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About this blog

I am starting over with a new healthy lifestyle and going back to nursing school. Follow me as I realize my dreams.

Entries in this blog

 

50 lbs gone, I lost more than my son weighs.

I know it has been awhile guys. Sorry bout that, I have been posting on youtube under JewelJolyn. Check me out. Well This morning I hit my first 50 pound loss. I have excercised everyday for the past 2 weeks and started the Couch to 5K training. I started it in March but gave up on it quickly. Now that I am setting goals again I want to make the most of my excercise time so I restarted this week. Unfortunately I am having some hip pain so I am off to the doc to have it checked out before I go further. The big reason why I strarted working out again is because I was so close to 50 lbs I wanted to get over that hump. 60 pounds is my halfway there mark so I am gonna keep it up so I can reach 60 at my 6 month mark. I feel awesome. I am no longer taking Provigil to keep me awake. I am no longer napping during the day. I get up at 7am 6 days a week and sleep in on sunday. I feel so confident because I acheived a huge goal of losing 50 pounds. I got an A and two B's in my college course work this last semester. About school, I have completed all my prerequisite coursework for the nursing program and mailed off my application to the program this past week. I am confident in my application that I will be accepted. My grades were really good. I will hear back from the college in the begining of august and will hopefully start the program in Sept. My Pell grant is looking good and my name is in the hat for about 20 different scholarships. I will begin clinicals in Oct. I plan to graduate Dec 2011. I have started back to therapy because I was really battleing with myself over what to eat. I am addicted to carbs and I struggle with them everyday. I am making progress. I also joined a lapband support group through my surgeons office. It is great to have people to talk to face to face and it has really helpped me get the upperhand over my carb addiction. If you haven't checked youtube out for lapband videos I highly recomend it. Look me up (JewelJolyn) and also check out bandedwendy, newtoy4kt, and thesososkinny. They are my favs. Also look up Proofwlsworks on youtube and facebook. It is a great online support group.
JeweI

JeweI

1
 

Goodbye 33 pounds, I lost you but I am not coming to find you.

I have lost 33 pounds since Nov, -21 since surgery Jan 4th. I have gained a new attitude. When I first wore my new jeans to class I felt a little uncomfortable because I was no longer hiding in my baggy jeans and shirts. Now, I am proud to wear them. I wear them every other day. The new slacks I bought are already feeling lose after a week of wear. My confidence is building as I succeed with weightloss and with school. Even though I am the biggest chick in the room I don't feel like I stand out anymore. I can see the change in the mirror. I can't believe these are my legs and my chin has returned. My husband says he can feel the difference when he hugs me. I am aiming for 17 more pounds by easter. That is when I will be visiting my brother. Oh how surprised he will be when he sees a third of me is missing. I also went to orlando a little while ago and met some friends from LBT. We had a blast talking with each other and I got some great advice. Feels like I have a few new moms and sisters. I am also going to return to volunteering in my son's karate class. They need a little help with all those 4 and 5 year olds. My son kept getting hurt in there because they don't have enough teachers. I have a fill appt next friday. I hope to be down 5 more pounds by then. I always get so nervous to see my doc cause he gives it to you straight. If I lose 5 more pounds by then I won't have to worry about it. I have decided to resume therapy. The only reason I stopped going was because we no longer had insurance. Now that I have it again I think I need to go back. I stopped taking my psych meds for awhile and I think I need someone to keep me accountable for them. I got so caught up in the magic of the band I forgot about my issues. I even missed an appt. My therapist really challenges me. She has helped me tremendously with my social anxiety and PTSD. Helped me set goals and then follow through. Taking I can't out of my voc. After I was diagnosed with psych issues I felt so helpless and weak. She showed me I can still have a happy fulfilling life. Having psych issues doesn't make me stupid. It makes me human.
JeweI

JeweI

2
 

28 pounds gone, 6 weeks post op

I am so excited, I am actually losing weight. I am using the band and it is working. Since Nov,09 I have lost 28 pounds. Since Jan 4,10 I have lost 16 pounds. That is 2.5 pounds per week. My clothes are getting too big so I am buying a few new things. Some to fit me now and some to fit me next month when I am down another 10-15 pounds. I love shopping and getting new clothes. This is gonna be a great year for me. I am buying things on clearance and that are cheap because I know they will be too big for me again in another month. I had my first fill 2/9/10. It went really well. My doc was very happy with my weight loss so far. He gave me hell at my post op appt because I didn't lose enough. But this one went really well. He had no trouble locating my port. I did forget to ask how much he put in but I don't think that matters much because it is very different for everyone. I am eatting about a cup and a half of food right now but it doesn't stick with me very long. I feel I need to eat more often. I know I need more of a fill but I will have to wait till next month. I can't complain either, it feels great to get on that scale on see I am no longer 260 pounds. I keep looking at old pictures of myself and I can't believe the difference I see in my face. I went this weekend to Orlando FL to meet with some other lapband ladies from LBT. We had a great time. I have learned so much from these ladies in th past 3 months. It was wonderful to meet them and see their successes and struggles. We had so much fun. I wish I could have stayed longer but life is calling, right? I am going to visit my brother in April. I hope he will be surprised by a 40-45 pound loss. He lives across the country from me so I don't see him often. Last time I saw him I believe was october. I was at my highest weight at that time. I also will be flying. I am hoping I will not be crowding out the person sitting next to me. We are also planning a trip to Disney. I want to be down enough by then that I can fit in the rollercoaster and rides. I went to an amusement park in July 09. It took 3 people to get me into one of the seats of a rollercoaster. Hopefully I will be in onederland by then. We are going camping and motorcycling in the mountains in July. I am looking forward to being able to ride longer without the weight. After a few hours I start get alot of pain in my back and butt. I think with the weightloss my hubby and I will both be more comfortable. Right now we are a little squished together and it makes it uncomfortable for him because he can't lean back like he needs too. School is going great. I took the entrance exam for the nursing program and did great. Doing well on my exams. I do have a paper to write this week for my film class ( which I am dreading). I have to find common themes in several movies and write about them. I am thinking about doing it about childrens animated movies and how they appeal to children. I just took a development (psych) class and I think I could put some of that in the paper. Something about why children like animated films and how it works with their development. I don't know alot about films but I do know children and have seen alot of animated movies with my son. I have so much to look foward to expecially now that I have the band.
JeweI

JeweI

4
 

Low carb, Bandster hell

Well It has been almost 2 weeks for me now. I am on soft foods. Yes, my Doc cleared me for it already. My first 2 meals of soft foods I threw up. Now, I can eat and eat and eat and I want to eat. I have no restriction and because I had those carbs the other day I am craving them. I am still trying to kick those carbs. I know It will take a few days for the cravings to stop so for now I am toughing it out. I am 12 days post op and have lost 8 pounds for a total of 20. My Doc wants me down 4 more pounds by Feb 9. He says I need to pick up the pace. I gained a bit post op and from eatting those carbs last week. Now that the swelling has gone down and I have little to no restriction I am hungry alot. My doc told me only 3 meals a day but I am finding that hard to stick too. I want snacks about 2 hours after I eat. I am gonna try eatting more during my meals and seeing if that will help me last until the next one. I am also doing alot of reading/studying. It just seems to increase my hunger. I am trying to adjust to my new school schedule too. Fiqureing out when I am gonna eat my 3 meals each day. Doc says to plan them so you don't catch yourself in the drive through. I bought some soups that had about 10 carbs per serving. It was the lowest I could find. I think that's what I'll be taking to school to eat between class. Just once a week. The other days are shorter so I won't need to take a meal. Bandster Hell, So this is what it feels like. I hope it doesn't get any worse. I guess from being on liquids and now having no restriction I am hungry all the time. My doc told me I would feel this way but to stick to the program. maybe we will have dinner early tonite.LOL
JeweI

JeweI

3
 

First week in bandland

It has been a week now since my band was installed. I called the Doc office to find out why I was in so much pain, turns out they had to use more gas to inflate me than usual. Hence, more gas pains. I still had some this morning but they are bearable. Other than burping I haven't really been passing gas. So I am not sure where it is getting off too. I have really struggled this week food wise. Up until the surgery I had great control over what I was eatting but by day 4 post op I was trying potato soup and chicken noodle soup. I just struggled to stick to the protein shakes and liquids. My Doc will be real upset to know I was eatting those carbs. My weight did go up a bit but today it is back down to 246 which is -14 for me. I had gotten down -18 presurgery. Post surgery I was -16 from all the swelling. I am sticking to the liquids today and tomorrow will start soft foods. I am not gonna give up anymore of my -14 pounds to carbs. I did start my workout again yesterday and today. My Doc only ask for 10-15 minutes of excercise to begin with. I can handle that on my Wii. Pre op I was doing 30 min and hope to get back to it in a few weeks when the tenderness goes away. I also started school again today. It went pretty well. Just gotta get buckled down again and get some reading done. I switched campuses this semester and today felt a little out of place. Everyone seemed to already know each other pretty well. Plus, I got the feeling like I would have a little more competition. The professor did say we would be dissecting a fetal pig this semester. It should be and intresting course. It was a little confusing as far as class schedule goes though. When she wants everything turned in. I'll catch on.
JeweI

JeweI

2
 

What I didn't expect post op.

I am 2 days post op and my weight is up 2 pounds though I have been on clear liquids. I was getting concerned about it but then someone mentioned that it was from all the swelling. That sounds good and makes me feel better. I didn't want to go to the doc on tuesday after gaining weight. I hope it goes back down. I also didn't expect to be in so much pain. Everyone I have talked to says it was not that painful. To be honest, I hurt. I thought I was doing well so I skipped my pain meds. That was a huge mistake. Now I am taking the pain meds and gas-x and am able to move so much easier. Just remember not to drive while taking these meds. I do feel much better with the pain meds so don't let the pain deter you.  
JeweI

JeweI

9
 

Home From The Hospital

I am a true bandster now. We arrived at the hopital about 6:15. They had me put on a gown. Then, they put stockings on me and pressure cuffs on my legs to prevent blood clots. Gave me a blood thinner and started me on antibiotics through an IV. The Doc and anestisiologist came in and talked with me. At 8:45 they gave me something to " calm my nerves". Then started to wheel me back and I was out before we rounded the corner. I was suppose to get onto the operating table myself but I was out. I woke up and they told me I was done. I couldn't believe them. By the time I could read the clock it was 10:00. About 11:30 I walked to the bathroom and was able to go so they discharged me at 1:00. I am in alittle pain at my clavicle and around my diaphram. He gave me 2 types of pain pills. One a liquid. My husband has been awesome. I am trying to do things myself like get dressed and get a drink but for the most part he is helping me. I am getting up and walking around. I have to wear these stockings till tomorrow night but am having a hard time keeping them up. With my Doc's plan I will be on solid food in 2 weeks. That's awesome because I know some of you have to wait longer. I also have to wear the bandages 3 weeks.   I know some of you already know this but I have written it out so the newbies can learn what to exspect.   I feel great and am very excited to get this journey going. I am craving solid foods now but they are bareable. The scale at the hospital said I was down 16 pounds. My MIL's scale still says 18. Since it is most readily available to me I am going with that number.
JeweI

JeweI

6
 

Big Day is Tomorrow!

Well, tomorrow is my big day. I will be banded about 8:30 am. I have had a 2 day liquid diet and am doing great at it. I really don't feel hungry. I can feel the liquids cleansing me out though, Gross. Better then a laxitive and enema though. I feel great on this low carb diet. I have so much more energy. I am waking up earlier and easier. I am excited and surprised I am not more nervous. The only thing I am nervous about is waking up and finding they were unable to place it. I have followed the Doc's instructions so my liver should be in good shape. I am down 18 pounds this morning and hope to be down 20 by morning. Some days I don't lose a thing then others I am down 3 pounds. Thankfully it doesn't go up anymore. I am so excited to have this momentum going into surgery. I have quit regular soda and carbs. The cravings for them have gone down substantially. I still have them if I smell them but the need for them all day has gone down. I have gotten everything in my house prepared. It is clean and laundry is done. My MIL is dressing my son in the morning because I will already be at the hospital. I have my bag packed but need to get some before pictures taken. I also got my hair cut, colored and highlighted. I like to do that before each semester. If I have to be fat I don't want to be sloppy too. My MIL got me some Bath & Body works for christmas. Japanese cherry blossom, I simply love it. I think hubby does too.
JeweI

JeweI

5
 

Christmas Challenge

Well today's the day. I had set a goal to lose 15 pounds by today. Depending on which scale I use I may or may not have lost 15. I first weighed in on my MIL scale but then got my Wii. My MIL scale says I have only lost 14. The Wii says I lost 18. Since I started with my MIL scale I guess I will go ahead and say I didn't meet my goal. My reason for setting the goal was to help me lose as much as possible and I believe I did that. Losing 14 in 2 months without the band is a decent amount almost 2 pounds per week. My next goal will be valentines. Which is 6 weeks away but I will be having the surgery and the preop diet. I will aim at 28 pounds. I plan to be down 50 pounds by april which is 11 weeks thats 4-5 pounds a week. I am going to visit my brother then and I will have to fly. I want to be in onederland by then. Setting goals is one of the key steps in losing weight. If you aim at nothing you will get nothing. Setting small goals and taking baby steps will lighten the work. It will make the task seem easier. It is a great way to outline where you want you life to go. If you change your mind about that then just change your goal.
JeweI

JeweI

1
 

Update

I had my preop appt on wed. It went really well. I don't have diabetes. I am so ready for this surgery. I am ready to get on to my new life. I can't wait till March when I take my son to disney. My goal is to ride the rides with him. (actually fit in the seats). School starts Jan 11. Hopefully I will be down enough that I don't have to worry about fitting in the seats at school. A good 20-30 pounds by then. I am already down 8-12 depending on which scale. I want to lose a total of 15 by New year. Thats 3-7 more pounds this week. I know it can happen on low carb diets. On spring break I want to go visit my brother. It would be nice to fly and not feel like I am crowding the person sitting next to me. Plus to see his reaction at all the weight I've lost would be priceless.   My MIL has already told the family about my surgery. I really wasn't wanting to tell them. I hate people to think I am so fat I have to have surgery. I asked her not to say anything. Plus where does she get off telling people my personal business. I feel it is a private matter. Like your period. You don't announce it to everyone everytime it comes. There are just somethings people don't need to know about me. I hardly know these people. Why should they know something so personal about me?   I did tell my Dad though. I knew he would be understanding and supportive and he was. I don't have a mom. So I talk to him about stuff.
JeweI

JeweI

5
 

Mil

Well my MIL brought up the topic of my surgery this afternoon. I explained alot of things to her and I feel she is more understanding now. Now that she understands I am not having a bypass or something as drastic. I guess the 3 days she has been gone have given her time to clear her head.   I am down 7 pounds today. Following dr's orders of low carb diet. It is very hard to skip a whole food group but it is encouraging to see the weight go down. I don't ever want to go back to eatting them like I was. I am addicted to them. They consume alot of my thoughts, too many.   Also had my preop today. I was pretty nervous talking to the staff and being in the hospital. I have another preop on wed. This one is with my surgeon. He always makes me feel good about my decision to do this. I really feel like he understands what it is to be fat. He use to be fat himself. I am ready to get this over with.   Also my Dad actually contacted me and invited us over christmas eve. He hasn't called or talked to me in prbly a year. He and my stepmom just got divorced and he has been "celebrating" I guess you could say. Hanging out and drinking, meeting women. Just been to busy for us. It will be weird to see him again. Don't think I am gonna tell him about the surgery. I don't really want everyone to know. Although those who know me will probably fiqure it out.
JeweI

JeweI

1
 

I got my Wii Fit plus!

My husband got a christmas bonus yesterday and he let me go out and get a wii fit plus. I have been playing it all day. It is so fun. It also says I lost a pound since yesterday. Yeah!   My Doc appt weds was kinda weird. I thought I was meeting the surgeon again. The nurse lead me into the room and there was another patient in there with about 5 empty chairs. It ended up being a group meeting where they explained about the liver, insurance lots of info. Then the doc came in looked at all our weight. Thankfully I lost because the one lady who didn't lose he gently confronted her about it in front of everyone. She apparently wasn't following the diet he gave us all. I knew she was in trouble because we were waiting for the surgeon to come in and she told me she didn't start the diet yet. The surgeon said if our weight goes up he will cancel the surgery. He doesn't want us to have a fatty liver in the way of where he is trying to work. He gave us quite a peptalk and that was it. I didn't get to speak with him personally.   My MIL hasn't said anything about the surgery and seems to be acting normal again. Hopefully she has gotten over it. My preop with my Anesthetist is monday and preop with the surgeon on wed. Things are moving along here.   Last night I had a dream about getting my lapband. It was so far up my throat I could feel it. Kinda weird.
JeweI

JeweI

2
 

Semester's over

Well I survived my first semester back in school. I did way better than I expected and am looking forward to a break. Next week I have 2 pre-op appts. My in laws are going out of town and my son will be home from school. So I will still be busy. Not to mention christmas. I hope this time flies by fast cause I can hardly wait to get my band.
JeweI

JeweI

1
 

Cat's outta the bag.

Yesterday my MIL used my pocket calendar and saw I had written down my surgery date in it. So we ended up telling her about the surgery. Boy was she angry. We hardly got it out of our mouths that it was weightloss surgery before she stormed out of the room. She thinks she has been in my shoes cause at one point she was 30 pounds overweight. She also believes I need to lose it without the surgery. I have over 100 pounds to lose and I want it off before I get diabetes. Diets don't work for me I need to make a life change. Oh well, she didn't even want to talk about it she was so mad. I just don't get it. I could see disagreeing with me but to get angry. This is my body and my choice.   I have alot of studying to do and am having a hard time getting to it. I have 2 final exams tommorrow and am not prepared. I just can't stay focused on it more than a few minutes. I think it is partially because I haven't been eating carbs the past few days. Due to the surgeons recommendation. My Dad use to tell me it will only last a few days. He was a big adkins fan.   I meet with the surgeon again tommorrow. Will be discussing my blood work and all the other test he ran. Then, next week is my preop.   I am still nervous about this. This is going to change my life in so many ways. It feels like getting married. Excited for sure just wondering what will life be like. I guess it is also like a breakup. Breaking apart from overeating. How much more will I be able to experience once I get the weight off. I am hoping this summer to take a mommy and me swim class. I want my son to know how to swim and I don't want to be embarrassed to get in my bathing suit. Going to movies, football games and nascar races and not feeling squished in the seat. I really feel like my realtionships will improve because I will be more present and not always consumed with thoughts of weight and food.   http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvljD0toJmU
JeweI

JeweI

3
 

Tough day

You know, I thought I had thoroughly researched this lap band thing. Somewhere in all the excitment I got a little mixed up. The post-op diet takes 5 weeks before I am back to eating whole foods not 5 days. If I can't win the battle over carbs now how am I gonna follow the post-op diet. I feel like I am carrying around alot more weight now. I didn't sleep well last night because I am reconsidering the surgery. I don't want to get the band then hurt myself by cheating, vomiting. So with the lack of sleep last night I managed to get up late and missed breakfast before class. Then discovered today was the day my teacher wanted to discuss death. Memories just came flooding back about my MIMI and how she passed when I was a teen. I was fighting tears all through class, still am. Not to mention I am hormonal because it's that time of the month. Plus I haven't had my psych meds in a week because I have been saving for the lapband. I am getting creepy and depressed feelings again. I am gonna call my doc and try to get samples to last till I get paid. Usually I would take it easy when I get these feelings but I have 2 finals wed and need to study. I wish I could just step out of these feelings and look at everything objectively but I can't without my meds. I can feel the mixed episode coming on.:confused:
JeweI

JeweI

3
 

Still weighting

You don't have to read this. Just some thoughts.   Will my surgery day ever come? It feels like christmas when I was a kid. It is taking forever to get here. I have 3 weeks left without the band.Four days till my next appt. I know my Doc is gonna expect to see some weight loss. Honestly I do too. I gave up soda and have been limiting my carbs and have been working out but the weight just doesn't want to drop. This is the struggle I have been in for years and this is why I am getting the lapband in the first place. Diets don't work. Even the low carb diet the Doc wants me on. I get stuck in the vicous cycle of restriction and binging. I will do great on a diet for a week then I feel so restricted I give up and binge. I am ok with giving up soda. I guess I wasn't as into it as I thought I was but carbs is another story. Every day without carbs the desire for them grows. Then something will happen (like my dinner won't thaw in time or someone will eat all my eggs) and I use it as an excuse to eat carbs. Once I get started I can't stop.   I finally told my MIL today that I am on a diet. She gave me no reaction which is good. I was expecting a lecture about my eatting habits. The thing is she isn't telling me anything I don't already know. Just as much as food haunts me so do the negative comments. "It is my fault I am fat.""If I was a better person I wouldn't be in this situation". Honestly, the fat people I know are kinder, gentler, more undertanding than the skinny people I know. So how can it be that fat people are bad. We're not! When will the guilt go away. When can I put my thoughts into things that are more valuable to me?   My MIL brought home a chocolate cake with chocolate buttercream icing and raspberry filling, I am trying to study but all I can think about is that cake. Maybe I should throw it away. Tell her it went bad. JK I don't usually lie. I am still trying to think of a way to tell her I am having this surgery. I really would rather lie to her and not tell her at all but I don't want to be a liar. I don't think there is anyway to soften the blow from her. Probably a bandaid situation. It's gonna hurt so you gotta pull it off as fast as possible and get it over with.   oh well thats just my ranting today.
JeweI

JeweI

3
 

A whole new me.

I just got back from anatomy class and I am pretty sure I just aced the first half of my final. I am so excited. This is my first semester since I dropped out 10 years ago. I never expected I would do so well. I honestly thought I would get B's and C's but so far all A's. Some of them barely A's. I am also setting the curve in my human growth and development class. Hopefully this is just getting th ball rolling for my new life. I will have a new career and a made over body, a new wardrobe, a whole new attitude. I really am looking forward to the future. I am also making new friends. Which is hard because I have some social anxiety. I am scared to death to talk to new people but these classes are pulling me outo of my comfort zone and forcing me to get to know people. Hopefully I will find a friend somewhere. A best friend that doesn't care about my faults, that I can talk to about personal stuff and that I can share clothes with. Have I hit my midlife crisis at age 28? I am not happy where I was at but I sure am climbing out of that ditch. Is my husband gonna like the new me? I really am not sure. It already scares him that I have made a few homosexual friends. I think he is a little upset with my new assertivness too. I usually am very passive but lately have been putting my foot down. expecially about getting the Lapband. I had hoped once I graduated school he could return but he seems happy in his job right now so I don't want to push him out of it. I am doing this for all of us. Going to school so we can be more finacially stable and losing the weight has so many benifits. One thing I am hoping for is and improved labido. Even more energy. Once I am earning the money I want to be able to spend the money with my family. Visiting places, flying, rollercoasters, waterparks all of which are so hard now. Even maintaining a house, yard work and stuff. It all seems possible now and I hope my husband will see that I am considering him when I considered the band. I don't want to leave this world early and leave him alone with my son.
JeweI

JeweI

2
 

Starting over

So I have been thinking about what exactly to say to my inlaws and I think I am just gonging to tell them I have a doc appt and I am on a diet. I really don't feel like it is everyone's business. I will need them to get my son ready for school on surgery day. SO I am planning on just saying My hubby and I have an early appt. If they ask questions I will just tell them it's personal. My husband has been better the past couple days. Maybe we are just avoiding talking about it. I am excited about getting a lapband but I am worried too. Is this really something I can do the rest of my life. I imagine myself at age 70 hurling because I drank to fast. Will I set off metal detectors? What if I need an MRI or a X-ray will the metal in the port cause problems? It is all just worry for the sake of worrying. I know it is going to take something Life altering like the Lap band to fix this problem. I have tried it alone and it doesn't work for me. I will be having my surgery a week before the next semester. I think by the end of the semester I am gonna look like a whole new person. I can't wait. May this be the last time I worry about wether or not I will fit in the desk at school. Most of my classes are in labs but I do have one that will be in a regular classroom. I don't want to be the fat nurse who's boobs are in your face when she leans over you. I wanna be the hot nurse who's boobs are in your face when she leans over you. :cursing: Wohooo.I should be at goal by the time I graduate. What a feeling that will be. I will be Starting Over.:thumbup:
JeweI

JeweI

4
 

Little glitch last night.

I know at some point I must tell my in laws that I am having this surgery. We live with them and this is not something that I can hide. I wish I could. The more I get to know my MIL the more I realize how closed minded and judgemental she is. She judges everyone and for some reason I guess it didn't hit me till the past few months that,YES, she judges me too. So I talked to my husband last night to decide when and how we are going to break the news. Come to find out my husband thinks I am selfish for wanting this surgery. He feels I haven't considered his feelings at all about this. WTH? He feels like I am spending his money all on my self. (now who is selfish) He was so mad because in order to save up for the surgery I have been taking money out of the account and stashing it in the house. That way I know it won't be spent. Wed he was home all day. He had to work the night shift. On his way to work he wanted to grab a burger. (instead of cooking himself dinner with all the free time he had wed). I told him there was no money left in the account he had already spent it all. (on fast food) So because I took the money out for surgery and he couldn't have a burger I am selfish. My surgery should in no way interfer with his life. He shouldn't have to sacrifice like me and my son do because he is "working his butt off". He deserves to spend his money whenever and however he wants and me and our son should just go without? Needless to say, we got in a huge fight. He did apologize this morning. I am still taking the money out and hiding it because I don't want it thrown away on fast and convenient foods. I still plan on going through with this surgery. At some point I still need to tell my inlaws. I am not sure how to handle my MIL because I know she is going to flip out and I don't know what to say. I mentioned it to her before to kinda get a feel of how she feels about it. She told me if I would stop eatting white food I would lose weight. Personally I have never heard of the white food diet. I have never found a diet that people consistently lost 150 like I need. Only WLS can do that consistently.
JeweI

JeweI

7
 

Second and Third Appt Today

I can't believe my last blog had so many views and comments. Thank you all for taking time out of your day to encourage me. I had a fitness and nutrition appt today. The fitness appt was just 15 min and she gave me some strength training excercises to do but didn't talk to me at all about cardio. She did mention that I would need to build up some muscle to fill in the skin. I kinda felt gipped from the appt though. We didn't talk at all about how much and how often I am to do these excercises and it was the same excercises she gives everyone. It just felt impersonal. The nutrition appt was alot of info. It was an hour long. She was teaching me and this other guy at the same time. Thankfully I only have 2 days of clear liquids preop. I have seen some of you have 2 weeks. Wow. She said the low carb diet will shrink my liver just as well as a liquid diet so they don't require it. She gaves us list of good, bad and inbetween foods. I am just surprised at myself for going through with this. I feel like I am letting go of who I used to be (an allstar athlete) and admitting I am not that person anymore. I have mommy gut and married butt. My body is scarred by the life I have lived. On the flipside though I can change things. I can be a Milf lol jk. I can be a mommy who lost the gut and a wife who lost the butt. Claim victory over my body again. Plus the psych class I am taking has shown Me I still think I am living in the glory days. I have to just admit This was a sad place to be. Now, I am taking my first step outta here. Before I know it my thirties will really be the new twenties. I learned from 2 different psychologist that just invisioning yourself achieving your goals puts you at a greater advantage of achieving them. So, Here it is, Graduation day. I am walking across the stage in the auditorium, proud, NOT the least bit anxious, I have earned my diploma and am now officially a nurse. I have a ton of friends and family cheering me on because not only did I shed the weight I have shed the fear of talking to new people. I stand up now to give a validictorian speech. (By then I hope I will have learned to spell it correctly). For the first time I will address the crowd without crying out of fear. I am proud of who I have become, outgoing, energetic, joyful, fullfilled, genuine (no more holding back tears and faking a smile). This will be the new me. Those of you who wanna take this step with me leave a comment about who you will be in two or three years. I have used this technique to acommplish many things. I used to be so ill I couldn't even drive. Now I drive, have a family and attend school. Despite still being ill. Here's to a life well spent.
JeweI

JeweI

4
 

I have decided to do it!

Well I had given up on losing weight. The more I excercised the more I ate and the fatter I got. Maybe it's all the medicine I am on. What I do know Is I am exhausted all the time. It is such a battle getting up in the morning and staying awake all day. Doc says it is metabolic syndrome making me tired. He recommended I get a lap band and boy was I pissed off. I know I am fat but am I so fat I need a band. After a few days I realized YES, I am. I've done all I can do on my own and I never invisioned losing all the weight just some of it. That was until I met my weightloss surgeon and his staff (who are also bandsters). Then I could actually see myself thin. Now when I see food I want I remind myself I don't want that food as much as I want to be thin, awake, healthy, vibrant. So I decided to do it and the hope I had given up is back again. I know it will still be hard work but I also know my work won't be in vain. I have already begun the work and lost 3 pounds. Here's to a life well spent.
JeweI

JeweI

6
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