Wannabe LAP Bander---HELP!

Charlif761 · July 10, 2006

:help: Hello everyone.... I have been looking at options to help me regain my former self (the smaller version).

I struggled with weight as a kid, always being a little chunky.... lost a load of weight in 6th grade, earning myself the nickname of "Slim", which my old gym coach, now a friend, still calls me...Only, now it doesn't fit! I stayed thin throughout highschool and college, was in pagenats, homecoming, etc. Was the girl people wanted to look like (although I ALWAYS felt fat). Gained weight my last year in college, which kept coming, then lost 60 pounds a year later. From age 22-27, I was a size 10 and was VERY fit. Then, the weight started creeping up.

When my mom died (I was 30), I started packing on the weight and haven't stopped. At 33, I married my husband. I believe he was "lured" in by my formerly thin self, and believed I would easily change the "packaging". In four years, it hasn't happened (during that time, I have become estranged from the rest of my family, moved to Europe, gotten married, had a miscarriage etc.). The tension between my husband and I has grown to the point that I see (real or imagined) disgust in his eyes every time he looks at me. Our relationship has nearly gone down the tubes as he has continually harrassed me about my weight, need to work out etc.

I finally decided (FOR ME) to look at the surgical option. I am not wild about having my body permanently altered, which is why this looks like a great option for me. I mentioned it to my husband, and he immediately got pissed and started telling me I "only" needed to start working out!!!!!!! Guys, I have hit 260 poundes, to my SHOCK AND HORROR! I "just" need to work out? My dad and grandad both have/had type two diabetes, requiring insulin. My mom died of congestive heart failure at 61, as did her father at 52. I can barely walk up a flight of steps anymore without feeling like I will pass out. Why can my husband not see where I am with this? Has anyone else had this??? Now, I am not only terrified of the surgery, I am terrified of the failure...and in a way, afraid that if I DON'T fail, I may not WANT to save this marriage. I love my husband, and he really is a decent guy, but I think if he cannot see beyond the fat, to the person I am, maybe he doesn't deserve me once I am thin? I don't want to go into this without some support...Anyone out there with some experience...advice??

monk · July 11, 2006

Hi there, I am not a shrink but I think you need to talk to someone outside your marriage to get a bit of support and prospective.Your husband sounds like a bit of a bully and sometimes this kind of treatment backfires and creates an atmosphere where you may eat to gather back some kind of control in your life. We use food to comfort ourselves. Most eating disorders have underlying issues,constant harrassment by your husband may be one of them.How long have you thought about surgery? Don't jump into it because you feel it will save your marriage. This is about YOU, not him.See if there are any groups in your area you can talk to other people with a weight problem and get some support. Keep your options open and keep learning about all of them.I am going in this Thursday for my surgery. I am doing it for ME. I am a very lucky woman with a loving supportive husband who still calls me his little girl and I'll be 50 in September. I would not be going through with it I was "terrified".My doctor is also very supportive of my decision, even with going to Mexico. He feels it will be a blessing for my health. Talk to yours, see what she/he says. Best of luck, let us all know how you are doing. Monk

juliegeraci · July 11, 2006

I had the same situation. I had a friend/mentor who I spoke to about the weight all the time. He always said to me, "move your ass". That is only part of it. If you don't know how to eat or have trouble with dietary restriction the band will help. I exercise now and the weight is coming off slowly. It isn't just about exercise, you need food restriction. Good luck.

JMO · July 11, 2006

Girl

I am so glad you found this board. It is ((FULL)) of tons of people who can offer a lot of support. I know there are several women on here that did NOT have the support of there husband. From what you have said it sounds to me that you need to lose some extra weight.. Ummmm about 200 lbs of it. HIM! I am so sorry you are going through this right now. But like you said is he worth you when you are skinny. As much I think he is rude for treating you this way, it is par for a skinny person. They just don't understand. It is easy to say don't eat that, and just excercise. But, How many drug addicts do you know that would stay functional if they had to do a hit 3 times a day. Its a struggle everyday, and the band will help you through this. It won't do it all though. You will have to start excercising. You need to this FOR YOU! Its time to love you.... What ever you decide keep in touch.. and good luck

TexasTerry · July 11, 2006

Charlif - sorry your hubby is such an @$$. Sounds very self absorbed to me. I agree alot with what Monk said. Do your research and do this for yourself. My hubby is on board with this 'cause he loves me and wants what is best for me. He was nervous about it, but understood that as far as surgeries go, this one is relatively safe.

You have lots of support here (((hugs)))

Terry

Charlif761 · July 11, 2006

Hi Guys. You are really the best...I am such a believer in Synchronicity......A few months ago I was at home in the States with my best friend. Since my mom died, Dawn marie has been my mom, best friend and sister all rolled into one...... I mentioned that I really was concerned about my weight. Dawn has always been supportive and encouraged me to take care of myself in ANY way I neede. This time, she said, "You know, they have laproscopic surgery for weightloss now and there is minimal risk since you are so healthy." (She has worked in hospitals for more than 30 years) I thought it was really unusual that she mentioned this out of the clear blue, but took it as a sign that even SHE is worried for me..... Then, last week I had a dream about having gastric bypass...The next day, my next door neigbor mentioned that another neighbor had just gotten a LAP band...... I never knew it existed, but figured it was Gods way of telling me what I needed to do. Me, not being one to EVER ignore signs, immediately began researching. And, I was led here.

I don't think my husband means to be an A$$. I think he is like most skinny people who never have to struggle with weight. They do not get how hard it is to lose it, especially once you get to the point of no return, which is where I feel I am. I go to the gym sometimes, but always want to go really late. I am too damned embarrassed to have everyone see the fat girl working out. Stupid, I know, but I am sure many of you understand this all too well. I miss the old me...there is but a glimmer of my former self left. At 37, I still look 10 years younger, but if I keep this weight, I will recover that age difference QUICKLY...or die looking young! Who said you can't eat yourself to death?? :hungry:

Anyway, I am really greatful for you guys being here for me and each other. I am scared absolutely $hitle$$ about having surgery. I was even thinking about scarring till I realized that they cannot be worse than those stretch marks I am sure to have! Besides, if I stay this size, NOBODY will ever see my stomach....if I have scars and am skinny, I can still keep it covered with a tight sexy one piece! WOO HOO!!!

Big hugs to you all....

Char

travelgirl · July 13, 2006

I go to the gym sometimes, but always want to go really late. I am too damned embarrassed to have everyone see the fat girl working out. Stupid, I know, but I am sure many of you understand this all too well.

If you're serious about going to work out, that you want to, there are gyms for women only. The one I go to is a CURVES, and they've never made me feel like I shouldn't be there, or that they're staring at me, because that's just where I SHOULD be, and they're real women, just LIKE me. Women of all shapes, sizes, fitness level, and age go there. I could go on, but I won't, here's a link to their website: www.curves.com

By the way...I'm waiting for my consultation appointment, after contemplating this for over a year. Now that the wheels are in motion, I wish they'd turn faster!

mlt45 · July 13, 2006

Thankfully my husband is very supportive of the surgery. But as for the rest of the family.....well, I haven't told anyone I'm having it because they would doom me to fail with their words and attitudes. It was the same way whenever I tried dieting, there were always words of doubt and criticism instead of encouragement.

I have told one friend and even she is shying away from me at this point and requested that I not tell her anything more about the lapband. She recently lost 25 pounds and says I should be able to also without having "something put inside of me". Needless to say, we don't talk much anymore.

The weight loss physician I go to has a very large waiting area and most of the people that are there for gall bladder disease, etc. wait on one side, and those of us for weight loss surgery are on the other due to the doors we each go through when our names are called.

The last time I was there, a guy was there with his wife. He kept talking about everything under the sun, commenting on the news show on TV currently playing in the office. Finally he looks around and in a big voice asked his wife why all the "FAT" people were on one side of the room. His wife tried to SHHH him, but he asked again. She explained that we were there for surgery to lose weight. He began laughing and said, "HEY, I can save you all some money, just shut your mouths and move your bodies, then you will not have to have the surgery"...and began laughing.

One of the ladies I was sitting with went up to the front desk and asked to speak with the receptionist privately....after a few minutes, she came out and the husband and wife were called back for their appt. a little bit earlier. The receptionist slid open the window and apologized for the disturbance to all of us, but the anger, hurt, and embarrassment stayed with me all day, and still does whenever I think of it.

People should be more tolerant of others, but all we can do is stay strong with one another on this forum. I haven't posted much, I'm a newbie and still waiting for my surgery date, but I want to let everyone know how much your posts and encouragement means to someone like me. The only support system I have is my hubby, my physician, and now all of you. THANK YOU!!!:clap2:

Charlif761 · July 15, 2006

Hi there.....Man, what a hellish ecperience with that loud mouthed A$$ in your doctors office. However, there is some small comfort.....When you ar thin, he will still be an idiotic, tiny-brained, sinsensitive creep. And THAT, my friends, is for life! They say that Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone...He is a prime example.

Thanks for your support and storied guys.

TexasTerry · July 15, 2006

Charlif - I didn't mean to offend you with my comment about your hubby. I apologize.

MLT45 - Wow, there is still a lot of ignorance in this country. Now that man is an @$$ !!!!!!!

Terry :eek:

Charlif761 · July 15, 2006

TEXASTERRY...No need to ever say you're sorry. He WAS being a grade A A$$!~ lol But, he is coming around now...... I am greatful for all the support and in every form...Just so you guys know, I am living in EUrope, just outside Amsterdam, so I am not privleged enough to have access to a lot of the lovely things I wish I had while in the US..... And, did you know that the Dutch are statistically the tallest people on the planet.....which also means they are almost ALL skinny! I hate this country.... :eek: