"Another crutch"

[pendulum 6]

As you know I have my consult on Dec 1. I had a good talk with my Dad tonight (short version, friends are in favor/support of the banding, my dad/step mom (aka my mom) are NOT in favor). I finally had a good heart to heart with Dad tonight (background- he has been very very supportive over the years, to the point of severe enabling/.co-dependency) basically he has 'saved' me so many times in so many messes. I loathed to say it but I am, to some degree, spoiled. My folks helped me buy my home/condo (he did a lot of remodeling for free, she was my realtor), they have helped me with the car disaster, etc...etc...etc... I was severely molested by my mother and her boyfriends growing up. (I think my dad has always felt severe guilt for not seeing what was going on (or trying to raise a family and missing what was right in front of him). I turned to food as a way to 'hide' (if you are fat you get ignored (and if you are told you are very ugly/unloved at a very very early age it sticks with you). I don't think I have spoken to my mom in a year? (no biggie)

Anyhow- Dad made a comment tonight (again he doesn't know the diff tween banding and bypass) he said

"I am just looking for another crutch". I also realize I am concerned about my psych eval. (I went to culinary school, wrote a cook book, etc- my relationship with food is VERY convoluted lol)

I also know I am seeing them for Thanksgiving and lap banding will be the "elephant in the room" (I DO wish my consult was BEFORE tgiving not after wards!!!). After talking about the major home remodeling they are doing (to sell the mansion they live in)...and their dog, my dog....her job/slow sales, my job/the large company I work for....oh- we are eating AT HOME (so they don't

get to pick apart what everyone else is wearing/eating/etc).... so I guess I am trying to 'arm' myself....

as usual I know you will give some amazing feedback, from your hearts, and bands

thanks (in advance)

I realize I DO want their support in this... I honestly don't have any friends outside of work (and I tend to keep work and non-work separate....)

[mckreegar 0]

As you know I have my consult on Dec 1. I had a good talk with my Dad tonight (short version, friends are in favor/support of the banding, my dad/step mom (aka my mom) are NOT in favor). I finally had a good heart to heart with Dad tonight (background- he has been very very supportive over the years, to the point of severe enabling/.co-dependency) basically he has 'saved' me so many times in so many messes. I loathed to say it but I am, to some degree, spoiled. My folks helped me buy my home/condo (he did a lot of remodeling for free, she was my realtor), they have helped me with the car disaster, etc...etc...etc... I was severely molested by my mother and her boyfriends growing up. (I think my dad has always felt severe guilt for not seeing what was going on (or trying to raise a family and missing what was right in front of him). I turned to food as a way to 'hide' (if you are fat you get ignored (and if you are told you are very ugly/unloved at a very very early age it sticks with you). I don't think I have spoken to my mom in a year? (no biggie)

Anyhow- Dad made a comment tonight (again he doesn't know the diff tween banding and bypass) he said

"I am just looking for another crutch". I also realize I am concerned about my psych eval. (I went to culinary school, wrote a cook book, etc- my relationship with food is VERY convoluted lol)

I also know I am seeing them for Thanksgiving and lap banding will be the "elephant in the room" (I DO wish my consult was BEFORE tgiving not after wards!!!). After talking about the major home remodeling they are doing (to sell the mansion they live in)...and their dog, my dog....her job/slow sales, my job/the large company I work for....oh- we are eating AT HOME (so they don't

get to pick apart what everyone else is wearing/eating/etc).... so I guess I am trying to 'arm' myself....

as usual I know you will give some amazing feedback, from your hearts, and bands

thanks (in advance)

I realize I DO want their support in this... I honestly don't have any friends outside of work (and I tend to keep work and non-work separate....)

You do have friends here. Know that this is not a crutch....it's a tool. I now think more everyday about what I eat, Protein, etc.... than ever before. It's just now that I have something that helps me regulate volume. It is the best decision I ever made.

[Dawn200321 146]

It is a tool. I am banded only 4 weeks. Let me tell you though, I read ALL lables before eating anything. I track all my food on myfitnesspal.com. If going to a restraunt I look at the nutrition facts on thier website and decide what to eat before I get there. This is all CHANGE, I NEVER did this before being banded. I used to eat what I wanted and as much as I wanted. Now its totally different, I have the band to thank. Without it I know I would just continue to do what I was doing

[pendulum 6]

okay/....(playing devils advocate/my folks) why not do that BEFORE banding?

[Jess55 97]

okay/....(playing devils advocate/my folks) why not do that BEFORE banding?

I wish I would've done that before band, post banding, I found I didn't need the band. I changed my way of eating and I'm losing weight basically without the band. I have a basically empty band and pretty much no restriction and I'm losing weight. And I eat way more than the average bandster. It may have helped that I had restriction my first 4-5 months, so I think it taught me to eat right. But I do not have restriction now (well, maybe a teensy bit) and I have 0.75 cc in my band and I have no desire to look for restriction or anything. I'm actually losing better than ever recently. After breaking my 7 week plateau by upping my calories, adding low GI carbs and adding more exercise and one time a week strength training. I find now I love to work out. I feel like crap when I don't. I worked out twice today, felt like I was gonna die the second class, but kept pushing myself because I love it.

[Dawn200321 146]

If you can that is fantastic. However I had gone on diets before but always the same result...i was still hungry..then I would look for more food and well you get the idea

[karewpah 173]

why not do the consult before thanksgiving. Give yourself more armour so to speak.

If this is right for you, you shouldn't have to defend your choice. Why not simply say, "this is my decision. this is the tool I've chosen to lose this weight and get healthy. I want you to support me in this journey...are you with me?"

And if they're not, and some may not be, well...you have a family of origin and a family of choice..you can chose to consider us in Lapband Land you chosen family and look to use for support, butt kicks and whatever it is you may need.

[pendulum 6]

Actually I have the surgeon several times for an earlier appointment but he is out of town and has a waiting list I gather (a good sign, I would almost be hesitant of anyone who could see me 'tomorrow'

he is the ONLY person my endo recommends (and my endo does research for the mayo Clinic and is a 'doctors doctor' that is good enough recommendation for me. I agree, about seeing him earlier, but oh well...

why not do the consult before thanksgiving. Give yourself more armour so to speak.

If this is right for you, you shouldn't have to defend your choice. Why not simply say, "this is my decision. this is the tool I've chosen to lose this weight and get healthy. I want you to support me in this journey...are you with me?"

And if they're not, and some may not be, well...you have a family of origin and a family of choice..you can chose to consider us in Lapband Land you chosen family and look to use for support, butt kicks and whatever it is you may need.

[pendulum 6]

Was just talking to my dad and realized something- its a non-addict talking to an addict. (do others consider themselves food addicts?). He was talking about 'if I let myself go I could eat and eat...but I don't' or 'I could easily weigh 300 lbs but....'. I don't think he really understands. "You can lose a lb a week...." (yes and what happens when it comes back?)

History question- long term (10 year) success with the band? is there? (I am assuming yes) but worth asking.

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

okay/....(playing devils advocate/my folks) why not do that BEFORE banding?

I did it before banding.... got board and starting eating again. The difference now.... I CANNOT eat the quanity of food I ate pre band. period ...end of story. I am at good restriction and just physically cannot hold more than 6 oz at a time in my tummy.

[Robin Brown 0]

I was in a very similar situation, I listened at first to what my parents said. But then decided this decision was for me!!! I hope you do the same.

[pendulum 6]

THANK YOU for this one... I will be spending the day with my folks, and due to family politics we are eating (just the three of us) at their place and I can GUESS what the topic of conversation will be...

My screwed up life (single, working retail, wieghting 400 lbs, student loans) pick one. (at least with going out we are in public and we can talk about our surroundings/the food/the drive/weather...

I can talk about the amazing house (but be careful, they are having to redo the decorating she chose and that is a sore spot (as is the Co$t of it so.... my weight is a better choice

but this gives me a nice 'stepping stone'. thank you!

I did it before banding.... got board and starting eating again. The difference now.... I CANNOT eat the quanity of food I ate pre band. period ...end of story. I am at good restriction and just physically cannot hold more than 6 oz at a time in my tummy.

[SkinnyMiniMe 63]

I understand that our relationship with food will change but most cooks/chef are thin. I understand your mental conflict. We just have to relearn how to love food without it taking control of our minds and bodies. You know, like normal people do. I am hoping our band will b*tch slap us into reality if we start over eating. Lastly this is your turn to help yourself out. Only you alone can go through this journey. You can do it and give your dad a gift by living a happy life and a healthy one for many years. Means a lot to a parent to see their children happy and living their best life. Now get on your journey with a positive attitude cause you can do it, just believe it for yourself!

[SkinnyMiniMe 63]

That's great! I too lost weight on my own many times but guess what? it came back but if I had a band in me I could have tried to stop the weight gain sooner. For me Losing is the easy part, keeping it off is the hard part. If you ever stray you may find yourself wanting to fill your band and it will be there for you wether you need it or not. That's is he bonus of being banded

I wish I would've done that before band, post banding, I found I didn't need the band. I changed my way of eating and I'm losing weight basically without the band. I have a basically empty band and pretty much no restriction and I'm losing weight. And I eat way more than the average bandster. It may have helped that I had restriction my first 4-5 months, so I think it taught me to eat right. But I do not have restriction now (well, maybe a teensy bit) and I have 0.75 cc in my band and I have no desire to look for restriction or anything. I'm actually losing better than ever recently. After breaking my 7 week plateau by upping my calories, adding low GI carbs and adding more exercise and one time a week strength training. I find now I love to work out. I feel like crap when I don't. I worked out twice today, felt like I was gonna die the second class, but kept pushing myself because I love it.

[kewlshort1 4]

Here's my thoughts on this. A crutch is something that helps you do what you've always done. A tool is something that helps you fix something, or make something. You are choosing to get a tool, and its purpose is to help you fix your unhealthy eating habits. Does that make sense?