Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

My husband no longer wants to have sex with me. TMI ALERT!!



Recommended Posts

My husband and I joke around and have fun with sarcastic stuff often, but none of what has been going on with your situation is funny or light. It sounds hurtful and non-loving.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Making faces behind your back? Seriously? He's a smart alec so he can be rude to you? Ah ya no. The idea that you do a behavior (drink) so it's okay for him to do a behavior (make faces) is a stupid argument.

Personally I would rather have a snicker bar than two glasses of wine; but that's me.

I don't say this lightly but I think you need some space. I think one of you needs to move out. I would however get counsel on that because there could be laws about abandonment in regards to divorce. Esp if you have children. Verbal abuse is still abuse. Life is too short to live with someone who has decided to demean you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you both need help. It sounds to me like this marriage has perhaps been desolving for a while.

Here is something I want you to think about....

I am the child of a mother who had just one or two glasses of wine a night. If you are to the point of falling down drunk, that is an alcoholic. If you can not live with alcohol and you are refusing to quit because you like it too much, you are on your way to becoming an alcoholic.

I think you personally need to evaluate your personal issues. I think your husband needs to evaluate his personal issues. Heck we all have them, we all need to grow up. Compromise and learning each other. Wasn't he a smart ass before this point? Is this new? If my husband did that I would laugh. Thing is I sometimes take things too seriously and he tries to remind me that life isn't that serious. To have fun with it.

Your marriage is in trouble it has nothing to do with the weight loss.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In my opinion, any relationship comes down to - Do the good times outweigh the bad? If the bad times outweigh the good and no one is willing to make allowances, then you need to separate for a while and see if you miss them.

There are some days that I don't like my husband, but I always love him. I always tell my friends when they ask for advice the same thing. If even on a bad day you look to the future and you see him in it, then you need to figure out how to fix it. If you don't see him in the picture, then move on.

I am not advocating divorce, I am just saying that maybe a little separation from each other and a little soul searching will give you the answers you need.

If you feel that you need to talk to someone, call a pastor at a church, they will help you. They don't try to get you to come to your church, they will just try to get you through the crisis. They won't charge you anything and will give you an unbiased opinion. I work at a church and the pastor talks to many non-members/non-church goers to help them through a difficult time.

Good luck and most of all - take care of you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Miine was not exactly the same situation but I'll tell you my story nonetheless.

My husband met me when I weighed a lot. My weight ballooned while we were married but he always seemed perfectly content with that. Then in 2005, he and I did IVF to have our son and our sex life started to suffer from that time. Things took a huge turn for the worse when I got lapbanded in 2008 and started to lose weight. It was also about this time that my career took off and for the first time, I started earning more than my husband. My new job required me to be quite assertive (project manager) so not only was I becoming more confident professionally but with the weight loss, more confident emotionally and physically.

The dynamics of our relationship changed so much the cracks in our marriage started becoming gaping chasms. He constantly found fault with me, he seemed to have little patience for me. I began to doubt that he loved me - he wouldn't even touch me - and we drifted apart more and more.

I eventually left him 6 months ago. We barely spoke for 5 of those 6 months. I dated, learnt to love the person I am now and enjoyed my single life. I had no intention of reconciling, even though I never stopped loving him, and I went about making a new life for myself.

Then a month ago, I told him about my breast augmentation (something he was always dead against) and that he needed to look after our son while I was recovering. He then asked me why I didn't get it done sooner, while we were together, and I told him it was because he was so against it. That opened his eyes, I believe, as to how much I had been compromising my happiness to be with him.

From that day, he starting calling me again. I was honest with him. I told him that I was dating other men, I told him about the travelling I had done, told him about the new tattoos (lol) and I was brutally honest about how damaging I thought our relationship was to me. He admitted that seeing me change made him insecure, and his way of dealing with it was to try (knowingly or unknowlngly) to manipluate me into behaving a certain way. But the bigger fool him, coz now I had left, and living the life of a confident, free, financially secure person, he actually found me more attractive than ever.

3 weeks ago, he asked me out on a date (he was sooo scared I'd say no!) and that night, we decided to give our marriage another go. He admits that he needed me to walk away, for him to appreciate me. He doesn't live with me yet, we're dating and taking it slow, but he cannot keep his hands off me (and yes, he LOVES the new breasts!!). He admits that the changes in me were difficult for him to take up close, but watching me from afar, he realises that the person I am is what he desires more than anything.

I'm not saying this is my happy ending. There is a long way to go. But I stopped the vicious cycle that our marriage seemed to be on and the rut we couldn't seem to get out of by leaving (and at the time, it was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do). And now, thanks to the stars aligning, we're attempting a fresh start.

Don't sell yourself short. You are worth his respect and his love. If he won't give it to you, you need to find a way to either fix it (and he must want to too) or you need to find some self-preservation and take yourself out of such a damaging situation.

It's not easy and I feel for you so much. But know that you're worth more than the way you're being treated right now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×