A cry for a friend...

[endingyoyo 28]

I had lap band in May of 2013. My best friend since nursery school had gastric bypass in July of 2013. This was our journey together. There is such comfort of having a friend that is exploring this journey with you. Someone who tells you like it is, who doesn't play games, who is as real as it gets.

She passed away on 9/8/13 due to complications from WLS.

I'm lost. I'm heartbroken. She's the only person (other than my husband and immediate family) that knew I had lap band. She was the one person that I confided in about everything. The one person who "got it."

She was my sanity. The one who broke through the bull ****, could talk about the real issues of being fat, without getting caught up in the bs, who knew what it was like to be a fat mom, but wanted the best for our kids (we both have 5 and 3 year old), who could admit what we were missing without feeling sorry for ourselves, who could talk about how different our lives would be when we reached our goal weights, who knew that it sucked that we have "rib fat" or an "apron" of fat, that we couldn't see our kitty kats and that our 'girls' were better off before we spent years breastfeeding. She made me laugh, she was raw, but real, and that's what I loved most.

I miss her. I miss her honesty.

I'm desperately seeking someone who "get's it," who isn't trying to play the game, trying to be a perfect mom or pretending to live a life that is completely conformed since surgery. I'm struggling every day and am assuming that others are as well.

Am I crazy to think that there are others out there that understand where I'm coming from or who feel comfortable with inappropriate humor/raw reality? If so, I'm dying to connect with you. I miss my friend dearly and am desperately in need of someone to fill the void of honestly.

When all is said and done, I’m looking for a friend in this journey. No judgment. Just reality and honesty about how much life sucks with being a fat mom (or dad!!!!)

[jamilyne 102668 1,207]

Goodness, I am so very sorry for your loss! That is so terrible. There are no words to describe how very sad that is!

And You can look me up anytime to chat with you! Again, So sorry for your loss.

Sent from my iPhone using LapBandTalk

[Zingythingy 210]

Ah that really is sad life can be s**t at times... I know what you mean by wanting to find someone that gets it.. Its not always easy to do. I've been banded since 3rd july 13.. Most of the time I'm pleased I did it. Not always if I'm honest. Message me anytime... So sorry about your friend..

Sent from my GT-S5830 using LapBandTalk

[kll724 3,055]

((((Hugs))) Sweetie! I am so sorry for your friends passing. I have heard of complications, too. Please keep yourself well. God bless you, and visit us, we are friendly here, but I know online friends are not the same as your friend since nursery school! Karen

[BandtoSleevechick 171]

Hugs you! So sorry for your loss! I am here for you! Just a message away.. Use your grieve as a crutch to help you through this tough time..not an excuse in your journey... i think you found a good group of people here who will always in some form "get it" hugggs again

[hoover123 48]

Your story brought tears to my eyes. I am picturing two wonderful friends sharing their excitement about their next journey together and how their lives about to change forever together. Both being scared, nervous and so happy for one another. Because you are right, if you have no friends or family that are in your shoes they have no clue the heartache obesity causes each and everyday. Yet you had someone to share that with and it was taken away from you. Although you are grieving maybe picture your friend with her angel wings pushing you along each day and she is watching you over you every minute. I believe this is what she would want for you. I am so sorry for your loss...you have chosen a great nurturing website that will help get you through this. You can be angry, sad and be completely honest on the site. Although we may not know someone who has passed from WLS, we do walk in your shoes everyday as for the physical and emotional pain obesity brings us. Please take care of yourself as this is what your friend would want...only the best for you. May God bless you in these days ahead and you can always do a shout out here....on behalf of LapBandtalk, prayers and hugs to you.. Please forgive me for asking, but may i ask what went wrong? I don't mean to be rude, but i am thinking many are wondering what happened since this is the first time i have heard of one passing of WLS...Again, i am so sorry, i just cannot imagine what your going through. I am worried about your recovery and keeping up with your nutrients....Be careful and keep an open communication with your doctor..they should know about this as like many have mentioned, you need to keep your strength up, be well.....

[endingyoyo 28]

hoover123 - thanks so much for your reply and don't feel bad for asking what happened! We are all trying to learn everything about this process - the good and the bad.

When she first had surgery, she was only able to eat or drink a very little (as in 1 sip of Water every 15 mintues). She was probably eating less than 500 calories a day and most of those were Protein shakes. She was told it was normal and that her stomach needed to stretch. Long story short, it was not normal. She had stoma stenosis. Basically the opening from her stomach to her small intestines was too small and the food/liquids coudn't get through. (apparently this quite common with bypass)

She had a procedure where they inserted a balloon to stretch it.

10 days later she went to the ER with horrible abdominal pain. It took about 12 hours for them to figure out that she had sepsis, where bowel matter leaks into the blood stream. If it's not fixed via surgery, it's fatal the mixing of fluids (I'm not exactly certain how) shuts down your organs. As they were wheeling her into the OR (14 hours after she got to the ER), she went into caradiac arrest and died. Had they got her into OR earlier, all things considered, she'd be fine.

The autoposy won't be back for 14 -16 weeks. I'm not sure if the sepsis was caused from the procedure or something else...

[kll724 3,055]

Once again, I am so sorry. That is a shameful thing to have happen. God bless!

[HotButterFly 981]

My heart goes out to you... And you're not alone because I'm shedding a tear for your friend as well. May she rest in shadow of the Almighty.

[granniero 36]

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss, good friends are hard to come by. 1 year ago I lost my 44 yr old daughter in law. She had gastric bypass and lost a lot of weight. About 6 years in,she began to have health problems from diabetes that she had from age of 6. She didn't take good care of herself before or after surgery and a combination of health issues overcame her. On one of her last hospital admissions, she was diagnosed as severely malnourished.She succumbed a year ago and it has been hard on my family, especially my son, married to her for 18 years. I'm so sorry this happened to your friend, through no fault of her own. You go on and take care of yourself, she would be proud of you.May God bless you in your journey and give you peace.