A little disappointed with myself...

[Amanda131 214]

I have started training for a half-marathon and am doing so with a running group. I actually wanted to do this last year and joined the group only to realize I was too fat to run. I worked out with the walking group for a while before I realized I was too heavy to even do that. Fast forward 12 months and I am now there again almost 80 pounds lighter and running 5 miles. Big victory, right?

Today, I saw some of the women I used to walk with. Of course they asked how much weight I had lost and then the inevitable, "How'd you do it?" I hmmed and hawed for a moment before just saying I had wls. I have a huge issue with needing to be honest so I rarely conceal surgery when others ask. (I'm not saying concealing is wrong, it just doesn't work for me.) Anyway, once I said wls I saw the curl of one of the women's lip... you know the one. The one that says, "Oh, you cheated." And, it's fine that she feels that way. What wasn't okay was that I felt that she was kind of right. In that moment, I felt like I kind of cheated, too.

And, that just pisses me off. I know how badly I needed this and how hard I've worked for my success. I can't believe my head/heart would betray me like that. I don't know if I am making any sense, but it was really disheartening to have my own head de-valuing all of the hard work I have done. Moral of the story: Stay tuned into yourself and don't let yourself provide any of the negative talk. There are plenty of others willing to do that for us.

Thanks for listening/reading.

Amanda

[MINI-Me 196]

If it's cheating to finally win the battle over obesity, then tattoo it on my forehead. This is still work, but I can finally maintain - what a gift!!!!

[marymoon 18]

It's not considered cheating when people get a kidney or heart transplant or take insulin for diabetes. Why should WLS be any different? I know how you feel because I'm very upfront with my surgery and when I see someone making that face I usually stop them in their tracks with 'I'm sure you think I'm cheating and maybe I am but at least I'm no longer obese & unhealthy and managing my weight is no longer a struggle. I look good, I feel good & I'm going to live a longer & healthier life on my terms and I don't give a damn what anyone thinks.' And honestly, I don't give a damn what people think - most of them are just jealous anyway!

I've lost 62lbs since surgery in April and 87lbs from my highest weight so I get comments about my loss all the time. I volunteer at my kids' school and there are a few heavy/obese teachers and a couple of otter staff members who wont speak to me since school started a couple of weeks ago but I consider that their loss if they want to wallow in their own misery & unhappiness.

[Amanda131 214]

When consciously thinking, I am so with you girls. What has me upset is that my subconscious (or maybe unconscious?) self- the one that reacts without thinking- agreed with that woman. As soon as my conscious-self registered what I was thinking, I was appalled. That is really what has me all twisted up. I could care less what other people think- I can't change them and don't want to waste the energy trying. What bothers me was my initial response.

[FishingNurse 1,211]

you are training for a half marathon! enough said!!!!

[Bebes 0]

I haven't had my surgery as of yet (shooting for late Sept). I actually thought that of myself, I'm cheating by having this surgery done. However I have changed my mind on this, thanks to my husband (thin and can eat anything). He said, if an alcoholic or a drug addict goes to rehab, away from their addictions no one would dare say they were cheating. That "intervention" saved their life. How is WLS any different? Some of us have real addictions to food that are slowly killing us. We all are doing what is right for US not them. This isn't a walk in the park, this is still very difficult process to go through. You did all the hard work yourself, i.e. eating healthier and exercising. People will find something wrong with our choices no matter what. Give yourself the credit that you deserve and NEVER let anyone down play your success!

[lsereno 2,525]

I feel your pain. I'm very honest about my surgery too. And I've seen the look. And, to be honest with myself and others, I struggle with the fact that I could not control my eating. I am still working on accepting that. food was an uncontrollable addiction for me. As a society, I think we have a hard time understanding addiction. The drug addict, the smoker, the compulsive gambler - all related to me: the eater. And people assume addiction equals weakness.

One of my friends who doesn't have any of the traditional addictive behaviors was horrified that another friend of ours continues to smoke after a cancer diagnosis. I'm not surprised though, and I tried to help her understand why our friend might find it even harder to quit smoking now.

I am grateful there is a surgical option to help me control my weight. I wish there was a similar option for the other addictions that people suffer with.

I ignore that look when I see it in someone's eyes, unless I care about then. I feel it is not worth my time or effort to enlighten them. They have to live with their stifled view of life and their hardhearted approach to others. I simply move on and do the best I can for myself. I know why I chose to have this surgery. It offers the best odds for beating obesity. And it's not a guarantee. For people I love who have issues, I do spend the time trying to help them understand. Just like I spent time helping my friend understand why our mutual friend can't quit smoking.

Lynda

[marymoon 18]

When consciously thinking, I am so with you girls. What has me upset is that my subconscious (or maybe unconscious?) self- the one that reacts without thinking- agreed with that woman. As soon as my conscious-self registered what I was thinking, I was appalled. That is really what has me all twisted up. I could care less what other people think- I can't change them and don't want to waste the energy trying. What bothers me was my initial response.

We are cheating nature in that we had our bodies surgically altered so we would be less hungry and get full much quicker than others. I'm extremely sensitive to it when I'm out eating with my friends. I get full on so little & they either pig out & feel guilty for gorging or they eat very little (to compete with me maybe?) and complain about how hungry they still are. The sleeve makes controlling what I put in my mouth so easy and I do have an advantage over people. But honestly, i'm perfectly fine with that. I tried losing weight the 'old fashioned way' and failed to keep it off. I also paid a lot of money for my sleeve and had to meet certain criteria to even qualify for surgery so I feel I earned my cheat. I remember the uncontrollable hunger & cravings I had pre-sleeve and don't feel guilty for doing what needed to be done to be free and neither should you. ((hugs))

[LiLi 4]

The only thing you cheated was an early death! You go girl! Congratulations on your progress -- you're already a winner!

[Indymom 132]

Yup, what everyone else said. People who don't have food issues can't comprehend that food addiction is as "real" and consuming as alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling issues, etc. My BFFs at work are all skinny-minnies (with the exception of 1) and they were all completely worked up about me having this surgery. They didn't understand that the risks I was taking with my obese body were likely higher than the risks involved with the surgery itself.

Keep it up with the training! I've got a stretch goal to train for our local mini-marathon too . . . I don't think I'll be ready by next May but for sure the May after that!

[longer-life 139]

Someone on this forum said something like "so what if I took the easy way out? I tried the hard way and it didn't work". I wish I knew who it was to give her credit. I thought it was brilliant. Something to think about if your subconscious betrays you again.

Also, stop hemming & hawing!

[grannyk 58]

the inevitable, "How'd you do it?" I hmmed and hawed for a moment before just saying I had wls. I have a huge issue with needing to be honest so I rarely conceal surgery when others ask. (I'm not saying concealing is wrong, it just doesn't work for me.) Anyway, once I said wls I saw the curl of one of the women's lip... you know the one. The one that says, "Oh, you cheated."

Amanda

Not everyone asks how I have lost 86 pounds, but when they do, i hesitate slightly and then say "I went to Mexico and had my stomach cut out." The shock usually wipes away any smirks, and the most common response is "You WHAT!!!???" Kind of gives me the upper hand. It they have the cahones to ask, I'll give them an answer (hehe) Kathe

[Sassygirl06 962]

i dont tell anyone about the surgery. so far all the weight i have lost except for ten pounds has been before my surgery. however when they do ask im gonna tell my truth, i worked hard, exercized and i ate right. all of which are true. about the surgery and being 'honest' about it. there is a reason there are so many hippa laws out there now. because it aint nobodys busness but your own.

as for food being an addiction-that is sooooo true. i believe it is the hardest addiction to beat. the reason being is that we are all hard wired to eat as much as possible to stay alive. it is in our dna. the problem with that is now food is so available to us that we eat ourselves fat. the reason i think that it is the hardest addiction to beat is because when a drug addict or an alcoholic, or smoker, or any other addict is quiting they are supposed to totally avoid anything to do with the drug that they are addicted to. with a food addict they cant do that. you have to eat to survive. period. so how is one supposed to kick a habit that they have to go back to every day other wise they die. this surgery is not a 'cheat' it is like our rehab. it is proven that all diets dont work, eventually the person who succeeded in their diet will gain all of the weight back and then some, the reason...because they cant kick the habbit.

i really feel sorry for anyone that thinks this is the easy way out, because they are only fooling themselves. people that dont have a weight problem are the lucky ones, they have good genes, or they struggle everyday to not over eat, or they exersize so much that they can eat what ever they want. however for the ones that are fat and simply believe that they can do it on their own will eventually change their mind and have some kind of surgery, or they wont and they will struggle with their weight until the day they die, which will be sooner then it should, because they could have been like us cheaters and kicked the habbit....

i hope i didnt offend anyone, this is my opinion, which everyone is intitled to, and also as well, anyone is intitled to disagree with me if they wish

[swizzly 901]

Anyway, once I said wls I saw the curl of one of the women's lip... you know the one. The one that says, "Oh, you cheated." And, it's fine that she feels that way. What wasn't okay was that I felt that she was kind of right. In that moment, I felt like I kind of cheated, too.

And, that just pisses me off. I know how badly I needed this and how hard I've worked for my success. I can't believe my head/heart would betray me like that. I don't know if I am making any sense, but it was really disheartening to have my own head de-valuing all of the hard work I have done.

I totally understand what you're saying. I've been shocked to have this reaction myself a couple of times just very recently. I absolutely don't think I've cheated, but there is some weird tinge of...conscience?? that makes me just go, wth?! I didn't see it coming and I don't agree with it on a conscious level. So I'll have to sort this one out, too. If you figure something out, let me know.

[kemo46 82]

I have started training for a half-marathon and am doing so with a running group. I actually wanted to do this last year and joined the group only to realize I was too fat to run. I worked out with the walking group for a while before I realized I was too heavy to even do that. Fast forward 12 months and I am now there again almost 80 pounds lighter and running 5 miles. Big victory, right?

Today, I saw some of the women I used to walk with. Of course they asked how much weight I had lost and then the inevitable, "How'd you do it?" I hmmed and hawed for a moment before just saying I had wls. I have a huge issue with needing to be honest so I rarely conceal surgery when others ask. (I'm not saying concealing is wrong, it just doesn't work for me.) Anyway, once I said wls I saw the curl of one of the women's lip... you know the one. The one that says, "Oh, you cheated." And, it's fine that she feels that way. What wasn't okay was that I felt that she was kind of right. In that moment, I felt like I kind of cheated, too.

And, that just pisses me off. I know how badly I needed this and how hard I've worked for my success. I can't believe my head/heart would betray me like that. I don't know if I am making any sense, but it was really disheartening to have my own head de-valuing all of the hard work I have done. Moral of the story: Stay tuned into yourself and don't let yourself provide any of the negative talk. There are plenty of others willing to do that for us.

Thanks for listening/reading.

Amanda

Good for you, you are doing great. People who have not gone through it do not understand, this is only a tool, it is not an easy way out. If we do not have discipline, it will not work. The restriction alone will not help long term, we have to change our eating habits, not just the portion size. You know how hard you have worked and what it takes to make this a success, it is anything but an easy way out.