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A little discouraged



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Hey all. I was banded May 2010 and to date have lost about 25lbs and had 2 fills. I am currently up to 2 miles a day and writing down everything I eat and watching my calories. My problem is that my doctor is not very encouraging and the last 2 appt's I have had have been absolute nightmares reducing me to tears each time. My first appt I was told that I was his worst patient ever. That out of the 3,000 surgeries he had performed I was the worse one. Even though I had lost weight he felt it was not enough and belittled me for not having lost more. He told me that I had probably already damaged my band as well by continuing to eat the wrong foods. Now I admit to being no angel but I had adhered to the post op instructions. My second appt was even worse. Again I had lost weight but this time not only did he chastise me for the amount I lost but he also got up and stormed out of the office leaving me there alone. He told me that it was obvious that I did not care about myself and that I was wasting his and everyone else's time. As he walked out he laughed a little as though to add further insult to injury. His nurse came in not long after and I was in complete tears by that point. Once again I left his office completely devastated. I have had 2 fills and though I do feel a slight restriction I still feel I can eat whatever I want and do not have a full feeling as I have heard described. I have another appt on monday and I am already filled with dread and anxiety because though I have lost weight I fear he will again put me down for not having lost as much as he feels I should. I do notice a change in my clothes and people who do not know I have had surgery have remarked that I have lost weight. When I told the doctor that I felt the difference in my clothes he basically said that was not possible and it was all in my mind. He said that I had to be continuing to eat the same high fat foods and not exercising because if I was then the change would be seen on the scale. I am trying to brace myself for what may be in store for me on this next visit but everytime I think about going into that office I am reduced to tears. I know my health is improving and I have to be making some progress. My primary care doctor has already reduced my diabetes medicine and is talking about reducing/removing my high blood pressure medicine.

I am thinking about switching doctors but the only other doctor that performs the surgery in my area charges a 250.00 transfer fee and cannot see me until the end of September. I feel like I need to get another fill in order to make the other changes I have made more effective but I am truly filled with dread.

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Wow! I'm in shock. Sounds to me (because I don't know your exact surgery date) that you're losing with the average of 1-2 lbs per week. If that really is the case, I would point that out to your doctor.

Have you given him a break down of what you're eating or is he guessing at what you're eating? If you really are working the band rules that he gave you and are doing things right, point that out to him. Remind him that he works for you, not the other way around. I'd also point out that 25 lbs is a good amount of weight and right on target with what bandsters lose.

Also, if you feel like you MUST, I'd go to that appointment but I'd also pay the $250 to break free of this doc. And see if you can't find someone who goes to the new doc and can give you their opinion on how he works. It'd be really devastating to go from really bad to worse with doctors. Oh be sure to grab your medical records while you're there or you may have problems trying to obtain them for the new doc.

I'm sorry you're going through this. But again, if you're doing all that you should, stand up to him. Don't take that abuse. As over weight people, we've been abused enough and certainly don't need that from the very people who are supposed to be supporting us on this journey.

Good luck! *hugs*

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Holy moly--that kind of abuse is reportable, and I would do just that. I'd find another doctor, and report his one to your state board.

There is no excuse for that type of behavior from a physician.

Furthermore, your loss is very good, particularly since you do not have restriction.

Unconscionable. Really--totally unacceptable.

YOU are not the failure here. The doctor's behavior is horrendous.

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The first appointment I tried to explain it but I was told that I could not possible be doing the things I described. I admitted that though I had followed the ruled in terms of eating I had not fully committed to exercising. I attributed the lack of solid exercise to the little amount of weight loss. The second appt he literally walked in the office, spoke to me, saw what I had lost, went off on me and stormed out of the office. he was in the office with me less than 3 minutes and did not return. His nurse came in and I was hysterical to the point I was hypervenilating and it took me a moment to regain my composure. I was in such shock and disbelief I did not have time to react to his behavior. The nurse explained that he did not have the best bedside manner and had often been accused of being less that mannerable when it cmae to some of his patients. I went through the detail of just how much I had changed my eating habits and the progress health wise I had made. She basically just made excuses for his poor behavior and handed me some literature on addiitonal changes I could make and a low cal diet she had developed that may help she some additional lbs. This will be my 3rd fill and I have already cancelled the appt once because I was just not ready to face him. I can stick up for eveyone else in my life but have not managed to be able to stick up for myself in this situation. I am determined to make this appt but I am already not sleeping well and my anxiety is through the roof. My husband is going with me this time so hopefully that will deter some of the negative behavior.

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OMG! I am soooo sorry you are going through this!

I was going to suggest this when I read your last line:

"My husband is going with me this time so hopefully that will deter some of the negative behavior."

I am willing to bet he will not behave in the same way with your husband sitting next to you in the exam room. AND BE SURE TO TAKE HIM IN WITH YOU!

Your doctor's behavior borders on criminal.

Please let us know how it went with your husband at your side.

BTW, you are doing GREAT! Hang in there!

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That Dr. should be reported! If he works in a private clinic it will do no good to go to the manager but if he is in a hospital system one phone call to administration will get you a response! Maybe if you explain the situation to the nurse of the new Dr he will waive his fee? The receptionists usually don't care to pass the info along but the nurse will sometimes. If he is this horrid to you I can guarantee you are not the first to complain about his bedside manner! Wow. What an ass :) Good luck on your next appt and I hope he has a better attittude towards you. You are doing fantastic and please don't listen to his negative attitude!

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I have lost 20 pounds since my surgery in may. I would take your 25 any day. lol Can your fills be done by someone else in the office until you can switch doctors?

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Stop by Walmart and buy a small recorder like you see reporters using, when he walks in take it out of your purse, turn it on and say in the sweetest voice " I hope you don't mind if I record our conversation, I want to make sure I remember each and every thing you tell me" (Practice saying this outloud so you will be ready to say it to him.)

He will be on his best behavior, guaranteed.

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My husband suggested the same thing and plans on recording the conversation when we go on Monday. I still have a hard time believing his behavior. I had heard he was a little stern with his patients but at no point did I expect to be treated in such a manner. To not even have an opportunity to discuss any issues I may have been having or struggles I was dealing with was very frustrating. I told the nurse I have had poor eating habits all my life and just like it took years to gain the weight it will take years to lose it and develop good eating habits to sustain it. It is no fun having someone make you feel like a failure. I was proud that I have lost weight since having the surgery and trying to make this a positive experience but the appts have been difficult. I suggested that maybe he should connect some of his more successful patients with those that were struggling or maybe needed some extra support but his response was he did not want the ones with bad habits to negatively influence some of his more successful patients. I try to be proud of the small victories I have accomplished but contrary to what most say words hurt and are very harmful especially when they come from someone you thought was there to help you. There are only 2 doctors in my area that perform this surgery and I am sure he has lost patients to the other doctor.

I do appreciate the words of encouragement. They are greatly appreciated. Funny how strangers can bring a smile to your face or make you feel better.

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