I need an excuse but not a lie

[CoffeeBean 4]

I currently walk three days a week (2.7 miles) with a friend. We almost NEVER miss our morning walk. My surgery is Thursday in TJ and it's a SECRET from everyone except my sis, husband and parents. She thinks my sis and I are having a girls weekend in San Diego. She will want to walk Wed morning at our usual brisk pace and I doubt if I'll be up to it.

I adore my friend and we're pretty close. How can I tell her I'm not up to walking briskly without lying.

[Foxbins 625]

"I'm not feeling well today." Haven't you ever missed a day before?

[itscometothis 12]

I had/have the same problem as you. If you aren't going to tell certain people you are sort of in a position that makes it hard not to lie. When people ask me for dinner I say I'm not feeling well, another time. At the end of the day you don't have to tell people you aren't comfortable to, but you do have to fib a bit. It just comes with the secrecy. How about a broken toe? lol

Good luck

I currently walk three days a week (2.7 miles) with a friend. We almost NEVER miss our morning walk. My surgery is Thursday in TJ and it's a SECRET from everyone except my sis, husband and parents. She thinks my sis and I are having a girls weekend in San Diego. She will want to walk Wed morning at our usual brisk pace and I doubt if I'll be up to it.

I adore my friend and we're pretty close. How can I tell her I'm not up to walking briskly without lying.

[yikeit 1]

Why is it such a big secret , and if you love your friend, why not try the honest approach , that usually works best............but like you said its your business, some people are just closer to their friends than others i guess.......

[iegal 460]

Definately understand about not being right there in your face about surgery so soon, but I do encourage you to eventually share with your friend about VSG if you are with her often.

So an excuse but not a lie. Hmmm. How about ... would love to walk with you this weekend but I am unable to walk at our normal pace. How about a short juant and then come back to my place for a some tea/water so we can catch up?

Good luck and congrats!

[treequeen 13]

I'd think that saying your stomach is aching or feeling sick wouldn't be a lie. Don't know where u live but maybe you can throw in jet lag

[longer-life 139]

Seems you already lied about the San Diego trip(by omission). When she notices you are losing weight faster than ever before, I suspect she will consider this "excuse" yet another lie. Since you adore her and see her daily, you might want to reconsider your decision of keeping it from her.

If you think she will freak out that it's in TJ, perhaps you can tell her as soon as you come back, so you don't have to be coming up with lies. Just my opinion. :-)

[itscometothis 12]

I don't think anyone should have to feel like they have to tell others. I also don't think it's lying when you want it to be personal. Some people are open and share with the world.. I respect that... for me it is private.. others should respect that as well. I hope you don't worry too much to the point that you feel forced to tell people that you are not ready to.

[AutumnLily 77]

Just say you are not up to going for a walk for a couple of days. No lie in that and I agree with itscometothis you should not feel pressured to have to share this surgery with anyone that you do not want to.

I have kept mine secret with the exception of my immediate family. For me this is how it has to be. For others they may want to shout from the roof tops and I applaude them that the life they have allows for the openness. You are no less of a friend if you do not want to share anything personal. I am sure she has some secret she has never told you.

[longer-life 139]

I don't think anyone should have to feel like they have to tell others. I also don't think it's lying when you want it to be personal. Some people are open and share with the world.. I respect that... for me it is private.. others should respect that as well. I hope you don't worry too much to the point that you feel forced to tell people that you are not ready to.

Since this is a website about a serious surgery, I certainly hope everyone is mature enough to not "feel forced" by strangers on a public forum. The original poster is not being disrespected. She posted and is receiving responses. I am sure in the end she will do what feels right to her.

[CoffeeBean 4]

Thanks for all your posts. If I feel bad I will just say "I don't feel well. I'm having stomach issues" which will be true. I'll just have to see how I feel post-op.

[PeteO 3]

Why be worried about lying about the excuse for not walking if you have already lied about why you are going to be out of town. You are building a house of cards on your friendship, that will end up hurting you both in the long run ... if in fact you truly are "pretty close" friends.

I am not trying to be disrespectful or question your desire to maintain secrecy ... call it tough love.

[peacequeen 434]

I'd like to keep it secret from some people. I have some very good friends and great family who support me in everything but they may not with this surgery due to worry or maybe even a little jealousy. If I tell certain ones, they will more than likely try to talk me out of it or say something that will hurt my feelings so I just spare myself the trouble. My husband, daughter, son and 2 great friends are the only ones that know what I'm up to...and I have 6 sisters and a brother. I would just tell my friend I'm not feeling well which would probably be true.

[Dadams2102008 0]

_{stomach flu ....lol}

[itscometothis 12]

Ya.. what Dadams said..lol