catfish87

I went home, to my home church, for Homecoming yesterday. The pastor spoke on being sucessful. He said in order to be a success at anything we have to admit our issues, deal with them and let them go- you can't look back and forward at the same time. Sometimes, I admit I hold on to the past to much.
 
At 186 I still see myself at 240. It's hard to admit that I look pretty good now, because if I do I might slip up and go backward. My weight loss has stopped since summer, I have stayed in the 186-189 range. With stress, the NUT says that is good. I haven't gained- true, but I haven't lost either.
 
I realize the definition of insanity, is continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different result. I do make better choices when it comes to my diet, but not the best choices. With the band I physically can not eat the amount I use to, but I don't always chose the healtiest option. I must get better at this. I know that exercise can make a huge difference, but I have yet to really settle into a work out routine. The occasional workout is BS. I walk a couple times a week and I work in the yard at least one day a week. Yes, I stay busy, most of the time. But, I know after I finish the dishes at night- I need to do something physical instead of getting my shower and crashing in front of the boob tube.
 
Right now, I am not having issues with eating to much at the time, but to much over all. While I am not diabetic, my body is having trouble keeping my sugar levels regulated. I pretty much have to eat every 2 hours or risk getting shakey and passing out. It doesn't seem to have a bearing on what I eat. Last week, I got really bad off. I started talking out of my head- my sugar was in the 30's. A friend of mine just moved back here and she is a ER doc- she finally just got a Twix bar and made me eat it. It still took about 30 min for me to come totally out of it. I have got to see an endocranologist for test, but can't get an appointment until Dec. So until then I must eat something every 2 hours. So I have my phone set to go off- Even during the night I have hard candy by my bed to eat one when I go potty- this ensures when I do get up I can function. This totally sucks and I know it has nothing to do with my band, but still make things difficult.
 
Work has been rough for a few months now and it isn't getting better, so with everything going on it really gets me down in the dumps. My husband is great encouragement, but he is busy to with his two jobs.
 
I know I must now get back to basics and teach my self yet a new routine, so my body gets what it needs, not to much, but enough and timed so I can keep everything in balance.
 
I must look forward- I can't ask myself why, how, or whine about the circumstances I find myself in- I must look forward, develop a new plan of action and empliment.
 
Any of you have issue like this that can offer advice?

I was bad with my dinner last night. But I loved every bit of it. Today is another day and I will be better. I did not over eat, I just ate the wrong things. I had 3 coconut shrimp, great bread dunked in oil and cheese pizza. The local restaurant has a great football special when the N.E. Patriots play. Yes they won!!!
 
On one of my other WLS groups one person spoke of her friend and by pass. The woman had by pass about 10 years ago and was doing great for a while. She is now in the hospital for revision. She stretched out her pouch and when the doctor went to sew her insides it was like cotton candy, her words not mine. The woman is on ice chips for a few days and in the hospital for at least 10 days. If that doesn't scare the S**T out of you, nothing will.
 
​I never was a drinker. In fact the last frozen Girl Scout cookie I had I broke out into hives and never had a drink since. That was over 15 years ago. So drinking was never anything I was going to miss with my journey. I never liked fast foods and yet I was and am obese. Fast food was always a comfort food but not for me. Give me bread and more bread, ice cream. I now have bread in restaurants and maybe once or twice a month in my own house.
 
I think we all went into this new journey to get healthy, be thinner and move our bodies that were just sitting around. No one forced us but we need to be smarter with choices. Like CG always says, Listen to your doctor!! Listen to your dietitian and finally listen to your body.
 
Have a great week. October is tomorrow and before you know it Halloween. I only buy candy I hate and I hate more candies than I like. I never had a problem with buying candy. Yes, I hate Snickers!!
 
Arlene

I've found that in the 4 weeks since I've had my surgery I am obsessing about how much weight I'm losing. I'm losing a decent amount, but I want to make this work so badly I've forgotten about patience.
 
Patience hasn't always been a virtue of mine, but I'm thinking this is something I'm going to have to work on. I didn't get fat overnight. It happened over years and I'm expecting to lose so much in months. Don't ge me wrong, I still think its important for me to have goals. I just need to be realistic.
 
This is not a sprint to the finish line its a life changing marathon, with hills, valleys, and bumps. I'm really appreciating the people on here who are so open and caring to give me good advice and help keep my mind straight and help me realize what's happening with my mind and body is normal.
 
Today, I am going to stop worrying. I will follow my Doctor's instructions and walk through my journey, so hopefully one day soon I will be able to help others.

'Twas the night before surgery and all through the house everything was quiet even this mouse!
 
Well in 12 hours I will be leaving for the hospital to begin a new chapter in my life.
I never thought this was a road I would be taking but here I am nevertheless.
It has been an eye opening journey so far.
 
My pre-op diet turned out to be a total success. For 14 days I followed all the rules and directions of my surgeon and nutritionist. It was a positive experience and actually taught me a lot about myself. I can do what I must even when it puts me in an uncomfortable spot. I've re-learned what TRUE hunger is and I now have a better and more intimate understanding of what head hunger is and feels like. I wonder why I never strayed for these past 2 weeks and then I came to this conclusion. Besides laying on that operating table for the surgery, I have one job...and one job only. Shrink my liver! Well, I figure since they need to move it a bit I could at least make it as lean and non-slippery as possible. I've read many posts lately about how people are falling off the "pre-op wagon" and that its okay because after all if we could stay on a 2week diet we wouldn't need weight loss surgery would we....those posts really got to me. But in the end, I am only responsible for me and my body. I've abused it enough over the past 44 years so i figured I could do it right for 14 days at least. So I am not saying I am any better than the next person, because I surely am not....but perhaps people should think about those goldfish or that cheeseburger....is it really worth it....ummm, for me....NO. And please know, with a 3 and 6 year old I made it thru making lunches (with extra peanut butter on the knife)...lots of snacks (some with just a cookie or two left in the bag)...and meals (nothings better than leftover mac and cheese from my kids' plates). I lived my life and made it work because I HAD TO!
 
I've learned more about fear and uncertainty...constantly wondering if this was a good decision, the right decision, what may or may not happen before, during and after surgery. Will I love it....will my band be good to me...will i be good to it???....will I have success like so many here. Lots and lots of unanswered questions.
 
I've learned more about support and friendship. I've met many nice people, on this forum and in person, and am happy to now call several of them friends. It's nice to have a place to go and people who support you. A place like this...a place to come and not be judged....for what you look like or how "large" you are. That's a rare thing in todays cruel society.
 
I sit here on my couch feeling very calm and at peace and it bothers me a little that I am not more nervous...since that is my nature. Granted, my one and only concern....and its a biggy....is I just want to wake up from this surgery and know that I will see my babies again. I know that I will...I've come this far and all of this has happened for a reason. For me, I'm going to take each new day as it comes....each one is a gift and I am walking forward on this journey with good thoughts and the hopes of positive things to come.
 
Tomorrow's a new day! A day to celebrate a new and healthier me!
I want this...I want it bad.
I'm willing to work and following what I must.
I'm willing to take responsibility for me and my new little friend that will soon become a part of me!
 
Sometimes it takes a lot of faith and a lot of work....I'm ready for both!

To all the “KNOW IT ALL” posters in Bandland!
 
I posted this elsewhere today and I’m adding it to my blog because I just had to get this off my chest!
 
Why is that some people feel they are experts at what is right for anyone but themselves?
When "newbies" or even veterans for that matter ask questions in this forum, it's because we are looking for advice and support.
 
We are not looking for the know it all clipped and often times judgmental comments that are thrown out to refute the actual helpful advice of other bandsters. These comments come in almost exact succession to the postings of certain people who are actually helpful in their comments and advice, and these judgmental postings are really starting to bug me.
 
If you think this comment was about you, then it probably was and I hit my target audience.
 
My advice to you is that perhaps you should take all that you know and apply it personally and then edit the content again before you hit post. Or I'm sure there will be more people who will start refuting your comments and judging you for your tone and countering you on your expertise.
 
Last I checked you were not registered as a Lapband Surgeon, Doctor, PA, or spokesman. It's really all just your opinions that would be better served minus the judgmental tone.
 
Thank you.

In my 30 + years of working in healthcare, I have rarely run across any two doctors that have the same way of practicing medicine. This is also and more so true with bariatric surgeons. What my doctor said is okay to eat pre op will not be the next doctors choice. What my doctor has me eat post op no other doctor may agree with. All this banter going on to other members of this forum to not listen to your doctor or nurses because they are wrong is not in any way something anyone should say to another person in this forum. Just because I was on clear liquids post op, does not mean every doctor makes their patients take in clear liquids. Some go right to full liquids and then on to regular food. It all depends on what that doctor chooses for his/her patients. If someone is eating yogurt the day after surgery and their doctor said they could then they can. If your post op and on clear liquids but want a glass of milk I would say call your doctor but I highly doubt that a glass of milk would hurt anyone. No two surgeons of weight loss surgery will give the same pre op or post op diet so if one doctor says its okay to eat food after a fill and another doesn't then neither is wrong its just what they prefer. Do any parents raise their kids identically? No they don't. Do all nurse give the same care? No they don't. Is every college student going to get straight A's? No they are not. So no one can say your surgeon is wrong because that is farther from the truth. Follow your doctors advice and his/her plan for your surgery and yours alone. They have invested their time to be bariatric surgeons and it all depends on what they were taught. Even though it makes it hard to have a community of people who have had the same surgery try to come together, no ones doctor is wrong unless he is being brought up charges of medical mal practice and since no one has said theirs has, then please follow your doctors orders and not what we are doing.

I finally paid my AT&T Uverse bill word of advice check your bill often because they will upgrade your internet without your knowledge. I guess they didn’t get the memo about me being on a budget!
 
Anyway how is everyone? I am okay… I guess. This recovery time is harder than I thought it would be. I guess I can start with the morning of the surgery. Surgery took about 18 minutes and I was discharged around 930am. Once again my amazing daddy took care of me. He made sure that my a$$ sat down and got my meds. And just like last time he went to work that evening! This is why I love my daddy! My coworkers (I don’t know if I told you guys this before but I work with nurses) been checking on me every day especially my partner in crime. It cracks me up when he texts saying how is my patient this morning! (I can’t laugh too much because it hurts) Despite of all the things that been going on with him losing his home and getting his life back on track. He still makes time to check on me and that means a lot to me.
 
My support system has been wonderful to me. They are concerned about me because the first thing they ask me is I hope you’ve been sitting you’re a$$ down! I am but it is hard. I thought I prepared myself mentally for this but I didn’t. I am afraid that I am going to gain some of my weight back when I am so close to One Hundred Land! I was doing so good with my workouts and I really wanted to do my first 5K with Catfish next Saturday but I have to wait and try again. It’s sorta depressing but I am trying to get over it by thinking about how much I accomplish during this journey.
 
So, I am going to put my faith in God and move forward. Besides I will have to do this again in a couple of months because my port has to be put in again. My surgeon let me know this yesterday I will a little disappointed but he told me to continue what I been doing and I will do just fine. Then he removed my packing on my incisions and showed me how to do packing. I just like to say two things: That f*cking hurt! Thank goodness for pain killers and two I am glad my daddy drove me because after all that I wouldn’t been able to drive. So what did my daddy do…. He took me out for some ice cream! I am such a daddy’s girl and a big kid but this actually made me feel better!
 
I haven’t got my appetite back yet but I’ve been eating. I have too because all the pills I’ve been taking and I don’t need to be taking them on an empty stomach. I know I will resume my workouts soon but until then I will continue making healthier choices until I get back on track! I have to remember this is only temporary.
 
Thanks for reading.

My body has a rule, when ever I have a cheat day, my body uses that as the new minimum for food intake.
 
Had a couple of slices of pizza last night, starving this morning even though I have eaten my normal breakfast

I started to get serious about exercise and walking about 4 weeks post-op in January 2013. I would get my iPod, blast some of my Treadmill Playlist tunes (Eminem, 50 Cent, Nelly, Pink and even Justin Bieber), find my focal point and start walking. At first I could only walk about 10-15 minutes before it felt like my legs were jelly, but it felt good and I felt like I was at least moving. I always covered the time/distance display because I didn't want to get caught up in the numbers at that point- I just wanted to sweat a little.
 
About a month into this routine, I decided to start increasing the speed a little at a time. It was hard for my legs to keep up with the pace, but I did it. I finally got to the point where I felt strong enough to increase the speed to do a slow jog and only lasted about 2 minutes- MAX. The next day I did the same thing, but added 30 seconds. And just kept going until I found myself running on the treadmill on a regular basis. Say what?! I have NEVER enjoyed running, jogging or even sweating for that matter. But I started to crave this new feeling I got when I was running, a feeling I had never experienced before and find hard to explain.
 
Last week while I was on the treadmill, I happened to look down and caught a glimpse of my feet moving beneath me and I became mesmerized. Although I have been on "Charlie" hundreds of times, I absolutely could not believe what I was seeing. Less than a year ago, I could hardly go up a flight of stairs without being winded and avoided multiple trips upstairs at all costs. I started to cry while I was looking down at my legs and feet gliding along at a nice pace, it looked so effortless at that moment. I'll never forget that day. Kelly Clarkson was in my ear telling me "No one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that." I took a little video on my phone to capture that moment when I really started to believe that I AM A RUNNER.
 

This band has been a godsend. I won't lie. It helps me maintain my weight easily. I know how hard it was for me to not gain when my old band was leaking, and how super hard it was to lose, so I'm loving that my new band has me back on track. Yes I've had complications, but generally speaking, yes I've been 'lucky' with the band. My band has been SO easy to live with. Or maybe it was that I had realistic expectations, I don't know . But either way, I love that it's there helping me every day.
 
But I also realised that I made my own 'luck' with the band. Even when I wasn't formally exercising in maintenance mode, I paid attention to my portions, I did lots of incidental exercising like using the stairs instead of the escalator (I still do), I didn't resume my bad eating habits. I stayed, for the most part, on program.
 
So I do see this as a partnership between my band and me. I honestly believe that weight loss and maintenance would be VERY difficult, if not impossible, for me without a band. But I also know this little thing around my stomach didn't do it all for me. Far from it. I exercised to lose, I maintained a healthy lifestyle during maintenance, I am exercising today to ensure long term maintenance. I worked with it, and continue to work with it, everyday.
 
The surgery will help you if you're willing to help yourself. And I'm worth investing in myself to be the best I can be. No one is going to want the best for me the way I could possibly want it for myself. I went through surgery to allow myself the best chance of success, so I will not let myself down by not putting in the effort to make it work.
 
So yes I've been lucky to live with a band easily, but I sure as hell made my own luck as well. So stop sitting there waiting for a miracle to happen to you, go out and MAKE it happen.

Happy Labor Day Everyone!
 
Well I am back from Branson and I feel great and relaxed! So how did I do? Lets just say I am afraid to step on the Wii Fit today and I will try again this Saturday!
 
What happened?
Don't laugh at me but I left my snack bag at home! I blame my one track mind. Friday after my post I started getting my things together and I thought I put my snacks in my backpack. Well 100 miles out and when we stop at KFC that is when I realize that I left my snacks at home! Ugh! So I ended up eating a grilled chicken breast and ate half a serving a cole slaw.
Lunch kept me full until 9pm that night. Then there was dinner and another sigh.
 
Why am I keep on sighing? Because I think I did bad and I had slice of thin crust pizza for dinner!!!! It was a small piece and I was terrified that I was going to have a stuck episodes! But I just chew, chew, chew, chew and chew. I was happy and the band was happy. I am thinking this all may change once I get my first filled.
 
Anyway, I am tired of writing about food. I did work out every day while I was in Branson. Since I left my healthy snack bag at home I work out every chance I had. On average I was burning an additional 800 each day I was there. One morning when I was running my little nephew was cheering me on when I was about to finish my run! That brought me so much joy! :wub: Sorry I had to mention that!
Me and my sister went to the outlet stores down there. I really didn't buy any clothes even though I had my big sis with me. I am still having problems with clothes shopping but I am slowly getting over it. Don't worry I did buy something from the outlet... I brought me some Yankee Candles! If I could I will spend my whole paycheck on Yankee Candles! These are the only candles I buy and they are my weakness!
Tomorrow I go back to reality and I will not let work interfere with me this month. I am going to continue doing positive this month because this is who I am and it helps me to move forward. Also tomorrow I am starting "Operation I Want Michelle Obama Arms!" This will be interesting.
 
Wish me Luck and thanks for reading!

Every now and then I get a PM asking me how I have lost so much weight so fast and what do I do for exercise. Let me tell you honestly I have lost a significant amount of weight just by simply doing things that I couldn't do for a very long time. Things that most people do daily.
 
When I was 488lbs I could hardly stay on my feet for 10 minutes at a time without sever muscle cramps in the back of my legs. I couldn't even walk the grocery store with my Wife. I used to sit in the car and wait for her to do it and then I would get out and help her load the car. We would get home and carry the groceries into the house and I would have to sit and catch my breath, rest my legs before helping her put stuff away. It was no way for a 45 year old man to live.
 
So to say I lost a lot of weight with no exercise is not completely accurate but the exercise I was getting is stuff that some folks may take for granted and I never will again. At my heaviest everything but sitting and lying down was a task. I was a home body as much as possible and even going out to a movie was a task. I even reached a sad point where taking a shower was a real chore but I did it every day because not taking one is just unacceptable not mention gross.
 
So as my journey has progressed so has my physical activity but yet I am still having a problem getting in actual exercise and sometimes just a simple walk is hard to get in. Last week I committed to 10 hours of cardio and came up way short not even reaching half. This week same thing I committed to 10 hours of cardio and I didn't get the walk in yesterday. Today I am going and this time no excuses.
 
Exercise needs to become a daily task just like taking a shower is a daily task....
 
So far my weight loss has not really started to slow down but I am starting to see the signs that it might. I figure as I am inching closer to goal it will only get more difficult/slow. My initial goal that I was shooting for was to weigh 220lbs. That would still put me into the obese BMI but I can accept 220. I am on track to hitting my goal of 250 for Christmas which I set last Christmas.
 
Starting to wonder if 199 is possible. Excess skin is really becoming noticeable but there is not much I can do about that. Insurance is not going to cover plastic surgery. So you choose to live with the excess skin or be fat. I'll take the loose skin just as long as I don't start having problems.
 
Anyway if you read this far then thank you. I hope your day is going well and that your scale is being friendly to you!

Today I was fiddling with my collage maker on my phone and made a collage of one of my 'before' pics from 2003 and one of me that I took today, in 2013. I wanted to use it as my profile pic on here, so this is it:
 

 
I sent it to myself at work, had it up on my screen and someone I didn't know very well walked up behind me and said 'who is the person on the left?'
 
So I said, 'oh that's me 10 years ago'.
 
Believe it or not, she puffed herself up in indignation and looked me in the eye and said quite rudely "you're lying, that's not you!" and then proceeded to tell me that the person in the photo on the left looked nothing like me, the woman was obviously older, the skin tone was all wrong and who was I trying to kid anyway???
 
I didn't have to say anything, my colleague next to me actually said 'actually that is her' and explained about the lapband (everyone who knows me knows about it). The women then did the huge dramatic act of pretending to be hugely shocked and then interested in how I did it, completely ignoring the fact that she'd basically just accused me of lying!
 
Lucky for her, I thought it was highly amusing, and took it as a compliment, and walked away thinking it would be a good anecdote for this blog. Hey, sometimes you gotta look for the silver lining in everything, right?

Work has been crazy lately, life has been crazy. I am busier than ever, but I am doing pretty well. There are times when I get down and out, but for the most part I feel stronger than I was 5 years ago.
 
This past weekend I went out of town, up to Ohio to visit my MIL. I realized on this trip, going through airports, going to new places, walking down crowed streets, taking city buses, that I am not nearly as self concious as I once was. What a great feeling to walk down the street or into places and hold my head up. Going into resturants and ordering, I don't feel self concious about my order. I just don't worry nearly as much about what people think of my outside. I lived life from 6 years old until 32 now always worried about how people view my outside.
 
When getting back to work this week, another big thing happend. In years past I would never stand up for myself- I was meek and quiet especially in confrontation. I HATE confrontation. Due to my job I often have confrontations with parents who want me to bend rules or plan out break them for their child. I hated it when I got in confrontations with co-workers. Well, my secretary screwed up majorly while I was out of town. I decided that I was not going to be the one to call the families and apologize for the problems. I took the forms back to her, told her what was wrong and to contact the families. She went off, she yelled, was very rude. In times past I would have hung my head and walked away. This time I looked her in the eye and told her she needed to calm down, that yelling at me because she screwed up was not acceptable and I would not take that. She cried left work, came back the next day and acted as if nothing happend. I stood up for me!!! What a great feeling.
 
I am becoming more outgoing and confident in myself and my skin. I have never know what that was like. It's a glorious feeling. I realize that my no means am I a tiny girl. I wear a size 12/14 comfortably. I feel normal- like a typical person, not shamoo on legs.
 
I feel like at 32 almost 33 years old I am finally coming into myself and it's all because I made the choice to get the band and use it. I so wish everyone who has ever felt meek and awkward due to their weight could feel like I do right now. It is liberating. I makes me want to go out and when I see a large person tell them you don't have to live like that anymore. There is hope, there is help- you just have to use it to choose it.
 
So this morning despite my feelings of not having lost enough, I am doing the happy dance and being thankful for how my life has changed due to my band.

OK....so after all the drama I found here from one 'crazy' thread....and the fear I found from it...tonight I can say that i have PEACE.
 
I made my follow-up appt. with my surgeon (after the initial consult) and went in with my ever supportive hubby (i am truly blessed) and my full paged typed in tiny font list of questions I have come up with since my initial consult on May 28th. Many of my questions stemmed from many of the posts found right here and some came from my continued researching to learn all I can about what I am getting into when I have my surgery on Sept. 19th with the LapBand with Plication.
 
What I found out was that the band is meant to be a LONG-TERM tool in my quest to remove this excess weight and keep it off...the plication is there to help...i love my surgeons analogy of its "a belt with suspenders".
 
If I am compliant with my surgeon's directions and use the excellent aftercare program that is set up by my surgeon's office I will be just fine. He stressed that any questions or problems that may arise should be called into the office immediately so that it can be checked out....most times it will be nothing!!
 
I know that my surgeon is one of the best with the proper training and experience performing LapBand with Plication. I am in good hands and this is the BEST DECISION FOR ME!
 
What I take from this...if you have questions ASK YOUR SURGEON...if you have doubts about what your are going to do....ASK YOUR SURGEON....if you don't truly know what you are getting into(pre and post op and long term) ASK YOUR SURGEON.
 
At first I was nervous and felt ridiculous going back to my surgeon and asking my "silly" questions....some generated here and some elsewhere...what would he think??....honestly, I think he was happy I was coming back and straightening out many untrue statements and POSSIBLE complications that I was told WERE SURE TO HAPPEN TO ME IF I GOT THE LAPBAND!
 
I left that office feeling great about my decision to move forward and I take that very seriously since I have 2 small children who count on me every day!
 
And before anyone :ph34r: can say "hey there WILL BE complications"....yes there COULD be and yes there MAY NOT BE ANY!
 
So with that...I move full steam ahead and continue trying out protein shakes to find the best ones for me and I move forward and buy myself some tiny plates to eat from and I move forward and start cutting liquids from my meals and I move forward and start practicing eating slower and taking small bites....
 
...and most importantly.....I AM MOVING FORWARD! :wub:

Hello everybody, today I will be banded. my check in time is 9am. I have been up since 4am, anxious with butterflies in my stomach lol. I am so excited huuuuh I have already took my before pictures this morning to have for a future ref of how far i came. i am just ready for these pounds to start dropping off. I give thanks to the Man above for making away for me. This is my time and it's time for a change. I will keep you posted after surgery and let you know how everything went.

One year ago today I was Banded!! So how was my year? Well, I was very very good for about 8-10 months and then I went back to my eating ice cream, too often. I almost always have soft serve but with jimmies(chocolate sprinkles, if you're not from Boston).
 
I was going to the gym (since December, when my husband and I joined) about 4-6 times a week. As the nice weather came, that stopped. We are going today, we are in our workout clothes!! I need to get my s**t together and start over with my new life.
 
My eating has been for the most part great. I love my morning protein shakes. I drink hot tea and iced tea all day and night. I brew my own iced tea, so it's decaf. I enjoy my large salad about 1 hour before my dinner. I have never used salad dressing, so I know I am great in that department. I do eat bread but only in restaurants with really great bread. I do have Chinese food with brown rice and where I usually eat you can get luncheon specials all day and I bring 1/2 of it home for another meal. Use to be I ate the whole plate full and then some more. I also never have fast food. I hate it. I know what you are thinking, a fat person who hates fast food! WOW! If I did any it was maybe french fries (no salt) (hate salt)
or a shake and I gave them up and don't miss them at all. My grandsons are mad I won't go to McDonald's with them. Grampie will take them but never Grammie.
 
So as far as my pounds lost, I started my weight loss March, 2012 with replacing breakfast with shakes and lost 26 pounds before my surgery. As of this morning I am down 74 big ones!!! Could it have been more-of course. I am not perfect. It was a few pounds more but the ice cream took care of that and the less moving of the body.
 
I go to the doctor Friday for a fill. I have a 10 band with 3 fills for a total of 1.5 I guess my doctor goes slowly with the fills and I am fine with that.
 
Everyone is different with your loss, eating and working out. Be you and not someone you're not. We do all compare ourselves to everyone, me included. Work towards who you want to be.
Have a great day! I will try.
Arlene aka "Eye Candy"

So my surgeon, who replaced my band, and his wife, who does my fills, can't agree. When I went in to see him for the first time, I'd been successfully maintaining for 3 years and then lost restriction with a leak. My BMI was just under 23. And that's what he's recorded it as.
 
My BMI just a smidge over 24. He thinks I need to be a bit tighter so I can get back down to my pre-leak weight. His wife, however, thinks I am perfect the way I am now.
 
What IS someone's ideal weight? Because even my care-givers can't agree. I personally think it's when I look in the mirror and am happy with me. And I'm happy with me now more than I ever have been. We're talking about mere lbs here but somehow the number on the scale is still king and I'm sick of it.
 
I decided at my last appt that no, I don't want to lose anymore. I told them that we will work at getting a fill level that will provide maintenance for me. Not weight loss. Because in the end, *I* decide what I'm happy with, and happiness in myself doesn't come from a number on the scale. So no green zone, no regular fills, no jumping on the scales everyday.
 
My band is working, I can feel it. Maybe not at optimal performance but good enough to help me maintain. So my scale can abdicate now, thank you very much, it is no longer the king of me.

Yesterday, I started to really think about what I can do. This brings many thoughts to mind- the things I can do now since losing 60 lbs, the things I want to do, the things I should do, ect.
 
Pre-surgery I was lucky, my health was pretty good, but I was terrified of it starting to fail. My knees had just started to ache when I walked alot- they would pop and creek. I knew they were telling me I was to large. I would cut grass and go inside and sometimes passout- litterally- do to over excertion. Did that twice.
 
Yeterday afternoon it was 92 degrees at my house with 98% humidity and guess what- I pushed mowed my lawn with NO ill effects. It took me 45 mins to cut the entire yard. Then I did some clipping in my flower garden and watered my pepper plants. Then I finally went into the house- and I felt good. I went stratight and got in the shower since I was dirty, wet and smelly. I got out of the shower, got a glass of water, sat down a few min and then back up to cook dinner. I couldn't have do that 60 lbs ago.
 
I now walk and sometime jog without pain. I can ride a bike for a mile or more without stopping.
 
I will be the first to tell you I hate "exercise". I put it in "" because I don't like just walking, or just getting on the elliptical or just lifting weights. I like to do something with a purpose that has a end point, like what I did yesterday. I love working in my yard, in the garden with my mom, playing with my neice, walking to go somewhere, even house work.
 
So I know that since I don't like exercise, it is very important that I move! So even though I have a office job I have tried to set things up where I must move. My bookshelf is across the room with my reference lit, my file cabnet is across the room. I have to stand up and step to my printer. Instead of taking the short cut to the potty I take the long way around. I stand up when on the phone. Movement is movement and it burn energy which burns calories.
 
Over the last 6 months my weight loss has slowed, but not stopped. On average it seems I lose around a pound to 2 pounds a month. While this isn't what I would love to lose, it is a loss. It is steady and comfortable. I don't feel like I am giving up anything. I feel like the life style I am living is one I can maintain forever. I make better choices, I do follow a give and take rule, I move more. So while I complain and fuss, fume and whine about having not lost as much as others; I am proud to say in 1 year and 1 month I have not gained, my weight has been on a decline. So I think little by little, inch by inch one day I will reach my goal. I may not get there as fast as I had hoped or dreamed, but I will make it.
 
I can do this, one step at a time.

Had a fantastic weekend but as usual my only wish was it didn't fly by so fast. I was in my friends wedding this weekend. Probably for the first time in many years I felt really good about myself. I felt I looked decent and I was confident. I am so thankful to my new best friend of 15 months (My band).
 
It is truly amazing what proper fitting clothes can do for your psyche. Even standing outside decked out in a tux with it being 95 with a heat index of 105 I was quite content. 15 months ago I would not even have been able to stood long enough to be in this Wedding and finding an actual tux that would fit would've been a tremendous challenge.
 
 
 
This first pic was taken with my IPhone which obviously has a dirty lens.
 
 
 
 

 
 
 

Dare I say that I had a pancake this morning? What! Really? Yep I sho did. It's funny because I really don't eat pancakes and I really don't eat breakfast either. But this morning I woke up hungry. So I ate. So how are me and my band doing? 15 mins has passed and we are doing great. I just chew chew chew chew and chew! Did I mention that I chewed? But just in case my band changes it mind later. Please feel free to add tips for me if I get a stuck episode I also have my papaya extract on standby.
Dare I say that I did not go to church this morning because it’s raining outside. So I watched church online.
Dare I say that I am planning on going over my calorie intake today by 500 calories. Why because I am going to a concert tonight to see my friends band play.
Dare I say that I am going to Hooters with my friends before the concert and I am planning on having some fried pickles and buffalo shrimp.
Dare I say that I am going to have me another beer tonight. What! Yep I am going to enjoy me a beer I am going to let it sit for a couple of mins and enjoy it.
Dare I say that within the next hour I will burn off additional 600 calories. Why? Please see above
Dare I say that I am going to have a great time tonight because this is my last week in my twenties and I have to end it right!
Dare I say that I am happy with my decisions that I have made above and I am glad that I am prepared!
Happy Sunday Funday everyone!
 
Thanks for reading.

Just a couple of statements I wanted to make. One, I really enjoy blogging. It makes me feel less alone in my journey. I am honored and humbled whenever I receive a response stating that I have made someone laugh, or smile, or feel less embarrassed about something they have done or thought. Two, I would love to have more interaction with other members. There are so many options on this site to connect with others. I'm not sure which option to choose from one moment to the next. In so many words, HELP! I am still a newbie and I would really like some friends. I want to follow the blogs of others: I follow you, you follow me and so forth. I just learned how to make a ticker the other day and I'm still working on my signature. So feel free to friend me, leave comments, show me the ropes. MOST OF ALL: If there is one thing that I wish ALL OF YOU to know it is this: No matter how you started this journey. No matter where you are on your journey. You are SUCCESSFUL because you are STRIVING to LIVE a BETTER, HEALTHIER, and hopefully HAPPIER LIFE. You are MOVING FORWARD because you are reaching out to others and utilizing the tools necessary to keep you on track and motivated. You are an INSPIRATION, because every time you post whether to ask or answer a question, to motivate or encourage, or you are simply a kind hearted hot mess such as myself (smile)...you are REINFORCING another person's resolve to keep reaching for their goals and UPLIFTING another's spirit. So please, DON'T LET A BAD DAY, A FOOD SLIP UP, THE SCALE, OR CRITICAL PEOPLE RUIN YOUR MOMENT. Whenever you feel discouraged or down, REMEMBER that YOU made the choice to LIVE. I wish you all the best and MANY DAYS OF LAUGHTER!

Wow I overcame my plateau sooner that I thought! So how did I do it? Easy I changed my exercise routine and I started jogging. I tried my Zumba DVD my coworker brought me but I don't like it. Maybe I will try Zumba on the Wii or something else.
 
Last Thursday I met with my Dr. and I found out two things. One I beat my plateau and two I didn't need a fill. He told me I was going a great job and keep it up. So I felt pretty good when I left the office.
However I thought I was going to gain some weight back because this past weekend I went to Chicago! I pack my blender bottle, put my protein powders in my snack size Ziploc bags and I portion sized all my snacks just in case. I did pretty good but I didn't have time to research any restaurants because My mom decided to take me, my sister and my nephew to Chicago at the last minute! Too funny but we needed it.
 
So how did I do?
Every morning I was in the hotel fitness room working out for 30 minutes. I had my protein shake for breakfast, Chia seeds for a snack and salad for lunch. But dinner was a whole another story! Saturday night we went to Medieval Times! Oye! Thank goodness for my 18 month old nephew and to go boxes. So what did I eat? I had the soup the quarter of the chicken and ate the one rib they gave me. I gave my nephew my potatoes, bread, other half of my chicken and my apple turn over. My sister said I did a good job so I was happy with that. As a precaution I worked out for another 10 minutes when we got back to the hotel.
 
Sunday was scary because I was eating food I haven't tried on the band. My Mom wanted a Chicago style hot dog so we ate at Portillo's. I was never a hot dog eater before the band but since I was afraid to have a Chi town style pizza so I had a hot dog with no bun. Did my band like it? Yeah I did pretty good I just chew chew chew chew and chew!
 
Chicago was amazing and I lost 2 oz during my time there!
 
Thanks for reading!

I have thought about writing this blog all day long. Part of me says don’t write it, you are a success and you don’t want people thinking you slip up and fail. The other part of me says write this, maybe this will tell others that this journey is not easy and even after reaching goal & being declared a success you still struggle…
 
‘The other part’ won, so here goes….
 
I have always been called strong, never showing my weakness or emotions. It is a skill I learned early in life, build a protective barrier around you so no one can know how you feel or hurt you. The way I coped with this barrier was with food, it got me to 250 pounds….
When I started my weight loss journey I recognized this habit. That being said doesn’t mean that the habit went away or that it doesn’t get the best of me still.
Over the last couple of weeks I have experienced events in my life that caused me to retreat to my protected barrier and to comfort myself with junk food (ice cream, etc…).
 
Now, those closest to me know me well enough to see through the barrier and last night my husband did just that. He asked what was going on and I caved, I told him everything that was causing my stress, my work, my friends, and the whole lot. I had a good cry and we talked about how I could try and cope with things. I also confessed the eating that I had done and do you know what he did? He said, “Well trash is picked up tomorrow morning” and went into the kitchen, threw away all the trigger foods that I had mentioned. When he came back in he said to me, “You are worth so much more than any of that junk food. From now on there will be no junk in this house.” God, I love this man. I am so lucky to have such great family support.
 
Then, this morning one of my most dear friends asked me what was up. And again I caved and told her everything. Know what she said? “Done now….back on track” and then she said, “It is what it is; pull up those panties, put on those heels and work it!” Thanks princess, I needed to hear that. I am so lucky to have such great friends supporting me.
 
I know I can do this and I will do this for the rest of my life. I will have days and times where I stumble and fall. But, I will get myself up, brush myself off and keep going. Because I WANT this!
 
I guess what I am trying to say is that even the success stories (the veterans) make mistakes, have bad days, and go backwards. The important thing is to identify the problem and find a solution. Then get your ass back on track.
 
Thant is exactly what I am doing.

I have hit many stumbling blocks of late and admit to falling a few times. I regret this and do not blame my band at all, I blame myself for becoming complacent and just plain out not caring enough.
 
When I get down and out I tend to get into the "I just don't care" mode- not a good place to be.
 
I haven't had a fill since Feb and am really feeling it now. I get hungry pretty quick, this lets me know the band does work, which properly used. I go in Thursday to see my surgeron and get a fill- pretty excited. I will be happy to drink protein shakes for a day and have them fill me up.
 
Last night I did a fridge purge of all the bad stuff that I was falling prey to. I know this is my own fault- not the foods or the bands. I am not as strong as I would like to be when it comes to certain things. I must work on that.
 
Work is killing me - long hours and a lot of hurry up and wait. Right now I am waiting on several teachers to do their part so I can finish mine. There slowness, makes my days long and irritating.
 
I woke up this morning and told myself that today was a new day- fresh with no mistakes (A line in Anne of Green Gables- love that movie _) I am going to make this a good day- I have that power. I can do it and I will.
 
I have said this several times of the last month and still manage to stumble in a few days. However, this time I have taken a few steps to help myself. I am back to my journal and I have made meal plans.
 
I will not gain this weight back, I will not fail. I will move forward. I will not fall!! It is imbarrishing to faulter as much as I have, but I am not pefect and I have my issues.
 
There are some bandsteres on here that are the "perfect" patient and don't seem to ever have a problem or struggle with this process, but that isn't me and I have to accept that I am not them. I have to stand up, shake it off and get back on the horse.
 
I hope that others who read this and have stumbled will join me in getting back on it. I hope that those who stumble find courage and support that they are not alone in the fight. We can do this if we continue fighting, but if we throw our hands up in defeat the fat will win.
 
My rump is dusty and sore from all the "throws", but I am jumping back on!