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Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin :biggrin1: I have been thinking about lots of different things these last few days. My moods have been up and down and kind of non existant which makes for many different thoughts. I was let down by a friend yesterday. In the whole scheme of life it was no big deal but I was disappointed and a little upset ('cos she didnt even call to say I couldn't visit after all) and suddenly the old demons took this as an opportunity to pay an unexpected visit. How can moods and often consequently eating change so damned suddenly? One minute I'm happy with my piece of chicken and my veg and am contemplating and afternoon at my friends. The next I'm thinking of nibbling anything and everything in the house and going out to find somethings that I don't have in the cupboards...a nice big ice-cream being top of the list. It's ridiculous to change so quickly. I guess it ultimately shows that maybe the demons will never go away and they live behind a very thin veil in our heads and are willing and happy to visit any chance we give them . What did I do? Aaah well, you'll be dead proud of me :clap2: I sat for over an hour thinking about food and about why I was thinking about food! I hadn't planned to do any exercise that afternoon because I was going out. So, I pulled on my trainers but couldn't for the life of me muster anything like enthusiasm for walking, aerobics ..nutting! I called another friend and while we were talking it got into my head to walk down to hubby's pharmacy. So I did! :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: (thought I deserved them). Now you have to understand that the pharmacy is no easy task...it's not too far and it's all flat or downhill...ahh but it is in Athens! The pavements are narrow and often have cars squished onto them...they are uneven and have these silly trees planted in the middle so I have to duck every ten seconds or walk in the road(I'm way too tall to live here)...which makes my knees hurt 'cos the curb sides are so high to step back onto...Anyway I did it. Used to take me 40mins the last couple of times I tried it. This time it took me 25 which wasn't bad (but maybe am still not as fit as I think I am now). And that was that. Didn't touch a single thing I shouldn't have and had a good walk instead. I have been thinking about some other things too but I know there's only so much you can take in one sitting so I wont bore you silly (and I'll have none of those.."too late"comments thank you very much!):Dancing_biggrin:

:sad::wilted_rose::heart:HELLO EVERYBODY,I HAVE STARTED MY PRE-OP 2 DAY EARLY.MY DATE WAS TO START ON JULY 23,2008. MY SURGERY DATE IS AUG 6,2008. BUT I NEED LITTLE EXTRA TIME TO GET USE TO IT .I MUST SAY IT GOING JUST FINE.I MUST ADMIT I DID DREAM ABOUT FOOD LAST NIGHT BUT I OVER POWER IT.WE ALL HAVE TO TAKE IT STEP BY STEP AND DAY BY DAY.:tongue2::smile::party:

Today is day 4, I did entirely too much. My port incision feels tight and pulled like I may have done something to myself. Could have been when the cart rolled into me, could have been the pants, either way.. I will rest up for the rest of the day. Today I woke up and had yogurt for breakfast, that kept me full, but I decided I needed a protein shake to go all day. When I got home from my moms, I did some work, and got dressed. I put on the loosest but still cute and professional outfit I could find, luckily for me I work from home for the most part but I did have appointments out today. I made my shake to go and went off to my first appointment. Everything was fine until I had to follow him, he walked what seemed to me as "REALLY FAST" normally I keep up with him no problem. But I could feel my stomach tightening, gas? pain? pulling? dunno.. just make a joke so he'll slow down.. joke joke, ok I got nothing.. Sorry if I can't keep up with you today, just had surgery. "Oh ok" he says as if I had just said there was paper in the fax machine.. like umm ok.. awkward but whatever... Finish with him and on to the next, I walk into the building and the smelll makes me nauseated.. umm ok gotta go... back to my car, driving driving driving.. trusty shake by my side.. wait sitting sitting sitting, but these are my big pants, why are they digging into me right there.. ahhh ok there we go.. Whole Foods, they have the BIG thing of Fage yogurt on sale for 6.99... yogurt got it, wait what's this brand it has 24 grams of protein, WOW.. hmmm ok.. let me try this one too, oh what else do they have.. An hour later.... on to the next place. By the time I'm driving to the next place I'm nauseated from the gas pressure and I think I just did too much, lifting a grocery bag, walking around for an hour, etc.. but I still need some groceries.. Let me go to the store on the way home. I get to my street.. I think I can..I think I can.. I go straight instead of turning, I pull into the parking lot and I sit in the car feeling wiped out but trying to psych myself up.. wait what do I even need again? Oh that's right SOUP! I walk in, as normal as I could and see the motorized cart, I jump in, screw it, I need it.. MEEP MEEP! I get my shopping done with ease, but I bought too much, how am I gonna get this home? sigh.. I drive the cart out to my car, put the items in the front seat. Go to drive the cart back into the store and it stalls going up the lil' incline and pushes the full force/weight of it onto my stomach.. OUCH.. the guy from inside comes from outside to help, and he yells at his female co-worker who is standing less than a foot from me, for not helping me. I don't necessarily agree with HOW he said it, but i'm glad he said it so I didn't have to. I come home and pull out the light things, the rest can wait.. inside groceries put away as much as possible, pants off.. ahhhh hmm I'm hungry... WOW that was the BEST cream of chicken and mushroom soup I've ever had in my whole life.. I would hurt someone for some pizza right now.. I don't even like pizza.. but I do like the crust.. mmmm Soup.. delicious.. couple hours later, I wasn't hungry but because I knew it was in there I had some chicken salad.. I wanted to see how it went down, how hard it was to chew, etc.. all in all I had about 1 tablespoon of it, maybe a lil' less. Went down well, tasted even better... tomorrow I'll eat that.. tonight is my first night home, my first night sleeping in a bed, I layed on my bed at my moms but it was too high and hard to get up and down from, the couch, too cushy, the recliner, just right... so I stayed and slept in that recliner 95% of the time.. So now I'm in bed laying on my side.. wanting to roll onto my stomach and just SLEEP a good sleep.. on the upside NO pain meds today, all systems are GO and now I'm just tuckered out.. so with that I will say good night world. :cursing:

Fill #1 - 3/6/07 - 2.2cc's Fill #2 - 4/17/07 - 3.0cc's Fill #3 - 7/6/07 - 3.5 cc's (I think it was only 2.5cc's because when I went back for fill #4, he could only w/draw 1.8 cc's) Fill #4 - 7/20/07 - filled me back to 3.0 ccs - He should have filled me more! Fill #5 - 8/17/07 - 3.4cc's Fill #6 - 10/08/07 - filled me to 3.8cc's - the best restriction I've ever had,but still could eat big bites of food, so I figured I needed to be tighter. Fill #7 - 11/21/07 filled to 4.0 cc's. By the evening could not hold anything down, not even my saliva. PBing all night - horrilble experieince UNFILL #1 - 11/23/07 - unfilled to somewhere between 2.5 to 3.0 cc's - NO RESTRICTIONS AGAIN :cursing: Fill #8 - 1/18/08 Went in and the doc filled me back up to just right under 4.0, according to Flouro, it was perfect. Well, by next morning, could not hold down saliva again, ended up back in hospital UNFILL #2 - 1/19/08 - Doctor had to unfill me to 3.0 again because of the swelling from all the PBing for being too tight. Again, NO RESTRICTION - :frown: Fill #9 - 2/12/08 - 3.5 cc's - was tight for about a week, now feel lose again. grrrr, still have "some" restriction, just not quite enough! Next fill scheduled for 4/7/08 - I hate that it takes sooooooo long to get in to see the fill doc. FILL #10 - 4/7/08 The doc just added .4cc's, making me at 3.9cc's. I think this might be the one! FILL #11 - Was scheduled on 6/25/08 - but the doc did not fill me up, I was leaving for a cruise on 6/27 so he didn't want to risk me being too tight, so did not get a fill. FILL #11 - 8/5/08 Went for a fill, this time the doc took all my fill out and all he could get out was 2.4 cc's. Filled me up to 4.0 cc's, I left, had to go right back because I could not drink, he took out a little over .2 cc's, he said I'm somewhere between 3.5 to 3.7 cc's. - I had great restriction for 2 weeks, but It has now loosened some. I feel I might need a tad more. I'm worried I have a very slow leak. UNFILL #3 - 8/5/08 - Took a little over .2 cc's out, had pretty good restriction, but still a tad too lose. FILL #12 - 9/17/08 - Added just 1/10th of a cc - I think I'm somewhere between 3.8 to 3.9 cc in a 4cc band. I am hoping and praying this is the fill that I stop with! I do not have another appointment for another fill, will wait this one out and see.

Today is not so bad with hunger thoughts. I have found that I need to stay busy or I think about what I could be eating. I have also found that when I am alone I want to eat. I guess this blog is helping me realize where I go wrong with regard to food. Tomorrow is another day!!!:cool2:

This is all very interesting. I know there are times... LOTS of times that if I listen to what my body wants, I eat too much, and of the wrong things. Now maybe this is not my body talking, its my head, but really they are connected at the neck, and have something to do with each other. I have spent quite a bit of time analyzing the cause and effect of what I eat - to how I feel... and I find that when I eat some kinds of food I may generally love how they taste, and like putting them in my mouth, and like the immediate feeling it produces... through my shoulders and chest of all places, but what is missing is satisfaction. I'm not talking about feeling full. There is something I am looking for that I don't usually get from food...satisfaction. Like, Im finished now. I feel fine, I got the energy from the food now... or something like that. Perhaps this is partly what people call emotional eating. I think emotions may be part of the picture sometimes for me, but not always. The satisfaction I crave feels more physical. When I really look close at the/my overeating experience, this is missing almost all the time. I realize I don't really like the taste of the food that much... the taste is not enough for me to be satisfied. Its like I'm not getting the basic nutrition I crave or something. Now I think this is where the addiction label comes into the picture. That craving for satisfaction. I just look for it in the food over and over again. Some types of food really heighten this experience...you all know what they are.... refined carbs... sugar, the "whites" High Fructose.... Its not the fats, its not the protein, its not even the whole grains and carbby vegs in moderation. The only time I get satisfied, is when I cut them out. And I need to cut them out for at least 3 weeks before I feel the satisfaction creep in. When I do this, then the size of the meal goes down, and the pounds start to slide off, and I can start to trust what my body/head asks for. However I make myself eat protein snacks even then, because if I let myself get too hungry, the chance of the old habits to reach for the easy donut are a little easier, and I just don't want to go there and start the cycle again.

CONSISTENCY *If the food you are eating is keeping you full for 3 or less hours you must increase the consistency/thickness of your food. (Generally when you are on clear liquids and ready to move to full liquids, full liquid to mushy, etc) *If the food you are eating is keeping you full for 4 or more hours your food is at a good consistency/thickness. *As soon as you feel full (this may feel like discomfort in your chest) STOP EATING. If you ever feel like something is stuck STOP! Do not drink or eat. Typically, in 30 minutes the food will come up or go down. · Special note: If all you can eat is soft/mushy foods, you are too tight and need fluid out of the band. ADJUSTMENTS · You are ready for an adjustment when you are eating good solid nutritious food (the highest consistency) and it is no longer keeping you full for 4 hours and/or your portions are increasing, and/or you are not losing weight. DAILY ROUTINE · Upon waking drink 20 oz of water (anything 1 calorie or less, no caffeine, no carbonation). The first 8 oz may need to be hot clear liquid. This is also a good rule to apply when preparing your meals. (If you feel pressure/tightness, you need to loosen your band before you eat with hot clear liquids and deep breaths, then repeat water process) · Wait 10 minutes. No eating or drinking (let the fluid drain out of the pouch). When dining out, this would be when you are waiting on your food. At home this will be the time you take cutting meat, moistening meat, and getting it ready to eat) · Breakfast: Protein 1st (use fork and knife and cut up food well), Fruit 2nd (Sample breakfast: ½ cup low fat, low sugar yogurt, 2 T of almonds, ¼ piece of fruit w/ no skin OR 1 very soft, moist scrambled egg, 1 crisp piece of bacon, ¼ piece of fruit w/ no skin · Wait 1 ½ hours (no eating or drinking) · Drink 20 oz of water up until time for lunch. · Wait 10 minutes. No eating or drinking (let the fluid drain out of pouch) · Lunch: Protein 1st (use fork and knife and cut up your food well), vegetable 2nd, carbohydrate 3rd (sample lunch: ½ cup chili (beef or turkey and beans), 4 whole grain crackers OR 1/3 cup chicken salad, ½ seedless cucumber, 4 whole grain crackers OR 1-2 oz grilled chicken on 1 cup garden salad w/ low fat dressing, 4 whole grain crackers · Wait 1 ½ hours (no eating, drinking) · Drink 20 oz of water up until time for supper. · Wait 10 minutes. No eating or drinking (let fluid drain out of pouch) · Supper: Protein 1st (use a fork and knife and cut up food well), vegetable 2nd, carbohydrate 3rd (sample supper: ½ cup stew (beef and vegetable), 4 whole grain crackers OR 1-2 oz meatloaf, ¼ cup green beans, ¼ cup mashed potatoes OR 1-2 oz bake or grilled fish, 2-3 tops of broccoli (steamed and very tender), very small baked potato w/ no skin · Wait 1 ½ hours (no eating or drinking) · If you are getting hungry between meals, you are waiting for an adjustment and you feel you must eat a snack, it should be a protein snack. (low fat chunk cheese, T of peanut butter, nuts, turkey jerky) · Once you get close to your ideal body weight you may have to pay closer attention to your calories. You should not have more than 1200 calories a day. They also recommend when drinking right before your meal to drink/gulp to see if it moves smoothly. This will let you know if you are ready to eat yet. Also, my doctor's office does not recommend snacks.

I'm going to Houston and San Antonio next week. We are leaving Sunday night. I can't wait. I LOVE Mexican food. So yummy!!

I have an appointment to see Dr. Curry this morning at 11:00am. I am excited, yet nervous. Last night I dreamed that he told me that I wasn't a good candidate for a lap band, and told me to go home and lose weight the "old fashioned" way. Well, THAT way hasn't worked for me at all. I've been fat ever since I can remember. My parents and three siblings were never fat, but I was. Mom started taking me to Weight Watcher's meetings when I was 8 years old. She gave me Ayds to chew on, helped me count calories, signed me up for gymnastics and dancing lessons in the hope I'd burn more calories and lose weight, threatened and cajoled me into losing weight, bought my sister new clothes but not me, in the hopes that I'd "straighten up" and lose weight, punished me other various ways because I wouldn't lose weight, had me on various liquid diets, including the Cambridge Diet, took me to a hypnotist for subliminal weight-loss messages, and paid for me to go to Diet Center. In my adult life I continued to life with family put-downs because of my weight and I finally topped out at 352 pounds. I stopped eating on July 1, 1998 and in 23 months I lost over 150 pounds. But that's only because I was eating about two cups of food a day, and mostly protein. Since that time I've tried to stay to two cups of food a day, but I cannot. I've steadily gained weight (big surprise) and am now back up to 247 pounds. At this rate, before the end of 2007, I'll be right back up over 300 pounds. I've calculated that I've lost and gained close to 200 pounds over and over again in my lifetime, and I'M SICK TO DEATH OF THIS STUPID HAMSTER WHEEL I'M ON!!!!!!!! Please, Dr. Curry............you're my last hope!

I have an appointment to see Dr. Curry this morning at 11:00am. I am excited, yet nervous. Last night I dreamed that he told me that I wasn't a good candidate for a lap band, and told me to go home and lose weight the "old fashioned" way. Well, THAT way hasn't worked for me at all. I've been fat ever since I can remember. My parents and three siblings were never fat, but I was. Mom started taking me to Weight Watcher's meetings when I was 8 years old. She gave me Ayds to chew on, helped me count calories, signed me up for gymnastics and dancing lessons in the hope I'd burn more calories and lose weight, threatened and cajoled me into losing weight, bought my sister new clothes but not me, in the hopes that I'd "straighten up" and lose weight, punished me other various ways because I wouldn't lose weight, had me on various liquid diets, including the Cambridge Diet, took me to a hypnotist for subliminal weight-loss messages, and paid for me to go to Diet Center. In my adult life I continued to life with family put-downs because of my weight and I finally topped out at 352 pounds. I stopped eating on July 1, 1998 and in 23 months I lost over 150 pounds. But that's only because I was eating about two cups of food a day, and mostly protein. Since that time I've tried to stay to two cups of food a day, but I cannot. I've steadily gained weight (big surprise) and am now back up to 247 pounds. At this rate, before the end of 2007, I'll be right back up over 300 pounds. I've calculated that I've lost and gained close to 200 pounds over and over again in my lifetime, and I'M SICK TO DEATH OF THIS STUPID HAMSTER WHEEL I'M ON!!!!!!!! Please, Dr. Curry............you're my last hope!

I got my first fill last week and I feel ... nothing. I mean, I can eat almost as much as I could before the surgery. Not quite, but almost. My wife and I went to Golden Corral for lunch the other day and I had a huge salad, a bowl of soup, and a plate full of veggies and Chicken. The types of food I ate weren't terrible, but all this talk of only eating 2oz of meat? Not yet. I almost wish I could experience PB or clogging just so I would know what it felt like. I'm currently at 4.5 on a 14cc band and I definitely need some more juice.

Goooood morning all. I was so scared prior to starting the pre-op diet (which I've started 2 weeks early) that there was no way I was going to be able to survive that phase without massive cheating from the start. I'm an all or nothing girl - I either don't cheat at all or I cheat big time. The last 10 years or so I have not been able to survive more than about half a day of any diet without cheating and I was terrified this would be true with this pre-op thing. This time I, with Lisa's help, applied the "Yes, I can" attitude and guess what - Despite my seriously jonesin' for some seriously bad food (especially the first three days), I'm on the fifth day of the pre-op diet and I'm I have not had one single bit of food that one would not classify as a healthy choice!! Not only am I surviving but I am feeling great. It is so much easier when you think this is the last time you're going to have to do this and you can see the finish line is just a few weeks away. I can't wait for the next official weigh in (never thought I'd say those words!!). I've decided my Thursday morning weight is going to be my official weight. I tend to weigh myself constantly (which I know is really not a good thing to do). The first two days were hell on earth - I was so hungry that I could eat a horse and then chase after the jockey! Also, I had shocking sugar withdrawal headaches that didn't go away despite me drinking litres of water and taking Panadol (Tylendol for US readers). Then, there's the crankiness - no one else was gonna have any fun if I wasn't having any!! I think having both Lise and I going through the same thing made it easier for both of us - one could help the other through their humps and provide encouragement to keep going. Also, as we're both fiercely competitive, one couldn't let herself lapse if the other one wasn't lapsing too. There were moments where each of us tried to cajole the other into giving into temptation but, fortunately for both of us, the two of us didn't feel the same way at the same time and one could always help steer the other toward the healthier choice. The only exception was last night where we both thought we should swap a shake for a very small serving of lamb (from a spit) and salads. Neither of us see this as a cheat. The calories are no worse than the shake and its a swap of protein for protein. Are we kidding ourselves?? If you've got an opinion, please let us know. To distract ourselves, we're going out a lot - we went to the movies on Thursday night, we took our gorgeous two-year old nephew to the park on Sat arvo and then we played poker at the fabulous poker room at Melbourne's Crown Casino on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights (which ended up a profitable exercise to boot)!! For anyone out there that was in my boat about wondering if they could survive the few days of the pre-op diet, I'm living proof that "YES, YOU CAN". Just do it. The first few days are horrid but they can be survived and it is true that it gets easier after those initial few days. The other thing that has been on my mind over the last few days have been thoughts about how I ever got to my current weight. I feel my biggest mistake was thinking I was fat when I was about 14 and then going on my first diet (I weighed 62kg [about 135#] and was 5'6" tall - not fat but not rake thin). Wish I had someone say to me back then what our surgeon said to us when we first saw him - fierce dieting is a sure fire way of putting on weight in the longer term. It is a fact of life that some of us have a genetic propensity for storing calories as fat. We would have been the survivors in the stone age when sources of food were scarce (our fat stores would provide energy to go looking for food when food was in short supply while the skinny runts would all die as they would have no energy stores to rely on if they missed out on eating for too long etc) - its just too bad we live in a time of relative feast and not famine!! Maybe I would have felt a lot more comfortable with myself and would never have started the yo-yo dieting thing. Last night I was talking to one of the rake-thin women at poker. Lisa and I were discussing what to do for dinner. I explained to the woman that Lisa and I were dieting and both starving. She said she never feels really hungry and fills up as soon as she eats anything. I soooo hope the lap band is going to do this for us - help us not feel so hungry almost all the time. I hope it's the tool to help me avoid slipping back to bad habits. However, I know that weight is still only lost by exercising more and eating less (more calories out and less in). I'm prepared to do this - I just wanting eating less to be easier than it has been!

I had a fill last Tuesday, and had liquids that day as recommended by my surgeon. On Wednesday night, I went out to dinner and ate a small amount, but regular food, making sure to chew well. Thursday, I could hardly eat any solids, mostly liquids. Friday, Saturday, and today, Sunday, I cannot seem to get anything down at all, except small amounts (like 3-4 sips) of fluids at a time. Even foods considered liquids like shakes do not stay down and comes right back out. I'm wondering if something became lodged on Wednesday night, my first meal after the fill, and is causing blockage. I am also having chest discomfort and lots of reflux, especially at night even if I didn't drink anything for hours before going to sleep. Anyone have something similar happen?

Lately I noticed that when initially eating I have a hard time not only getting the food down but keeping it down. In the beggining the Doctor prescribed Famotidine 20mg and I am wondering if I should go back to taking them; Or getting something simliar over the counter like Pecid. Tell me what you think

STRESS AFFECTS MY ATTITUDE AND MY APPETITE! I GET SO OUT OF CONTROL WHEN I SUFFER OR SEE OTHERS SUFFER. I THINK THAT FOOD HAS BEEN MY COMFORT FOR SO LONG, THAT WHEN I AM SAD, I WANT TO EAT AND NOT JUST FOOD, SWEETS! I KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO SABATOGE MY DIET PLAN, BUT THEY CALL TO ME WITH COMFORT. IT IS REALLY HARD, IS ANYONE ELSE EXPERIENCING THESE FEELINGS? I AM SO FULL TONIGHT, I HURT! IT SURE FELT GOOD GOING DOWN THO!:frown:UNHAPPY WITH MYSELF NOW AND FEELING GUILTY.

Try mixing food in your bites. I mean, take a bit of salad with the meat, chew to a pulp, then swallow. Mixing foods seems to help things go down and stay there.

I was reading that "dopamine" is the brain trigger in the "reward center" of our brains. Now I don't really know what the heck that means except that it happens when I eat - its only common sense - I enjoy eating therefore my brain puts out "dopamine" when I do. So, I got to thinking, I just need to have that happen in some other way - besides food especially when I get banded. So I told my husband that sex also triggers dopamine. He smiled. I didn't use the treadmill last night - traded that excercise for *ahem* something else....I'm not a big sex fiend, but hey if it keeps me out of the fridge...why not! Speaking of the fridge, I have this "middle of the night" eating thing I do. :hungry: I'm worried about how that is going to be impacted with the band. I get up, I eat, and go back to bed. I guess I'll have to put a lock on the kitchen area or something! As I feel asleep :notagree last night I was "on the table" being put under for surgery, but I wasn't all they way out - I was terrified the Dr. was going to cut me and I'd still feel it.....My subconsious trying to tell me something.....hmmm.

My dr.'s office says my paperwork looks good to be submitted to my insurance company. Now I have the "enviable" task of meeting the weight requirement. I need to gain about 15 lbs to meet the insurance requirements. I will wear weights of some kind, but in the meanwhile, I am "saying goodbye" to all of my fast food friends and snacking. I have been at the same weight for several years. I think my body wants to keep me there. It is hard to gain weight (amazing!) now. I am on new thyroid meds which may have something to do with it. My guess is, I will hit this weight again and plateau here when I start losing. I feel ready. All of this gorging is kind of making me sick of eating. I suppose that will help while I endure Bandster Hell! I look around me and I wonder - what is going to happen to all of the fat people (like me) around me? Obesity truly is an epidemic. Is there some biochemistry issue that is keeping all of us fat? One would think our bodies would resist being overweight - evolutionally. I know we are made to store fat for energy reserves, but this much? Maybe someday a scientist will figure it out. Until then, I'm with the band!

I've waited 20 years for this, I don't know if I can wait another 2 weeks or not! In 1985, I was the first woman promoted to the position of Senior Vice President with my former Wall Street employer. For 10 years, I had worked an average of 60 hours per week and no less than 6 days per week for this promotion. I moved when the company asked me to, so I moved four times in less than 6 years. I dedicated my life to my career, and it paid off. At this time I was a size 14-16 and continually fighting with my weight. Each and every day I woke up with my constant companion, self-loathing. Why couldn't I stay on a diet. Why couldn't I shake those 20 pounds. Why did weight keep creeping on. I second guessed myself all of the time. At the same time, I was buried in work, eating at my desk, skipping meals if work called and foregoing any type of exercise. To my surprise in 1986, I met a nice young man after being essentially dateless for years. We married about 1 year after meeting. Fast forward to 1987. Now, I've gained weight. My boss at the time, "suggested" that I lose weight - my weight was negatively effecting my career. Not the 60 hours and 6 days a week, but my weight. I spent a small fortune and traveled to Hilton Head, South Carolina, and spent almost 3 weeks at the Hilton Head Health Institute. I was taught portion control, how to pick wise foods, and exercised just about every waking moment. I had no complaints about the HHHI and I would enjoy returning. Six months later, I had lost 50 lbs, but I was not thin - Now I was a size 16. Slowly my weight crept back. Then I got a new boss. For the first time in my adult career, I did not get along with my boss. That's never good for a subordinate - even at the Executive level. Try as I might, this man disparaged everything I did. Nothing was ever good enough. At year end, I was only 117% of my sales goal, and that was not good enough. He isolated me from others in the company, and soon, I was excluded from meetings and projects. In April, 1988 I was "demoted." Stripped of my responsibilities as a Senior VP and made an office manager. The demotion was very public and at the time of our annual corporate meeting. My boss stated that I lost my job because I was overweight. No other reason, just because I was over weight. I was replaced by a fat man. By 1995, my marriage was over (my husband blamed me for being fat for losing my job - not that he worked, but it was still my fault my more than six-figure income shrank) and I never emotionally recovered from the very public demotion and humiliation I suffered. I stopped working, took all the money out of my 401K account, sued my former employer for sex-discrimination (won) and went to law school. I graduated from law school in 1999 and then passed the Nevada Bar Exam. Law school was very sedentary. I used phen-fen to lose weight and now suffer with a heart valve problem. My weight fluxiated as I tried assorted dietary aids, but never I was never able to keep the weight off. After law school, I married a wonderful man who loves me, even pudgie, and who would do anything for me. My weight kept creeping up. Now, I am simply fat. Although I am an attorney, my husband and I are no means rich. Recently, we started our own practice and that drained any money we had. It’s expensive to buy the books, computers, copiers and other infrastructure needed to support a law firm. Advertising is our biggest monthly expense, after employee payroll. There are times w e don’t pay ourselves to guarantee that our employees are paid. We believe in our office and my skills as a litigator. Eventually, we’ll have a cash reserve, but things now are tight. We even sold our house and moved into a mobile home so that we could use our home’s equity to pay bills and to help finance our office. I thank God that I am married to a man who will be a partner in building a law firm and I am grateful for my husband because I could not do all of this work on our own. We’ll succeed, but now, money is tight. About a year ago, I noticed that my heart was racing. I visited a local cardiologist who wanted to preform over $3,000.00 in tests. With a $1,000.00 deductible in our insurance, I did not immediately have the money for the tests. I did by the end of the year. I have a leaking heart valve, cardiac arrhythmia and an enlarged heart. After all the tests, my cardiologist agreed that my heart problems were directly related to my weight. He stated that I would be an excellent candidate for a lap band, but he does not endorse gastric bypass surgery, believing that it is too invasive. I started on a search for a surgeon to perform lap band surgery, and at the time, I did not even know what a lap band was. I attended a local seminar in Las Vegas and learned the differences in weight loss surgery. I obtained surgeon references from my CCP and cardiologist. My insurance company, of course, refused to consider weight loss surgery unless I spent 2 years under the care of a physician trying to lose weight. I am 55 years old. I don’t have 2 more years of diet failure and self-loathing in me and I opted to self-pay for lap band surgery. After reading an article about surgery and medical care provided for Americans in India, Europe and Thailand, I started an internet search for weight loss surgery outside of the U.S.. Perhaps I could save a few dollars and have a competent surgeon help me outside of the U.S.. I searched the web, researched and researched. Law school was very good at teaching me research skills. I kept researching physicians and hospitals and came upon Dr. Ariel Ortiz in Tijuana, Mexico. I never read a bad thing about him. My husband was skeptical about going to Tijuana for surgery. So was I. Tijuana? I continued to investigate Dr. Ortiz. I called physicians who provided testimonials on his web page. I researched those doctors to make sure they were legitimate physicians, not witch-doctors. I called Innamed, who makes the FDA approved U.S. lap band, and talked to them about Dr. Ortiz. I reviewed Dr. Ortiz’ CV. I traveled to Tijuana to meet Dr. Ortiz and upon meeting Dr. Ortiz, I knew my search for a surgeon, who could competently and economically help me with lap band surgery was over. I believe that I am blessed to have met Dr. Ortiz. Never in my life, have I been allowed an open invitation to question a physician about a surgical process. Dr. Ortiz offered me as much time as I needed to discuss my concerns, the surgery, his career and skills. I also learned that Dr. Ortiz proctored the prominent Las Vegas surgeon who performs lap band surgery and he proctored the surgical staff at my home town hospital in Newport Beach, CA.. I stopped searching and scheduled my surgery the very day I met Dr. Ortiz. Originally, I was going to wait until year end, 2006, to have my surgery. After my meeting with Dr. Ortiz, I scheduled Friday, October 13th, 2006, for surgery. I don’t have to be superstitious about the date. I believe I have the premier surgeon performing my lap band surgery. Now, Friday the 13th, cannot come fast enough for me. I worry that I will not pass the pre-op physical, or something else will go wrong and I won’t be able to have the surgery, so I haven’t told too many people about my surgery. I am going to burst with excitement and cannot wait to wake up after the surgery and know that I am turning the corner on my new life. I truly am very lucky. I have a husband who adores me, a successful business and a premier surgeon. I don’t need anything else. My goal: lose 150 lbs. Realistic? I don’t know. My cardiologist believes I will lose at least 100 lbs. I keep reading about people who are my size (24/26) and now they are size 12/14. Is that really possible? Or is this a dream that I’ll wake up from. I just don’t want to live the rest of my life fat. I don’t want to take the elevator at the court because I’m packing an additional 100 lbs and can’t use the stairs. When I argue with another attorney, I don’t want the adjective "fat" used to describe me. I want to walk into a store and buy "normal" size clothes. I don’t want to wear a bikini, I don’t want to be in Playboy. I just want a life freed of fat. I don’t want to be defined by fat.

I'm so excited for you! This is a big step, but worth it. I did not use any of the items I brought with me in the hospital, except the clothes to wear home. Hospital provides, basic care supplies and you will most likely just want to sleep or rest. Some suggested a notebook & pen for notes or journal, gas x strips, and ear plugs. The one thing I did not have when I got home was an old fashion night gown with no waist. My husband went & got 2 for me and that saved me! Couldn't handle anything around my waist for a week. Everyone is different though, but at least make sure you have comfy pants and tops for the first few weeks. Also I wouldn't leave the hospital without a prescription for nausea that dissolves under you tongue. Be prepared for an emotional ride the first 2 to 3 weeks, they feel like a roller-coaster, but it does get better as you heal and become more mobile. Make sure you have little 1 and 2 oz containers and cocktail size utensils at home. Also Lipton cup cream of chicken soup and chicken stock (not broth) to make it with, it adds protein and goes down well. It's a nice change from protein shakes also. You should read frequently asked questions in the pre-op forum section too. I've learned since my sleeve a month ago, that the only thing that has changed is the size of my stomach. It doesn't change food craving, choice of food we eat, what food triggers we have, our habits, or how much we exercise. We get full fast and that helps, will lose some weight no matter what, but all the rest we still have to work towards changing ourselves. We can do it though! I wish you all the best in your journey.

Well its fudge cake day today, so far I am surviving it, but there are only so many cups of coffee I can drink, especially since everyone else is saying "Well a little bit won't hurt". But everyone here know's just how much alittle bit can and will hurt:frown: The other thing is I normally go to the gym in the mornings and hadn't really noticed how I get into a routine and now that I am not there it is really bugging me. Took me longer to get ready today as well because I couldn't just chuck on the gym gear actually had to make a bit of an effort. Maybe I should take some of the cake to the gym and hang it in front of me like they do in the cartoons.:thumbup: I feel now after nine weeks I;m really beginning to get a grip on the food I can and can't eat and if in doubt vow to try it out in the privacy of my own home not in the middle of a packed out restuarant, as this can lead to a hasty exit to the ladies room.:eek: I'm wondering about alcohol these day's and do you end up drunk quicker? Because generally if I drink I eat lots and it's a good night out because it used to happen so rarely. But now because now there is no food too soak it up I think I will end up on my ear a lot quicker than ususal, so this is something I am going to have to watch out for . Cheers Chooky

BTW, I don't struggle at all with maintenance. This is all through the foods I eat. I had two back surgeries in the last 5 months and have basically stopped all exercise for the last 8 months due to a blown disc in L4/L5. When I dropped my exercise, I dropped my calories. I was at about 2,200 calories when I was exercising rigorously and now I am around 1,600 ... I would guess as I no longer track. I have found the balance that works for me. I eat nutritious, well balanced meals. I don't have food cravings and I cheat like a M/F at times. Had me a big bowl of ice cream the other night. Same size as pre-sleeve. Ate the whole thing, no problem. I'm hoping to be back in exercise form once I finish my physical therapy in another 6 weeks or so and at that time, I'm sure I will be upping my calories again. I try to get out there and post my experience, strength and hope as much as I can. I have learned a lot from here and continue to research nutritional information and share what I learn. I feel like we all were rescued from a sinking ship. I want to pull out as many people from the freezing Water as I can. I'm glad to see you are back. Why did you leave? Was it for the reasons you stated?

I had surgery 4/9, I follow up with the doctor next week and hope to get approval for pureed stage. I have so many questions for those who have been through it already!!!! What kind of foods did people start out with? Did any foods cause problems and what kind? Did anyone have trouble with the texture of baby food verses solid food? When shopping what do you look at calories or carbs,sugars? Did anyone have issues with sugars, I didnt think you got the dumping syndrom with sleeve but it sounds like some poeple do?

Hello Kitten, First and foremost congrats on being banded, it takes a lot of guts to get to that point, so good for you. I can totally relate to the snacking thing. I have always been a grazer, picker, whatever you wanna call it. Even up until the last couple of months I have had difficulties with that. I finally made that decision that I HAD TO CHANGE. There was no one there to tell me not to eat that chip or that scoop of ice cream, I had to do it for myself. I have also incorporated daily exercise in the last month. I needed to get moving, I held off for a long time with that, and now that I am moving I feel wonderful! I now try to eat three small meals a day with two snacks (try to have it be protein) and that is really helping. I drink a lot of water and am trying to stay away from the picking. Although I have lost some weight I still have a life long battle to fight and I know that means staying away from my bad habits. As far as words of wisdom I think you know what you need to do. Try and avoid problem areas such as grazing, and junk food. Easier said then done I know, but you have to want to succeed bad enough and that should taste better then any junk. Are you exercising, walking, riding a bike , gym? That has helped me immensly. The lapband is a tool and it took me a while to understand it is not going to do the work for me. I wish you luck and remember we are all here for each other. Email me if you ever need someone to talk to. Keep your head up !:confused:

I was going to post something to this same effect, but then I read your post. I, too, have hit the proverbial wall, so to speak, following my fourth fill (3.1 cc in a 4 cc band). For the first few days, I had trouble swallowing anything (so stayed on liquids). The next week or so, I was hungry all the time, and though I could eat only small portions, I did not have that feeling of fullness. I've slipped into some old habits over the past few days, so after having a long talk with myself, I took the bull by the horns and threw out those foods that were tempting me. I also filled up four large glasses with water and left them by the frig so if I was tempted to eat something, I would see them and choose them instead. Today was much better, so I hope to see the scale moving again soon. The good thing about this board is that we can encourage one another in our struggles and rejoice together over our victories. In the long run, I'm still down 52 pounds and feel better than I have in years, even if the scale has slowed down recently.