When your friends bail on you, what then?

[Karen S 0]

Ok, this is my first blog on the site, and it may be a bit negative, but it is a subject taht breaks my heart, and I can't really share it with my family, so here i go....

I have had a best friend since 1991 almost 20 years now. We were like sisters, and pretty much the typical joined at teh hip and shared a brain kind of thing. Every now and then, we butted heads, but she had such a strong personality,and i just caved a lot. We lost touch after my son was born in 2000 for very dramatic and personal reasons. I thought we would never speak again, but in 2007 we picked back up where we left off like nothing ever happened.

Now, since 2007, she has ditched me for one dumb reason or another 6 times, each time like for at least a month or three. But whenever something devistating in her life came about, she'd call me, and like the succer i am, i'd fall back into the same routine, we'd be cool for six months, she'd get mad or jealous, and bail on me again.

This January was the last time i had visited (we are both legally blind so our "visits" have to be two or 3 day trips) and all was cool. I had told her I was thinking about the sleeve surgery and she pretty much was poopy face the whole weekend with me. So I came home,a nd went to the free seminar. A few days later I told her I was approved for the surgery and was going ahead with it. She got livid, via text, she called me things and accused me of things i never thought she'd ever say to her best friend. She said I wasn't "allowed" to have that surgery because we were going to try and lose weight together. I explained about my knee problems and the doc threatening replacement on both knees if I didn't lose weight fast. She accused me of lying, although she was there (well not in flesh but you know) through all 6 knee surgeries. Then she hit me with, "I'll just say we grew apart bye". I was so pissed off, sad, devistated, angry, every negative emotion you can think of, I was.

My husband, mom in law, everyone said i was better off because they saw it all before every time she ditched me, but pretty much forbid me to get in any contact with her for this one. I agreed.

Then not even days after that, she started posting negative smart butt comments of Facebook, like I don't see why people have to get their gurs cut open for someting they can do themselves. And she got a treadmill and a bike and was doing the diet and doing it the her way....the right way. And lots of other nasty snide comments pretty much telling me i was taking the easy way out. I ignored it, had my surgery and the day i came home, it was food comments..oh i saw a piece of pizza in the fridge and I ate it, or im in the kitchen making fudge.

Now, six months since she bailed on me yet again, it still hurts, but she really doesn't seem to give a damn. The sad thing is, even her boyfriend warned me that she'd treat me terrible too, I didn't believe it, but hey, boy was I wrong.

The one person I was counting on to be my biggest support system is nothing but a jealous vindictive hateful person who boasts that she always gets her way. Well if her way is to have me out of her life as much as it kills me, she succeeded.

I still hope she is doing ok, and her kids are ok. But now I hear she has no one. I hope she enjoys her life alone. And maybe one day, I will be able to trust people enough to make real friends again. But for now, I can't open up that much.

[ATLGirl 134]

First hugs to you. I know it may hurt to lose someone close to you, but truth be told she doesn't seem like she was a best friend anyway. My friends have been very supportive. They didn;t agree with my decision at first, esp Mexico, but they understand that I had my reasons. Now they are stoked to think about us shopping together and how happy I am. Time heals all wounds. This too will past. Hope you feel better.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

Hi Karen,

I had a "best friend" like this for many years. We met when we were 7 years old, and we would remain friends or BFF's as long it would suit her needs. I was never allowed to have any other good friends or hang out with anyone except her or she would give me heck for it. She was always jealous of me, where guys are concerned and me being very flirty type, pretty, popular... all that. As I think about it now, I was everything she ever wanted to be and knowing this she tried to keep me locked away so she could shine. She would even go so far as to start terrible rumors about me so no one would like me. It didn't work of course...

We also had this very strange competitiveness thing too. More like she would always compete with me, especially when it came to weight loss. I started losing weight when we were younger so she had to as well. We both got extremely thin!!

We also went on a hiatus for nearly 7 years until about a few years ago. I had to cut my ties with her because she was just too much for me I'd learned. Well I'd wanted to see how she was doing hoping she'd changed, especially knowing she was a mother now. I was hoping that would have matured her some. We were good for a few months but much of the old weirdness she showed when we were younger started coming out again. It was then I'd decided it was time to cut her loose and for good this time. I still have not spoken with her and it's been nearly 2 years now. I don't regret this one bit and I never will. I don't need people like that in my life!!! To be honest I don't even miss her. How could I?? All she did was make me miserable.

Anyway the reason I'm telling you this is because this type of scenario is all too common. It just comes down you... do you deserve to be treated like this? If you answered no, then it's best you not keep her in your life. She really sounds like an albatross, and with WLS you need to stay as far away from these types of situations as best you can. If you answered yes, then I feel for you because that cannot be further from the truth.

Hugs!!!

[KellyL 173]

I know it's hard, but you have to let them go. Sometimes this is necessary with toxic relationships. I have had to do this with people too. I say people cuz I can't even call them friends. Not true friends. If a person isn't happy for you when you take steps to become healthier they are not a friend. And you've given her plenty of time over the yrs, and chances, to be different and be a good friend. She has failed over and over. I do believe in forgiving people, but if you are constantly forgiving or overlooking a persons behavior but they do nothing to change them, or continue to be self centered and try to hold you back or are jealous and not happy when good things happen for you, then it's emtotionally harmful to you. That's not a good support system for you.

I would say definitely be cautious in calling people a true friend, but try not to shut yourself off completely. We all need friends. We just have to make sure they have our best interest at heart.

[Rev Me Up! 75]

I had a very good friend that I had to cut out of my life shortly after I got maried (about 9 years ago). She was toxic and I had such a hard time after I got married, I just couldn't have someone in my life who was not really supportive. At this point, many years have gone by and I miss the friendship. HOwever, I always remember the things she did that were downright nasty to me. I don't need that in my life. I have a child now - I don't need any other complications or negative energy in my world.

So, it sucks to lose a friend, but sometimes you are truly better off without them.

[sarsar 824]

First of all, I am sorry. I know you are hurting. Looking at it from the outside it is obvious she was never a true friend to begin with. You don't need this in your life. You are on a positive track right now and you don't need negativity. I have read of others on here who have had to let "friendships" go after surgery. Not everyone will be supportive, it is sad but it is life. You will meet more friends in the future. Only allow the ones in who are really friends. Don't give up on friendship. There are many good, loving people out there who will love you for who you are. I promise. True friends will support you no matter what is going on. Hugs to you!

[thinoneday 445]

Ok, this is my first blog on the site, and it may be a bit negative, but it is a subject taht breaks my heart, and I can't really share it with my family, so here i go....

I have had a best friend since 1991 almost 20 years now. We were like sisters, and pretty much the typical joined at teh hip and shared a brain kind of thing. Every now and then, we butted heads, but she had such a strong personality,and i just caved a lot. We lost touch after my son was born in 2000 for very dramatic and personal reasons. I thought we would never speak again, but in 2007 we picked back up where we left off like nothing ever happened.

Now, since 2007, she has ditched me for one dumb reason or another 6 times, each time like for at least a month or three. But whenever something devistating in her life came about, she'd call me, and like the succer i am, i'd fall back into the same routine, we'd be cool for six months, she'd get mad or jealous, and bail on me again.

This January was the last time i had visited (we are both legally blind so our "visits" have to be two or 3 day trips) and all was cool. I had told her I was thinking about the sleeve surgery and she pretty much was poopy face the whole weekend with me. So I came home,a nd went to the free seminar. A few days later I told her I was approved for the surgery and was going ahead with it. She got livid, via text, she called me things and accused me of things i never thought she'd ever say to her best friend. She said I wasn't "allowed" to have that surgery because we were going to try and lose weight together. I explained about my knee problems and the doc threatening replacement on both knees if I didn't lose weight fast. She accused me of lying, although she was there (well not in flesh but you know) through all 6 knee surgeries. Then she hit me with, "I'll just say we grew apart bye". I was so pissed off, sad, devistated, angry, every negative emotion you can think of, I was.

My husband, mom in law, everyone said i was better off because they saw it all before every time she ditched me, but pretty much forbid me to get in any contact with her for this one. I agreed.

Then not even days after that, she started posting negative smart butt comments of Facebook, like I don't see why people have to get their gurs cut open for someting they can do themselves. And she got a treadmill and a bike and was doing the diet and doing it the her way....the right way. And lots of other nasty snide comments pretty much telling me i was taking the easy way out. I ignored it, had my surgery and the day i came home, it was food comments..oh i saw a piece of pizza in the fridge and I ate it, or im in the kitchen making fudge.

Now, six months since she bailed on me yet again, it still hurts, but she really doesn't seem to give a damn. The sad thing is, even her boyfriend warned me that she'd treat me terrible too, I didn't believe it, but hey, boy was I wrong.

The one person I was counting on to be my biggest support system is nothing but a jealous vindictive hateful person who boasts that she always gets her way. Well if her way is to have me out of her life as much as it kills me, she succeeded.

I still hope she is doing ok, and her kids are ok. But now I hear she has no one. I hope she enjoys her life alone. And maybe one day, I will be able to trust people enough to make real friends again. But for now, I can't open up that much.

Wow that is terrible. Like the previous emails, hugs to you. . .I'm sorry that happened to you as well. . .but you know what (and I know this will probably go all over everyone else, but whatever) I have taught my kids and I myself know that there really isn't such a thing as best friends. . . there are aquaintances but that is it. . . my dad taught me as i taught the kids and as i"ll tell you. . . . " In this world friends have many, but beware, when your friends become your foe, out to the world your secrets go". . . .he taught me many things about people and how hateful and spiteful they can be, and how to be cautious about how you handle them . . this person was definately NOT your friend. . . apparently she used you as her own crutch for some odd reason. . and now that you want to improve on yourself she became more spiteful and vandictive then before . . I wouldn't even worry about her and her well being. . . you sound like a nice person with a good caring heart, but with the surgery and all you will have other things to concentrate yourself on, I'm glad she can do it the "right" way. . . I'm glad you did the proper way! Good luck and sorry if i offended anyone but that is me. . .

[Papa Jack 86]

You were in abusive relationship with your friend not much different than a married couple. Some people are poison. Stay away from them! Take care of yourself. Because you are getting better, she see's she can't control you any longer. You are a threat to her!

You have to take care of your self first. No one else will. Fix Facebook so you don't have to see her comments. When you are moving on to better people & things she will still be a bitter person.

Bless you.

Papa Jack

Ok, this is my first blog on the site, and it may be a bit negative, but it is a subject taht breaks my heart, and I can't really share it with my family, so here i go....

I have had a best friend since 1991 almost 20 years now. We were like sisters, and pretty much the typical joined at teh hip and shared a brain kind of thing. Every now and then, we butted heads, but she had such a strong personality,and i just caved a lot. We lost touch after my son was born in 2000 for very dramatic and personal reasons. I thought we would never speak again, but in 2007 we picked back up where we left off like nothing ever happened.

Now, since 2007, she has ditched me for one dumb reason or another 6 times, each time like for at least a month or three. But whenever something devistating in her life came about, she'd call me, and like the succer i am, i'd fall back into the same routine, we'd be cool for six months, she'd get mad or jealous, and bail on me again.

This January was the last time i had visited (we are both legally blind so our "visits" have to be two or 3 day trips) and all was cool. I had told her I was thinking about the sleeve surgery and she pretty much was poopy face the whole weekend with me. So I came home,a nd went to the free seminar. A few days later I told her I was approved for the surgery and was going ahead with it. She got livid, via text, she called me things and accused me of things i never thought she'd ever say to her best friend. She said I wasn't "allowed" to have that surgery because we were going to try and lose weight together. I explained about my knee problems and the doc threatening replacement on both knees if I didn't lose weight fast. She accused me of lying, although she was there (well not in flesh but you know) through all 6 knee surgeries. Then she hit me with, "I'll just say we grew apart bye". I was so pissed off, sad, devistated, angry, every negative emotion you can think of, I was.

My husband, mom in law, everyone said i was better off because they saw it all before every time she ditched me, but pretty much forbid me to get in any contact with her for this one. I agreed.

Then not even days after that, she started posting negative smart butt comments of facebook, like I don't see why people have to get their gurs cut open for someting they can do themselves. And she got a treadmill and a bike and was doing the diet and doing it the her way....the right way. And lots of other nasty snide comments pretty much telling me i was taking the easy way out. I ignored it, had my surgery and the day i came home, it was food comments..oh i saw a piece of pizza in the fridge and I ate it, or im in the kitchen making fudge.

Now, six months since she bailed on me yet again, it still hurts, but she really doesn't seem to give a damn. The sad thing is, even her boyfriend warned me that she'd treat me terrible too, I didn't believe it, but hey, boy was I wrong.

The one person I was counting on to be my biggest support system is nothing but a jealous vindictive hateful person who boasts that she always gets her way. Well if her way is to have me out of her life as much as it kills me, she succeeded.

I still hope she is doing ok, and her kids are ok. But now I hear she has no one. I hope she enjoys her life alone. And maybe one day, I will be able to trust people enough to make real friends again. But for now, I can't open up that much.