reclaiming my individualality

[Bently 0]

My spouse says I've changed. I have been voiceing my opinion more than usual. We had a discussion about a pair of $70.00 jeans that my sister purchased. The just of it was we can't afford to pay that for a pair of jean. I said they don't make jean like that to fit me and tryed to blow it off. But he continued to drive home his message. I finally told him if I want a pair of 70.00 Jean I would buy them and not to tell me what I can and can not do. Now he says I have become hard to get along with and a bitch. Has anyone had to deal with trying to reclaim their individualality again and keep the home front happy. I could sure use some advice:sad:

[adagray 1]

The weightloss has made me more 'bitchy' too. LOL Well, I honestly don't think it is bitchy, though, to speak your mind. My husband has gotten into the habit of being a little snappy (out of the blue). He does it in a passive aggressive way so he thinks he can get away with it. I used to bite my tongue so as not to make a scene in front of the children, etc. Sometimes I would talk to him later, but most of the time I'd just bury it and feel hurt. Now I've decided I'm just not gonna take any passive aggressive bullsh#t. I'm gonna confront him when he does that and if he wants to address the topic directly, then I'm happy to do that. As Dr. Phil says, you teach people how to treat you and so since I don't like his snappy passive aggressive comments, I'm calling him out on it.

What does it have to do w/weight? Well, to me, I feel like there is some danger in any change that occurs in a relationship. One spouse losing a lot of weight is a bit of a threat or risk to the relationship. So, I want our relationship to be as strong as possible. I'm certain that bottling up my feelings and pushing them down is not gonna make our relationship stronger. So, I'm confronting this stuff now in hopes that it will make our relationship will be stronger. He may not love it right now, but I feel that in the long run it is better for both of us and our relationship. If he has a gripe w/me, he has to learn how to communicate it in an effective way (not by being snappy or passive aggressive). And, if he doesn't have a gripe w/me, then he shouldn't be spewing his negativity my way.

[KathyinAZ 0]

I think there are lots of men who like to keep their wives overweight for many different reasons. They want to keep them under their thumb, lower their self esteem and not have any other man look at them. I personally have always been a outspoken bitch! LOL Luckily enough my husband is proud of my weight loss and is always trying to get me to buy new clothes. I think when we are confident with ourselves we speak our minds and don't care what anyone thinks. Keep up the good work!

[vlp1968 83]

What adagray said about pushing down feelings is right on. A big reason people overeat is too stuff there feelings. It is great you are asserting yourself! Your husband probably just needs some time to adjust. True love will survive even though one partner looses lots of weight, and in additon, becomes more assertive. Keep communication with your husband open. I think you will be fine.

[elcee 3,343]

My husband has gotten into the habit of being a little snappy (out of the blue).

Sounds like he has grumpy old man syndrome - mine suffers from this too - even though he is only 42. I swear it's a natural part of ageing for men. The problem is they don't see that they are doing it.

[Bently 0]

Thanks for all your support. I will try to keep our communications open. I think this has been part of the reason I've gained so much weight. I have not spoke my mind or expressed my feelings. I'm real good at forgetting but not anymore I can't keep doing that to my body.

[momofwaz 0]

I wish you the best! I am personally going through the same things right now. Our relationship has had many downs already so I'm not sure if it can survive more, but I am feeling so much better about myself now and refuse to suppress my emotions with food (and excess weight) any more. It feels good to stand up for myself now. It is quite stressful though. Trying to find other positive outlets to help. Exercise is great (never thought I'd say those words!).

Mo

[keeping the faith 0]

This issue is one of control. Both you and your husband were trying to say the same thing..."you aren't the boss of me!" Remember that you aren't the only one going through changes...and he is probably feeling vulnerable with your new look. Being outspoken doesn't make you a bitch anymore than him thinking that paying 70 dollars on jeans is crazy makes him an a$$hole...just two different opinions. the trick is to see if there is something else behind the opinion. Be kind, be patient and be loving and you may see that he doesn't need to control you...which doesn't mean that you can't speak your mind. But treat him as you would like to be treated and ask him to do likewise. Also, ask your nurse for some advice...maybe counseling will help. I wish you much love and happiness and especially a nice new butt for those jeans that I am sure that you will be getting someday!!!! I'm looking forward to that myself!:cool:

[TracyNYC 4]

I am not married, but have been called a Bitch by people at work since the surgery. I think it has to do with taking control of your life in a big way. That extends to other parts of our lives:relationships, work, etc.

One friend at work tells me "Eat Bread" when I need to dial it down and am in risk of putting my foot in my mouth. The sexy PR teacher said, "You are nasty this year! I like it!" LOL

We are reclaiming ourselves.

[Bently 0]

Thank you I will keep hanging in there.