A Mommy's Santa Letter
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A friend of mine sent this to me. I thought some of you mommys might relate.
> Dear Santa,
>
> I've been a good Mommy all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled
>my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor,
>sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on
>the school playground and figured out how to attach nine Patches onto my
>son's Boy Scout uniform with staples and a glue gun.
>
> I was hoping you could spread my list out over several
>Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on
>the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows
>when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
>
> Here are my Christmas wishes:
>
> I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except
>purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the
>breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy
>aisle
> in the grocery store.
>
> I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the
>seventh month of my last pregnancy.
>
> If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like
>fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a
>television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals;
>and a
> refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper
>where I can hide to talk on the phone.
>
> On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says,
>"Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't
>fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use
>of power tools.
>
>
> I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't
>eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my
>voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be
>heard by the dog.
>
> If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for
>enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the
>luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served
>in a styrofoam container.
>
> If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles
>to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare
>ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.
>
> It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help
>around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an
>organized crime family.
>
> Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw
>my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have
>a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in
>and dry off so you don't catch cold.
>
> Help yourself to Cookies on the table but don't eat too many
>or leave crumbs on the carpet.
Love, Mommy