Oblivious or intentional

[jayres14 17]

Usually, when someone loses a lot of weight, people notice. They comment on the weight loss, ask questions, encourage, maybe even say hateful things. I get all of that, what confuses me is the people that DO NOT comment on the weight loss, DO NOT ask you what you've been doing, DO NOT have their own opinions on it, seem completely oblivious about it. I guess the reason I am thinking about this is because I went to a football game yesterday with my two best friends, who I have not seen in person since before my surgery three months ago. They do not know I had the procedure done, I would prefer to tell them about it when we have a chance to really sit and talk. Neither of them commented or made any remarks about me losing weight. Surely there is no way the didn't notice. I've lost thirty pounds so far and am now down to 184. Although I still have a long way to go, it is very noticeable that I have lost weight and I find it odd that they and a few others have not. I know these women's deepest secrets so I am pretty sure there is no way they would be too embarrassed to ask me. I wouldn't think it would be jealousy b/c they have never been that way in the past. Has anyone else dealt with something like this? I'd like to hear other's experiences. Thanks

[elcee 3,343]

Sometimes it's not as obvious as you think, especially if you still have weight to lose. People avoid saying something in case you haven't lost weight and are happy with your weight as that could be embarassing.

[Humming Bird 275]

Sometimes weight is one of those things people are not sure what is ok to say. It's like commenting on an older woman's age ..... you just avoid it.

Sometimes people are thinking all sorts of things, but the words never come out of their mouths.

Some bandsters who have been here at LBT for a couple years may remember I had posted about my husband not saying anything about my weightloss.

I had lost 40 pounds .... then 50.....and so on. He said nothing. I was hurt at first, then I was pissed, then went past that point and didn't care if he said anything at all. I waited..... and waited....... finally after I lost a whopping 91 pounds he said something ..... geesh...... To tell you the truth, he's lucky he didn't say anything when I was at the pissed stage When he got around to saying something, I calmly said, "I didn't think you noticed. This is the first time you said something." He said. "oh, I noticed."

[nikki c 16]

My brother and sister in law do this to me. I'm open about my band, Facebook, all friends and family know. Most aren't afraid to say anything.

I think the previous posters are right, it's a sensitive subject for some. They might think that paying you compliment is saying that you used to look bad, and now you look good. I wouldn't read too much into it.

In the case of my in-laws, they're just JEALOUS!

[jayres14 17]

Haha, those are good! My husband said the same thing to me about the "oh, I notice" part. I guess most men have learned it's better not to say anything at all to risk it being taken the wrong way.

[justmermp 6]

I know what you mean. I have dropped 67 pounds and my husband has noticed and commented. He even keeps a little dry erase board on the fridge and leaves me cute, sweet and funny messages on it about how impressed he is with my progress. His parents even comment on it saying how much they can tell I have lost. No one at work has said a word. On lady said to me "what is different about you, did you get your haircut"? Hopefully they will say something because the more praise I get the more it motivates me.

[kristallynn13 18]

Its funny because when I lost weight on previous diets I did not like people commenting on my weight loss. It made me uncomfortable. Sometimes it even made me fall off the wagon. Now with my weight loss, I crave the compliments and comments, good or bad! Some people that I have not seen in awhile that don't say anything at all do kinda peeve me off, but oh well. My 20 year old daughter was sitting next to me this past weekend and looked down at my chest and asked me "Where are your boobs?" I guess this was her way of saying I had lost weight

[Momto3redheads 18]

And truly....sometimes folks really DON'T notice....I, for one, don't see people for their weight....so if I haven't seen someone in awhile I may or may not notice if they are smaller/bigger, etc...others will comment and I will think "oh really?", but focusing on others weights has never been a priority to me. So instead of thinking them insensitive, uncaring, etc....they truly may be oblivious or unsure of what to say......

Keep up the good work!

Kim

[Jachut 487]

It is true that what is a huge deal to you - being obese, or losing 30lb - often isnt even noticed for others. To be honest, I technically had 80lb to lose and I ended up losing about 120, at 30lb down, I was a bit smaller, yeah, but still very overweight with fat bits and rolls and such and it wasnt terribly obvious. I think people might have thought I looked a bit different around the face, like maybe I'd changed my hair or something. But at 30lb I'd barely gone down one size!

People do hesitate too. I've lost count of the number of people who've said this year how great I look and the weight I lost has been due to cancer, chemo and having an ileostomy. Its rather uncomfortable. A lot of people wont speak up just in case.

Dont be disheartened, you have to get through that early, less noticeable weight loss to get to the really good stuff where people comment if you lose 4lb!

[JerseyGirl80 12]

I have friends that don't say anything. I find that it's usually my fellow fatties that are the ones to not say a word lol, occasionally it's thin people that have never had a weight problem that don't say anything either. As far as my fellow fatties go, I just think it's either that they feel bad and just don't want to talk about it, not so much jealousy because I know they are happy for me (jealousy is such a harsh word and sometimes condecending), but maybe just a little envious. And as far as thin people go, most of the time they're just oblious and don't care enough to notice while you're still technically "fat" to them. I don't really care who says what or thinks what, it's nice to hear but I'm not looking or counting on compliments, no one should.

People are funny, some will gush and go on and on and others keep their thoughts to themselves and their mouths shut and others really are completely oblivious. 30lbs is alot of weight, but I know for me 30lbs wasn't noticable at all to anyone but me, and it's only because I noticed the changes in how things were fitting. No one seemed to really take notice until I hit 60lbs lost.. When you're big, 30lbs isn't noticable to a "normal" sized person, big is big, whether you're 180lbs or 250lbs.. FYI (180 is thin to me!) But anyway, I wouldn't stress over it, if I saw an old friend that lost weight I probably wouldn't say anything either, but that's just me. You never know what's going on in someone's life. Like Jachut's post and like my cousin (who was thin to begin with) lost 15 or 20lbs (she looked terrible) and my aunt, who is a yogo instructor... and never had a weight problem in her life says to her "Oh you look wonderful, you're so thin, what have you been doing??" to make a long story short she wasn't eating because she was depressed over her mother suffereing with an illness, she's since passed.. This situation makes me not want to ask anyone anything. I figure if someone wants me to know something, they'll tell me, otherwise I mind my own business. So you never really know why people say or not say anything about the obvious.

[jayres14 17]

These are all really good responses, and I totally get what y'all are saying. I usually try to compliment others when I notice a weight loss, if nothing else but to be nice and hope it makes their day better.

[m1aman 944]

I guess I am the odd man out here. I really don't want people commenting on my appearance one way or the other. Just take me the way I am and keep your comments to yourself.

[123crod 170]

I guess I am the odd man out here. I really don't want people commenting on my appearance one way or the other. Just take me the way I am and keep your comments to yourself.

I agree I do not like any attention.

Cheri

[Jenn1214 120]

I think sometimes people don't want to comment on someone's weight loss because they are afraid of hurting their feelings somehow. If they say "Wow, you look great!" maybe you'll think "Well gee, I must have looked horrible before". That's the way I am, anyway.

People started commenting on my weight loss at around 30 pounds because I had lost a lot of weight in my face. I no longer look like a chipmunk storing nuts for the winter

[justmermp 6]

I read these post here yesterday and commented myself about how no one at work had really said anything about my weight loss. Today I wore something a size smaller (pants and top) and my boss said 'wow, you're really slimming down' and then one of the men in the office said 'your hair looks really nice' I said thank you and he then replied 'as a matter of fact you are glowing, whats going on with you?". So I told him I have lost 67 pounds and he said he had noticed but was afraid to say anything. So, I guess some of you previous poster are correct. Some people, for whatever reason are afraid to say anything. I don't like a lot of attention on me but it's nice to hear this because it shows me other poeple are noticing my weight loss. It's encouraging to me. What a good day today is!!