Seperated/Divorced parents w/kids

porclndoll · January 8, 2006

Thanks Everyone......

Last night was tuff....I did stop over to see my son and his father...Things were all good.. Its 11:30 now, and I want to call but I want to give them their time together too. I will call later in the after noon to see when DS will be getting dropped home. My girlfriend dragged me out last night. What was the point in sitting home and worrying? We had an awesome time! There are a couple of guys that work at the haunted house that Im involved in that play in a band. They had a show last night and we try and go to every one of their shows to support them. They put on one hell of a show. It kept me out of the house, and my mind sorta occupied...but I held tight to my cell phone, just in case........

This isn't an easy situation and maybe Alanon would offer some help...I dunno, I tend to shy away from groups....but maybe I will check it out. I haven't been soo good with diet and exercise...and it seems like EVERYTHING has just gone KAPLEWY in my life. So I am going to work on getting me back together first.....then add in new adventures such as alanon......Todays goal is to eat healthier and go for a walk.

Thanks guys for listening. Im sure everything will work out for everyone. I know my son will be okay because I am behind him 110% - if that were possible.

Have an awesome day~~~ Thank you all for the thoughts,prayers and hugs~~

the best me · January 9, 2006

Al-Anon was a huge help for me. They said, "come to 6 meetings, then decide if this is for you" so I went to 6 meetings, and the last one I walked out and said "I'll never go back" I was cured. Alcoholism was not a part of my life in any area except a boyfriend. He was optional. I wasn't married to him, no kids, no ties, just the choice to continue dating. We broke up, we moved on. I never could have done that without the knowledge I gained at those meetings. I learned ALOT more about ME than him, too.

I can't recommend AL-Anon more. Put that pretty high up on your list.

SuperDaddy! · January 9, 2006

Porclndoll-

Many have posted since I wrote, but I wanted to follow up. No need to apologize for your tone. I wouldn't have taken that as sarcasm. I agree that his addiction is different than ours. My impression from what you said was that he was seeking help like treatment. If he's still drinking...then it's a whole different ball game. I will certainly be praying that all goes well at his visit with dad this weekend.

Going back to the church thing...you said it wasn't your "thing". The last thing that I would ever want to do is be pushy...but I'd love to just let you fully understand the strength and comfort that you can find in knowing that the God of the Universe loves you and your son. He sent his son Jesus to save and redeem messed up people like me. He promises to never leave or fosake us. You don't have to go to a church to find your strength in him, though.

Hang in there, girl. You have great focus on success for you and your little guy. I believe that you'll find your way.

Jon

queenbeeoffour · January 10, 2006

Just had to add my strong support for Alanon again. I was very reluctant when I first started going and did not want to speak in a group setting. The best thing about Alanon is that you don't have to speak unless you want to, and it's not a discussion session. I learned so much from listening and their reading materials. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

porclndoll · January 10, 2006

Well, at the persistance of my friends and my naturally curious disposition, I did look Al-Anon up on the internet last night. I was able to read a portion of thier one book online and it did teach me something.....I have an 800 number to call and get meeting times and dates in my area..I actually took notes on the things that I read last night and Im looking at them right now. Letchas know what I find out about meetings and if I actually go

THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT

Marimaru · January 10, 2006

Another opinion for a kid of divorced parents. I seem to have a similar situation to Anca; I'm 23, my parents divorced right around when I was in the 5th grade, and my mom is always right .

I talk to my dad, and I still have ties to him because he's my dad, but I don't like him very much and I don't trust him at all. When my parents split mom had to move to CA from CO for work and we stayed in CO where we were in school. As soon as mom was settled she fought tooth and nail for support. I wanted to live with her the whole time since the beginning of their issues when it looked like they wouldn't be staying together.

I would recommend talking to your son and finding out what he wants to do, or will want to do if your separation turns into divorce. My mom always listened to what we wanted, and my dad never did, which has alot to do with the way I feel about him now.

porclndoll · January 10, 2006

Thanks for the input Sarah....I do ask my sons opinion on certain things and I do honor his wishes when he tells me no...Like when he doesn't want to go with his father.....Or go see his other grandparents. I dont force him into anything. My son also has special needs....sooo sometimes I dont know what he understands and what he doesn't. I know he doesn't understand why we are always at my mothers house. Hes like when the hell we going home mommy!!! He is a great kid and takes things in stride. I learn a lot by him....I have learned to take things one day at a time...and thats all I can do...Just make the best decision for that day...

I did contact Al-Anon. There is a group meeting in the next town over on Wednesday night at 7:30...I may go......

Thanks for the continued input and support guys~ You all rock!!

ReneBean · January 10, 2006

Just here to give a hug - and to remind you of the old Airline stand-by

Put your own oxygen mask on first so that you may help others, later.

Keep yourself on track, Doll. That way, you will be strong and ready to help your son.

HUGS!!

porclndoll · January 12, 2006

ReneBean....That is an awesome way of looking at things...Put your own oxygen mask on first.....heheheh I will always have that in the back of my mind.

Last night I went to my first Al-Anon meeting. I dunno if its for me, but they did make that 6 meeting suggestion clear. I found them to be very "churchy".....praying before and after the meeting, holding hands for prayers, greet your neighbor....which are all great things...but one of the things that keeps me out of church.....Sooo I may have to push some things aside for now, so I may benefit from them. We will see. I did learn some things last night.....openened my eyes a little....I have all ready accepted my part in the relationship problems and my part was building walls. I didn't want to deal with anything so I shut everything down.....I was tired of communicating and getting nothing back so I just stopped all together. Bad for me~Bad for the relationship. I was tired of asking and begging and getting no where, so I pushed him aside and up went the wall. I know I did it....but at the same time it was the only way I knew how to "save myself"...

queenbeeoffour · January 14, 2006

Going to the first meeting is the biggest step! If you are uncomfortable with the "churchy" part of the meeting, you don't have to participate. At the meetings I went to there were many that would not repeat the words of the prayers. Everyone has the right to have their own beliefs and you should hear many refer to their "higher power". Now the greeting the neighbor part is just plain saying "hey"! :rofl:

Please keep going!!! It's the best tool you can have to "save yourself"!!!

Dutchgrl59 · January 15, 2006

I just stopped by to let you know that I think you one AWESOME Mom Not once during your whole ordeal have you considered just throwing in the towel. You moved when you needed to and you check in regularly with your darling son (keeping accurate temperatures are crucial). You listen with your gut as well as with your heart.... and no one knows your ex better than you do. Right now this minute my 4 sons are on visitation with their dad(its a 3day weekend) and I finally get the chance to relax and regroup before the week begins again. Your girlfriend was right to take you out -- time to recharge your batteries. Keep your chin up and watch your step, it does get easier. Hugs,