Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Is it just my HUSBAND/SIGNIFICANT OTHER???



Recommended Posts

I have never had my husband say that to me before and he has seen me thin and seen me know at my biggest! i think he doesnt want me to have the surgery because he is scared something might happen!?

I know that my husband was concerned would happen to me with both of my surgeries, and I had serious complications with my revision so his concerns were valid. BUT, I told him " what are the risks of me staying fat?, do you want to hire a nurse to bathe me when I'm 60 and can't reach certain body parts, do you want to give me insulin injections when I can't do it for myself, do you want me to die early because of high blood pressure and a stroke?" All of those things run in my family, he saw it firsthand when he met my family, and saw that 85% of my family obese and popping 3-10 pills a day to combat the conditions of obesity.

Giving him some perspective on what having a healthy wife could do to benefit our marriage, and years together eased his worries.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know that my husband was concerned would happen to me with both of my surgeries, and I had serious complications with my revision so his concerns were valid. BUT, I told him " what are the risks of me staying fat?, do you want to hire a nurse to bathe me when I'm 60 and can't reach certain body parts, do you want to give me insulin injections when I can't do it for myself, do you want me to die early because of high blood pressure and a stroke?" All of those things run in my family, he saw it firsthand when he met my family, and saw that 85% of my family obese and popping 3-10 pills a day to combat the conditions of obesity.

Giving him some perspective on what having a healthy wife could do to benefit our marriage, and years together eased his worries.

yes i'm hoping with time he will see the benefit of it! and he has said " that will mean we can go camping and hiking!" so yes i think he knows but is still scared!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been with the same man for 30 yrs now (25yrs married), and it's not any different with us. We both started out as skinny 19 yr olds, then grew older and fatter together. Now that I'm thin again, he's proud of me and glad my health is better. But because so many people have remarked about me looking younger after the weight loss, he's joked about me leaving him for a younger man. So I guess men have their insecurities no matter how old they are or how long you've been together in a faithful marriage. Just keep reassuring them that you love them for who they are just like they've loved you for who you are, no matter what the number on the scale is.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't worry! People are scared of change, even GOOD change! Men, especially, I think! My boyfriend has said similar things, and I think it just comes down to a fear of change. Once he sees that you are the same person, only healthier, he'll relax and enjoy all the great benefits of having a more healthy wife!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been with the same man for 30 yrs now (25yrs married), and it's not any different with us. We both started out as skinny 19 yr olds, then grew older and fatter together. Now that I'm thin again, he's proud of me and glad my health is better. But because so many people have remarked about me looking younger after the weight loss, he's joked about me leaving him for a younger man. So I guess men have their insecurities no matter how old they are or how long you've been together in a faithful marriage. Just keep reassuring them that you love them for who they are just like they've loved you for who you are, no matter what the number on the scale is.

Thanks fo the adivce! i guess men can have the same insecurities as women! i did talk to him last night and he understands more where i'm coming from!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My boyfriend never said flat out that he was worried I'd leave him or something, but I sensed that it's a concern. The amount of flowers I've been receiving since the surgery has been increasing in proportion to the amount of weight I lose, lol. The concern he DID voice was that I'd "become vain." I think I'm already kind of vain, though. :rolleyes:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My husband has also said the same things..."Your going to leave me when your skinny for some young dude." So yes they are human too and get insecure just like we do..it's normal and common.

I have lost almost 60 lbs since my highest weight and 2 months since surgeory and now I am seeing my husband say things like, "My hot wife" so it does change I think he is getting used to having a hot wife ( not that I am Like HOT or something but I am to him..haha) on his arm.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't worry! People are scared of change, even GOOD change! Men, especially, I think! My boyfriend has said similar things, and I think it just comes down to a fear of change. Once he sees that you are the same person, only healthier, he'll relax and enjoy all the great benefits of having a more healthy wife!

Thanks Lila21!! you are so right and i think things will change!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My boyfriend never said flat out that he was worried I'd leave him or something, but I sensed that it's a concern. The amount of flowers I've been receiving since the surgery has been increasing in proportion to the amount of weight I lose, lol. The concern he DID voice was that I'd "become vain." I think I'm already kind of vain, though. :rolleyes:

Lmao im vain already so yea that might be a problem!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My husband has also said the same things..."Your going to leave me when your skinny for some young dude." So yes they are human too and get insecure just like we do..it's normal and common.

I have lost almost 60 lbs since my highest weight and 2 months since surgeory and now I am seeing my husband say things like, "My hot wife" so it does change I think he is getting used to having a hot wife ( not that I am Like HOT or something but I am to him..haha) on his arm.

wow 60lbs!! good job!! thats so nice to hear that your a hot wife!! my husband says to me know but i dont feel tha way yet...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nope, my husband said the same things, and never said anything of the sorts when I was fat. You wanna know what stopped his little shitty comments? ME saying " hey before you came along, I had zero issue dating, having boyfriends, and I CHOSE YOU to marry, I make the choice to stay married to you, fat or thin, you are stuck with me, so get over the fact that the only reason I'd leave you is if I was skinny, I'd leave you fat so just stop being so insecure, and buck up."

.

I love the "I'd leave you fat so stop being insecure". Sometimes they need to hear that kind of harsh reality to get it!!! Good way to put it! :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm currently single but I guess if I had a man in my life saying "you're gonna leave me when you get thin" over and over again, I guess I would come back with, "why, do you want to be left?" By the way, the reason I am single? When I told my then-boyfriend that I was having surgery, he had zero reaction and moved on to the next topic like I had mentioned I had oatmeal for Breakfast. Then, when I had the surgery, he did not reach out to me in any way to see how I was - didn't send me an email, didn't skype me, nothing. When I told him later how very much this hurt me and how this behavior won't fly with me, he called me an "emotional insurgent". I was done after that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • vsg.with.sharon

      Hey everyone!
      I’m new here! Looking for some friends! 🥰
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • LeighaTR

      Four days post surgery. I am sipping as fast as I can and getting NO WHERE near the goal of 60 - 80 grams of protein or the 64 oz of liquids. I just feel FULL. I don't know if it can still be the gas build up (I would think by now that would be gone) but it is a struggle to drink. And so far I have not had the nausea or spasms and don't want to wander into that territory by pushing too hard with liquids. I about passed out today as it was my most "strenuous" day. Went from second story to basement for shower and I was sure I was going to pass out. Looking back on my last few days I have had a total of less than 1000 calories. Am I just not getting enough nourishment in me? Once again a friday where I can't get ahold of the doc until Monday rolls back around so I am hoping maybe someone here has some experience on how to keep energy going. I do have fibromyalgia too and that may be where some added fatigue comes into play. How did you all fair with the goals the week after surgery?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 3 replies
      1. Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

      2. Selina333

        I'm in Houston so kind of near you and had the sleeve in Dec. Down 61 lbs. Feeling better. Was definitely worth it. I hope the everything is going well for you. Update us when you can!

      3. Doughgurl

        I am back home after my bypass surgery in Tiajuana. I'm post op day 4. Everything went great! I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who have not encountered much pain at all, no nausea thus far and I'm having no problem keeping down broths and water. Thank you for your well wishes. I cant wait to keep up this journey and have a chance at better health and simply better quality of life. I know there will be bumps in the road ahead, and everything won't be peaches and cream, but at least I have a great start so far. 😍

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×