IN FROM OUT OF TOWN N SUPPORTED ME. FOR CHRISTMAS WE WENT OVER TO MY MOMS AND I DECIDED TO TELL HER I'D BEEN SICK AND DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING TO EAT. I DIDN'T STAY LONG BECAUSE SHE KEPT INSISTING I EAT BECAUSE IT WAS CHRISTMAS AND HER FEELINGS WOULD BE HURT IF I DIDN'T EAT. SHE CENTERS EVERYTHING AROUND food. SHE DIDN'T BOTHER TO ASK WHAT WAS WRONG OR HOW I WAS FEELING. THAT'S EXACTLY WHY I DIDN'T TELL HER ABOUT THE SURGERY. I KNOW MY MOM AND SHE PROBABLY WOULD'VE HAD ME IN TEARS WITH NEGATIVE COMMENTS. I DIDN'T TELL MY DAD OR MY YOUNGER SISTER BECAUSE EVERY SINCE I WAS A KID AND TO THIS DAY THEY'VE CALLED ME FAT IN ARGUMENTS OR OUT OF ANGER. GROWING UP I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A LITTLE HEAVIER COMPARED TO MY SISTERS. THEY'RE STILL SMALL BUT I'VE CONTINUED TO GAIN OVER THE YEARS. SO AS I LOSE WEIGHT I'LL TELL I'M DIETING AND EXERCISING. MY OLDER SISTER HAS ALWAYS BEEN SUPPORTIVE OF ME. I'M GLAD I HAVE HER.

Hi,

Sounds like your Mom could use a little help herself. She wants to solve all the problems ALWAYS with food and what a cruel way to be. That is probably one of the reasons you have had a problem with weight. It is time to break that chain, and you are doing all the RIGHT THINGS. You do not need an approval from your MOM--you are an adult now. And SHAME on her if she is every going to try to make you feel bad about doing something that is going to change your life so that you will be healthy.

She should be supportive, but it doesn't look like she ever will be. So continue doing all the right things you are doing. I think you are very brave and strong to do this. So when you need a little help or support this is the place to come. I wish you all the success in the world. Keep me posted.

Mom's are suppose to love you unconditional and not try to push your guilt buttons. Good for you, for not eating and leaving early.

Hugs, and hang in there.

Suzanne

[Suzannesh 376]

I told my family and friends, and I got some that were like "WHO hoo, go ahead and do it, congratulations" and other were like " NO DON'T DO THAT!!!, there are complications, why don't you just exercise more and eat fresh fruits and veggies and the weight will come off" or like my grandmother said "just push your ass away from the table and you will lose weight" lol gotta love grandma! But my approach to those that were against it (my mother), were go look up the procedure and research it, if you have questions please ask and you just may help me ask questions that i may have forgotten and I will respect your opinion at all times, but this is a decision that I made and I am sticking to it...I just don't to show up 100lbs lighter and you think I am sick or something... Now my mother is making plans to come to Texas for my surgery and recovery, she has totally accepted it and supporting my decision. My grandmother on the other hand, still no dice, but she tells me everyday she loves me and will support me because she trusts my decision making This is a choice I made for my life and my health and I am happy and confident about it. Once your family and friends see your transformation all the previous issues will disappear

Hi,

Good for you and congratulations to your Mom. If diet and exercise worked for everyone--the whole world would be thin. We have an addiction to food--this is our tool (WLS) to help us overcome this addiction. If someone needed to have surgery to save their life people wouldn't think twice about them having it. Why are they so opposed to this--it is surgery to save our life. We are going to die a whole lot faster from being fat than we ever will from WLS. So these are thing you can tell your family. You can quote me on these....

I am so happy for you that you are getting some support from your family. We can't expect 100% support from them, but some support is really nice. They will come around as you start losing weight and they see it and see how healthy you are becoming.

Keep me posted as to how you are doing.

Hugs,

Suzanne

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I think this is one of those "it depends" subjects. I am 47, well over 100# to lose and my family and friends have watched me try every diet under the sun. I lose... and then regain plus some. They know that doing the activities I love have been getting harder and harder. I have sleep apnea and really bad arthritis in my knees.

When I announced my surgery plans I got 100% enthusiastic, support - they want me to live long, and live healthy and they know I have tried everything else to get the weight off.

It is going to be embarrasing if I don't do well or if I regain, but hey, I am only human and am loved even with my flaws. All that weight is there for everybody to see anyway - not like it is some big secret.

[Suzannesh 376]

I think this is one of those "it depends" subjects. I am 47, well over 100# to lose and my family and friends have watched me try every diet under the sun. I lose... and then regain plus some. They know that doing the activities I love have been getting harder and harder. I have sleep apnea and really bad arthritis in my knees. When I announced my surgery plans I got 100% enthusiastic, support - they want me to live long, and live healthy and they know I have tried everything else to get the weight off. It is going to be embarrasing if I don't do well or if I regain, but hey, I am only human and am loved even with my flaws. All that weight is there for everybody to see anyway - not like it is some big secret.

Hi,

You have a great attitude and I promise you that you will be very successful. It is hard the 1st month after surgery, because you are healing and relearning how to eat again. But after that, it just gets a lot easier.

WLS is a tool to allow you to become healthy again. It is NOT a miracle cure. You have to work at it by eating healthy--which is pretty easy after a while. You should also try some kind of exercise. I love to walk and that helped me.

I am always here if you have any questions or just need to talk.

Hugs,

Suzanne

[mona777 12]

THANK YOU, YES I'VE REALIZED SHE WILL NEVER CHANGE, BUT I CAN MAKE A BETTER ME!

[Suzannesh 376]

THANK YOU, YES I'VE REALIZED SHE WILL NEVER CHANGE, BUT I CAN MAKE A BETTER ME!

Hi,

Yes, you are so right! Do just that. One day when you are healthy and very happy with what you have done, you can tell her just how your did it. Until then, just keep doing all the things you are doing right now. Remember the 1st month is the hardest, but it is only 30 days and you can do ANYTHING for 30 days. If you have any questions or need some help with something, I am always here for you.

Hugs,

Suzanne

[Stacey Nicole 40]

I told my family and friends when I Decided to do the surgery. Even before any of my preop appointments. I got every reaction in the book and it took a while to gain the support of some pretty important people in my life. Now everyone knows, and as I get closer to submitting to insurance (this month) I am getting more nervous - but I don't have to worry about hiding anything and I have the support I need. Being honest can be hard but it pays off in the long run!