Getting it off my chest...

[Kelliebelly 13]

I am not starting this thread for actual answers, merely to get it off my chest. I am struggling, I mean really struggling. I am so out of control and I blame noone except myself. I wont clean my house out of these foods because I have done that a million times in my life and it hasnt worked. I have to learn to have them in the house and ignore them, or have them in moderation. I mean, before banding I hated ice cream. I love it now, I have it about 4 times a week. Grrrrr...peanut M&Ms, my biggest downfall. I have great restriction, eat small meals and feel full, then BAM 7.30pm comes...the kids are in bed and I am like a raging animal going through the cupboards looking for food...cant just be anything though...fruit, yogurt or healthy things just dont cut it.

Now let me talk about exercise, each night I go to bed thinking tommorow I will start walking or anything. I go to sleep so motivated, and the next day I just cant be bothered. I have to give up smoking for my TT next month. I gave up for 3 days last week and in those 3 days I put on about 5 lbs. it scared the crap out of me and I turned into this psycho that bit the kids head off with anything that came out of my mouth. Hubby didnt want to come home from work...he was scared!!!

I have read all the threads...keep temptation out, see the bigger picture, wake up to yourself...I know!!! I really know and I knew it before banding and it didnt work, and nearly 11 months later its not working after banding. I wish I had energy...I wish I wasnt tired all the time, I wish I wasnt addicted to chocolate...I wish I had motivation and I wish I had self control...One more thing, I wish I could give up smoking without going to hell and back in the process. *sigh*

[NJChick 3]

Oh Kellie, I wish I had the answers for you but I don't. As I read your post all I kept thinking was ditto's ditto's and ditto's.

I too am addicted to chocolate and after shoveling a hand full of what ever it is in my mouth I say to myself, tomorrow I'll be better. I don't even want to start talking about exercise... I hate it !!! even though I know its good for my joints (arthritis) I just hate doing it, I hate lugging this body weight around...it hurts. Just seems like an evil vicious cycle.

At this point all I can offer you is a big ol jersey hug :confused: and to let you know that your not alone.

Pnut M&M's are my favorite too :confused:

[lianna 3]

Kellie, my husband was like that 3 times when he tried to quit. Irritable, edgy, a complete "psycho". He couldnt handle it at all. His doc gave him a prescription for Zyban (wellbutrin) and it was like magic for him. He was calmer and more level mooded than he was BEFORE he quit, lol. It is just something to consider. (and one of the side effects listed is possible weight loss.) He is now an ex-smoker of over a year.

[NeenBand 7]

I can relate to what your saying. I am not banded, but that is how I am with food. I know the band restricts, and will help, but it just goes to show you that we have an addiction. To food. Food is my drug and it ruins my health and keeps me from living the fullest life I can just as if it was another dug like heroin, meth or cocaine.

[Iluvharleys 15]

Awww Kelli, it sounds like you have a whole lot of stress right now and more than likely that is causing most of your problems. Quitting smoking is hard enough without all the other concerns. Do you use or take anything to help you with the smoking? Perhaps the patch would help some. :confused:

[doubletrouble 0]

I feel the same way alot of the time. I beat myself up for allowing myself to be weak. When I started this process I was sooooooo strict I would not put a grain of sugar near my mouth. Now I sometimes feel that I can eat as much as I did without the band and eat way too much sweats. I then think maybe I should have had GB and then I would not be able to eat that kind of crap. But then I have family members that have had GB and I have seen them eat that. Recently I have been eating the house down. I think it is a form of depression for me because I live in Indiana and the weather sucks in Indiana. I have come to the conclusion that the band is only a tool that we have been given. If it is used corrrectly it can be very rewarding. If it is abused it will not work. I think we all thought that this band was a miracle and that we would all be skinny. However, that is not the truth. We all know the solution, we all knew the solution before we had the surgery. There is nobody else responsible for the weight that we gain or loose but us!! We are the ones that are in control. If we want to have donuts and junk for lunch that is fine, that is called a choice. However, the band does not understand the difference between a donut or a piece of grilled chicken all it knows it that there is food in its stomach, but we do. We have the responsiblity, power and ability to take control over our eating habits. We all have had this ability deep inside us even before we had the surgery it took the surgery to give us the power to find it. If we did not want to succed we would not have. Like I said I have come to the conclusion that I am responsible for what I put in my mouth not the band. I am the one that suffers when I am weak and gives into to temptation not the band. I can go on and on and on about this but what I am trying to get to is that WE lost the weight to begin with not the BAND. As we all have found out that we actually can eat what we want the choice is do we want to. Good Luck to you Kellie on your TT let us know how you did. I thank you for starting this thread so I too can stop this horable cycle and get back on the right track before I end up where I started from.:violin:

[gentlespirit 1]

Pnut M & Ms were invented by the devil!!! They are my greatest weakness, too, although in a pinch anything chocolate will work. I'm still on mushies so I have been doing pretty good in that department, but even so I've sucked on a chocolate and it goes down well!!

I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. My first thought was like lianna's...maybe wellbutrin would help? I don't have any other thoughts that might help, but hugs never hurt, so consider yourself hugged!

Emily

[Cheri 0]

(((BIG FAT SQUISHY HUG))))

Kellie - I am so sorry that you are going through this, but please know that you are SSOO not alone!!! We are all here rooting for you at all times!!

Are you taking any presciption meds right now? I don't mean to be a drug dealer, but Lexapro has changed my (and my family's) lives!!! Not only am I on it, but my mom and sister have begun taking it as well. I am NOT saying it is a wonder drug, but it is well worth a try!!!

Let us know how it goes for you!!!

~love, cheri

[NeenBand 7]

ABout the smoking, I quit in 1996 after 5 years of smoking and I was smoking two packs a day and enjoying every minute of it. Then, a few things happened. I got bronchitis for the first time ever. I realized I had weakened my lungs in those 5 years from smoking.

Second thing was I couldn't breathe while exercising. I was working out at the time, so it was nto being out of shape. My lungs simply could not handle it.

Then I saw a article in the AMA called "Smokers Face" and in it doctors discussed how aging it is, and how they can tell when someone walks into the room if they smoke by their face.

That got my vanity.

I tried the patch, cutting down, cold turkey, nothing worked. I took 2 months and researched what method was best and read that the most successes were with Nicorette gum. Research also demonstrated that people gained less weight while using it and some even lost. (I did)

[leatha_g 4]

I'm with you girl! Just this morning, I have decided that me and my toxic lover Mexican food are going to have to part ways. I did so well, in the beginning, choosing chicken breasts, fish or some form of Protein, but the longer I am out, the more I find out I can eat all those old favorites too. I don't have burgers and fries, which used to be my fav, but I have regressed back to mexican foods. chips, salsa, chili con queso, :hungry: frito pie (texas thang). I know these things have been my downfall on finishing my weight loss. Funny, how I could not ever bring a bag of Cheetos (which used to be my favorite munchies) into my house since banding, but the Fritos seem to creep in all the time. What's up with that??

I'm fortunate in that I have been able to maintain within a 5lb range of my initial loss, but the truth is, I am sabatoging my own success! :help:

I still will have ice cream, but for me, I know I cannot keep it in the house. If I want it, I have to make the effort of getting in the car and going out to get it. That at least keeps me from eating a whole half gallon in a week.

If I have chocolate, it is a conscious decision. I buy it, I have it, I'm done for awhile. If I keep it at home, I'm going to eat every single piece of it and I KNOW it!

And yes, it is a vicious cycle. If I'm focusing on Protein and stop with the worthless carbs, my body begins not to crave them and I physically FEEL much better. :dance:

As as has been said before. It's like a toxic relationship with a lover who abuses you:argue: , yet you make the choice to stay over and over and over again,thinking somehow something is going to change.

So, change one thing. Wean yourself off the ice cream or at least make sure it's single serving sizes or fat free/sugar free. Walk 5 minutes today, then 10 tomorrow and work up. Don't buy more cigarettes, chew on a straw instead. (Yes, I quit smoking too, so I can comment.)

Most importantly, remember this: Progress, not perfection and at least you're heading in the right direction..:scared:

[Alexandra 55]

Big hugs and lots of sympathy, Kellie! You're smart for getting it out, that can only help.

Quitting smoking is WAY more important than quitting chocolate, IMO. When you finally do quit, you'll be a completely new person and your whole world will change for the better. If you already have the motivation in the form of your upcoming surgery, do whatever you can to make it easier on yourself. If that means chocolate, so be it! If it means Zyban, that's cool too. Don't beat yourself up for not being able to quit two difficult things at once--ONE is all anyone can handle at a time.

Put those smokes down and walk away. The early days are the hardest but you'll get through them fine and then you're home free as an ex-smoker!! :hug:

[DOC 0]

Oh, don't I know how you are feeling! I can relate to your feelings. The food things, well that will be with me everyday.... It is how I deal with it.

The smokes! oooHHHHHH!!!!! that one is such a hard one.

Excersise! another hard one....

Food....

It is all so overwhelming when trying to tack them all at once.

Smoking: I did it twice and I hope that is it for me. I am a cold turkey person. Get the pain over with all at once. The patch worked for my DH. What ever way works for you .... as long as it works.

Excersise: try asking someone to walk with you. That way you have a commitment with someone and you'll have to do it!

Food: well... we all struggle with that one.

Have faith. Keep trying and you will succeed!:clap2:

[Whoyah 0]

Kelly,

I so relate to your eating the wrong foods.

Before my banding (8/3/05) I was a carbaholic. I didn't know what to eat if I didn't have bread. The band did help me with that and now I don't eat bread at all, mostly out of fear of the pain. I have, however, found other means of starches. I love mashed potato's and have found tortillas will go down most times (if steamed and smothered in sauce), but the nacho chips go down all the time.

Since changing my diet (if you want to call it one) I have had major cravings for sweets, something I rarely ate before. I have found that if I buy it I will eat it and I will not stop at one serving -- I am not happy until the whole thing is gone, then I feel I can get back on track.

Exercise, for me, is nonexistent. I am a senior in college and am either reading books or writing papers and really have no desire to walk for exercise, yet. I hope things will change after May (graduation) at least that's the plan.

My band is a 10cc band and I'm up 8cc's now. The thing that bothers me most is while I do have restriction, as far as not being able to eat so much at one time, I am able to eat ANYTHING for the exception of breads. So far I have been loosing one pound per week and while some would say that is good I feel I have not yet reached my "sweet spot" and should be loosing more.

This is a concern for me because I only have 2cc's to go before having a full band (then where do you go from there?). And I have heard that some people's stomachs can stretch when the band is too tight. The only way to detect this is to go under fluro (x-ray) which is out-of-pocket costs.

I think for us the "fear" of what could happen has lessened and we are testing the waters, so-to-speak, to find what our bands will tolerate.

My only suggestion is to keep the "tempting foods" out of the house. The kids will just have to adjust and be all the healthier for it.

For the smoking -- I think you can only tackle one problem at a time.

Keeping the faith,

Whoyah

[PhotoNut 7]

Hang in there Kellie. This too shall pass and you'll come out just fine. You've done a tremendous job so far. Don't give up just yet. The best is still to come! You can beat this, don't even think for a moment that you can't. Don't be fooled into thinking you have lost power over it. You still have the power of making the choices YOU want to make. You're so close, and often times the last few yards are the hardest. Buckle down, get serious and fight for this! It's what you've worked so hard for all this time and it's within your reach now. *hugs you tight and gives you a big encouraging smile* You can do this. I believe it with all my heart!

[paula 4]

awe Kell ~ Im in the same boat myself.

Lots of awesome words from wise ones here.

Just wanted to give you my love and support. ((hugs))