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Suddenly Single... now what?



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Hi All,

My boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me a few days ago. We relocated to a new city together about 9 months ago so I don't have any friends here and am farther from my family. The relationship was very serious and headed towards marriage, and now I find myself so lost. I know this surgery is for me, and I still need to go through with it and get healthy and all that, but I have just lost the one person who has truly been there for me in a way that no one else ever could. I have other people to be there for me, but it's just not the same. I'm losing my courage. I'm terrified of dating with loose skin. I'll be living alone during the emotional roller coaster of recovery and I'm terrified of that too. I feel like I have just lost everything. I need help, encouragement. Maybe the singles out there could give me a pep talk?

Thanks,

Rachel

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Hi Rachel,

I'm really sorry this is happening to you right now. If you had planned to get the surgery, you shouldn't let this stop you from following through with your journey. Loose skin is the last thing I would be worrying about right now. I would concentrate on getting healthy first. You already made the first step if you are thinking of having surgery. Would you rather have an obese body that hurts and will possibly contribute to medical problems later, or be thinner, healthier with maybe some loose skin? Or maybe not so much loose skin. I don't know how much weight you have to lose, but if you exercise that will help your skin too. Good luck. And do what's right for you.

Hi All,

My boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me a few days ago. We relocated to a new city together about 9 months ago so I don't have any friends here and am farther from my family. The relationship was very serious and headed towards marriage, and now I find myself so lost. I know this surgery is for me, and I still need to go through with it and get healthy and all that, but I have just lost the one person who has truly been there for me in a way that no one else ever could. I have other people to be there for me, but it's just not the same. I'm losing my courage. I'm terrified of dating with loose skin. I'll be living alone during the emotional roller coaster of recovery and I'm terrified of that too. I feel like I have just lost everything. I need help, encouragement. Maybe the singles out there could give me a pep talk?

Thanks,

Rachel

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I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I truly believe things happen for a reason and one day soon you will see that another door has opened for you. I would encourage you to go thru with your plans as having this surgery has been one of the best decisions I have made for myself. I almost chickened out before surgery and am so glad that I did not. I am only 5 weeks out and already feel better about myself as I am feeling better and moving better. I was really scared to have the surgery, but it really was not difficult. My best to you as you begin your journey.

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Hi Rachel, I'm sorry about your boyfriend. You are going through a difficult time in your life right now, but these difficult times will pass and soon you will be stronger because of them. You can put off surgery until you start to feel better, you might need some time if your struggling emotionally with your relationship ending. Do you have friends in the area or any other support? Maybe your doctor can help you decide on what you can do.

As far as the surgery, getting the sleeve was the best decision I ever made. I've lost 65 pounds and never felt better. I would not worry about loose skin and dating, I know its a concern but being healthy is more important. Plus there are things we could do if our skin is really bad, we just need the money. By the way I am a single mom. I was married for 11 years before my divorce and I'm loving this time in my life. You will be okay and soon you will see you haven't lost anything. Send me a message. Also everyone on this board gives so much support. Take care Janine

Hi All,

My boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me a few days ago. We relocated to a new city together about 9 months ago so I don't have any friends here and am farther from my family. The relationship was very serious and headed towards marriage, and now I find myself so lost. I know this surgery is for me, and I still need to go through with it and get healthy and all that, but I have just lost the one person who has truly been there for me in a way that no one else ever could. I have other people to be there for me, but it's just not the same. I'm losing my courage. I'm terrified of dating with loose skin. I'll be living alone during the emotional roller coaster of recovery and I'm terrified of that too. I feel like I have just lost everything. I need help, encouragement. Maybe the singles out there could give me a pep talk?

Thanks,

Rachel

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I remember when my boyfriend broke up with me. I was devastated and remember wishing it were at least a year after the heartache, so maybe I wouldn't hurt so much. In the time that followed I got more serious about college, got in involved in activities and transformed into a stronger person. That was a long time ago and I am now grateful and blessed to be married to the most wonderful man (with whom we share 3 kids).

This is your chance to think about just you. To become strong and healthy and independent. To do what you want and go where you want. You will also find happiness doesn't have to depend on one person loving you. Care for yourself, take loads of pictures of your progress and be proud of who you are and what you are accomplishing with your health. Lean on those who support you and don't look back.

NOW........Get fired up because you are going to look and feel AMAZING!

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So sorry you are going through this rough time. You should see if there are any support groups around you that you could attend. I would focus on getting yourself well and the rest will fall into place when it is meant to be. We are always here for you. HUGS!

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We don't know why things turn out the way they do sometimes, but it will get better and that you can look forward to :-) My husband got killed in a car accident in June on Father's Day of last year. I didn't know I was pregnant until 4 months later and I was 6 months by then (had the IUD so was very surprised to even be pregnant!!!). I was extremely sad and mourning the loss of my relationship, but I also knew that I had to live on and that I wanted to be happy again one day and I had to be strong so that I could help my older sons get through the ordeal. To get things started out on the right foot "for me" and to better "myself" and make myself happier in an area that I had struggled being so unhappy with for so long......I NEEDED TO MAKE A POSITIVE MOVE THAT WOULD BRING ABOUT A MAJOR LIFE CHANGE FOR THE BETTER and "for me" .....weight loss surgery was it. But I also prayed and asked for spiritual guidance as well :-) Everything will work out.....you'll see. Take care of yourself and let us know what you decide to do.

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Thank you guys so much for the support. I can't imagine doing this without him. He has never had trouble with weight but somehow always knew exactly what to say. When he said I was beautiful, I actually believed him.

I have a lot of work to do on myself. I know WLS is right for me but it seems so scary now. I've been prepping for it since October of last year, all in the context of our relationship and our future. I'm going to be getting my surgery date in the next week or two and I know that will really set things in motion and I feel like I'm struggling to put this in the new context of my life without him (which I can't even imagine right now).

Breakups suck in general. I really didn't need this added complication. I think it will only emphasize how alone I am.

The funny thing is that since he broke up with me I haven't been able to eat anything really. Just thinking about the smell of food made me sick to my stomach. When I did manage to convince myself to put something in my mouth, I couldn't bear the taste or texture. I was so hungry but so sick to my stomach. I turned to Protein shakes just to quiet the rumbling and to get in some nourishment. I kept thinking "get used to this--this is what it's going to be like post-op!" Today is the first day I haven't thrown up due to stress (tmi?) and I was actually able to eat two decent meals.

Anyway, thanks for listen to me ramble. My friends and family have been supportive about the breakup but this element of it needed some specialized attention.

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One of my favorite Bible verses is "God has created a plan for your life, a plan for good and not for evil." as hard as it ia for you right now, there ia a reason. Go get yourself a pet to love. I know when I'm feeling down, my dog always makes me feel so much better. Big hugs to you. I hope you fins the strength to move forward with the sugery. You need to look out for you now. XOXO

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I'm so sorry for what you are going through but it's probably best you know now instead of after you're married that he had some insecurity in your relationship. It may be the fact that you were moving into a positive direction in your life and he liked you just the way you were,,just speculation. If that's the case, that is a lethal relationship for someone getting ready to go through such a huge life change. Even though he may have seemed supportive, obviously he was insecure about something. Hold your head up and I agree with Becca, maybe find a good support group where there are people having weight loss surgery. You are self concious about the outcome of having surgery..loose skin. Maybe having people around you that are going through the same body change can help keep that part of your thoughts more positive. Those who have had surgery already and have lost a larger amount of weight could share with you how your body will change and maybe give you tips on how to keep from having loose skin. You might meet some great new friends as well. Good luck to you,,keep us posted.

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Honestly, maybe you might take some time out just for you. If the relationship was that serious, you should take time to get over your loss. It can be hard and unhealthy if you don't grieve especially if it was that serious for you. I am sorry it is so hard to lose the person your consider to be your one you were going to lean on for support. I personally have devoted this year to my self. I don't think it is selfish, it is just the reality of knowing that I can't be of help to anyone if I can't help me first. I have been very interested in getting together with someone very close to me, but I wanted to concentrate on me and my life changes I am going through with surgery. It would be hard to work at dating and getting to know someone seriously while also just trying to get to know the new you. This is just my own opinon, but time for yourself is never a bad thing and I think that's what we all need sometimes. I hope this helps.

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I'm sorry about your relationship! That really sucks!! I know cuz my ex-boyfriend dumped me the Friday before my surgery!! I was heartbroken and terrified and that was the worst week of my life i think!

I'm also worried about finding a new boyfriend when I'm covered in lose skin, but right now i'm focusing on me... I'm going to be thin and smoking hot when I see my ex again and i'm going to flaunt it in his face! Great plan huh?!?! biggrin.gif

Anyway, I'm glad you aren't giving up!

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I haven't had my surgery yet, and it's been about 15 years since my fiance broke up with me. He broke up with me the day after my birthday and the day before I started final exams for college. I had already started to picture our life together and was making plans for it. It was devastating. It was a good thing I had decent grades going into the finals because I was a mess at the time. What I hated the most is people would tell me that it was for the best, and that I would find someone else ("plenty of fish in the sea"). So, I won't tell you all of that. I will say that it will eventually get better, because I know it does. It just takes time.

What I did after that was threw myself into my school work, and "real" work. After school was over, I did volunteer activities. Basically, I did stuff for me. That, in the end, is what I think got me through that tough time. Now, I can't imagine my life being any different. I'm still single, but I love my life the way it is.

Please know that you are not alone in this. We're all here to support each other. I can't count on my family for support as they have never supported my weight loss efforts in the past and I know they are against me having a surgery to correct it. I have to travel 100% for work, so having close friends is virtually impossible for me. So, yes, I am making this journey by myself. Yes, it's tough. But I know I am tougher. :rolleyes:

My point is you are not alone in this. In the short time I've been in these forums, I know this is a very supportive community, so you have come to the right place. We can help each other through this journey to bettering our health.

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When i have faced tough times and loss, I try and remind myself to make room for something better to happen than I could possible imagine.

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Just go do it. In a few months you will be feeling so better about yourself. I'm married, but my guess is that your outlook on dating will change CONSIDERABLY. And for the better. I think that when we are heavy, we often tolerate less than ideal situations because we feel lucky just to have found someone. I can be blunter if you like. ;)

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