female only Sister competition :(((

[feelinggood 152]

I need to vent some frustration... My oldest sister was always very tiny until about 10 years ago when she started putting on the pounds. She was able to lose it once then gained it back. I on the other hand have been battling my weight since in my 20's and was at 240 when I started my lap band journey. I have always been heavier than her.

I had not plans to tell her about my surgery but my other sister told her. As soon as she found out she decided she wasn't going to let me get smaller than her (she said that to my sister) and went on a diet the same day I had my surgery. Every couple of weeks or so she sends me a text with her current weight but doesn't ask how I am doing nor do I offer the information. She is down 36 pounds - good for her! I am down 63 pounds. She was coming into town and called to tell me she was bringing me her size "Large" tops because they are just too big for her and they should fit me. That just cut me to the core!!! How dare her!!!

So she is here, tops and all, and she looks pretty good. I kind of thought we looked to be about the same size but after taking a picture together I can see I am still bigger. Why am I so upset about this?

Does anyone else have this kind of issue with other family members?

[michpell39 399]

Who knows why siblings can be so mean, maybe she is actually jealous of YOU, 63 pounds is no small task rejoice in what you have done for you!. I know its hard when people are petty but enjoy what you have done don't let her get under your skin , congrats on the loss!

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

Totally unnecessary competition. Just do your thing and see what happens at the next visit! Or don't invite her again. Healthy is healthy and you are succeeding.

[feelinggood 152]

Thanks for the encouragement! I can't believe I am 55 years old and still let this type of stuff get to me. I think I won't invite her back for a long time, lol.

[labwalker 1,177]

Sounds childish to me, and very immature... or insecure?

[Instyle98 240]

Best thing you can do is let it go in one ear and out the other. When you get a text, just text back, "good for you!", or "congrats!", and leave it at that. I know it's difficult, but that's probably all you can do. I have a "frienemy" like that. Years ago she had gastric bypass surgery (after I had lost 165 lbs, no pills, no surgery) and no - she is not thin by any stretch of the imagination. I wasn't going to tell her I was having Lap-Band surgery, but one day when I was talking about a difficult time I was having with my husband she just blurted out, "Why don't you go get weight loss surgery?!" That had nothing to do with the conversation, but that happens to be her recommended cure-all for whatever is troubling anyone who is overweight. LOL! Since she thinks she is such an authority on everything, I happen to tell her I had already gone through all of my pre-op requirements including the 4 month waiting period and was already on the surgery schedule. Now, I wish I had not done that. When I do hear from her, the first question is not "Hi, how are you?", but, "So, how much weight have you lost and will I be jealous?" I want to tell her that it's well within her power to lose weight and she knows what to do, especially considering she had surgery, but I don't. I just tell her how much I have lost and be done with it. She's clueless about how the Lap-Band even works.

The most important thing to remember is that it doesn't matter how much your sister gains or loses or how she does it. You must keep focused on your goal and ignore her. Stay focused, put your blinders on (in regards to your sister) and as they say, keep your eyes on the prize! She's just scared she'll be the really be the "big" sister (if you know what I mean), while everyone oohs and aahs over your weight loss and new look. If you ask me she's acting more like the baby and less like a big sister right now. Just let it go.

[gowalking 10,790]

Thanks for the encouragement! I can't believe I am 55 years old and still let this type of stuff get to me. I think I won't invite her back for a long time, lol.

Doesn't matter how old you are...She can and always will bother you because she is obviously a very insecure person and sees you as an easy target. Just live a good life and that will be your revenge.

It's easy to stay away from toxic people except when they are family. You should tell her thanks but no thanks for the clothes she offered you and instead ask her why she feels so threatened by you because it's obvious she is. Good idea for you not to invite her back.

[feelinggood 152]

thank you ladies. i am feeling better already. glad i decided to post. so nice to have a great support group!

[Instyle98 240]

BTW, 63 lb loss is fantastic! I know I'm jealous, but not too proud to admit it! Way to do it! You are almost there! Sure sounds and looks better than 36 lbs doesn't it?

[kbell2011 131]

I don't know about you, but hardcore dieting worked but I ALWAYS gained it back and then some. You have the band in which is a tool you will essentially be using forever. You may have one up on her. Just sayin'. :-D

[ADJL 685]

Your sis sounds like she identifies as being the skinny one. IMO thats totally tied up in her self esteem...or lack thereof. Your desire to be healthy pushed her buttons...and probably did a great thing for her health too if she's losing a lot of weight. I agree that there is probably not much you can do about it...but don't let her one-uping overshadow the awesome progress you've made!

Great job!

[feelinggood 152]

Thanks lapbandanna. She definitely has problems and I am happy for her that she is losing weight. I've been living with her little digs most of my life and I know better than to let her get to me. On the other hand my other sister is awesome and very supportive.

[lisamase 52]

My sister was always bigger but I was always chubby. She lost a bunch of wt and I gained a lot. For 1st time ever she is smaller but were both happy. However we have family members that constantly say" you gonna weigh more than ur sister" and those comments stink but gotta love family. It's not a completion but were raised to think it is at times. Congrats!!

[Angelizz10 76]

Thanks for the encouragement! I can't believe I am 55 years old and still let this type of stuff get to me. I think I won't invite her back for a long time' date=' lol.[/quote']

Be the "bigger" person and congratulate her on her loss. ) just a bit of humor in there. You are doing so good! You have a TOOL that you can use and ....remember the yo-yo diets where you lost and gained, lost and gained? You will never need to yo- yo diet again! She will. Congratulations on your success.

Sent from Angel's iPad using LapBandTalk

[BandtoSleevechick 171]

I would ask her and i would tell her how it makes me feel.. I say its an insecurity when people feel they need to be better then everyone else PLUS you have a new identity and like one poster had said... she might be used to being considered "the skinny one" and once u find your identity she might feel she is loosing hers... it's also her loss on not asking how you are .. getting to know the new you! congrats on all of your hard work!