lack of emotional support

jillia · June 29, 2006

Hi. I went to dinner with our good friends at their home last week. they know i had lap band surgery and that i'm on a full liquid diet. i sat and ate my Jello and drank ice tea while they ate their regular meal. no problem. but, then the host passed brownies right in front of my face to the others. i think it was mean. what do you think? or am i too sensitive?

TexasTerry · June 29, 2006

I think your host just didn't really give it a lot of thought. Probably didn't set out to be mean. I wouldn't get too wound up over it. Focus on how Fantastic you are going to look and feel as the weeks go by and the band starts kickin' in!

Terry

Teresita · June 29, 2006

Awwww I'm sure she did not do it on purpose. I know I had to remove myself from those types of situations becuase it was hard for me. I did not go out to a restaurant for a while. Now I cvan go and not make myself sick.

Woodys · June 29, 2006

I don't think it was deliberate, dessert usually follows dinner. Would any other choice be less tempting?....and how is she to know what that choice would be?

My husband is a professional chef and he cooks for us just like he cooks for our customers. When I was banded I asked him to please not change his habits because I will have to get use to, why should he suffer anyway, I have the band, not him. It is helping me tremendously, I'm learning that I can do what I need to do and that I'm very strong when it comes to resisting temptation.....shows me that I'll make it!

I'm afraid that this is something you will have to adjust to. I think it is unfair to expect that every situation will revolve around you having the band. The band is just a tool, the entire venture includes a lifestyle change. You can do it, just like me.

Good Luck.

Carol

juliegeraci · June 29, 2006

just think of this as one more experience. We are all tempted and will continue to have things like this happen to us while trying to stay on our programs even banded. YOu will do fine especially if you are able to do the liquid stage! Good job.

Marimaru · June 29, 2006

Well, the first day I returned to work after having my surgery, one of my coworkers was going to McDonald's for lunch and out of habit, asked me if I wanted anything. I looked at him like he had 2 heads or something and he realized his mistake. We laughed :grouphug:.

I'm sure the host probably didn't mean to hurt you deliberately. *hugs*

Jachut · June 29, 2006

I think you're being a bit sensitive. This is your journey and you're the one and only person who you have to rely on. Others are not going to change their lives to accommodate you and nor should they really. You have to learn to deal with situations like that.

I dont mean that to be harsh, but life is going to go on around you and others are going to live their lives the way they always did.

tztmama · June 30, 2006

I am proud to say that after 9 months of being banded, I have no desire for brownies or "breaded" stuff. Your friend probably thinks your surgery gave you super will power immediately.

lisah25 · June 30, 2006

I hear a lot of comments about how we hate when people want to be our "food police" and so maybe the hostess was thinking that not to include you might have been rude? Or she just forgot?

I don't think it was an intentional rudeness.

SherryW · July 2, 2006

One thing I set my mind too before I was banded was people around me are going to still be eating the way I ate prebanded. I knew things like what happened to you would happen. So now...while they are all eating the cake, ice cream or other Desserts I don't look at the food or take it as "Gee wish I could have it" I take it as....wow I would of eat that whole dang serving and then some...thank you lap band

Things like this will happen at every event and function you go to....people around us don't have to change...just we do. I'm sure she wasn't intentionally doing it. :bananajump:

K@t · July 2, 2006

I'm going to be the voice of unpopular opinion here (apparently from what I have read on the other responses) But I think it was rude. Intentional or not, the hostess knew that her guest was going to have special needs as far as the food went and to pass something around and eat it in front of some one who can't have it, well, its just a bit mean.

I host dinner parties here at my house all the time, and I always think of my guest, I have one friend who only drinks 7up, another who doesn't like cheese, and another who doesn't eat meat. When they come to my house I make sure to make them feel comfortable and welcome in my home and try to provide them with the things that they like. It makes for a better dinner and every one goes home happy, and it's not like its much more work for me to pay attention to the special details.

There are a million other things the hostess could have served that every one could have ate, like SF pudding or SF pudding pops. And she should have had some Soup for you as well instead of giving you Jello for a main course. The jello could have been your dessert.

Shame on her for being such an insensitive hostess.

Stitchy · July 3, 2006

I, too, think you were being overly sensitive. This is your journey, not the rest of the world's. If you were a child, I would think badly of the hostess. However, this was not the case. Suck it up! This won't be the last time.

For reference of where I am coming from, my DH has an intolerance to gluten (wheat). Can't eat it in any form. If he isn't sure that he will be able to eat what is served for dinner (at someone's home), he eats beforehand and then Snacks on what he can. He is perfectly capable of saying no thank you, and enjoying the company.

Stitchy · July 3, 2006

...
There are a million other things the hostess could have served that every one could have ate, like SF pudding or SF pudding pops.

I personally don't mind SF anything. However, my DH and DD can't stand the aftertaste. That would be subjecting all guests to something *odd* to accomodate one guest. JMHO

K@t · July 4, 2006

Most people don't even notice the difference, and as you said in your previous post, people are perfectly capable of saying no thank you if they don't like what is being served.

I personally think its poor taste to have to eat before going to some ones house. I would feel horrible if I knew my guests were eating before hand because I couldn't provide them with something to suit their taste. Whats the point of inviting people over if you can't make them comfortable?

Stitchy · July 4, 2006

This hostess did know about Jillia's liquid diet since she provided Jello and iced tea for her. She wanted to serve dessert to her other guests, but what liquid can you serve for dessert? Probably in her mind, pudding is not liquid. Pre-banding, I didn't either.

I think Julia was unhappy that dessert was being served in front of her and she couldn't have any. That's why I think that as an adult, she could just say no thank you. This won't be the last time she has to say no.

I doubt that the hostess was being mean. I think she was being as accomodating as she could.

Eating before dinner: My DH has learned the hard way about dinners. Many people think they have complied with his needs, but who knew that soy sauce has wheat in it? Or beer has barley (same gluten intolerance)? Or anything with malt in it? Or "modified food starch" is likely wheat-based if it is made outside the US? It is just safer to eat first. For us, the company is the big thing.