I'm being treated differently

[mrsto 2,925]

I agree with you. There was a sense of self loathing that I felt and my weight told everyone else to loath me too. My weight kept people at a distance which is exactly where I wanted them. I didn't smile freely, make friends easily, or strike up conversations with strangers. My energy was dormant. Now I look up and out in the world and I get back the energy that I put out. I'm 20 lbs from goal and I can say that people treat me differently because I am different, to them.

Totally agree.... I've seen this with myself many times through the years (and 100s of pounds up & down)

[GoingforGoal 1,734]

As for the 400 lb nurse, the absurdity is that she took it up the chain of command citing discrimination, persons with disabilities etc to keep her job. It's a damn shame when an employer cannot execute the proper decision on behalf of the safety of the patient/families because someone cannot accept that they are ill suited for the position. This is a woman who started the job when she was less overweight and able body. Due to her extreme obesity many comorbidities settled in and warranted one accommodation after another. However, patients walking through the door for the first time don't know her, her medical history etc...all they see is their health care is at risk. Craziness.

[gowalking 10,790]

wow...thanks to all for your feedback. That's why this forum is so helpful...I really like the exchange of thoughts, ideas, and personal stories. I especially liked your take on the topic hazel...very insightful.

[Julie norton 2,850]

I beleve there is some bias against obese people. I think there is a feeling of "you did this to yourself' date=' you deal with the issues you created." An obese person with a cane.... gee, their weight MUST have caused the issue. A normal weight person on a cane... it could have been a sports injury, not your fault, here let me help you![/quote']

I totally agree with America's being biased. Don't know how others change. But slowly. Hoping evolved people realize that being overweight is not what most people wanted when they envisioned their future life.

[Julie norton 2,850]

There was a lifetime movie along the same lines. It was called "To Be Fat Like Me". Our society has a long way to go' date=' when it comes to passing judgement on people who are different, and/or do not share the same struggles.

About

Pretty, popular, athletic 17-year-old Aly is on the fast track to college when an accident blows out her knee and any chance for an athletic scholarship. A documentary contest, and her mother's constant struggle with weight, gives her the idea to go undercover at high school wearing a "fat suit" and hidden camera to prove that personality can outshine physical difference. Aly has always been slim and confident, so she is totally unprepared for the reality of how the world treats a "fat" girl, and she begins to understand how intolerant she has been of her own mother's experience.[/quote']

Lots of us do understand the dynamics of being treated differently when overweight. Hope the I unevolved get that too!

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

wow...thanks to all for your feedback. That's why this forum is so helpful...I really like the exchange of thoughts, ideas, and personal stories. I especially liked your take on the topic hazel...very insightful.

you got great feed back. This also why I love this site.

[carol285 145]

Ok Im playing devil's advocate for a minute..

Yes, there are situations where a person may have a cane due to some medical ailment not related to weight, however, there are a fair share of those who have canes because of their weight too. It's impossible to discern between the two, and thus people are making rapid judgments because our brains are designed to do just that.

So let's take that snapshot judgement and analyze it... why do we change our behavior when obesity vs disease (assuming you see it differently) is the culprit.

Disease is easier to discuss. We have empathy for anyone who is 'inflicted' with a disease, disorder, condition outside their control and must live with the disability it renders. Thus we want to diminish their pain and inconvenience.

But the key phrase, might be outside "their" control

Now let's look at obesity. I would presume the majority of our society sees obesity as self driven, not as a disease. Thus the inconveniences that go with being overweight (joint issues, inability to fit in standard seats, lack of clothing options etc) seems avoidable. It's the same mentality with cancer. Horrible when it's breast cancer, not so horrible when a smoker gets lung cancer because they ignored the warnings. The result seemed predictable and thus is sympathy and pity warranted? Most would say no.

I think people are naturally uncomfortable with the concept of self abuse. It's taboo and poorly discussed in our society. People don't know how to cope with family members who are drug users, alcoholics etc. Same goes for dealing with obese people if you've never had to deal with it. People become judgemental because they are ignorant, but also because of the emotions it arises in themselves. Examples include: disgust that someone would abuse themselves despite the apparent health issues, frustration that the person would rather live poorly than seek help, even anger when their disability becomes a burden onto others as well as themselves. The list goes on...

SOME of the thinking is off base. Without full comprehension of what obesity is, that it is indeed a disease, and how difficult it can be to manage, people are not ready to offer their sympathy and concern. THey receive negative feedback in public by obese persons and that's hard to refute. Examples include overweight woman using handicap carts instead of walking, obese man eating a dinner for 5 while sitting in a wheelchair and has a nasal canula blowing oxygen, than there's the those who live out the lazy/dirty stereotypes who cant keep up with hygiene or sit in front of tvs all day instead of joining their families etc. This is a very hard thing to contend with when trying to educate the public that being obese warrants sympathy. People resent being enablers and sometimes their actions are a form of tough love to counteract the mentality that obesity should be supported.

Personal example: I was a 250 lb nurse. I worked with another nurse who was closer to 400 lb. It was an absolute embarrassment and infuriating experience working with her. She elected to sit all day on a rolling chair. She would roll from one side of the room to the next, patient to patient. She would yell across the room and ask you to do her tasks since you were in the area (like if I was in the supply room, that was her cue to ask me to get her supplies) to avoid the extra steps (or leg sweeps in this case). I was embarrassed that patients/families would see this. Nursing should not be seen as limited or lazy. What happens in an emergency..imagine doing chest compressions sitting in a chair for instance. We carried a huge burden compensating for this nurse. And even though she didn't want to be discriminated against, she sure didn't mind inconveniencing the rest of us. Does this warrant help and sympathy? Not for me

Even I struggle with not being judgemental and I use to be obese. Am I at fault? It's a visceral feeling to not be ok with someone else's choice to allow themselves to go that badly before getting help. It's the equivalent of self preservation. Because you react to it poorly it tells you its not accceptable for you and thus it discourages that behavior. Some of this is surmised at a very subconscious level. Some are just fortunate to not be inflicted with obesity and thus don't understand how some things can't be avoided, only managed. There lies the distinction.

So without knowing people personally you will always be subject to making snapshot judgements. And yes, even the obese are judgemental!

By no means am I trying to not be sympathetic to your specific experience/situation. I'm just trying to shine light on a very old argument.

The only real problem I have with this theory is that since my husband has become disabled (he is thin) we have experienced people being judgmental first hand. You see he me had a massive heart attack, needed 3 heart surgeries, including a valve replacement and the complete rupture of his Papilary muscle to which there is no repair. On the outside he looks perfectly healthy....well if wearing a shirt that hides the pesky scar that the 49 surgical staples left LOL! Anyway you would be surprised how often we hear under the breath snarky comments when using handicapped spots or the always popular "why don't you work" as well as many other obviously negative directives.

So alas while I hate to seems jaded I have to admit many people suck that way. The good news is we don't have to dwell on them & shouldn't give them control of our feelings or emotions

[dawalsh 919]

Sad to say same thing here. I'm disabled but more and more people are holding doors for me, in the grocery store I went to pick up a case of diet tea bottles. People come over now and offer to help me. I usually thank them for offering but I did it when I was heavier so I can do it now with ease thank you lol. Even on the airplane people offer to put my suitcase in the overhead bin, I used to have to ask the flight attendant to help me. Oh well!