Electrawoman

4 more pounds and I will be out of the 300s!

I was told a few days ago that a friend who had not seen me in ten years didn't recognize me from current pics because I had gained so much weight. that was an eye opener. I hadn't thought that my body had changed all that much but he was right.

From 1992-1993, I gained 100 pounds jumping from 170 to 270. I stayed there until 2007 when I ballooned up again after the birth of my son and a serious car accident. It is only now that I realize how much weight I gained in that year.

In retrospect, I now see what those two life episodes had in common---depression!

I have had two major depressive episodes and each one cost me dearly. So now I am recommitting to stay mentally healthy. Depression is such a sneaky bitch. I never know I'm in one until it's too late. Watch out depression. I'm watching you!

4 more pounds and I will be out of the 300s!

I was told a few days ago that a friend who had not seen me in ten years didn't recognize me from current pics because I had gained so much weight. that was an eye opener. I hadn't thought that my body had changed all that much but he was right.

From 1992-1993, I gained 100 pounds jumping from 170 to 270. I stayed there until 2007 when I ballooned up again after the birth of my son and a serious car accident. It is only now that I realize how much weight I gained in that year.

In retrospect, I now see what those two life episodes had in common---depression!

I have had two major depressive episodes and each one cost me dearly. So now I am recommitting to stay mentally healthy. Depression is such a sneaky bitch. I never know I'm in one until it's too late. Watch out depression. I'm watching you!

I can definitely feel a difference when I eat now. I just finished my kiddo's breakfast (about three mini pancakes, a bite of egg and a couple of blueberries) and I am stuffed.

I started exercising yesterday. I wanted to go to the gym but didn't want to deal with packing a bag and hunting down my membership card. I just went for a walk instead. My once-broken ankle does not appreciate that.

I also got food stuck last night and it was definitely chewed properly first. Now, I know what everyone meant by "slime" ew!

In the meantime, I am going to snuggle up with my sick toddler on the sofa. We are watching big snow fall in Texas. That is always a beautiful site because it is so rare.

I haven't worked on my book in weeks! ugh. And thanks for the USAJobs tip. He has been applying for everything he can find there and at every military-to-civilian help site we can find. He had a good interview yesterday. A friend of a friend also offered to hire him as long as his company gets a contract they are hoping to get. They just need to hurry up and do it before we run out of moolah! Cross your fingers...:frown:

I was more puzzled about how it had gotten there than anything. I was practically unconscious while ordering it. I thought about all the times I had done that in the past. I would have eaten it then, just because I wouldn't want to waste it. I have always made my body the trash can. Can't waste it---gotta eat it!

I haven't blogged in a long time. I don't know why. I think life (and the Words With Friends game) got in the way.

Since we last talked, I got stuck and PBed twice. Both times were from not chewing well enough. It is a terrible feeling and I do not recommend it. I felt like I was choking but I could still breathe. I started to sweat and panic. MY heart raced. I felt like I wanted to belch or vomit. When it finally came up, it felt weird. The only way I can describe it is that it felt like vomitting from my esophagus.

I have been super lucky and have been able to eat everything I want, just in smaller amounts. I have no problem with eggs or pasta or celery or any of the foods they warned me about. I haven't really tried soda since I never really drank much of it anyway. I have had a sip or two of my husband's Dr. Pepper and felt fine, though.

I am still logging my food on MyFitnessPal and have only gone over budget once, by 5 calories (see the Chili's story below). I am even getting the proper amount of protein now, thanks to the Bolthouse protein drinks that taste awesome!

Areas of weakness have been:

1) Cheese balls---About 10 years ago, my friend found THE BEST CHEESE BALL on the planet. They were called Krack-O-Pop and were sold at Walgreen's in a white bucket. We were sure they put crack in them, thus the name. They were that good. We bought all Walgreen's had. Then, they disappeared. Like Indiana Jones, I have been searching for the Holy Grail of Cheese Balls ever since. Leave it to me to get a lap band and finally find them. This brand is called Bickel's of York and I found them at Dollar General. The ones on the bottom taste almost like Krack-o-Pop. The problem is getting to the bottom.

The first bucket, I ate over the course of 4 days. I could have eaten more because they go down easy, but I controlled myself. 4 days at 140 cals a pop...not too bad. But I would rather save those calories.

Now, I am just wasting the ones on top, instead. This means I am paying 4.50 for a handful of bottom puffs but saving the calories makes it worth every penny.

2) Sweet Tea---I am addicted to sweet tea and fakes sugars taste yucky to me though I can handle Splenda in small amounts. So, when I go out, I either use the Splenda or I do half sweet/half unsweet. At home, I cut the sugar down to about 1/4 of what I used to have.

Luckily, my taste for sweets has changed. Maybe it was all the fasting and pre/post dieting but the first time I took a sip of sweet tea from my favorite restaurant, I gagged because it was as sweet as syrup.

3) Tricky restaurants---We rarely eat out so when we do, I prefer a real restaurant with food cooked on the premises, as opposed to chain restaurants which are basically, glorified microwave eateries. HOWEVER, Hubs and I were recently seduced by the 20.00-per-couple deal at Chili's after a long day of walking around the Flea Market.

For 20 dollars you get a salad, an appetizer, two entrees and a desert. I thought I chose wisely with no dressing on my salad, skipping the appetizer, and choosing the mini tacos.

I ended up eating a few of Hubs appetizers because they looked really good, though. (They weren't)

Then the entrees came. The mini tacos are not mini. They are regular sized, fyi. And the desert was a monstrosity of cake/cookie bar/syrupy/ice-creamy goodness.

All in all, I ate half of the salad, a couple bites of cheese-fries, one taco, and 1/2 of the desert. So, imagine my surprise when I logged it later and found that I spent nearly my entire day's calorie ration on that one (mediocre) meal. Not happy!

It reminds me of the time, preband, when I made the "right" choice to order salad instead of cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory. The salad ended up having more calories than the cheesecake. Not fair.

Here is how the fill went:

big table, waiting for the camera to warm up and talking with Doc about how restaurants trick you into eating their high-cal food. Then, a little stick into the port area for numbing.

At this point, I was distracted with a big sip of barium and water by Nurse/PA. However, I happened to glance over at Doc and see the BIGGEST NEEDLE on the planet. I nearly passed out from fear and I am not afraid of needles. I turned away and felt nothing, luckily. Before I knew it, I was done. I forgot to ask how much he put in but he said it was "Just a little".

I was actually surprised that Doc wanted to give me a fill at all. I thought I wouldn't get one unless I was gaining weight. He asked me if I felt any restriction. I wasn't sure how to answer. I mean, I haven't noticed "the band in action". I haven't felt "full" but I have felt satisfied. I am losing weight not feeling deprived, I figured it was all good. But he said it sounded like I needed a little fluid so I agreed.

Aside from my lap-band stuff, we adopted another cat. Just what we need, I know. But I couldn't resist. His owner died and he had to leave all of his friends. He is a sweet fatty named Fred and I love him. Now, we have 4 cats, 2 dogs, and a bunny.

I am also desperately looking for work. My husband was released with only a few week's warning (at Christmas) from his Army wounded warrior program--WTU. What that means is, he is unemployed except for his National Guard work once a month. After spending over a year in the program, trying to assimilate back to civilian life, he is finding that there is no work for him in law enforcement or security (or anywhere). Everyday, he tries to run back to the "security" of military life but even they don't have work for his specialties (Military Police and truck driver). I am worried he is going to freak out and volunteer for deployment or sign up with one of the Iraq/Afghanistan security outfits if he doesn't find something soon. He has already served 5 tours, has PTSD and has had foot surgery from military work. Enough is enough already! I just want him to find a civilian job and stay in the Guard for the next four years in order to get his retirement. Is that asking too much?

There isn't much out there for me either.

I tried freelancing but always get screwed in the end for payment. I have clients coming at me from everywhere but nobody can afford to pay me, it seems. My husband has banned me from taking any more volunteer, free or trade work. Though, I am secretly preparing medical illustrations to try and sell on istock.

Employers who are looking for graphic designers seem to want cheap entry-level staff. I even had to "dumb down" my resume to apply for a lot of them and I am still overqualified. At this point, I will take anything. I even applied to work the stock room at Target. I love Target and wouldn't mind working in the back where I wouldn't have to deal with people. But they don't want me, either. (They might reconsider next week when I am too broke to shop there and they actually notice the difference on their sales sheets).

So if any of you know anyone in the Dallas/Fort Worth area who needs a security professional (or anything that's outdoorsy), or a graphic designer, email me. You can check out samples of my work here:

http://www.bettysoutherland.com

My doctor said the mortality rate was about .5% I think.

I am betting it's protein related or head hunger like the others suggested. When I get my protein, I am not hungry. If I am, it's not really hunger...just that gnawing, anxious feeling like I just want to eat.

I heard once on Oprah that those of us with weight issues just have to make peace with being hungry sometimes. I don't think, prior to banding, that I ever went hungry a day in my life. I don't know if what Oprah said is true but when I get the urge to eat for no reason, I try to tell myself that it's okay to be hungry. I am not going to die or pass out or go crazy if I feel hungry. Usually it passes or I forget about it. Somehow just acknowledging to my brain that I "heard" the request is enough.

Corn cakes are good! I am so glad you found them. Now...have you ever have mexican spoon bread???? You will DIE it is so good! mmmm spoon bread....

That's awesome!

LOL I live in Texas but love the cold. I can't believe the one year I leave home, it actually snowed here on CHristmas! ugh! Anyway, I was in Ontario. My BFF lives in Kitchener.

Michelle, update me on your progress!!!!

Well, it has been a few weeks since I blogged. I have been in Canada for the holidays and just got back last night. I had an awesome time and continued to lose on schedule during the trip.

I am losing about 1-2 pounds a week and eating most foods without too much trouble. Twice, I have gotten food stuck. I am not sure if it was because of what I ate or how I chewed but I am betting on the latter. Either way, it passed without much incident.

I also found a good protein shake finally! The ones I took on my trip were horrible! There is a generic brand from Shopper's drug mart that I really liked but had no room to bring back. Instead, I got a few of the perfectly protein shakes from Bolthouse Farms from my local grocery. They sell them in the produce section. They are really really really good and have 19 grams of protein. yummy!

Im at the same place...down 13 or so and have been taking in less than 1000 calories a day. Doc says I am doing great and this was before he realized I had lost more weight than he had originally seen on the chart. When he thought I had only lost 5lbs, he was thrilled. When he recalculated, he was super thrilled! DOn't worry! You're doing fine.

I worried about the same thing and guess what? My SIL asked me last night what was the biggest thing I noticed about my new band. I replied that I am surprised how little I care about food now! I really thought I would be climbing the walls for food but I am not. You will be fine, too

Could this day have been any weirder? I started out working at my volunteer job (CASA), ran from there to grab lunch for my son and husband, dropped it off, went to a health food store across town to pick up shake samples, then to my counseling appt, and finally to the doctor.

My surgeon said I was doing great, lost another pound or two and I am right on target.

All the way home, I sang Christmas carols and thought about how much fun we are going to have in Canada starting tomorrow. I was halfway home when I got this call from Hubs:

"Ummmm we have a conundrum", he said.

I was stuck in traffic and didn't want to try and remember what a conundrum was and replied, "Oh god. Whuuuut?"

At which point, the man launched straight into a nonsensical tirade about why he cannot go to Canada tomorrow when have been planning this trip for months.

I didn't understand a word he was saying aside from "Leave pay...extra month...BAH...discharge...and REFRAD" all military terms that mean "Oh shit. Something is wrong with the finances."

Of course, I jumped into full panic mode and had to pull over into a Braum's parking lot so I could try to make sense of it.

Having just come from a therapy session where I learned how to deal with stress better, I calmed myself down and tried to ask specific questions in order to wrap my brain around the dilemma.

It still made no sense and Hubs started hollering so I just hung up on him and went through the drive thru.

I wasn't hungry. It was pure habit. All I could think of is...we are going to either miss our trip entirely or be separated at Christmas! On complete drive-thru-autopilot, I ordered food...chili, frankfurter burger, and jr hamburger. I didn't even get meals or drinks. I just randomly ordered stuff and drove off.

As I got back on the road, I looked over puzzled, in my passenger seat at the food I now hoped kiddo and husband would eat and drove on.

The entire way, I tried to figure out what in the hell my husband was trying to tell me. By the time I got home, I had more specific questions in place. But he met me at the door while talking on the phone to my sister who was also trying to make sense of it all.

They gave me the phone. All I could say was "I dont know" and it wasn't until about an hour later that I figured it all out.

My husband is being discharged from his current military orders on January 21. We knew that this morning. We also knew that his pay would end at that time and that he was going to have to bust ass to find a job by the end of the month. OK....now what?

Well, apparently, his boss called to say that if he wanted to, he could stay home and work through our trip, saving his leave pay (vacation pay) to be paid in cash in February. Without taking into account other sources of income or what we might lose if we cancelled, he panicked and we started cancelling things.

He not only panicked, he drug everybody in our world down with him.

His sister came by to say goodbye to our kiddo and she got caught in the crossfire because she wanted to present some alternative ideas and perspective on the situation. Hah! What a waste of time. My husband doesn't let anyone finish a sentence, which was why it was taking me so long to get through to him. Before I knew it, he and his sister were hollering at each other in my living room. Me and the kids just rolled our eyes at them until they left and I cried.

Finally, my husband asked me to explain it again. So I did. We were no worse off than we were this morning. This morning, we knew we were not getting paid past January and we knew we were going to Canada and were happy about the trip.

Well, the next thing I knew, he was back in. But I had already canceled one house sitter, canceled our ride to the airport and he had fought with his sister, our other (free!) house sitter. (And when I say House Sitter, I mean animal watcher and we have 7 animals in this house! It is not easy to find folks to pet sit for us, especially not for free. Thank God for SIL, but oops, hubs had just offended her.)

I handed that fool the phone. He called everyone and got them back on board. I rescheduled the shuttle and now, I think all is well. We wasted soooo much time, though. I shouldn't even be writing this blog but I had to share this story. Whew!

I mean really. If that doesn't drive a food addict to eat, I don't know what will?

But, so far. I have handled it without food and I guess that is why I posted this story: I am proud of myself.

Doc said I was doing great! I had an eff-ed up childhood too and I guess I did see the movie as a triumph because she got her kids and learned to read. For her that was really extra special. But I can see where it can be read either way I am having a great day and hope you are too!

I nearly did it! Yesterday was the first day that I ALMOST managed to get enough protein into my diet! I was only 3 grams off.

I still haven't found a favorite ready-to-drink shake. Muscle Milk is pretty good but it leaves a weird film on my lips and has an after taste. I like that I can get it pre-mixed at the convenience stores, though. Tomorrow, I am taking a trip to the health food store to try isopure and Chike. I am also going to look for that unflavored stuff. Any other suggestions?

Yesterday, I did not blog because I was busy fighting with Hubs all day over socks. What a waste of a day. You know, if everyone would just do as I say, the world would be a happier place.

Meanwhile, I am 3 chapters into writing my book! By the time I finish it, maybe I will have reached goal so I will look cute on Oprah. Oh wait! She's going to be off air by then

Maybe Ellen will have me on :crying:

Yay NumNUm! That is incredible!!!!!!

I know I have already posted one blog today but I had to share this: I am a huge Sid and Marty KROFFT fan (if you couldnt tell by my screen name). I was devastated when I grew out of this shirt years ago. It is a size large and I never thought I'd see that size again. I only kept the shirt because Witchiepoo is my favorite S&MK character of all time.

Color me shocked but I am 12 days post op and managed to get into it tonight. Tight, yes. But who cares?! It's a freakin' LARGE! I love you lapband!

Pics of me in the shirt

Oooh shimmying sounds fun! Is there a video for it?

That is such a good thing! There are some awesome free calorie logs online, too. This one is very easy to use:

Free Calorie Counter, Diet & Exercise Journal | MyFitnessPal.com

All you do is type the food and the program counts the calories for you. You can log exercise and it will set up a basic weight loss plan for you. You can see exactly what nutrients you need to add very easily.

Bodybugg is also a good tracking tool. I got mine free with a gym membership at 24hr fitness. Their site lets you log calories and the bugg measures your exact calorie expenditure for the day. You wear it on your arm. Their site is not free but it's reasonably priced.

Put the cake in the freezer! That's what I did to the one Hubs got from a party. If anyone wants it, they can thaw a piece and you won't have to worry about it going to waste. If you do get weak, it takes a couple of hours to thaw out and you won't want it by then

And you know what? Skinny people eat bad food all the time. It's not your fault. We are different. Food means something different to us and our bodies are set to fat mode. That is not our fault. You are taking steps to make a change and that is awesome.

That's the one big thing that comforts me now. I am not anxious and hating on myself all the time. I did something. I am doing something. And even if it takes years to get the weight off, it will come off and then those mouthy bastards can kiss my thin ass. :crying: Tell your MIL that! ha ha :ohmy: HUGS!!!!!!

Jewel! You have to look at this book! My friend got it for me last Christmas and it is a HOOT!

Scared of Santa

Terror in Toyland

I did okay at the Masonic dinner. I ate some food but it was all mushy--sweet potatoes and such and I ate very little of it. Feeling good and proud. As a bonus, I met the coolest bunch of rowdy old women there. Loved them!