Should I cancel my surgery? Help!

[karaserene1985 1]

Hello,

My family is really making me reconsider my choice for surgery. The only person that supports my decision right now is my husband.

My surgery is scheduled for April 15th. My surgery is self pay and is going to cost me around $21,000.

My mom wants me to instead of going through the drastic surgery, spend the money on a nutritionist and personal trainer. She says if they can do it on like The Biggest Loser, if I higher a personal trainer and do it that way that it would be so much cheaper and safe. She says she knows that I can do it because I spent all last year working out at a gym, but I just need the extra support of a personal trainer.

What should I do? Should I keep my surgery date and have all of my family be super upset with me, or should I get a personal trainer and do it that way!

I really could use some good advice on this. Please Help!

Kara:scared0:

[Mili85 0]

Hey-

I really think you should listen to yourself. I know extacly how you feel and thats the reason why I will not tell my family about the surgery. If your husband supports you and you feel like you want to do this then do it girl.

[Tiffykins 673]

I agree with Milli.

While I understand your mom's concerns, my mom called my choice to revise to the sleeve "wreckless" and that I should just deal with the band issues I was having.

You have to remember that you can and will lose it with the trainer and nutritionist, but at what cost? Calculate what it will cost for that trainer and nutrtionist for the next 20 years and see which one comes less expense, and which will give you greater long term success.

I think I read on the Biggest loser contestants about 38-45% of the "losers" have gained back more than 50% of the loss during their time on that program.

95% of diets fail. Most of us have zero issue losing, it's keeping it off, and avoiding a lifetime of yo yo'ing up and down, and fighting co-morbidities.

Personally, and this is just me, there is NOT one person on God's green Earth that could have kept me from doing the revision. If my husband would have not been supportive, I would of told him to build a bridge and get over it. I didn't do this for anyone else, but myself. Grant it, having another child, and being a better, more active wife and mom contributed to my decision, but at the end of the day, my health, my life, my future was more important than anyone else's opinion on if I should proceed with VSG.

[stlvoy02 1]

NOBODY knows you but YOU! I'm certain this was not an easy decision for you to make especially being self pay. I basically tell people like this, I have made a decision for ME and to trust I wouldn't put myself in any danger. Your family only wants the best for you but YOU only know what's best for you in the long run. Good luck!

[goodlife 3]

How much weight do you have to lose?

Do you have any health problems either related or unrelated?

WHY did you choose to have surgery in the first place?

[youknowit 11]

You need to do what is best for YOU. :smile: Perhaps you can try showing your family the statistics on long-term weightloss and regain that is very clear on the subject? Also, you might show them the benefits (short and long-term) for your LIFE, and your health reasons for doing this... You WILL exercise and you WILL eat right and you WILL change your life with this procedure. They need to know that... Perhaps expressing those things will help?

As an aside... I don't feel like I know enough about your situation to make more specific comments, like, is your mother and other family member overweight? Do they not sympathize, or do they sabotage? Do they not know your history of trying, and failing? What is your start weight, comorbidies, etc? And most important, do you really care what they think and feel, more than what YOU think and feel?

If you read through many of my posts, you'll see I have chosen to keep my surgery to me and one friend, mostly for the very reasons you have expressed (non-support, intrusive questions and comments, etc, etc), and, because I don't want to hear the negativity. Some on here experience great support, and I wish you (and I) had those people around us... but if we don't, again, the most important vision, support, and wish is OUR OWN. You can do it, and we will support you... if you choose not to do this, we will still support your decision!

Best to you! :smile::smile::smile::smile:

AND NOW... here's some research, SCIENTIFIC AND FACT CHECKED, for your own edification, or to share with others:

Be alert to the silent but serious comorbidities of obesity | Bariatric Times

The History of Sleeve Gastrectomy | Bariatric Times

The History of Sleeve Gastrectomy | Bariatric Times

Five Minutes with… Rebecca Puhl, PhD?Taking a look at weight bias and the stigma of obesity | Bariatric Times

Laparoscopic Sleeve Gastrectomy | Bariatric Times

Promoting a Physically Active Lifestyle in Bariatric Patients | Bariatric Times

Conveying Empathy: Why Are We Still Struggling? | Bariatric Times

Gastrointestinal Hormones and their Relationship to Bariatric Surgery | Bariatric Times

I?ve Got a Secret: Nondisclosure in Persons Who Undergo Bariatric Surgery | Bariatric Times

Exercise? The Key to Weight Loss Success | Bariatric Times

The Value of Support | Bariatric Times

They Didn?t Staple My Brain | Bariatric Times

Ok, hope this is a good start... Best!

[youknowit 11]

double-posted. oops...

Edited March 19, 2010 by youknowit
double-posted. oops...

[tiaras 0]

My husband was extremely supportive - once he'd been to a group meeting at the hospital with me. One of my daughters wasn't very happy - but that was only because I've had a rough ride with previous (non-related) surgery.

Almost three weeks on from my procedure and all of my family are behind me. I haven't told friends (apart from one) - I didn't feel I needed to.

With diet and a personal trainer you COULD lose weight, the question is - how long will you be able to sustain that and at what cost.

Your body, your life, your money, your choice. Good luck! xx

[thinoneday 445]

Hello,

My family is really making me reconsider my choice for surgery. The only person that supports my decision right now is my husband.

My surgery is scheduled for April 15th. My surgery is self pay and is going to cost me around $21,000.

My mom wants me to instead of going through the drastic surgery, spend the money on a nutritionist and personal trainer. She says if they can do it on like The Biggest Loser, if I higher a personal trainer and do it that way that it would be so much cheaper and safe. She says she knows that I can do it because I spent all last year working out at a gym, but I just need the extra support of a personal trainer.

What should I do? Should I keep my surgery date and have all of my family be super upset with me, or should I get a personal trainer and do it that way!

I really could use some good advice on this. Please Help!

Kara:scared0:

Families are weird, especially if they are obese themselves. . .the main thing here is that your husband supports you. . .you live with your husband, he is the one who will have to bury you if you die from your obesity and the complications it gives. . .your family are just comfortable with you especially if they are overweight and your the biggest, makes them feel better about themselves. . . girl you have your surgery, it's going to make you feel so much better. . . i'm 11 weeks out now and have lost 63 lbs, i no longer snore at night so that means no apnea, i no longer have to take nitroglycerine for chest pain, my heart rate is down to 45 so it's not working as hard anymore. . . my knees don't hurt and neither does my back. . . i have a lot of energy and guess what! I'll see my daughter graduate college, get married, and have kids. . . i'll see those kids grow up and go to be an old lady. . . it's your choice, but if you already have the date, don't stop cause someone wants you too. . . you have to be the one to live your life. . . .good luck with your decisions. . . .

[Jane_J 117]

Hi Kara,

If I were you I would do the sleeve. I had mine last May and I am now a normal weight and having a ball, buying clothes, walking, looking forward to going on holiday. Life is 1000% better. Lets face it, if you could do it by will power and exercise you would have by now.

Good luck,

Jane

[karaserene1985 1]

Thank you for all your posts!

Here are my stats!

I'm 5'8". Right now I way 298 lbs. I do not have any other health problems. No high blood pressure, no cholesterol problems, no diabeties. The really only issue I have is my weight. I've battled with it for years. I'm only 24 years old. I've tried a lot of things. The most important is that I worked out for 6 months straight. I worked almost 5 days a week. I was on the Phenermine pill for the first 3 months and I lost 25 lbs. I was taken off the Phentermine because I had to lose 4 lbs a month, and my final month I only lost 3 pounds. After that, the rest of the 6 months I continued to work out just as hard and eat right. I did not lose a single pound more. I did not gain any weight back but I didn't lose any more weight. This is what frustrated me.

I started a new job in August and I work late most nights. Till 7:30 at night. Because i worked so late, I ate late, and I've gained all the weight back.

This is what brought me to the point of wanting to have the surgery.

My mother is overweight, and so is my one sister. I of course am the largest, and always have been. I have a brother who thinks that if my surgeon knows what he is doing and thinks its what i want to do, I should do it. I have a sister who is 5 feet tall and weighs about 95 lbs who really wants me to get the surgery.

Its my mom, and my aunt who don't want me to have the surgery. The problem is that I am using the money from my trust fund given to me by my mothers father to pay for this surgery. She thinks its crazy for me to spend this much money. She thinks if I higher a trainer it would cost so much less and I would get the same results. She keeps throwing it in my face about how all these ppl who have had the surgery have gained the weight back. (What's her name from the Wilson Phillips).

She thinks about all those ppl who go on The Biggest Loser and lose all that weight. She thinks I should just do it that way and save my money.

UGG!!! I just don't know!!!!

[goodlife 3]

I think you should do it...I'm surprised you don't have any other health problems. You are VERY lucky but I have to say it's probably only a matter of time that your weight will start to affect your health. It started affecting mine a couple of years ago and that is what led me to this decision.

But...having said that..only you can make the decision. I look at is investing in your health and your future.

Perhaps you can look into a surgeon who doesn't charge as much? My surgery will cost me approximately $13,600.

[cwalker 12]

I attended a seminar with a dr, Robert Marvin and he said if you check back on the biggest loser contestants 3-4 yrs later you will see they have gained back the weight and then some. My mother would probably say the same thing but I know I would resent her not supporting me.( but that's me) and I would not give it 100%. Sometimes you just have to think about you and what you want. I have heard nothing bad about the sleeve on this forum and it is just a tool, tell her you'll hire a trainer after the surgery:) Good Luck. Carla

[BonitaChica 1]

Where are the ?Biggest Losers? now? - 'Biggest Loser' on TODAY

I found this article that shows the current weights of contestants that have appeared on The Biggest Loser. You'll note that almost all of them are on their way back to their original weight. A few have managed to keep if off, but almost all have regained since leaving the show. Take from that what you will, but in my mind it means that unless you can devote a majority of your life to diet and exercise like on the show your weight will be a constant battle. I'd rather have the sleeve, not have dieting rule my life, and exercise 30-45 minutes a day as opposed to 4-5 hours. Let's face it most of us need to work and I don't want my free time completely consumed with thoughts of exercise of food.< /p>

[youknowit 11]

My mother is overweight, and so is my one sister. I of course am the largest, and always have been. I have a brother who thinks that if my surgeon knows what he is doing and thinks its what i want to do, I should do it. I have a sister who is 5 feet tall and weighs about 95 lbs who really wants me to get the surgery.

Its my mom, and my aunt who don't want me to have the surgery.

I had an inkling that the family members giving you the hardest time are themselves overweight. I've heard my 350+ (educated guess) mother make fun of a lady where she works that had gastric bypass. It's a defense mechanism, which I personally believe many of us "fatties" have built up, because of societies treatment of us...

If I were you, and I was going to share with them, I would EDUCATE them. I would ask them to join me! (Of course, as I've stated before, I haven't told my family, just one friend and a brother, so my situation is different. BUT - I do keep reconsidering this choice, and may change my mind in the future.) Nonetheless, if you are insistent on their support, you have to be ready for the fact that you might not get it... and you have to decide if you want to proceed WITH their support or retreat WITHOUT it.

Perhaps, as one poster here already mentioned, you might want to look into more than just the "local doctor" where you are, as $22k is a pretty penny for this, or any weightloss surgery in this day and age (sounds really high - where are you in the country, and have you research other options?). I know here IN Las Vegas you can get the sleeve done for around $12k. I went to Dr. Aceves in Mexico and have never had a better medical experience in my life (and at less than $9k, what can I say - I got the best of both price and care).

On the education front, for both you and your family, I would encourage you to check out this website and videos - this great lady and her brother went in for the sleeve TOGETHER and you can see their lives transformed before your very eyes. They are VERY honest and upfront about their experiences, from before, during, and after the surgery and the process. If any one personal testimony had the most affect on me in my research, this was it (on the youtube videos, start from the BEGINNING and then move to now... it's incredible):

YouTube - GastricSleeveReviews's Channel

Gastric Sleeve Reviews

Edited March 19, 2010 by youknowit