Advice for Family Members

[illgeturhairdid 176]

I am very close with my parents and my sisters and am planning to rely heavily on their support through this whole process. My sisters are excited for me and one even a bit envious, as she has no insurance at all.

My parents have mixed feelings. They are encouraging me to become healthy and want to see me happy. However, my mother is concerned about the surgery. My mother is one of those people you see on television that are so big they do not leave the house. It is very hard when speaking with her about my VSG decision to keep from saying "Part of why I'm doing this is because I'm petrified of becoming you!"

What advice have you guys found to be helpful to family members of someone doing VSG? I'm so happy and excited and educating myself on this topic and process and I would really like for them to be more involved with the process. Are there any books geared more towards the families of WLS patients?

[swizzly 901]

Most of my family are thin or normal, and though I had no reason to think they wouldn't be supportive, I didn't tell any of them prior to my surgery. I understand your reasoning for doing so, and especially if they will be helping and supportive of you. Even if they are afraid on your behalf or have their own feelings about it, if they are ultimately supportive and helpful, that is what most matters IMO.

I do feel you are in a very difficult situation that's not going to get any easier for you. That is the one with your mom. After you have the surgery and see how much better and more healthy you feel, you will want even more to have your mom get healthier too. Would she ever consider doing a surgery (probably more like a DS in her case, VSG might not be enough)? It's got to be hard to watch her be unhealthy and house-bound like that.

Anyhow, wish you all the best!

[illgeturhairdid 176]

It is very hard to see this happening with my mother. I did ask my surgeon and right now his opinion is she is too heavy to safely operate on, she would need to loose a lot of weight prior to him being comfortable operating on her. Not to say that another doctor wouldn't but I only had him to ask.

I didn't mean to suggest that my family isn't or won't be supportive. I know they will be 100%, I guess I was more asking how to help them support me through this time from those who have been there done that.

Good luck to you!

[SouthernSleever 236]

You tube videos! They are the bomb in making family members feel more comfortable!

[Driver Deb 10]

I took my mom to most of my appointments and classes. She was scared at first but soon became my main support person. Youtube videos are very informative too if you can't get your mom to attend visits with you.

[kemo46 82]

I think the best way is to get them on the forums and get them involved. Let them ask questions and get their concerns satisfied. There are many of us that have blogs that document our experience through the process( mine is below in my signature), I feel this helps family and friends understand the whole process. It is nice that you will have the support and the education of the process will help them even more. Good luck.

[Beth323 13]

Have you explained the surgery? How different it is laproscopic vs opening you up? That the risks are lower than having a baby? The long term side effects are pretty much nonexistent after 4 weeks and your healed? That's when the chance of a leak has diminished? That you run a greater chance of medical disasters if you DON'T do it? The risk of cancer is higher in the obese, Heart attack, diabetes, loss of mobility Joint problems? I work in a extended care nursing facility. The younger residents (60-80ish) most are grossly overweight with multiple problems that they can no longer care for themselves, These are also the residents who can't go on outings most cannot participate in activities because of their limitations The (80ish to 100+) are your skinny minnies. Look out do not get in their way, They go on the outings, daily activities etc!

Have you told your Mom you love her dearly and see how she struggles on a daily basis and is missing out on so much in life, That you want to take this step so you can be there for all the moments in life, Weddings, Graduations, Christmas's, Travel vacation's.? Good luck to you. If you cannot get your Mom on board focus your energy with those that are supporting you. Your Mom will come around when she sees you successes

[TijuanaPlication 87]

Wow! That's a particularly good insight... I, like most of us, often forget to look that far into the future!

I work in a extended care nursing facility. The younger residents (60-80ish) most are grossly overweight with multiple problems that they can no longer care for themselves, These are also the residents who can't go on outings most cannot participate in activities because of their limitations The (80ish to 100+) are your skinny minnies. Look out do not get in their way, They go on the outings, daily activities etc!

[illgeturhairdid 176]

I think the best way is to get them on the forums and get them involved. Let them ask questions and get their concerns satisfied. There are many of us that have blogs that document our experience through the process( mine is below in my signature), I feel this helps family and friends understand the whole process. It is nice that you will have the support and the education of the process will help them even more. Good luck.

Thank you for sharing your blog. I greatly enjoyed it and it has inspired me to start my own. Thank you!

[Ellie4me 1]

I understand your concerns about your mom. My whole family is overweight. I don't remember a time that my mom was a "normal" size. I've seen how it has affected her health.....lots & lots of issues and I don't want it to happen to me. My grandmother is 92 yrs old, average size and in great health, she actually takes care of my mom instead of the other way around. My mom took care of everyone but herself and sadly a few months ago she was diagnosed with lung cancer. This has been a huge motivation for me to get WLS. I've watch her be trapped by her weight and health issues from it and I don't want that for me and for my daughter to watch.

But I haven't told her or any family members. I don't want to worry my mom. I am so thankful for these forums for supports