Learning new coping skills without food

[Ellie4me 1]

My therapist talks a lot about having to learn new coping skills since food has always been it for me. I joked that I don't know anyone with good coping skills Seems like it always...alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, gambling, workaholic, sex addition etc. I asked if "real" people have good coping skills, lol. She insist they do. I'm planning on getting sleeved next month, and was wondering without food, what new habits have others learned for coping?

Right now if I have a terrible day, I stop for fast food or ice cream....with an almost "I owe it to myself" mindset, for comfort. I desperately want to be successful after WLS and never want to be this large ever again.

[Rebel 9]

I am 2 weeks post op and am still figuring this one out. When I feel down, I try to login here and read success stories. When I feel depressed I try to reach out to one of my friends or family members that are supportive. I also read books and go for long walks. I am in that cocoon right now of being at home though. I go back to work next week and worry about handling stress then. Used to I would eat something.

[Heatherr 149]

One word: shopping

It may take a bit of losing before you get there, but shopping in regular stores for fashionable clothes is quite a nice reward or pick me up. Hell, I go shopping in my own closet trying on stuff that didn't fit last month but fit now and it makes me smile for hours. There isn't a better pick me up for me right now.

[Felicia 28]

So I haven't had the sleeve done yet but I am on the pre-op diet and well I am the somewhat the same way. If i do something awesome, or have a bad day I am like "I totally deserve ice cream and not the small little one either I deserve the large Peanut Butter bash". Yeah not such a good idea. So anyways yesterday I had a good day did everything right and I rewarded myself with a small salad instead. Since I am on pre-op thats okay. I know rewarding with food is not a good idea, but changing how and what food I reward with is a start.

Since being pre-op ( I am only on day 6 ) I have already been forced to deal with some triggers that would have me running to food. Sooooo I have started reading books a lot more, I come on here a ton, also me and my BF bought monopoly for Wii and I play that. We also spend time watching movies now and we just bought the LIFE board game lol. I may be a dork but it's my rewards and their not food so I'm happy with it. When I sit down to watch movies and my BF starts munching out on beef Jerky and chips I grab my bowl of sugar free Jello and some sugar free popsicles. (BTW my bf is super skinny and actually has to count calories to make sure he doesn't lose weight.....doesn't make my life any easier)

This is how I am coping. It's so hard for me because food and I well we have a love hate relationship. Sometimes I find myself almost shoveling something into my mouth and not even knowing I'm doing it lol.

If you have a bad day go home and take a bubble bath, or maybe stop on the way home and pick out a new book. I hate buying clothes for myself right now but I love to shop and really anything that involves spending money makes me happy. But lots of people cope by working out and hitting the gym. Taking a walk, listening to music, scrapbooking and crafty stuff too.

[Sassygirl06 962]

my new thing is shopping and exercising.

[Kris 78]

I don't know if this will be a comfort to you or scare you, but I am nearly 9 months out from surgery and am STILL learning how to cope with emotional eating issues!

My first 6 months post-op were a breeze, and I got overly confident that I could eat whatever I wanted and still lose weight, but the last two months have been pretty tough because bad habits have started to get a toehold again. Specifically, I've been grazing again at work ... it is how I dealt with the stress of the job for 10+ years and it is a HARD habit to break.

Recently I have been doing something that works pretty well, and that is to just ask myself, when I am getting ready to reach for the pretzel crisps or rice chips or whatever, "Kris, are you really hungry or do you just WANT to eat?" 9 times out of 10 it's not hunger, it's just stress. But asking myself the question really does stop me cold and my snacking has dropped dramatically (hopefully the scale will show me something good at my next weekly weigh-in!). The other thing I've started doing is getting up from my desk and walking down the hall or going to see someone in the office; that seems to break the pattern too. So, that is so far turning out to be a decent coping mechanism for me -- to just do things to interrupt the pattern to reach for the crunchy, salty Snacks mid-morning or mid-afternoon when something is stressing me out (and there is *always* something stressing me out at work!)

I have a feeling that I will be dealing with emotional eating issues the rest of my life, and probably having to try new coping mechanisms all the time just to keep the bad habits under control (or banish them completely, which would be very cool).

I also exercise most days of the week and I can definitely say that there have been many times when I was reaching for a snack and thought, "Did you REALLY spend an hour this morning busting your butt doing intervals just to undo it with that snack?" So, exercise has been a good coping mechanism for me too. Just realizing how hard I work to burn calories, and the momentary pleasure of a snack would undo some or all of that work ... nope, not going to happen!

I hope lots of other people post here because I always love to learn new strategies for coping!

[christin 54]

just do things to interrupt the pattern to reach for the crunchy, salty Snacks mid-morning or mid-afternoon when something is stressing me out (and there is *always* something stressing me out at work!)

This is very true. Still pre-op, but total emotional eater here. I have a similar tactic to the above that seems to work with me. I tell myself that I can have that ice cream in "10 more minutes". Usually if I give it another 10 minutes, organize a drawer, make a phone call, etc. the urge will pass. I read somewhere that we literally have to create new neural pathways in our brain to break addictions. So every time you react differently to the urge to eat, you begin to build new pathways.

Also... on the weekends when I am not working, I try to take a quick afternoon nap right about the time I start craving all kinds of food. I never wake up with the cravings and I am always happy if I resisted the urge.

[Tiffykins 672]

I agree that it's no easy task, and coping skills are definitely learned behaviors. I was a self-medicator, and food was not my drug of choice. BUT, I can totally relate to the thought process of "do real people have true coping skills?" I thought it was impossible to find normalcy without drugs, sex, alcohol, partying, socializing etc etc. But, after I lost my weight, I really had to fight the urges of old habits creeping in.

For me, I'm an obsessive, Type A personality. I mean seriously, my pantry is labeled and alphabetized with pretty little scrapbook cards, my closet is organized by sleeve length, size and type of clothing. There are other areas of my life that are total clusters and I keep them that way to feel "normal". Anyways, the one thing I did was really throw myself into research, feeding my body properly, and getting on the right path with my head and body. I knew that I had to change some behaviors with food like late night eating, and looking for that stuffed, Thanksgiving day full feeling. I had to occupy my mind with other things. I wrote a journal, not a blog online, a paper journal to express my feelings, and thoughts and mainly frustrations. It was venting of sorts, but it was just for me. I did become obsessed with the scale, I shopped until my little heart was content, I shopped so much that I hated trying on clothes, and even now, shopping for clothes has lost most of it's appeal because I got to a size 0 at the Gap, what else is there achieve???

Some find great comfort in support groups, and counseling sessions to where they can work out their issues with others in the same situation. Some throw themselves in exercising and working out, I wanted this to be me, I wanted to fall in love with working out, but alas, exercising is just like scrubbing toilets.

For me, I had identify and really isolate those issues that caused me to turn to other venues to make me happy, or feel content and not stressed. I had to really find that other things in my life gave me joy. It's a tough road to travel, but it is possible. One of my most helpful outlets is volunteering. I became a stay at home mom/wife after my revision/complications/extensive recovery, and all of a sudden I was at home alone, bored, sad, and didn't have any friends. Seriously, no one local to hang out with, or even call a friend. I joined the base spouses' club, started bowling on a league, started volunteering on base, and with various organizations just a couple hours a week. I found great joy in giving to others, and finding a world existed outside of myself.