makes me sad..

[fullhandsfullheart 1]

So now I am 4 months out, down 57 pounds. I have a couple friends who are overweight like I was pre surgery. They are kinda cutting me out. Like at church yesterday, several people kept commenting and telling me how awsome I looked, to which I just replied Thank you... most people at church know I had surgery. But my friend was standing there not making eye contact with me, and she never wants to hang out or exercise with me anymore (she said she wanted to lose weight and exercise with me a couple months ago)....

I know how this feels. 3 yrs ago, I had a friend who was very overweight, and we were BEST FRIENDS... and she had gastric bypass and lost almost 200 pounds in one year. She went from weighing 100 pounds more than me, to 100 pounds less than me. At the time, it was hard to be around her. I felt like she constantly talked about her weight loss, her clothes being too big, needing new clothes, here have my hand me down big clothes...she was always taking pics of herself and posting them everywehre. And it made me not want to be around her. Now, 3 yrs later, we have found our frienship again (before I had surgery) maybe because she got over the newness of her weighloss and chilled otu a bit. LOL

My point in that story is that I make it a point NOT to be like that. I never discuss my weight loss or my surgery unless someone else brings it up to ask me questions. I never discuss my clothes or my weight or my meals or ANYTHING around my overweight friends because I don't want them to feel the way I did before.

But they still are falling away from me....

What can I do?

:-(

[Rev Me Up! 75]

This is really hard. I went through a similar thing when I got married 10 years ago. It seemed like all my single friends just walked out of my life.

First, make sure you reach out to your friends and try to include them in your life - maybe they feel you are pulling away from them too? Once you make sure effort to keep them in your life, there isn't much more you can do with regard to their feelings. You know how hard it is to be overweight - they are struggling with the same feelings. There are some people that just can't handle the change. You are different - not worse, just different.

Do your best to stay connected, but understand that they are on a different path and may not be able to be with you on the journey.

Best of luck--

Lara

[bugwitch 37]

Wow...I am thankful I don't act like that. The only time I talk about weight loss or surgery is when my one friend who knows about it asks me how I am doing post-op or comments about me losing weight. I don't bring it up because, I really don't care. Of course, it's only been a little over a month. I hope I do not become like your bypass friend. That's irritating.

My family, always ask and make comments about it when I talk on the phone with them. Not so much my mom, as she doesn't understand why I did it and I've given up trying to explain it to her. My dad and step mom seem to make a point of talking about their nieces, grand-children (not my kids...ick), or anyone else they know who is trying to lose weight the "traditional" way. Every phone call I hear about someone who has lost a few more pounds. It is irritating.

Anyway...sorry...those things have been bugging me and that just flew out of my fingertips...onto you. Again...Sorry!!!

You can pick your friends but you cannot pick your family...that's the old saying right? Well, I like to say, you can pick your family too. Irregardless of how we relate to them (family or friend, etc) it is our decision if we want to interact with them. If they are repeatedly acting in a way that is detrimental to your friendship, then say something about it, as, them what their problem is and deal with it. If they are unable or unwilling to do either, then do your best to be a friend when needed, but move on. We do not need people in our lives that bring us down through no fault of our own. It's one thing to be there for a friend who is in pain and needs some uplift. It's another thing completely to let someone's hang-ups cause us unnecessary anxiety.

I'm sorry your friends are being rude. If they are good friends, they will be able to move past whatever it is that is bothering them. If they cannot do that for the sake of their friendship with you, then you deserve better. I may be coming off a bit harsh, but that's how I see it. It is no different than coming out to your friends as a different religion, gay, or insert whatever thing that is not like them. They'll come around if they are your true friends. And that's how you know who you should spend your emotional effort on.

Okay...rambling-rant done. I wish you well.

[wishes 125]

Sometimes, people are not ready to confront their own demons, and there is not much (in my opinion) you can be doing other than what you are to emphasize, "My weight loss should not effect our friendship!" You are not trying to play it up and act arrogant, but demurely thank people for the congratulations and go on your way. Maybe your new lifestyle is too much for them right now, but they may come back around. Keep up the excellent weight loss and try to keep up your positive attitude. What you are doing is amazing!

[mandems mom 3]

Sounds like an insecurity thing...before you all hid behind the same shadows and probably got the same kind of attention or lack thereof. Now that your body is changing, people are noticing you and commenting and when your friends are standing right there, I'm absolutely sure it makes them feel very self conscious. After all, they're not losing weight right? It's definitely something they need to work through and get over if your friendship is worth it to them. You're not doing anything wrong. Your success has simply changed the dynamic of the relationship because you no longer have the weight struggle in common. Keep being you and extending the olive branch and the rest is up to them!