ripple effect with relatives and friends

quakergirl · July 28, 2003

It seems like my surgery has set off a ripple effect and everyone around me has started trying harder to lose weight (non-surgically, so far).

I thought of that tonight when my buddy told me he had started going to the gym. My mother and my brother have also started dieting. All of them are significantly overweight (like me), but none of them were really trying to do anything about it until now.

I am glad that it seems like this has been a catalyst for other people becoming healthier too...but it also worries me that they might be feeling threatened by my losing weight. None of them liked the idea when I first mentioned I was getting the surgery.

Alexandra · July 28, 2003

This struck a chord with me, what you said about people resenting you as you lose weight. I have a really evil cousin-in-law who, when she found out about my plans, said "I'm going to hate you if you get skinny!" And the scary thing is that I really don't think she was kidding.

She is thin herself; however, she is the sort of person who can't feel good about herself unless she's bashing someone else (most often, her husband). So when I hear a comment like that I just consider the source and move on. I honestly don't care if she "hates" me later on. She's the one losing out.

wednesday · July 28, 2003

It might not be a bad thing. My husband also felt compelled to go on a diet when I started losing weight. I didn't mind because he needed to lose 20lbs and his energy level was not good. So now we can do things together.

I do have several friends that I no longer associate with postop. They are overweight themselves and can not get past my physical change. I guess because I was always the "fatter" one. So now I choose not to surround myself with the negativity anymore. It's a shame that most people just can't be happy that we are getting healthy.

The best part about my life style change is the positive influence it has had on the people around me that are really interested. I have a co-worker who is thin, but is now eating healthier and working out. Her whole attitude has changed. I have another co-worker that is training for a triathlon now. It is very flattering when they ask me for advice.

meswede · July 29, 2003

This is quite the subject ... how our weight loss effects those around us. Wendy, I have thought of the same ... about my heavy friends and how it will effect them because I'll no longer be a "partner in crime" eating things with them that I used to. And if anything, it's a way of challenging every relationship in my life to see what quality each is made of. It will be a refining process. The other thought is ... Perhaps certain friends just seem to move on because you don't have as much in common anymore? Like Wendy for example ... now doing marathons where she didn't before and I'm sure her focus is very different from where it once was. And is it possible that thin friends could have problems with us losing weight because we could seem like competition? You know the saying ... men watch women ... and women watch women. Hummm. Anyway ... this road is still ahead of me since I've only lost 17 pounds so far. The one thing I'm most looking forward to is being ONE SIZE SMALLER than my little sister!!! I told her I've been the BIG Sister long enough and now it's her turn. She screamed ... "You're going to be smaller than me???" She's now back on weight watchers! Ha!!!! Watch out little Sister ... Here I come!

xo Lori in Oregon

Dr. Rumbaut 07/09/03

Alexandra · July 29, 2003

The process may be similar to what happens when an alcoholic enters recovery. There are lots of "friends" who fall by the wayside when partying leaves the picture. Then there are those who also enter recovery when they see a close friend or relative learning how to enjoy life in a healthy way.

Everyone makes their own choices, and the trick for us is keeping their choices from affecting our resolve to make a better life for ourselves.

karen · July 30, 2003

I am pre-band, but am already wondering what the effect of the weight loss will be on those close to me. I can see that my parents are worried about me having surgery...and they are also worried that I have chosen to go to Mexico for the surgery...but I think they will accept the weightloss in stride. I would love to see my father have the surgery as he is overweight, high blood pressure, type II diabetes and sleep apnea..need I say anymore! I do not want to follow in his footsteps medically! My children...12 and 19...its really funny but when I say something about being overweight they both comment I am not fat...sheesh come on guys! but I think they have always known me this weight so in their minds..this is normal for me..and I am not overweight..it will be really interesting to see their long term acceptance. I don't have alot of close friends..and not any that I regulary 'hang out' with socially so most of my co-workers or friends will be supportive of my weight loss... I think.. I can think of one or two that may feel slighted as I have always been bigger and we have made jokes as to that. My dear sweet boyfriend.. ... he loves me just as I am..and tells me so often. When I brought up the surgery issue with him, I broached it at...we want to spend the next 50 years together....if I keep going I won't be healthy or even around to enjoy those years with you. This guy can eat what he wants, he has a great body and doesn't seem to gain weight. Through the last few weeks, as we dine out, he will ask.."so after banding will you eat this" I explain that I would have probably eaten "this much"(and I show him) I think he enjoys the times we stop and grab chicken wings and watch tv. I have assured him that we will still do that... it's just that instead of 10 wings, I will eat one! so we only have to order one order...and he can have 9 instead of 10! I keep reassuring him that it won't change that much..only I will get healthier for our future. It's cute cuz he says he wants to see me happy...and if I am happy he is happy. I am really anxious to see how he will really feel.

leo · July 30, 2003

Being chinese, I am actually the only one that is overweight. All my friends and family are skinny. When I was 155lbs they already joked around saying I was chubby, I always just laughed it off. But deep inside I felt bad. Especially my mom, she keeps saying I am fat blah blah blah.

Thats why I don't have to worry about loosing any friends because of my weightloss. I know my friends won't even notice I am loosing, until the day I am as skinny as them. But come to think of it, nothing will really change, we still will be good friends it just happens that they won't be able to tease me about being chubby lols..

As for my MoM I don't really care what she thinks, I am never good enough in her eyes. She always has to compare me to my other cousins. Thank god she lives in Holland

Alexandra · July 30, 2003

Lori, I'm blushing! Thanks for the cheers!

glenda6 · August 5, 2003

Leo, most of us are never good enough in our mothers eyes, so don't feel alone there, I could bore you to death with mother stories - but who cares anyhow???

I think if people jump on the boat it is a great compliment that they want to be like you (that is how I justify - I don't like the jealous emotion - it wastes energy). You can have a nice laugh to yourself about your sisters and family bla bla but take satisfaction that you can be sooooooooooo influential.

Glenda:D

freebutterfly · August 7, 2003

I "hope" I am doing this right (lol)

My husband and I have had a real strained relationship for years...loveless yet no hate...just staying together for our soon to be 10 year old daughter..... now that everyone is complmenting me on my weight loss.....he is now dieting, he can't stand to see me leaving him behind, and I am soo glad he is; for, he has 5 open heart surgeries and really needs to lose around 60 pounds for his health....I am also glad he is taking charge of his life, he needed to do it for himself and it was great that I could lead by example and not nag him but let him make his own choice via free will. So leading by example is a good thing !

blackonynx · August 31, 2009

Leo, my mom once said to me that I was a failure due to me giving up on a lot of things. I wish I could let her see that I have chosen to better my health by losing weight. I will not give up on the band. even though she's gone now, her words will always make me give it all I have. I dont hate her for saying that, I think she helped me.